Always You, Only You - 3. Chapter 3

Part 8 : Jeju Island and Reality

Shin was beyond happy. Seeing him smile wide at the mere sight of his mother was enough, Miki thought. The two had a special connection. Shin and Haesoo were in the kitchen talking with excitement…talking, cooking. Though, Miki was sure not much cooking was happening. The two talked nonstop. Shin’s melancholy was gone, disappeared by a red lipstick smile and bright eyes.

Seeing Shin with his mother made Miki think of his own. He called her often. Never forgot to sound cheerful otherwise she would get on the next plane to Seoul. His parents marriage was blessed, he decided. His father and mother made the institution look unshakeable. Their dedication to each other second to none. It made Miki hope to find a love like that. Find someone who loved him, supported him, worked with him…

Shin laughed and he smiled, dropping his gaze to the books on his lap. They had left the party soon after Haesoo’s arrival. While the two gravitated to the kitchen, Min was in his room with the door closed, and Miki sat on the floor near the windows trying to get some reading done.

Between listening to Haesoo and Shin and his own thoughts, Miki had barely moved past a paragraph in his book. Closing it, he stretched out on the rug and stared out the windows. His eyes were drooping when he felt fingers sweep through his hair.

“Shin,” he started with a smile, only to stop when he opened his eyes and found Haesoo looking at him.

“Hayashi,” she said. “Did I wake you?”

Miki sat up quickly making Haesoo chuckle.

“You didn’t have to sit up. I wanted to see what’s so fascinating,” she said, settling beside him.

She sat on the rug in her elegant red dress without hesitation.

Miki sat quiet beside her, stealing a glance behind him to find Shin was nowhere in sight.

“Thank you,” Haesoo said, after a moment passed. “Your message gave me the courage to come back to Seoul.”

“Shin needs you, please come to Seoul,” Haesoo repeated his message. “I suddenly realized while I’ve been wallowing in my self-pity, my son has been alone.”

“Not entirely,” Miki said.

“Yes,” Haesoo glanced at him. “He has had you.”

Miki held her gaze, then because he was terrified she would realize the extent of his feelings for Shin, he dropped his gaze to his clasped hands.

“He’s had Min and Hojun too,” Miki said.

Haesoo sighed and kept her silence for a full minute.

“Hayashi, if you were me, what would you think of Park Min?”

The question was hard to answer. Haesoo had every right to be angry at her husband’s obvious infidelity. Min was the fruit of a union that had betrayed her on a very personal level. Miki knew she would probably not be able to look at Min without thinking of that pain. Still…he glanced back at Min’s closed door.

“I’d try to understand Min,” Miki said, his tone low. “He’s still young. His mother is gone now—

“That’s the cruel joke, isn’t it?” Haesoo said, her voice laced with bitterness.

“You can’t hold the past against him,” Miki finished. “I know it’s not easy, but he’s also having a hard time.”

Haesoo glanced at him, then surprised him with a smile.

“You are an old soul,” she said. “Too wise for your age. I see why Shin likes you.”

Miki blushed.

“Not so wise,” Miki said.

“Wise enough,” Haesoo said. “Shin has gone to get BBQ sauce. Dinner is ready. Why don’t you wash up while I go get Min?”

Haesoo got up with graceful motions, and was headed to Min’s room before Miki could stop her. She knocked once on the door and when no reply came, she tried the door. It was unlocked. She went in, winking at him before she closed the door.

Miki stood in the living room caught between hurrying to Min’s rescue, and waiting out in the living room. The silence drove him to press his ear against Min’s door. He heard nothing of course, Mr. Park had obviously invested in the building materials. Not a peep from inside Min’s room. How could it be possible? Were they not talking?

The front door beeped and he jumped back looking at Shin, crazy with guilt.

Shin chuckled.

“The rooms are soundproofed,” Shin said, coming to place the BBQ sauce on the kitchen table. “Why are you trying to eavesdrop on Min?”

“Your mum is in there,” Miki said with a frown.

“Is she?” Shin asked, coming to take Miki’s right hand.

“Don’t sound so nonchalant,” Miki said, squeezing Shin’s fingers. “You know how hard it is for Min—

“It will be fine,” Shin said, leading the way into Miki’s room.

Shin closed the door once Miki was in, and pressed Miki against the door. Shin kissed him then, a hungry, ravenous kiss that had him clinging to Shin’s t-shirt. A happy moan escaping at the feel of Shin’s heat, his taste. Miki opened his mouth wanting more.

“I’ve missed you,” Shin whispered when they broke apart, their breaths coming too fast. “What are we going to do if my mother insists on staying over?”

Miki hadn’t thought that far when he had been writing the woman a message. Wrapping his arms around Shin’s waist, he sighed and pressed a kiss on Shin’s chin.

“She can have your room,” Miki suggested.

