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    John Galaor
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Memories_of_a_Night_in_Jail - 1. Chapter 1

A deserter from the Spanish Legion is caught by the Moroccan police, sent to Casablanca and put in a jail.

 

Memories from a night in jail

 

First Part

 

A long, long, time ago, I had fled the Spanish army and ran out to Tangier. Later, I was caught in Tangier by the Moroccan police and sent in two days to Casablanca.

I was put in a jail with other five Spaniards held there awaiting to be released in two or three weeks. After this time, they let me to get out, after declaring to a judge I was a deserter of Franco’s dictatorship.

 

The jail was a small room 12 by 12 feet large. In a corner , the jail had a small hole on the floor to solve the physiological needs. It was on the right corner of the jail as you entered. I went there to pee and it was giving off nasty fumes of methane and ammonia. On the ceiling was a hole, 8 by 8 inches, for ventilation. It was a bless to have such a hole up there.

When I arrived, we were about eight or nine people in the jail. Most of them were Spanish.

The walls were painted in a dark gray color and as I was laying on the floor for hours, I noticed of some dark spots up in the ceiling.

What are those spots?” I asked the guy next to me.

They represent the cities of Morocco.”

He said pointing with his finger to the ceiling.

What?”

You see? This bigger spot there is Rabat. This other is Meknes. And this is Tangier, the other is Casablanca. It’s like a map of Morocco.”

He was kidding me.

No, man. What are... those spots?”

They are colonies.”

Colonies of what?”

Colonies of bedbugs. During the night they parachute down to suck our blood.”

I was impressed thinking of all those paratroopers falling from the sky to feed on us.

 

I had not any experience of being in a jail, so one of the Spanish guys told me,

You know? Today you’ll see this place full of people.”

What?”

This jail would be so crowded that we would be like sardines in a can.”

Your are joking!”

We will be so many, that our bodies would be stuck to the guys laying at each side of us.”

Eh?”

Then, this night, don’t be surprised if... you awake with something hard stuck in your ass.”

You’re kidding! Why would be here so many people?”

Because it’s Friday.”

What’s so special in a Friday?”

It’s the Muslim Holiday.”

Then...”

So many people get caught drinking wine or beer. And they are put in this jail, till Saturday morning.”

 

So, this day was a Friday. I had nothing else to do so, I was eager to see all the flock of people coming into this jail. I never had been in a crowded condition, so I was like excited thinking of it. How it would be the experience of all of us being stuck to each other. We will be sweating. The place would be steaming with heat?

 

By mid morning, the guardian gave us a piece of bread for the day. As I tasted, it was a little acid and rather hard to swallow. But we were able to chew it and gulp it down with the help of water.

Ateni el elma,” One Spaniard said calling by the small window in the door.

After some twenty seconds, the guard opened the small window of the iron plated door, and gave him a can with a pint of water.

We were passing the can from to mouth to mouth, drinking water to eat the bread.

In ten or fifteen minutes, the can was empty.

Ateni el elma” Another Spaniard said asking for water.

This was the first phrase I learned in Moroccan. So the guard took the empty can and returned it full of water.

 

 

It was three or four hours past noon when the first men were thrown in the jail .

These guys were caught after the ‘asr’ prayer,” Said the Spanish guy who seemed to know a lot about these matters.

It was about in mid afternoon when a young black entered. For his look, I supposed he was not a Moroccan but an immigrant from Senegal or other place.

I was chatting with the bunch of Spaniards when the young black entered.

Young black looked around a little like checking the place. He must be a year or two older than me and he had a yummy chocolate skin. I deserted of my chatting with the Spaniards to looked briefly at the handsome black man. He was wearing a shabby shirt, mostly bare thread, with no sleeves. The shirt had only one or two buttons, so he was showing most of his chest and belly. His arms looked strong. Then I observed the face of the black for a while. His eyes were showing like a sort of sparkling. I was hypnotized by his eyes; just for ten seconds or more. I turned off my glance to conceal my interest for him to the Spanish guys.

At his moment, sunlight was entering by the small window. It came from the yard that was before the door. Then, I turned again my face to look at the black young man. His face was illuminated by the beam of sunlight had seen like a bean of sun light. It was shining like it was made of hot chocolate. I watched him from five or six seconds with a faint smile. He returned the smile back. Then, I turned my attention back to the Spanish people thinking “this black boy is a beauty!”

