The Broken Circles - 7. Chapter 7 - Moving On

The day after Chance left, I was in high spirits. The gang drove him to BWI, cracking jokes and telling stories of how we all met one another along the way. Lucy gave him the quilt we all worked on and it brought tears to his eyes. There was an amusing group hug in the terminal and as each of us looked at the travel notices flash by, the slow realization that we would be losing one of our own became imminent. Chance reached out and grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. I wished desperately that time would slow down just so I can enjoy that last few moments with my best friend. The last hug we shared was one that lasted minutes, the tight powerful hug that lifted me off the ground and swung around until I couldn’t help by laugh. Chance rested his forehead on mine and stared into my eyes and said, “I love you and I’m going to miss the hell out of you.” As he handed the stewardess his ticket, he turned back and smiled at me.

I was riding the high of our conversation the night prior and felt like I could truly move on with my life. And I did. The cryptic comments he made about David and Mack made me worry but I decided to ignore it for the time being. I'd go on with my life, pretend the problems could be ignored and hope for the best.

I emerged from my dark shell of self-pity that following day and began hanging out with Mason and Lucy once more. Mack and David joined us on a regular basis as well, and everything went back to being good. I even begun dating using an internet dating service to get back into the game, but honestly that went poorly. Beyond poorly. I was a bit naive and too full of expectations when it came to first dates and most didn't go past date 2. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't fickle; I was bored. I found that a lot of the men reminded me of Gregory or Chance. So I wasn't completely over Chance, and those that looked like either were mere consolation prizes. Even though the pickings seemed slim, I found that my weekends were filled with blind dates even though I never talked about them with the gang. David seemed equally busy with courting the mystery man from Chance’s going away party, and I suppose like me, he preferred keeping his personal life separate.

Mack though never dated, at least he never out and out mentioned it. We remained tight though, and thank goodness for that. We hung out during the week when I got off work and he kept training me in the gym. Being near him and the occasional touches we shared was welcomed, but the anxiety of it not going further fueled my urge to keep searching for Mr. Right. I dated a lot during those days.

And boy did I date. There were a slew of men that I dated once. Each Saturday and Wednesday night (the nights I had a day off) I would go on a date and hope to meet that special someone, only to become disillusioned realizing that I was chasing something that probably didn't exist. It didn’t help that I had never been in a relationship, so my expectations might have been unrealistic. I was looking for someone to replace Chance. This went on for a better part of 6 months. The faces all blurred together and the names became lost as time went on. Finally I gave up on meeting Mr. Perfect altogether and filled that time with the gang. David seemed content with his beau and I reminded myself to bug him for tips.

Lucy's birthday brought us all together one early Spring evening. About 15 people showed up, all Mason's colleagues and Lucy's friends. The party was pretty low key, Mack and I showed up together, bringing a pot of mixed vegetables and a beef brisket. David had shown up late and when he did he had a man on his arm, with long, dark hair. The Brit cast me a sideways glance and smiled but I didn't see who the mystery man was. I was curious to see who snagged Mr. Perfect since Chance's going away party but I was too busy talking with one of Mason's coworkers, an attractive psychologist from Bethesda, while Mack sat next to me eating some pita bread and hummus. Periodically he'd glance at me and make sure I was fine then continue munching. I knew early on that I wasn't really interested but the guy was getting a little too touchy which I could sense Mack responding to my back stiffening and he cast a stern look to the schmo and said, "Get lost." The guy's face blanched and he got up to leave in a hurry. I turned and smiled thankfully at him and gave him a friendly hug, resting my head on his shoulder. He had never actively defended me in the past, but it was nice to have the big guy there when things went south.