“Half your stuff is in there,” Shin said. “How are we going to explain the two toothbrushes in my bathroom?”

Miki buried his face into Shin’s shoulder.

“Fine, she can stay in my room.”

“You should have told me you were going to call her.” Shin kissed the top of his head and held him tight.

“I wasn’t sure she would come,” Miki said, he shifted his head slightly so that he could look at Shin. “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“That will never happen, Miki.”

“What will never happen?”

“You disappointing me.”

Hearing those words, enclosed in Shin’s warm embrace, Miki knew then that Shin was a part of him and that he would always need Shin’s effortless love.

A knock on the door broke them apart. Shin gave him a hurried kiss and pushed him toward the bathroom.

Miki laughed when he heard Shin open the door to Min.

“Your Mum says dinner is getting cold,” Min said. “Where is Miki?”

“Miki is washing up.”

“Is he now?” Min teased. “Well, tell him to hurry.”

Dinner with Haesoo was lively. More laid back than Miki had imagined. He had no idea what Haesoo told Min in his room. However, at the dining table, she made a conscious effort to include him in the conversation. She passed food to Min and quizzed him about his school.

In one evening, she obliterated any awkwardness between the half brothers, and created a neutral relationship. Then when dinner was over, and the dishes cleaned up, she insisted on leaving.

“But Mum,” Shin complained, holding on to her hand like a little kid.

“I’m not leaving the city,” Haesoo smiled pinching Shin’s cheek lightly. “Hayashi, look at this grown son of mine. He is clinging to his mother like a toddler. Isn’t it embarrassing?”

Miki chuckled.

“He missed you,” Min answered.

“Did he?” Haesoo pulled Shin into a hug. She rubbed his back. “I’ll be back tomorrow. We can go out and do something, hmm?”

She let go of Shin and turned to Min. She opened her arms inviting him in for a hug. Min’s expression was priceless.

Miki pushed him toward Haesoo and smiled wide when Haesoo wrapped the boy in a tight hug.

“Min, you too? Yes?” Haesoo asked, rubbing Min’s back gently. “We can stop by to see your Mom.”

Min clung to Haesoo tight, then when she let go, he swiped a hand over eyes, and Miki knew he was hiding tears. Haesoo didn’t mention it, instead she turned to Miki.

“Hayashi, would you like to visit Jeju Island? My sister has a house there, close to the beach. The island is gorgeous and you can take pictures.”

“I’d love it,” Miki said.

“Great, I go back on Wednesday,” Haesoo said, taking her handbag from a small table near the kitchen. “Shin, take Friday off and you guys can fly out for a long weekend.”

Miki couldn’t contain his excitement. He had read all he could about Jeju Island. Loved how beautiful, lush and untouched it looked. Finding a good resort to stay was expensive, so Haesoo’s offer was gold.

His excitement aside, the brothers were in high spirits. Haesoo’s visit had done exactly what he’d hoped it would.

No more cold silences for the brothers, Miki thought.

Sunday came around.

Miki and Shin spent most of the morning in bed.

It was only ten o’clock in the morning. The sun shining through the open windows. Miki’s head reclined on the soft pillows on the bed, trying to read Kafka on the Shore. He was ‘trying to read’ as Shin’s head rested on his lap, and though he had the same book open, Shin’s fingers trailed a pattern on Miki’s stomach.

The petal soft touch on his naked skin had him rereading the same part. The runaway fifteen year old boy and a girl in the cafeteria in the middle of nowhere, the girl going on about rest stops on the way to some place and how they don’t matter. Over and over, Miki read the same words…his brain focusing on Shin’s maddening caress.

Shin’s fingers pulled on the drawstring holding his pajama pants. Miki closed his eyes, his cock harder than ever. Miki wondered if this was to be his natural state every time Shin came close to him. His body seemed more loyal to Shin. He dropped the book when Shin squeezed his hard-on.

Meeting Shin’s amused gaze, he groaned. Shin put his book aside too and shifted moving to lie on Miki, aligning their bodies to perfection. Shin braced his hands on either side of Miki’s shoulders.

“Are you going to tease me senseless?” Miki asked when Shin kept looking at him, not making a move to lower his head down so that Miki could kiss him.

“I want to look at you,” Shin said. “I sometimes feel as though you’ll disappear on me, Miki. And when you do, I’m afraid I won’t remember. How your eyes brighten when you look at me. The curve of your lips when you smile.”

Miki held Shin then, his hands sliding along Shin’s back.

Shin smiled.

“Then there is that,” Shin said, his gaze dropping to Miki’s lips. “You bite your lower lip when you’re thinking. It’s so unconscious, like you can’t help it. I wonder if it hurts, but then you look at me, and I forget to ask.”

“Shin.”

Shin lowered his weight on Miki then.