 

It was nearly the end of the afternoon. With more people inside the jail, the place was becoming hotter. So, I did like the other Spanish guys and took my shirt off.

 

A little later, I looked again at the young black. He seemed full of... manliness essence; whatever it mean that word. I had never heard such a word, but it had to exist. The skin of the black was giving back fleeting glints of light it was made of yummy chocolate. He looked back at me for some seconds.

I was watching the silky look of his skin. It was like... it looked like... like a fine sleek fabric; the best of the natural world. It came to my mind again the word chocolate. It shows glints of chocolate. Um! Yummy.

I realized I was was drooling. So I turned my face toward the Spanish guys to hide my thrill.

 

I was living in a country where there was not blacks. You only could see blacks in the movies, as in Tarzan and the Queen of Africa. I was a kid when I watched Tarzan. There were also movies of white hunters in Africa with plenty of black people, like “The Mines of King Solomon” and others. But I never met a black boy in real life till this day.

  

After half an hour, more people were thrown into the jail. They were pushed in by the jailer and they stumbled over the bodies of the Spanish guys that were buy the side of door. So, the jail was already a little too crowded.

 

So far, I was doing my best to hide my interest for the black boy. The Spanish people do not seemed to have not noticed anything between me and the black boy.

 

So, a little later, I turned back again to watch him and I though ‘what an amazing boy he is. So strong and so... attractive.’ Then, he looked back at me. He looked at my eyes for a few seconds.

 

I presume he was a little fascinated with my clear blue eyes. Blue eyes had to be rare in his country. He could also be pleased with my white skin. I was shirtless and my chest and belly were quite white. For I was living in the northern lands, full of fogs and cloudy weather. I had only a ruddy shade on my arms, face and neck. I was a little tanned there because my drilling in the army.

Then, his hand reached my head and he tousled my straw blond hair. He watched me with a loving smile and then turned away his glance to hide his interest.

 

I was mesmerized by the black man. So, I was glancing at him discreetly now and then. The young black was aware of my frequent checking on him. We were living in a world of concealment. We could not look at each other freely and let everybody know of our mutual glancing.

There was a moment I dared to ask the black man, “comment tu t'appelles?” But he did not speak any French. So, I could not get his name.

 

More people were being thrown into the jail. Those already in were making new room by moving closer to each other. The Spaniards had lined up mostly near the door. This was the best place. For under the door was a gap of nearly two inches and some fresh air was entering from the yard outside.

 

Then, I dragged my ass to get closer to last of the Spanish guys; then, fearing the black boy would end laying away from me, I called to him saying, “Hey!”. He looked back at me.

I made a sign with my hand as if telling him, “come on closer”.

He was a little confused, then I tapped on the floor with the palm of my hand like telling, “Sit here; next to me.”

 

The young black dragged his ass on the floor to sit by my side.

As he moved, I saw he had a can with him. It had a wire handle, and he showed it to me. It seemed he was offering me some of the content of the can. I looked inside and it had something that looked as stewed meat. It smelled a little bit of rot.

He said something that would mean, “do you want any of this?”

I nodded my head. He entered his hand in the can and began to feed me small pieces of meat. I ate them from his hand. I even dared to suck a few times the tip of one of his fingers. He smiled when I sucked. We were interchanging furtive glances to each other from time to time, while feigning interest in other people’s chat. He was attending a chit-chat of some Moroccans and I was paying attention to the chat of the Spanish guys.

 

Time passed fast. More and more people were thrown into the jail.

Late in the evening the jail was pretty crowded. To make room for so many people, we were laying in ordered lines on the floor, very close to each other. So, I was laying between a Spaniard and the young black man. Then, I did like everybody else. I took off my trousers and rolled them in a bundle to make a small pillow. The black boy did the same, and he was now wearing a large gray underwear of a very thin fabric. I was fascinated for a second or two watching, then I turned off my glance.

 

Now it was dark outside in the yard, and the jail was lighted by a miserable light bulb.

 

We were laying on our sides to avoid most of the heat. All the people laying on the floor was producing a lot of heat. I was for a time facing the black guy. Our faces were very close. I felt the scent of the air he was exhaling at breathing. I liked his face. It was beautiful. It had sweet eyes and a nice flat nose. But most of all, I was in love with the thick lips. I felt the urge to suck those lips in my mouth, to absorb all the male essence that was filling his lungs. But I could not enjoy the beauty of his color any more, for the jail was now dimly lighted with by an electric bulb of twenty five candles.