"Did you see who David was with?" I asked, my head still on Mack's shoulder. I craned my head in an awkward position to look up into Mack's eyes who was looking back at me. He shrugged, and I felt my curiosity piqued. With everyone at the party effectively paired up, it felt natural for Mack and I to be in close proximity. I didn't know any of Lucy's friends, nor Mason's and David was busy doing lord-knows-what to lord-knows-who in the back yard. Mack seemed content to just hang out with me on the sofa and we were comfortable slouching against one another. Periodically, I'd feel his fingers stretch and gently rub against my arm and it felt nice.

But who was the guy David was with? It was a nagging thought that refused to go away. That and the growing urge to get something to eat and drink.

"Mack, I'm going to grab a bite to eat, you want anything?" I asked, sitting up. My back was sticky with sweat, both Mack and my own. Mack simply shrugged his shoulders which I took as, "No thanks," and I got up to wander.

Around the crowds, I felt like a total non-entity. No one looked at me and I kind of felt like a fly on the wall. I was sneaky like a ninja. Or possibly viewed as a little kid trying to pilfer cookies from a Christmas banquet. I sidled up to the table and grabbed a few goodies to share with Mack and felt a little giddy at the sight of buffalo wings.

"Fancy meeting you here," I heard a familiar voice chide from behind me. I turned around, the voice immediately set me on edge. My mouth formed the name silently: "Jacob."

The last time I had seen him, he was banging Tiffany Dansforth. I should be thankful that set along the process for her breaking up with Chance but there was something unsettling about him that set off all the alarms in my head. I cleared my throat and stood rigid. His eyes gave me a good once over and then stared intently, pleased with what he saw.

"So you still remember me, I'm flattered," he said, his soft voice felt oddly chilling in my head. I nodded but remained silent. "It's a wonderful party, isn't it?"

"It is...," I said stonily. His head tilted to one side, as if to see me from a new perspective. "So you're with David now?"

"Yeah, I am," he said. "He's a doll, isn't he?"

"I suppose he is. You're a very lucky man," I said dryly. His toothy grin made his canines look more pronounced.

"No, not yet," he said mysteriously. I narrowed my eyes cautiously. "David is one of those old fashioned boys who wants to do the whole knightly courting and some such. If it weren't so fucking boring, I'd say it's romantic."

"So you guys haven''t.." I began but cut my sentence short. "You know what, it's none of my business. David deserves better than you."

"Aww, why so serious?" he said, his eerie smile never faltered for a second. "Wish it was you who snagged him first? Judging by what he's said about you, you've had plenty of opportunities to bag him. But you waited too long, didn't you? Think he'd wait until time was right for you."

"Fuck you, Jacob. We're just friends," I said. But for the first time, there was doubt in my voice. Was it because Jacob was rubbing it in my face the way he did?

"Oh believe me, I would love nothing more than you and I to be naked and in bed. I'll bet you're a real animal in the sack." Jacob reached over a long thin finger and caressed my cheek and I jerked back. "I'm sure I'll have a taste soon enough. Maybe a threesome with David and I? Would you like that?"

"No." Out of the corner of my eye I saw David peering through the patio door. What had he seen? Could he hear us?

"David is a good, honorable man, he deserves to have one to love. And that's not you."

"What, are you going to tell him about us?" he asked curiously.

"No, something tells me he'll see through you in no time flat. Excuse me," I said calmly. Deep down inside I was boiling with rage. I stepped onto the patio and was greeted by David staring at me. His eyes were narrowed as if to skim my mind of what had happened between Jacob and I. By the concerned look on his face, I could tell he didn't like what he saw.

"You all right, love?" he asked. He extended a hand and I took it, squeezing it gently and hugging him tightly. I nodded against his chest and breathed in his cologne. "It looks like you know Jacob."

"Yeah, from a million years ago. But only briefly," I replied, disengaging from his hug.

"Judging by how you look it doesn't seem like it was remotely positive."

"It wasn't. But I'm not going to talk about it because it'd be rude. Beyond rude, really," I said sourly.

"Look, we aren't serious, more like casual dating buddies. If there's something that I should be worried about, I'd like to know now rather than later. Especially if it involves you."