“Promise me you won’t forget me,” Shin whispered into Miki’s ear. “I don’t think I can handle not hearing you say my name, Miki.”

Miki closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Shin tighter. He buried his face into Shin’s shoulder.

“I promise,” Miki promised. His heartbeat too fast.

Then Shin pulled back and kissed him. Miki’s breath caught as Shin kissed him as though they didn’t have months with each other. Soft kisses turned hot and needy, hand exploring every inch of skin, trailing caresses on delicate and hard places. Miki loved it most when Shin came into him. They fit to perfection, so perfect it was bliss. Shin’s lips locked on his, his thighs locked high around Shin’s back, Shin driving into him in a mad frenzy to get them over the top. Miki gasped, breaking their kiss when Shin drove in hard, grazing a part of him that set him on fire. He closed his eyes, fingers digging into Shin’s back and let go, coming in a silent scream, his toes curled in ecstasy.

Shin followed soon after, and they collapsed on the messy bed, breathing hard, unwilling to separate. They held each other, sipping kisses on each other’s lips, lost in their own world.

***

Jeju was everything.

Sunha and Roberto came along of course. They couldn’t give up an opportunity for adventure with no overnight stay fee. Haesoo ended up having five guys staying at her house on the hills of Jeju. She must have understood what she was getting into because the first thing she did when they arrived was grocery shopping taking them along. She bought food enough to feed an army, quite literary. When they drove to the handsome house on the hills surrounded by lush green plains, they each took in a bag of food to the bright kitchen.

Sunha was the list maker in the group. Wanting to the best experience possible at Jeju, Sunha created a full proof itinerary for the weekend, which no one could refute or change. Miki figured it was easier to go with what Sunha said, unless one wanted to argue the entire day away. Not an option when they only had two days to explore.

Which was why on Saturday morning, they were all up at four a.m. and driving to Jeju’s Sunrise Peak. A bowl like crater forged by nature through underwater volcanic activity. According to Sunha and Haesoo, the top of the crater offered a magnificent sunrise, but only before six o’clock in the morning. The view came at a price of almost six hundred stairs to the top. Thirty minutes worth of climbing. Min and Roberto moved fast, Sunha trailed as even in the early hours, he stopped to take pictures of every thing that captured his interest.

At the top of the crater, Miki had to agree with Haesoo and Shin. The city was spectacular below. The sunrise an ethereal painting in the horizon: violets, pinks, indigo blues dancing across the town. Shin wrapped an around Miki’s shoulder, and as they leaned on the rail, there was nothing imperfect.

Thirty minutes, and the bright sun took away the magic. The trip down was filled with Min and Sunha debating on where to eat breakfast. In the end, Shin ,who was driving, made the decision by simply driving back to Haesoo’s house.

After breakfast, they changed into lighter clothes and headed to Jeongbang waterfall. Min, Roberto and Sunha were on an energy high, going down past large boulders and huge rocks to the waterfall in record time. Miki took his camera this time and spent a few minutes taking pictures of the view from above.

They came across an older lady selling shellfish and weird-shaped sea creatures. Miki sat on a rock watching Shin talk to the lady. In no time at all, she held out a plate and Miki gulped when Shin turned to him holding the plate.

To be honest, Miki thought, he was seriously squeamish when it came to raw fish life forms. Even more so when the creatures in question were served in the form of watery innards. Shin grinned and ate one with relish. Miki stared at his boyfriend urging to eat and wondered if they would be kissing later.

When Shin gave him a glance as though he would be hurt if Miki refused to try the sea creatures fare, Miki took the tiniest piece he could find and popped into his mouth. Well, the taste wasn’t bad, he could only say he ate more with his eyes than his taste buds. The look was important he decided refusing to eat more. Shin, Miki decided, would never starve. The man could eat anything.

They left the old lady after paying her, heading down to the waterfall. Insanity ensued as first Sunha ended up in the water, followed by Min, then Roberto, finally Shin. Miki sat on top of a rock taking pictures of the crazy bunch of people he now considered a family of sorts. He was happily watching the waterfall when Shin crept up on him, and pulled him into the water too.

They left the waterfall wet. Miki laughed as they all changed into dry clothes in the parking lot. They were lucky some of the bags were still in the car.

As with trips, they ate too much, explored like maniacs trying to visit every corner of the island as though taking it all in one day would be enough. It wasn’t, every time they left a place, they met someone who recommended another spot to visit, Sunha’s itinerary expanded more than it dwindled. Friday ended with a trip to the lava tunnels. Deep underground tunnels that made Min nervous, and left Miki wanting to explore deeper wanting to see if they went down into the earth’s center.

Dinner was with Haesoo, afterwards they watched a movie outside her house. She had an old projector, and used the wall on the side of the house as the screen. Miki sat on a swinging bench next to Shin, a blanket over them, eating popcorn. Thanks to their adventures during the day, Miki dozed off almost immediately.