I entertained myself enjoying the scent of his body. He had a very sweet manly odor. I do not know if any of you had ever sensed the sweet scent of a strong boy. I recalled a strong friend I had in my country. He smelled like the black boy. I inhaled deeply to get most of his scent in my lungs. I felt like a shivering that lasted a second or two. Then I felt like inebriated with his manly aroma . In the dim light we touched our noses softly. I wanted to kiss him, but I did not dare, for the faint electric light was still illuminating the jail. Someone could stand up to pee and could see us kissing. This would be scandalous and would cause a great fuss in the jail.

 

About 10 in the evening, the faint electric light was switched off. Then, the black buck and me were facing each other. I approached my face to his. Then I extended my lips forward to meet his. I touched his lips lightly. I did not dare to go any farther. We were touching like this for ten seconds. Then I slipped out my tongue to touch his lips. He pushed his tongue inside my mouth. I let him explore my mouth for ten or more seconds. It was very exciting. He sucked my lips into his mouth for a while. And I loved the way he was sucking me. After a while he stopped the kissing. Then, I dare to suck his thick lips into my mouth. It was a wonderful experience to feel the thick lips in my mouth. It was like a dream bliss or something. I was for some seconds sucking those lips. I could not believe it. Then I stopped and let them free. He did not continue with the kissing. It seemed that this chapter of kissing was finished. Then, as nothing more happened, I turned on my body to offer him my rear.

I wanted to have the young black doing something in my rear. I bent my waist a little to jutted out my ass and meet his crotch. I hoped this position could inspire him of something.

I waited like thirty seconds or a minute but nothing occurred. Then, I sent my left hand back to explore. The tip of my fingers were feeling the thin fabric of his underwear. Then my fingers found the bulge. It looked like it had a large thing behind the cloth. I was amazed by its size. I never had seen anything this large in my life. Well, it is not that I was experienced in that. I had none, except for casual glances at people’s dicks while peeing. Now, I was very excited feeling the black man had such a large... thing. Then, I dared to enter my hand in his underpants. I met first the crisp pubic hairs. I loved the feeling of them. They were so... manly. This is the only word that occurred to me. My pubes, on the contrary... were like silky and feminine. But his hairs were like crisp kinky wires. Then my hand continued its exploration and I started to feel the size of his member. I was caressing the silky skin of this thing with the tip of my fingers. Then it seemed that the thing awoke and began to stir. My god! It seemed it was growing bigger and thicker. Then, the black boy pulled down his underpants and put my hand in his member. I wrapped my fingers around it. It was a wonderful feeling. I was for a time appraising the stunning girth it had. Then, I discovered the thick head. I was in awe feeling the knot head in my fingers and... it seemed it was so big.

I pulled down my underwear and he put his member between my thighs. The black guy began to rub his enormous thing in the cleavage of my thighs. I was very thrilled feeling the thickness it had. I could not believe... that such a wonder of nature was now rubbing between my thighs. I loved it. My heart was pulsing wild. I could hear the thumping as it worked.

The young black was moving his thing back and for, rubbing mostly on the cleavage between my thighs and my ass. I was in a dreaming bliss.

Then, I thought, "what if I get this thing inside me?" I was imagining the thrilling that it would be. Not that I had any experience with this, no. I had not any. Almost not any. I had been done once when I was like fifteen or sixteen by a cousin. We had been jerking off our peckers of four inches. Then my cousin told me, “turn over.” I did not understand and said, “What?” He said, “turn on. I’m going to fuck your ass.” Well, we were cousins and friends. I would not refuse this favor to a friend, would I? On the other hand, I wanted to know how it feels when one... is being fucked. It resulted it was a very pleasant experience. As his pecker was not large, I felt not any pain. I thought this could give me a hint at how would feel a female as she was being get by his friend or something. My case was of a love for knowledge, I suppose. I was always eager to know everything.

 

Then, this very night in the jail, I had not any fear to take the black thing in. I was so thrilled that... I was not aware of the black man's size. Perhaps it was too big... to penetrate my ass.

 

So, going back to the jail, I found myself thinking "I could have this thing up my ass." But I had a few doubts. "What if it can’t enter?” I wondered. “Well, if it can’t enter, we will stop trying."

I think the jail that night was too hot for my brain to work properly.