"I..." I began but wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Was it right for me to mention how exactly I know him? Or what he did to convince Tiffany to break up with Chance those many years ago? It seemed hardly nice but...this was David I was dealing with. My not talking to Chance about his breakup with Tiffany was a constant reminder of my silence but if David had genuine feelings for Jacob, who was I to get in the way of true love? "He's a swell guy."

"I don't believe you, Eli," he said, curtly. He studied my eyes closely. "Is it because I'm finally with someone that you decided to descend on him like a jealous ex-lover?"

"No! No, it's nothing like that!" I exclaimed. A vision of Jacob and Tiffany flashed in my head and that look he gave me while they were going at it haunted me. I wasn't about to really speak what was on my mind and David was going to pay the price for it down the road.

"Just say it, Eli, I'm not married to the man yet, I want to know what you think. Obviously there's a reason why you're holding back," he demanded. My mouth opened to say something but David spoke up first, "Is it because you have feelings for me and that you feel threatened that someone like Jacob could sweep me off my feet?" Damn, I thought, it's one of those 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' moments. If I didn't tell him, he'd resent me for their impending break up, but if I did tell him, he'd tell Chance why Tiffany *really* broke up with him and Chance would resent me. I sighed, defeatedly.

"Years ago, I saw Jacob and Tiffany having sex," I murmured softly. Then it dawned on me: everything was out of context.

"Who's Tiffany?" he asked grimly, crossing his arms and staring at me. I sighed.

"Chance's ex-girlfriend."

"So?" David asked again grimly. He wasn't seeing the picture I was.

"Tiffany was still with Chance when she cheated on him. She saw me, as did Jacob and promptly broke up with Chance instead of fessing up," I replied.

"And you never told him."

"No," I said sadly. Grimacing, "Because if I did, he wouldn't believe me, if anything he'd resent me for lying to him. Much like you don't believe me."

"I didn't say that, Eli." David's words were far more serious than I hoped they would be. His eyebrows were furrowed, staring at me intently.

"You don't need to. I can see it in your eyes. It's the same look I envisioned Chance giving me." I shrugged nonchalantly, hoping the gesture would hide how hurt I really felt.

"Eli, I don't distrust you. I can fully understand why you didn't tell Chance knowing the possible repercussions. I believe you," he said calmly, his eyes radiating that gentle blue glow in the early evening light. "But how long do you think I can wait for you to fall in love with me?" The words sliced through me.

"I-I don't know David. I just got over Chance and that took years--"

"Years?? You can't expect me to remain single for years while you get your head on straight!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. I grimaced firmly and squeezed my eyes shut. "I am in love with you *now* why on earth are you so hell bent on pretending you aren't?!"

"David, I care a great deal for you, it's just--"

"He isn't in love with you," Jacob's voice chimed in from the doorway. I turned around and there he was, resting casually against the glass door. "He simply wants to see you single just in case he gets lonely one night." Rage was bubbling from deep within my core.

"That's not true!" I stammered. "I want to see him happy and it won't be with you!"

"Oh and you think you're any better a choice than I?" he purred. My eyes narrowed.

"If it came down to us, then yes!"

"What's going on?" Mack asked. His large paw moved the patio door open, the very door Jacob was resting on, sending him flying across the patio floor. David looked pissed, Mack and I looked shocked more than anything. Jacob, and his 'too cool to care' demeanor had vanished replaced with genuine displeasure.

"Ow, my knee!" he cried out, holding his right leg. Oh boy, I thought, we are so toast. David ran to Jacob and helped him up then scowled at Mack.

"I get you two don't like my new boyfriend, but Malcolm, please refrain from maiming him while we're together," he admonished, his British accent coming in fully. He escorted Jacob out of the way and left Mack and I gawking at the scenario. Lucy poked her head outside and gave us a worried look.