He was aware of Shin shifting him at some point so that his head rested on Shin’s chest. Then in a dreamlike state, a conversation drifted into his sleepy thoughts.

“The other guys have drifted into the house one by one. They’re sleeping in the room upstairs. Hayashi—,”

“He’ll stay with me,” Shin said.

Silence. Then the bench shifted slightly and Miki knew Haesoo had joined them on the bench.

“Shin,” Haesoo started.

“Omma,” Shin replied.

“Do you know why I won’t call Hayashi by his first name?” Haesoo asked.

Shin didn’t say anything, so Haesoo continued.

“Because I see the way you look at him,” Haesoo said with a small sigh. “And the way he looks at you. Your gaze is a lover’s gaze. Protective…” she scoffed, “besotted.”

“Are you upset that I love a man?” Shin asked, the arm around Miki tightening.

Miki’s heartbeat increased when Haesoo kept her silence.

“Nothing about you would upset me, Shin,” she said after what seemed like eons. “You can go out there and pierce every inch of your body, wear tattoos, or paint yourself red, and I wouldn’t be upset. So, you falling in love with a man doesn’t upset me, because you’re my Shin.”

“Then what?” Shin asked.

“Hayashi is going back to Tokyo in a few months.” Haesoo sighed. “He has a year of school to finish there before he can make any real decisions about his life. This love will hurt you, Shin. I can’t watch it.”

“Omma.”

“I know,” Haesoo said, her voice suspiciously weepy. “I want to protect you from that pain.”

“Miki would not hurt me.”

“Your father promised not to hurt me too.” Haesoo cleared her throat. “Look where we are now. Shin, you’re finishing school too, soon you’ll be busy with work. Hayashi too, he will go back and get caught up in matters to do with the future.”

“I love him,” Shin said. “I will love only him.”

Haesoo gasped.

“You can’t know that.”

“I know,” Shin said. “The odds of us finding each other the way we did are beyond zero percent. That we did is monumental. So, even if he leaves me, I know I’ll find him again. I trust him, Mom.”

“Oh Shin.”

Shin’s words that night stayed with Miki because of the certainty ringing in Shin’s voice.

The next day, Shin borrowed Haesoo’s car and left his rented one to the guys. He and Miki then escaped Sunha’s itinerary.

They spent the day driving along the main highway with no particular destination in mind. Their wandering brought them to a popular charming art street named after one of Korea’s celebrated artists. Shin parked the car. They entered an indie craft shop and while Shin spoke with the owner, Miki spent his time taking more pictures. He was turning into a real photographer this year. He took photos of dream catchers hanging on a line for sale, and reached for one thinking to give it to Shin.

Shin finished with the owner, and Miki unhooked one of the dream catchers with beautiful green and white feathers. He paid for it, and followed Shin out of the shop. They ate a light lunch, anticipating Haesoo’s hefty dinner, then left the charming street heading to the beach.

Sitting on a flat boulder, watching the water swirl, Shin took Miki’s right hand and slipped a ring on Miki’s middle finger. Miki met Shin’s gaze, then he looked at the silver ring inlaid with mother of pearl in the middle.

“You are mine,” Shin said, taking a second ring from his pocket and handed it to Miki. Holding out his right hand, he smiled. “As I’m yours, Miki.”

Miki slid the ring he held on to Shin’s right middle finger too. He met Shin’s gaze, happiness swirling inside him ready to burst out.

“Always,” he said, knowing it to be true in his heart.

***

They say, when one is happy and content, time moves faster, one blink and the end is a minute away.

So it was for Miki. November arrived too quickly.

After the Jeju trip, he and Shin entered a state of euphoria where none spoke of the future, only focusing on moments. Thousands of trips out of Seoul, crazy night outs with Sunha, Roberto and Min, dinners at the loft, Sunday mornings spent in bed, afternoons watching movies with Min. Visiting Hojun’s house and meeting his family, shopping trips to buy gifts for Miki’s family. Hours and hours spent in each other’s arms.

Somewhere between all that, time flew…and it was November. Miki finished his final class at Seoul University, made the necessary submissions, to ensure smooth transition into Tokyo University for his final year.

Then it was three days before he had to fly back to Tokyo. Miki found himself staring at his open suitcase on his bed, his clothes neatly packed. All the precious items he’d managed to accumulate in the space of eleven months already shipped home to Tokyo. Folding his last towel, Miki placed it on top of his clothes and closed the suitcase. Pulling it off his bed, he set it against the wall and looked around the empty room.

His plane ticket and passport sat on the bedside table. His carryon bag resting on his pillow. He was all packed.

Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, Miki sat staring at the ring on his right hand.

A soft knock came, and his door opened to reveal Min.