 

As I said, the room was hot and steamy; and we were all sweating. Most people had taken off their shirts and trousers and had made bundle to use them as a pillow. Everybody but the most stunned drunken men were laying in their underwear. My backside was sweating with the heat the black young man was radiating. For his chest and belly was in contact with my back. My thighs were also sweating. And my rear hole was also very wet. My hand was now on my rear and applied the black thing to my hole.

The black boy understood the message.

 

I think this must be one of these universal concepts. Any adolescent had heard about penetrate the ass of someone with his hard dick. Once you got the opportunity, you know want do it. It must be very easy. Like fucking pussy. Don’t need to study in Harvard.

 

Well, the black man started rubbing his dick along the furrow of my rear. When he found the hole he pressed there for a while. Then he repeated again ten or more times. Heat and sweat was accumulating there. Then, he gripped my hips tightly with both hands and pushed again. It took a while for my sphincter surrender. The head of his dick slipped in a few inches. Then, it was trapped and it was nearly crushed by an angry ring of muscles. His knot head was on the brink of being crushed by an strong angry sphincter. But the black buck’s heart was now pumping blood at a higher pressure and my sphincter was getting tired with the effort and would loose the fight.

The young buck pushed then harder for some seconds and stopped. Then he tried again. Then his dick spew some drops of slippery jizz in my hole. Then, he pushed harder and it suddenly slid in, like a lightning.

 

I felt like... being struck by a bolt. My ass was on fire. I was stunned. My mouth was wide open in stupor.

After some seconds, I was aware the jail was full of people. If they could find us doing this we would had our heads chopped off. I could no utter a word, nor a moan or an ouch. I had this clear in my mind. I could not utter even a faint groan.

 

It passed like a minute with an unbearable pain in my ass. I was in awe breathing by my open mouth. It was like... like... I was skewered on his dick. I was able to think a nice phrase for a novel, "this is like a chunk of Africa... stabbed in my ass."

 

After a minute or so, the pain started to wear off. Then I was feeling much better. My ass was very full and overstretched but the pain had almost disappeared. Then the black dick started to slide back and for. It was not moving more than an inch each time. It seemed the black man had not the intention of going deeper. After a while, I was happily enjoying his sweet pumping. Then the black man grabbed my hips with an iron grip, and pushed again hard. In the tenth of a second his dick slipped farther in my ass. I felt like a bursting pain once more. I was gaping but did not utter any groan. After ten seconds or so, I was sure that nothing was busted. Now, the black hard member was wholly imbedded in my ass. I waited for a minute. Then, my ass was too full, but alright.

 

My anal cavity had been at the verge of bursting, but it had endured the assault. I could not believe that I had such an enormous hard meat inside. I was like... I felt like... like I was a bigger man now. At last, I had a very large dick of my own. All my life I had feeling a sadness for having such a small dick, only 4 inches, not much thicker than my thumb. I had always cherished to have a bigger dick. Now, I had one of the biggest of the world. I never had seen anyone so big in my life.

 

Because of my smaller dick, I always felt... like a girl. To compound matters worse I had a pretty face, like a girl. Then, I let my hair a little long and it formed blond curls around my head. But I have not sissy manners. In secret, I wanted to be a man. Like my bulky friend Tony. He had a manly strong appearance that I envied. He had a stocky body, and powerful chest, arms and legs. I felt envy of his body. Countless times I was dreaming of caressing his strong thighs, his body in general. I dreamed of caressing all his muscles. It occurred to me that he had to have like a fire in his blood. Whenever I touched him, his body was very hot. I loved these casual touchings. He helped me a lot to make me more sportive. He was even teaching me to box. He hit me softly; for my face was delicate. He made me go with him hiking on the mountain trails. I loved him so much that I wanted to be near him as often as possible. But when we found a cabin to sleep in a mountain, he never asked me to be near him to sleep. Even if the weather was cold. I was disappointed that he never needed me. I would had surrendered easily to him with the slightest hint. But it seemed that he never have any lust. He had not girlfriend, and neither talked about girls . This was never a topic of conversation. But he had not any need of me either. He was like a chaste leader. But I wanted more than that. I wanted to swallow some of his manliness essence. To get en injection of virility from him. But I never dared to tease him or plead him to give me such an injection. Sometimes I was rehearsing how to tell him, “please, don’t think bad of me. All that I want is... just... to suck you for a while.” How he would react at this? I could also tell him, “I am hungry. I need some of your cream. A few ounces of your male essence.” I never dared to plead like this. I was fearing he would kick my ass out for being such a faggot. Sio, I never risked such a valuable friendship. I was hoping for some years, that he would need me to relieve his apparent horniness for he was often showing a bulge in his jeans.