"What happened, you two?!" she asked. I gave her the same wide eyed look I gave David not too long ago and then shrugged.

"I am so sorry!" Mack said, looking desperate. Mack was a big guy, and probably unaware of his own strength. I doubted very much that what he did was intentional.

"Jacob was leaning on the door and Mack opened it. Jacob fell down. Went boom," I said, hoping levity would lessen the intensity of the situation. Mack and Lucy let out a deep laugh and I was pleased as punch.

"What do you guys think of David's new beau?" she asked, walking up to us. I shrugged and made an exaggerated frowning face while Mack simply shook his head.

"I don't like him," I said. "But I couldn't say that to David because he seems to think I don't like him being spoken for."

"I can't even begin to understand the logic behind that," she replied. Mack cleared his throat.

"I think they make a handsome couple," he said. The response seemingly came out of nowhere.

"You think so, Malcolm?" Lucy asked, as curious as I. He thought about it and nodded.

"I don't claim to know David or Jacob particularly well, but considering how they get along seems pretty clear they're into each other."

"But it's totally founded on sex!" Lucy exclaimed.

"I didn't say it'd last," he clarified. I made a face.

"Actually..." I began. Lucy threw me a concerned look. "They haven't really done 'it' yet."

"Oh *really*?" she asked. Oh man, I hated being the rumor mill. I dug my hands into my pockets and shrugged nervously.

"That doesn't mean anything," Mack muttered. "David probably wants Jacob to make the first move."

"I don't think so, Mal," Lucy interjected. She had this pensive look on her face as she mentally dug through memories. "David's kind of an old fashioned fogie. He's probably just taking his time, making sure everything is right for their first time together."

"That's so romantic of you," I said. Lucy wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"...but you two are wrong," Mack said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "It's all about the thrill of the chase for David. He's simply making Jacob wait and suffer."

"How on earth did you come to that conclusion?" I asked. Mack looked a little shocked.

"Because I see the way they are with one another," he replied casually. "What? You two don't see it?"

"No, I'd like to think two people can be healthily in love," Lucy said adamantly. Deep down inside, I knew Mack was right. It was so obvious to him, but I was missing something. Something about what he said stuck with me.

"I guess," I said, but my voice failed me. I knew he was right. Mack looked into my eyes, brows furrowed, like he could read my mind. He knew David was holding off until he could be with me. That Jacob was a distant second choice. For a second I saw a look of hurt on Mack's face, like he skimmed another thought deeply embedded in my mind that even I hadn't realized.

"You two are such men," Lucy said, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm going back to my party, don't you two dare miss the cake cutting." She disappeared back into the house, leaving Mack and I alone, still staring at each other.

"It's a beautiful evening," I said hoping to cut the tension. "I love these lazy spring nights that has the sun setting at 7 instead of 5." Mack and I wandered to the railing and he cast me a lazy sideways glance, gauging my response.

"Yeah, it's real nice out," he murmured softly. His voice, gravelly and deep, felt nice, almost soothing. "David's gonna be real pissed at me, isn't he?"

"Yeah, probably," I said but looked at him, smiling dolefully. "But that's par for the course, he seems to think we're--" My mouth was firing off words before my brain could mull over them and decide whether or not it was appropriate. Shit, I thought.

"We're what?" he asked curiously. I pulled my lips over my teeth to seal them from speaking.

"Nothing, he's just paranoid, I guess," I replied after a moments pause. Yeah, I thought, that was a safe response.

"Oh."

"But he'll get over it, at some point," I said. Then adding quickly, "Him, being paranoid, I mean." Mack looked at me rather confused but went back to leaning on the patio railing, gazing at the clear starry night sky. I wasn't sure how to bring up my concerns about Mack and I. I mean, we were just friends, right? The worry of us being more than that made me really insecure, for reasons beyond me. It seemed like everyone knew what was going on, except me and Mack. Or perhaps it was just me that was out of the loop.

"He's an odd duck," Mack responded.