“Hey,” Miki said, finding a smile for the little brother he’d gained. “Are you back from school already?”

“Yeah,” Min came to sit on the bed beside him. “I thought I better come home and hang out with you.”

Miki chuckled, bumping Min’s shoulder.

“You hungry? I will make you an omelet.”

Min nodded, his gaze resting on Miki’s suitcase by the wall.

“All packed?” Min asked, his tone hesitant.

“Yeah,” Miki nodded. “Although, I’m sure I left stuff in Shin’s room.”

Min sighed.

“I hope Dad doesn’t rent to anyone else. This is your room, Miki.”

Miki stood up, his heart aching at the thought of anyone else taking his place here. He tousled Min’s hair.

“Let’s go to the kitchen,” Miki said, helping Min up. He closed the door, not wanting to think about his departure. He had three more days. Three days to fit in all the memories he could.

“Shin?” Min asked when they were in the kitchen and Miki was busy cutting vegetables.

“He got a call this morning from Hanwu Media. They said he was recommended by his professor. He ran off in excitement,” Miki answered.

“Hanwu is big,” Min said. “If he lands there, he should be on the path to big jobs in no time.”

“Yeah,” Miki said, starting the fire. He placed the pan on the cooker and grinned at Min. “That’s good news for our Shin. If he comes home happy, let’s take him out.”

“You might need to do that alone. I have a study session later,” Min said.

Miki made the omelet and watched Min eat it while he sipped a glass of water. The twists and turns in his stomach made it impossible for him to eat. Min went into his room, took a quick shower and changed clothes. Thanking Miki, he left the loft with his book bag headed to his friend’s house.

Alone, Miki moved to the couch in front of the television and sat there staring at cartoons until Shin came in around eight in the evening.

Shin removed his tie, dropping it on the floor, followed with his suit jacket.

Miki sat up on the couch, watching his boyfriend unbutton his shirt.

“How did it go?” Miki asked.

“Really well,” Shin answered going to the fridge to get a bottle of water. “I have a job. It starts next week.”

“That’s good news,” Miki said, sad that he wouldn’t be able to see Shin going to his first job ever.

Shin drank deep from the bottle. Placing it on the counter, he tagged his shirt tails out and came to join Miki on the couch. Miki smiled when Shin wrapped him in a tight hug, holding him close.

“Mmm…” Shin sighed. “This is the best moment of the day.”

Miki reclined back on the pillows, Shin’s head resting on his chest and finger-combed Shin’s hair.

“What are you going to be doing?” Miki asked.

“I’m a lowly rookie program-director,” Shin shifted his head slightly so that he could look at Miki. “Basically, everyone’s do-this/do-that boy until I can prove myself. It doesn’t help I went in on recommendation.”

“Will you leave if they treat you badly?” Miki asked.

“Not in the current job market,” Shin said. “It’s a good start towards what I want to do. I’ll work hard, and plan on starting an independent studio.”

“What will you call it?” Miki asked, sure that Shin had it in him to make his dreams come true.

“Studio HayaShin,” Shin said with a laugh.

“That’s cheesy,” Miki said, though he was secretly pleased that Shin wanted to name his business with his name.

“Hayashi and Shin,” Shin continued, shifting on the couch until he was on his back. “HayaShin,” Shin said, lifting his hands up as though he saw the signboard above.

“You’ll make it happen, baby,” Miki said taking Shin’s right hand, his thumb rubbing over Shin’s ring. “I’m sure in time you’ll be managing a bunch of actors, musicians and producing television programs.”

Shin tangled their fingers.

“Miki, would you hate it if I asked you to come stay here with me?”

Miki closed his eyes. Months ago, he’d eagerly boarded a plane in search of adventure. Seeking adventure, a colorful life, and boy had he found it all. With an added bonus of love, a love he doubted he would find elsewhere.

“I need to finish school,” Miki said. “I should finish that.”

“Of course,” Shin lifted their joined hands to press a kiss on Miki’s wrist. “Baby, you’re good enough to run a country.”

“I don’t want political office,” Miki said, he’d been giving it thought. The only thing that would provide him with the freedom he needed was private sector. “I’ll make money, Shin. Enough to give us the life we want, Shin. Then…”

“Then?” Shin turned his head slightly to look at Miki.

“Then...I belong with you, Park Shin.”

Shin smiled.

“Me too,” Shin said with a wide smile.

The anxiety should have dissipated at that moment, but instead it only increased.

The day before his flight to Tokyo, Min showed up in Shin’s bedroom holding a small package wrapped in newspaper. He gave the package to Miki with a sheepish grin.

Miki unwrapped the wrinkled paper with a grin, Shin standing behind him looking on. He revealed a bracelet: three dark leather strips knitted and held together with a jade bead.