I never understood why he was not aware of my frequent glancing at his bulging pants. All my friends were acting as if they were straight. They seemed immune to the charm of my girlish face. This made me feel worthless and insecure. I wanted to help all of them, to be a wishful recipient to store all their male fluids. I was lucky at least in theory. For some thug boys on the neighborhood often whistled when I passed. They uttered nasty words in praise of my girlish face or my pert showing butts.

 

Nevertheless, I got not effeminate manners. I didn’t need to have them because of my girlish face. Well, I was not happy with my sweet face and nice look. I had always felt like... like I wanted to have... a manly appearance. I wanted to have a male strength within me. It was like... like I had a low level of manliness in my blood. But I was not interested in meeting thugs; I was scared of them. I lacked the basic bravery one needs to deal with thugs. The boys that I liked most had a glitter in their eyes. They had to look strong but not a dangerous man, like thugs were. Then, I felt not any attraction to ordinary wimpy boys like me. These boys had nothing of what I needed. I liked the strong wild boys. They had a shine in their skin, a singular sparkling in their eyes. But I was too shy and feared being rejected; so I never teased any of them. I was fearful of being rejected because of my pretty face, my polished language and manners. In my fantasies I thought wild boys had lot of male essence in their blood that I so much needed. I wanted to have a pint or two of his masculine essence running like a fire through my veins.

 

Sorry for the distraction. I have to go back to my jail story.

I had an enormous black dick stuck in my ass. Perhaps you never had such an experience. You could not believe it, but I felt great. I felt like... like a total... a complete man. I remember very well this feeling. While being stuck on that huge dick I was full of euphoria. “I was on the top of the world’. I remember these words. Someone in the army was telling something about being high with a drug. Then, the euphoria I was feeling made me recall these words. I could not believe it. I thought I could pass the whole night with that thing in my ass. It was great.

 

The black man had other ideas. He wanted to flush out the excess of maleness in his blood. He wanted to inject it deep in my bowels. For he had an excess of fire and I was cold. For I was mostly made of water. He had a hard large hard meat, and I had a humid cavern for it. He had a forward hard piece of meat I had a receptive entrance to welcome it. He had a driving to give and I was mostly a willing receptor. He was an insertor and I was the insertee. I wanted some of the fire that was running in his blood.

 

I suppose my black man was happy. He had a blond white boy skewered in his dick. He was fucking my ass like a pussy. Perhaps even better, for my ass was real tight. It had never been used.

The black man wanted to bury his dick entirely. Then, after a while pumping on my ass, he pushed harder. I felt a sudden slippage inside my ass. It was like a... like a bust. The black boy hit in a sort of bottom in my ass. I was a little shocked, then I knew I had it all in. I was mesmerized with my achievement. I got an incredible dick stabbed in me. It was a big one. It was huge and it was a black. For a boy of my age, so timid and shy... for a boy that loved classical music and books, this was the greatest achievement of my life. I was feeling great.

 

I had a bit of scientific curiosity and I wanted to know. I wanted to be sure of everything. I had to verify I had the whole black dick buried in me. My left hand reached my rear to check if dick was all in. It wasn’t. A part of his wonderful dick could not enter. It was too large. Then my hand felt his balls with the tip of my fingers. I slowly felt the base of the trunk stabbed in my ass, and it was real thick. I was in awe and said to myself, “this is a wonder of nature.”

 

Now, the black man was slowly pumping my ass. He could not fucked me in wild manner, for that jail was full of people. So, he had to do it slowly and softly. He would need to work on my ass for an hour or more to cum off. So, he was slowly doing his pumping. We were laying on the right side of our bodies, and I tried not to touch the body of the Spaniard laying next to me. For he would awake with the jerking of my body.

 

After like an hour or so, the black began to flood my bowels with its hot male cream. I was in wonder feeling the hot seed bursting inside me. I felt like being filled to the top. The amount of cream was such that I felt my bowels swelled. I think he could have injected like have pint of male essence in my bowels.