Things were quiet between us for a few minutes, although it wasn't that stifling quiet that I would normally need sound to fill the void. It was one of those 'everything is perfectly serene and I'm with a good friend' silence that makes me feel safe and wanted. We stood shoulder to shoulder, watching the stars and periodically one of the party goers would stumble outside and see us then wave, make small talk and go back inside. It was a little chilly in the early spring evening but that was fine by me. Mack was radiating this warm glowing heat off his body that kept me warm. The calm silence between us stretched into an hour, few words were spoken, but largely Mack and I just enjoyed each others presence. I would randomly turned my head and study the expression on his face and when he noticed my looking, he'd turn his head and look at me and I'd snap back to staring straight ahead. Periodically, we'd catch one another staring and clumsily glance into each others eyes and chuckle or giggle at how dorky we must be looking. Every couple minutes, he'd find some reason to shoulder check me gently and I'd retaliate by shoulder checking him.

After the first two hours, we'd gotten into a full blown tickling battle, which I was destined to lose. Mack apparently wasn't ticklish or if he was, didn't show it, whereas I was extremely ticklish and belted out laughing at a softest touch. Finally I found that grabbing his hands preventing him from tickling me, and it worked! His hands were rough and worn, like he had spent years on a farm. Instinctively, I intertwined our fingers, and that's when I felt it. What it was, I'm not sure, but between the tickle battle and our hands joined together, I felt his nearness, his body heat, his breath on my neck. I had suddenly seen Malcolm in a totally new light. My body leaned into his, his arms instinctively began to curl around me and our heads began to get closer.

"Hey mates, I'm back," I heard David chant from the patio. I don't think I've seen me or Mack disengage as quickly as we did and when I turned my head, I saw David pulling back the patio curtains and join us on the deck. I gave him a gently smile, hoping my face wasn't tremendously red. David looked far more composed than before he left to take Jacob home. He stood between Mack and I at the railing and placed one hand on my back and rubbed it gently.

"You having a good night, David?" I asked, cautiously. He nodded.

"Aye, I have, love. Jacob and I got to talking and I think we've come to a conclusion of sorts," he replied. Mack's face contorted when he heard 'love' come out of David's mouth.

"Oh? And what'd you two decide?" Mack asked. Leaning over the rail to see our faces better.

"I've decided that I am not in love with him and that continuing on with a relationship would prove disastrous down the road. I broke it off," he said. His voice seemed a bit happier than I was expecting it to be. Almost like dating Jacob was more of a chore than anything else. "I can now spend more time with you."

"I thought you said things were going great!" I stammered.

"Well, things were great, until tonight. I hadn't really hung out with you in months and it's really quite killing me. I know we have something special but I don't want to rush you. And I don't need to fill my life with a meaningless relationship either," he defended proudly. "I'm not going to pretend you don't care for me, but I am willing to bide my time until you've realize it."

Oh shit, I thought, my eyes wide with terror. Mack looked more surprised than hurt, though I was certain that he would suffer the blowback soon. The three of us stood in awkward silence and I managed to clumsily mumble, "Um, okay. Thanks David." We hugged and I mouthed to Mack, "I'm sorry."

***

It seemed like the moments Mack and I shared were constantly being interrupted. I was terribly shy in my early twenties and saw each of these snafu's as divine intervention. Perhaps, Mack and I were never suppose to be...a couple? Friends? Hell, I didn't know what we were suppose to be. It just felt messy all around and I was worried that I was screwing things up by even thinking about it. David remained blissfully unaware of my feelings for Mack, or even worse, my lack of feelings for him, and during nights we hung out, David managed to wedge himself between Mack and I, and there was the casual flirting and physical contact on his end, a stern look from Mack and a rather terrified expression from me. David's body language reeked of sexual attraction, and at the same time, positioning himself in a way to block Mack from seeing me. The attention lavished on my by David was completely alien to the likes of me. I knew he was interested years ago but he never admitted any real feelings until recently. In fact, I was a little thrown by how much of a commodity I had become with guys. Especially guys like David. In high school I was the strange artist kid who everyone tolerated, or that's how it felt at least. My friends growing up kept saying I wasn't as ugly as I thought myself to be, but if that was so the case, why on earth was I single the entire 4 years? It might have been because I was gay and I was scared of my own shadow but still.