“So you don’t forget us,” Min said. “The three of us are one family, Miki-hyung.”

Miki bit his inner lip hard to keep from bawling like a child, and much to Min’s dismay pulled him into a tight hug. Min swiped his hand over his eyes and turned to the side when Miki let go of him.

“Alright, I didn’t want to miss taking you to the airport, but I’m going on a school trip today and won’t make it back until Friday evening,” Min said.

“I understand,” Miki said. “This Hyung won’t hold it against you.”

Min laughed. “Remember you promised to email me and to call me on Line. Don’t miss a day.”

Miki nodded in answer to Min’s orders.

“Hyung,” Min glanced to Shin. “Make sure he reaches the airport okay.”

“You know I will,” Shin said, moving to place his hands on Min’s shoulders. He led his younger brother to the door. “Go to school already, you’re making me nervous with all the orders.”

“Bye Miki,” Min waved and Miki slipped on the bracelet on his left wrist and waved it in acknowledgment.

Shin closed the door and Miki sat on the bed, allowing his tears to fall.

“I don’t know that I can leave,” Miki said staring at Shin. “I—I—come with me to Tokyo, Shin. Let’s take Min too. I’ll miss you guys so much.”

Shin hurried to his side, pulling him into a tight hug.

“You’re going to be fine,” Shin said. “If I can get free time from work, I’ll come visit you.”

Miki clutched Shin’s t-shirt. “Promise?”

“I promise,” Shin said.

“Will you really go with me to the airport?” Miki asked.

“Try to leave without me,” Shin said, pressing a kiss on top of his head. “I need to stop by uni today to pick up equipment. Then go to Hanwu, to pick up my ID and clear with security. I’ll be back this afternoon and we can do something special.”

Shin smiled at him, and Miki captured that smile and stored it deep inside. Shin left the loft that morning with a careless wave.

***

If Miki had known that was how they would part, he might have insisted on a kiss or two. Which brought him to the loneliest moment of his life. Sitting in a plane heading to Tokyo, Shin not having managed to make it back to the loft at all through the afternoon and night...

Shin hadn’t answered his phone, and neither had Hojun when Miki tried him.

Miki didn’t call Min not wanting to worry him while he was away.

Worried, Miki left the loft at seven in the evening, took a taxi and headed to Hojun’s house. Hojun’s wife received him. She told Miki Hojun had not returned from his office and wasn’t expected until late. Miki thanked her and left, refusing to wait. He tried Shin’s number again. When he got no response, he headed to campus thinking Shin might have been caught up in a party at school. At campus, the students he met who knew Shin all said they hadn’t seen him that day. Not knowing where Hanwu Media was, Miki decided to head back to the loft hoping Shin had made it back home.

His heart broke a little when he arrived at the loft to find it dark as he had left it. Turning on the lights, Miki stood in the middle of the living room feeling lost.

He dialed Shin’s number again with no answer.

Desperation had him calling Park Haesoo.

“Hayashi,” she said, her tone laid back. “How are you, my dear?”

“I’m fine,” Miki sat on the coffee table, wondering how to ask if Shin was with her. Why Shin would be in Jeju without telling him, he didn’t know. “I—

“Shin told me you’re leaving in the morning,” Haesoo said. “I’m going to miss you, Hayashi.”

Miki swallowed hard.

“I’ll miss you too.”

“Tell Shin to call me tomorrow, okay?” Haesoo continued. “I’ll come visit him this weekend. I’m sure he’ll be missing you, terribly. I’ll distract him for you.”

Miki closed his eyes.

So, Shin wasn’t with her. Where the hell was he?

“And tell him to answer his mother’s calls,” Haesoo said with a sigh. “I called him earlier and he didn’t answer.”

Miki bid Haesoo goodbye soon after and sat on the coffee table staring at the door.

He didn’t know who else he could call. Roberto and Sunha were away in Busan. They’d said their goodbyes last week. Sunha had gotten a project photographing another wedding in Busan. Since uni was closed for the semester, the two of them had decided to take a week exploring Busan. They definitely wouldn’t know where Shin was.

Miki didn’t sleep. Instead, he stayed up on the couch watching television waiting for Shin to come home. When the waiting got unbearable, Miki dialed Shin’s number over and over. Each time the call cut off, his heart broke.

Tears filled his eyes when he had to call a cab at four-thirty in the morning so that he wouldn’t miss his flight. Moneywise, he was depleted, and couldn’t cancel his flight for fear he couldn’t afford another home. Miki fought back more tears when he dragged his suitcase out of his room, taking one last glance at the loft he’d come to love. He closed the front door with a sigh. The trip down the stairs left him annoyed.

Once again, he cursed the size of his suitcase when he had to wrestle it into the taxi. The drive to the airport was filled with worry and anger in equal share. At the airport, twenty minutes of check-in kept him occupied enough to calm him down…

Until he was done and waiting for his flight.