Then some of the slippery cream was oozing on my hole and the dick was now sliding easily. A minute later, his dick was still bursting hot spurts inside. Then, after a while it got soft and it was expelled off my ass.

 

I felt like empty. Then, I thought of all that male essence I had in me. I realized that I was going to loose a part if I do not close tightly my overstretched hole. So, I forced my fatigued ass to shut tight the gaping hole. I did not want to loose a drop of the valuable male elixir I had in my bowels.

 

I was very excited to sleep soon. It took a few hours for me to sleep tight. Then, I was awaking several times during the night to check my ass. It was a little wet. I was relishing while awake the best moments of my unbelievable experience.

I awoke early in the morning and realized that my ass was oozing during the night. My underwear was wet. In a way, my black buck was still inside me. I had the memory of him inside me. All the stretching it took for his dick to enter had let a strong record for my mind to remember. My my black man was still in a virtual way inside me. My rear part was still excited.

 

Later, about eight o’clock in the morning, all those put on jail the Friday were freed. They also freed my wonderful black lover. He looked back at me on the door, with a shy smile, before getting out. I looked at him and said good bye with my hand and a loving smile.

 

My black boy was gone. But, in a way, I felt we were together in more ways than one. During the whole day, I felt swelled my insides. That remind me of him. I thought his dick was still inside of me. For a few days, the cavity of my ass was keeping the memory of his enormous dick. It was very difficult to forget. All the stretching he did on my ass was a constant remind of my thrilling experience.

On the other side, I was feeling his powerful seed running in my veins. I felt like I had... hundreds of millions of microscopic black babies swimming freely in my blood. It could be a placebo effect. But for several days I felt more energetic and more stronger. I wanted to run and to jump. It seemed I was even ready for a small fight with anyone. I attributed all this energy to the strong maleness stuff the black boy had spurt in my bowels. He injected me like a... fourth of a pint of cream. I had the flavor of his cream in my mouth. I was like... smelling it for days. It seems my skin was oozing the male liquid stuff for several days.

 

I never had the chance of meeting my black man again. But I had treasured the memory of his huge hard meat stabbed in my ass for years. Whenever I felt down, or a little depressed... I try to recall this moment. I try to picture myself skewered by his... enormous... hard piece of flesh. It was an unforgettable event. Sometimes I think it never occurred.

 

I hope you all had liked this story.

The story of this soldier has some more parts. But I would post them only if they have readers.
This story had been published in "nifty.org" under my own name, John Galaor. You can check my name and stories in the list of Prolific authors.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Short and passionate! :) (Maybe, u could ask for an editor, since English isnt ur 1st language, there are some grammatical errors.. :) post in the editors corner if u want! ;):) )

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Definitely one of the more descriptive short stories i have read, you really painted the scene wonderfully. the feel of the setting was extremely well done. It was much more explicative than i expect but for it's genre and the setting i think it was appropriate and over all i found this to be a good read. i am American so i found some of the wording to be awkward to read, but that is just for me... Outstanding Job.

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On 02/16/2011 01:16 AM, Cailen said:
Definitely one of the more descriptive short stories i have read, you really painted the scene wonderfully. the feel of the setting was extremely well done. It was much more explicative than i expect but for it's genre and the setting i think it was appropriate and over all i found this to be a good read. i am American so i found some of the wording to be awkward to read, but that is just for me... Outstanding Job.
thank you. I will try to determine what parts can of the story are awkward to correct them. If you are so kind, you can point any of these clumsy parts. I believe that a story should be as easy to read as possible.
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On 02/16/2011 01:10 AM, Frostina said:
Short and passionate! :) (Maybe, u could ask for an editor, since English isnt ur 1st language, there are some grammatical errors.. :) post in the editors corner if u want! ;):) )
Thank you very much. I was in page of editors but I do not see when I can post my story to be corrected.
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A remarkable story, and the author's English gives it both a feeling of reality and a certain charm. Please, don't let an editor mangle the next chapter!

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On 02/26/2011 11:56 AM, AndyM said:
A remarkable story, and the author's English gives it both a feeling of reality and a certain charm. Please, don't let an editor mangle the next chapter!
Thank you very much, Andy. I had been working to find out errors and correct them. The problem is that I commit many errors writing even in my own language. The trouble is that perhaps I read too fast. Then, the eye reads by jumping. It makes two or three jumps per line. So the mind fills the space between the words it step on. So, to really correct a story, one needs to read very very slowly.
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