David was never grabby with me though. He respected my boundaries, just not Malcolm's sensibilities. Of course, by the nasty looks and attitude he gave Mack, it had affected me by proxy. When David and I were alone, I begged him to be friendly with Mack, though it fell on deaf ears. While David couldn't see something was going between Mack and I, he was doing everything in his power to make sure nothing happened. Mack and I were far too timid to do anything about our feelings, the previous attempts at affection was cut short by, well, everyone. The moments alone were spent in uncomfortable silence, neither of us wanted to make the first move, and the moments would leave us far too soon.

Mack would seethe when David would enter the room, like he was holding in the pent up rage towards him. I didn't want to not invite David to hang out just so Mack and I could foster our budding relationship, or whatever the hell it was. Lucy was pretty mindful about what was going on, and found ways to get David out of the room. At this time in our friendship, Mack and I hadn't really done anything. There were furtive eye glances and our hands would brush up often but that was the extent of what we were brave enough to do.

All the while, Lucy watched each of us like a hawk. I spent a lot of time with her on Mason's porch sipping lemonade and chatting about my situation. Mason was usually busy with work and clients so he rarely hung out with us. In fact, we weren't very close.

"Eli, you know, you'll have to tell David you simply aren't interested. It's not nice to lead him on the way you're are," Lucy said. Her tone was gentle, yet firm. The strange game of cat and mouse, David, Mack and I were playing had been going on for almost 4 months, spread out over 2-3 days of any given week. To keep things social, Lucy and Mason came over, and we hung out, watched movies, played party games.

"I just don't know how to break it to David. I mean, I've never been pursued by anyone in my entire life!" I replied, grimacing.

"Feels nice to be wanted, doesn't it?" my friend chanted, giving me a knowing look. "As nice as it feels, you still will have to break the news to him one way or another. And the longer you wait--"

"--the worse things will get. I know."

"Then do the right thing and tell him before things fall apart. There's nothing worse than a broken circle of friends."

"Yeah, you're right." I mulled over her words carefully, wondering how best to approach David for when I saw him next. Lucy's face darkened a bit and she frowned.

"I have something to say to you, Eli," she said, her voice dropping to almost a whisper. She glanced back at the house to make sure Mason was no where in sight.

"What's up, Lu?" I asked cautiously. Lucy sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"I haven't told Mason this but...the last doctor's appointment I had, well it didn't go so well. They found a cyst on one of my ovaries. My OBGYN thinks it might be cancer," she whispered. She pursed her lips tightly wondering how much more she could tell me. "I just found out this morning that I have to go in for future testing."

"Oh man. Is it fixable? Are you going to be all right?" I asked. Admittedly my questions were idiotic but I didn't know anything about Lucy’s medical history. I knew Lucy was living with lupus but I wasn't sure how that would affect any form of treatments. Almost as if she could read my mind, her face fell.

"If it is cancer, there'd be a long bumpy road of treatments. I'm not sure if my body is strong enough to handle chemotherapy and quite frankly, I don't think my doctors are all that optimistic."

"Why haven't you told Mason?" Lucy fell silent. She turned her head once more, listening to Mason's footsteps in his study.

"Because...he's been so down about work and taking care of me that I don't want him to worry more than he is currently."

"He's going to know one way or another." Both of us got real quiet after we realized the 180 we pulled then chuckled in light of our situation.

"This is why I'm telling you first. I want to see you happy before anything happens to me."