He dialed Shin’s number, panic filling the pit of his stomach when still there was no answer. Thinking about Shin’s promise yesterday morning, Miki wondered how he should take this.

Now…sitting in his seat as the plane took off, Miki was afraid of the truth that he might never see Shin again. That the Seoul he’d discovered, that the family he had found was lost to him and all he had were memories. Fantastic memories to carry through a lifetime.

***

Chapter 2 : The Future we Wanted

Lub-dup, lub-dup…

I can’t forget, the sound of his heartbeat,

I hope each day to hear it again.

 

Part 1: Five Years…and then A Stunning Logo Makes an appearance

It’s only in the movies, they say.

Lovers meet, time separates them, and then after years they meet. Fans wonder across the globe, why the two leads in the movie couldn’t have messaged each other, once. Like idiots walking in their separate corners of the globe, why on earth would two lovers exist so separately in this day and age if they loved each other.

After all, there was Skype, email, Line, Facebook, Instagram…everyone was jacked up on social. Why the hell would the fucking lovers stay so utterly silent?

Miki scoffed. He now had an answer, of course.

Being one part of a pair that would love for a lifetime, he knew the answer implicitly. You see, the other part of the pair needed to make an effort to connect too. One call, a dozen calls, one hundred unanswered calls later, and the one part that’s reaching out will lose hope, fizzle away and give up.

Okay, maybe not give up.

An unhealthy stalking ritual might develop, including hitting up relatives and friends who know the other half of the pair for information, but it was all futile if the other half of the pair made no effort whatsoever.

To escape the torture of not knowing, Miki taught himself not to seek out information. Not to stalk Park Shin’s social accounts, or push Min for answers he seemed not to have.

Miki decided instead to focus on finishing school, ended up graduating top of his class. His parents were ecstatic. Of course, they got their dream, he on the other hand nursed a broken heart through every minute of every hour. Until all he could do was focus on tangible achievements since the state of his heart was something he could not repair.

Not alone, not without the help of the one person he’d given it to.

Miki knew, that like a fool, he loved once, and loved deep. Whether Shin talked to him again in this lifetime or not, if they met again or not, Shin would always be the one. The only one who could repair his heart.

To escape the pain of that truth, Miki allowed the most logical side of him to take over. Ambition was the sole driving force of his logical side. He’d spent years studying books, learning all he could about economics, making money, moving money, trade…he naturally dived into the money game like a fish to water.

As a novice fund manager, Miki made great wins, and damaging losses, but his ability to recover and rise after a loss got better, until he turned into a master.

Four years later, Hayashi Miki found himself escaping the employment yoke in order to manage his sizeable personal portfolio.

His success allowed him to move his parents out of the family home where his brother had once burned his books and made them the talk of the town. Getting them a house with a modest compound so that his mother could refocus her attention on a garden of flowers. Miki was especially grateful when she joined the bonsai tree club.

Miki discovered his older brother’s secrets too. It turns out Nobu’s secret passion was art, graffiti to be exact. It took some convincing, but he managed to open a small studio in Harajuku for Nobu. His brother would only agree to the deal if Miki owned half the premises. Out of that studio, Nobu created a popular manga series that brought him a comfortable income. Their mother was happier now when Nobu persisted in helping her with household finances.

As for his sister, she was happy with her husband. Miki contented himself with visiting her to play with his niece and nephew.

When he wasn’t busy with his family, Miki focused on making money, investing and reinvesting and when it got too much…he focused on his family.

Anything to keep his thoughts preoccupied, keep him away from Seoul where he so desperately wanted to go and discover what had happened to Park Shin.

Oh, the urge to return there was crippling. He wanted to visit the loft above Shinjiru Coffee…see Min standing on the balcony, Shin beside him reading a book. Sit at the kitchen table eating omelets. The longing was the hardest to ignore, and on nights he couldn’t resist it, he truly went off the deep end, making calls to old numbers that were long disconnected. There was nothing like trying Shin’s number and getting nothing in return.

Love, that was the one thing Miki couldn’t seem to fix, or cure. The insane need to know what the hell had happened to Park Shin drove him crazy.

Why would a man who claimed to love him let him go without a word?

The question left him trembling each time.

“Mr. Hayashi,” a soft voice drew him back to the present.

Miki blinked and stared at the beautiful woman standing in his study. She held out a white envelope to him, her red nails a vibrant contrast against the white.

“This has come for you. It’s an invitation.”

Miki took the envelope, opening it to find an invitation to an investment party from his old company. He tossed it aside.

“Not interested,” Miki said.

“Sir, you haven’t left the house in two weeks.”

“Suki, I don’t feel up to forcing smiles. Let it be.”

“Should I call your sister for you?”