"Don't say that, Lucy, I don't want to think of anything happening to you in the near or far future. I don't have anyone else to talk to about what's going on in my life."

"Well you could if you took some initiative. You would be so happy with Malcolm. Life's too short to dwell on your insecurities. Believe me, I know."

"I know." My words felt hollow as I spoke them.

***

I totally chickened out. There was never a good time to talk to David about my lack of feelings for him. At least that's what I kept telling myself. Mack gave me squirrely looks when I was unable to talk to him about my feelings and I felt guilty with the seemingly innocent touches we shared. Finally things came to a head.

David, Mack and I were in the basement on a rainy Saturday afternoon. David brought over Arkham Horror and the three of us sat around the coffee table. Periodically I would look up and see Mack looking at me intently. He grimaced and his eyes got sad but he didn't say anything. Hell, I don't remember any verbal exchange the three of us had in the beginning. Only that David, Mack and I had been carrying on this charade for months going through some strange routine.

"...okay, so it looks like Dr. Fearn takes 1 damage and fails to kill the maniac. The world mourns. Combat continues," David said, his eyes darting across the board and the various cards, mentally cataloging everything. The game had been lasting a solid hour without an end anywhere in sight. I had glanced down at my investigator and frowned at the multitude of misfortune my lowly magician had been suffering. No spells, no gear, died a few times. I hated the magician. While David's voice droned on with the battle, I stayed lost with my thoughts.

"I can't do this," Mack said suddenly. David and I looked up from our cards and looked at Mack who stood up and dusted off the stray popcorn from his pants. "I can't, I can't do this." And he walked up the stairs.

"What is he going on about?" David asked, remaining seated. I didn't let my brain keep me from screwing things up and got up, chasing after Mack. He was already outside, heading to his car when I leapt down the stairs to intercept him.

"Mack, wait up!" I shouted after him. He stopped and slowly turned around, the rain hitting us heavily. His thick eyebrows were furrowed keeping the droplets from getting in his eyes. His lips were pursed like he was holding words back. "Please..."

"Eli, I can't keep pretending things are fine!" he blurted. His shoulders hunched and his hands fanned out and he waved them emphatically with the palms up. "I know something is going on with us. You and I! But you keep ignoring it! You can't keep ignoring me!" Instinctively, while his arms were splayed out, I dove into his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck. I could feel my heart pounding as his arms wrapped tightly around my waist.

"I'm sorry, Mack. I'm so sorry," I said, hugging him tightly. "I was so scared that the stuff we were doing was just stuff you didn't care about or regretted. It meant the world to me since Lucy's party and I've been such a coward and I'm so sorry." Mack's hands traveled up to my neck and finally my face and when we pulled away slightly, I could see his steely gray eyes peer into mine.

"I’m sorry too, Eli. I've never had these feelings before and I didn't know how to initiate anything," he replied. His thumb grazed my lips. He looked torn like he wanted to kiss me but he didn't know how to go about it. "I want to kiss you. Right now." My smile was all he needed and his head dipped down and I could feel sparks as our lips touched. And all felt right with the world. The rain drenched us, but it didn't matter. The ice was finally broken between Mack and I. All of the insecurities I had about where we were had dissipated, hell, even the fact that we were kissing in public didn't faze me. When the kiss broke, we were breathing heavily. Then I heard the house door close. David stood at the top of the steps wearing his raincoat and carrying his umbrella. I feared his reaction. He descended the steps and opened the front gate toward us. His lips curled gently into a weak smile.

"I want to congratulate you, Malcolm. Eli has made his choice and I must honor it," he said, shaking hands with Mack. I felt a little miffed that he treated me like some prize to be won, but didn't want to upset him further. His eyes darkened briefly as he said, "But if you hurt him in anyway, I will hurt you." And with that, he turned on his heels and headed toward the train. Mack and I watched his departure, and I hoped for the best. We embraced once more and I thought I heard Malcolm say, "I love you."