“No.” Miki waved her offer away.

“Nobu-san is holding a street fair tomorrow. Maybe you want to go help out?”

“Pass,” Miki said, when Suki started again, he lifted his hand. “Pass on whatever horticulture trip my mother is taking this week, or the weekly golf game with my father. That’s the end of the list. Anything else?”

Suki sighed. “Yes. I’ll go sort your emails now.”

Miki nodded and watched her leave.

Getting up from his chair, Miki wandered to the windows, opening the curtains to stare out at the city. In all his adventures to settle his family, he’d never gotten the urge to buy a home for his personal use. He lived in a hotel, dependent on the well-oiled machine that was the hotel staff to handle food and laundry.

Miki was terrified that if he lived in his own house, they’d find him after months of being dead drowning in dirt, unwashed clothes and dirty dishes. The headlines in the papers would read, ‘heart broken, lonely man found dead’. Morbid, but this was his state of mind after nights of thinking about Shin.

The sun was out.

It was spring in Tokyo. The cherry blossoms were blooming.

Walking back to his desk, Miki closed all the browser windows staring back at him. Searches for tickets to Seoul, the state of Shinjiru Coffee, Min’s Line Account, and Haesoo’s blog about living on Jeju Island. All of them insanely bereft of Park Shin. Miki wondered how those two could talk about their lives, leaving out a vital part like Shin.

Closing all the windows lest he be tempted again, Miki left the study, startling Suki who was perched on an armchair in the living room. She stood up and he walked by her heading up short steps to his bedroom. Closing the door, he took a shower, standing under scalding water to clear his head. His hair was longer than usual. He made a note to stop by the barber down the street. He finished his shower, dressed casual: fitting blue jeans, converse shoes and a light green sweater. He pushed his damp hair back, not bothering to do more. Taking his wallet and phone, he left his bedroom.

Suki still sat on the armchair reading her pad, a cup of coffee on the table.

“Going out?” she asked. “Should I call you a cab?”

“No.” Miki headed for the front door. “Do make an appointment with the barber for me. He gets grouchy if I don’t call.”

“For when?” Suki asked.

Miki glanced at his watch.

“Next hour or two?”

Miki left to the sound of Suki grumbling at the short notice. He smiled as he walked to the elevators.

Once outside, his mood lifted thanks to the cool spring air. Finding the blooming cherry blossoms was easy, watching couples and families walk along the paths with him, that was harder.

Miki walked among these happy people but after ten minutes, he found he couldn’t take their joyous smiles. Changing direction, he headed into an elite shopping street with only lampposts and streetlights. Busy socialites racing to appointments, and businessmen in suits. The advertisements on the windows were intriguing, but not enough to entice him in. He paused at an electronic store, intrigued by a camera. He still liked taking photographs when he could. His gaze shifted slightly to a television right next that was showing international entertainment news.

HayaShin Entertainment.

The logo filled the screen for a moment and Miki slammed his palm on the window, his knees going weak. He stumbled into the shop in the next minute, heading to the closest television. An incredible wide screen that took up considerable space. The volume was high in the store.

“South Korea’s HayaShin Entertainment is a growing powerhouse in the industry. The company is led by the brilliant Director Park, who’s film Savage Winds enjoyed a positive response at the Sundance Festival last year. Savage Winds then saw subsequent success in the box office, raking in top sales in the first week of screening. The success is largely attributed to HayaShin Entertainment. The company opened its doors three years ago. Hayashin Entertainment has proved itself in the industry taking on talent management, and production both in music and television. The company has seen steady growth and is now anticipating expanding into the Japanese market. Director Park, HayaShin’s C.E.O. is set to arrive in Tokyo within the week to meet investors. Our correspondent in Seoul, Young Raon, briefly caught up with Director Park on this earlier today…”

After five years of nothing but silence, Miki got his first glimpse of Park Shin in the middle of an electronic store.

“Director Park, HayaShin is set to begin talks with investors in Japan. What do you hope to achieve during your trip to Tokyo?”

“I’m hoping to fulfill a promise,” Shin answered. “One made to those who have seen this company through many troubled starts, and to bring hope to one I’ve let down.”

Shin’s words barely registered, and then Shin was heading away from the camera and into a building. The reporters were stopped at the entrance and Miki pressed a hand against his chest staring at Shin’s retreating back.

Shin looked well, too well. No visible injuries, his smile was the same, the hair still shaggy, his eyes bright. Still handsome as ever, his voice as deep as Miki remembered.

Why then? Miki wondered, staring at the logo Shin had once boasted about. He remembered that moment on the couch like it was yesterday. Shin lifting his hands up.

‘Hayashi and Shin,’ Shin said. ‘HayaShin.’

Miki took in a shaky breath, his heart aching so badly he feared it would melt away.

Shin…why did you leave me?

***