Jack be Quick - 5. Chapter 5

As I walk into the house, Donna is standing at the kitchen table with her back to us, “it took you two long enough,” she says as she is washing her hands.

“It was cold out there woman,” Henry says, “I had to examine this boy, he has some cuts and bruises that need tending to,” he tells her as he pushes me towards her and leaves the kitchen, I stumble across the kitchen floor and almost fall, Donna catches me at the last minute.

“Don’t worry, Jack,” she tells me, “don’t let Henry scare you, he’s more bark than bite,” she says as she turns me around and looks me over from head to toe. “Looks like you got some cuts and scrapes,” she informs me, “sit down in the chair and I’ll be right back,” she says as she leaves the kitchen.

I sit down and wonder what that was about, Henry was real nice outside and didn’t treat me bad, so why did he shove me so hard, I almost fell down?, I wonder as I notice that I’m being watched by little eyes from the hallway.

“Hey there,” I say to the boy, “what’s you name?” I ask not remembering what his name was.

“Tod,” comes a soft barely audible voice of a scared child.

“I like that name,Tod,” I tell him in a friendly voice, “that’s a strong name,” I say trying to reassure him. “It’s ok, “ I tell him, “you can come out,” I coax. He slowly steps out into the doorway and with one hand in his mouth and the other behind his back, just looks at me, unsure what he should do.

“Come over here,”I tell him as I raise my hand to beckon. He walks slowly towards me until he is standing just out of arms reach, still looking at me. “My name is Jack,” I tell him in a soothing voice.

“Where did your clothes go?” He says as he continues to stare at me.

“Your dad took them,” I say, “he says they are too ripped up and I’ll need to get some other clothes.”

“You shouldn’t be naked,” he says in a scared voice, “at least not in the kitchen and when mom is around,” he informs me with a worried look on his young face.

“It’s ok for now,” I tell him, “your dad says he’s getting me some clothes now and besides, your mom has to tend to my scrapes and stuff, I promise I won’t go around naked after this,” I tell him and that makes a smile cross his face.

He walks a little closer and says, “he’s not my dad, not for real,” he admits. I put both my hands up and he walks into my arms and I hug him tightly. He feels warm and I start to cry, but just a little. I bury my face into the top of his head and let the tears flow out in small amounts.

Tod pulls away and looks at me, “What’s the matter,” he asks with concern on his face.

“Nothing,” I whisper to him as I wipe my eyes, “I just had something in my eye.”

“You were too crying ,”he says in a whisper that I can barely hear.

“Ok,” I admit, “but please don’t tell anyone, it’ll be our secret,” I say as I hear Donna coming.

Tod just looks at me and puts his finger across his lips and the smiles as Donna walks into the kitchen. He jumps at the sound of her and runs around the table and hides behind it, peeking over the top as if that was a good hiding place.

“TOD,” she scolds him, “I think you are supposed to be in bed.”

“I got thirsty, and wanted a drink of water,” he claims as he’s still looking at me.

“Well get some water and then it’s off to bed for you young man and I better not see you up again till morning,” she says with warmth in her voice.

After he’s gone to bed, again, she looks at me and says, “Now let’s have a look at you.”

I stand up and put my hands on my head, as that’s how I was taught to do. She comes over and lowers my arms and gets her first aid kit out and starts to clean my scrapes and feel my chest and all over my young body, asking me all the while, “does this hurt,” she put white stuff on me and puts a few bandages here and there, it stings a little, but I don’t make a sound.

Henry comes in while she is fixing me,“Jack,” he says with a guarded look on his face, “you are much bigger than our boy and none of his clothes are going to fit you,” he says with in a clipped voice. He looks at his wife and shrugs, “we can’t have you just running around naked as a jay bird, so,” he says with a lively voice, “you will have to wear theses for now,” he informs me as he hands me a dress. I just stare at the red dress on the table and with a finger touch it like it is radioactive.

“Ok,” I say resigned to do as I’m told, “I’ve never worn girl’s clothes before, but it’s ok, I’ll do what ever you say,” with a frown on my face.

“Now don’t look like that,” Henry says, “it’s just temporary until I can get into town to buy you some proper clothes,” he informs me with a smile on his face. His wife is frowning at him and shaking her head very slightly at him. He sees her disapproval and says, “it’s the best I can do, Donna, unless you want him to run around naked until I can get to town,”he says with a fake frown on his face.

I wonder why he had a dress and wonder if there is a girl asleep somewhere in the house, I want to ask this, but am afraid I might get hit if I ask too many questions, so I just sit there wondering where I am.

“Well I don’t think it’s proper for a boy to wear a dress,” she tells her husband in a disapproving voice, “can’t he just put on one of your T-shirts?,” she says, “I’m sure that will be big enough to cover him until, you can get to town?”

“And have my T-shirts stretched out and destroyed,” he says in a disgusted voice, “besides you know how hard it is for me find a comfortable T-shirt?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she says sarcastically, “all you shirts have be just right or you’ll never wear them.”

“It’s all settled then,” he says as he claps his hands together just once, “now try that on Jack, so I can see if it’s a good fit or not.” I stand up and pick up the dress and look it over trying to see how it goes on, I slip it over my head and let it settle on my shoulders, it feels weird and I know I look really stupid. My face is on fire, and I’m looking down not looking at anyone or anything. Henry is behind me adjusting the dress and zipping it up in the back, he spins me around and steps back to admire his handy work.

“Well,” he says, as he looks me up and down, “you do make a very fetching little girl,” he teases. I look down and try not to let the tears come, bad things happen to boys who cry, a thought that is always in my head.

“DON’T tease him Henry,” Donna scolds him.

“I’m sorry,” he claims, “he just looks so darn cute and he reminds me of our Becky,” he admits, “shorter hair, but with that blond hair and his blue eyes,,,” he trails off as he looks at me with lust in his eyes.

“Well never mind that now,” Donna says, he can’t sleep in a dress,” she states, “I hope you don’t expect him to sleep in the buff?”

“No of course not,” he says and I notice he has another garment in his hands, “here, put this on,” he says as he tosses a white night gown with a rose print at me. “Remember,” he says, “this is only temporary, I’ll go to town tomorrow and see about getting you some proper clothes,” he reminds me. “Do you know what size clothes you wear?”

“I don’t know,” I say as I’m trying to take off the dress, “small I guess.” He sees me struggling and unzips me and lifts the dress over my body and helps me put on the night gown.

“We can figure that part out tomorrow,” he says and gives me a pay on the butt, “we all need to get to bed, you can sleep in Becky’s old room,” he says as he looks at his wife for approval, “will that be ok Donna?” He asks in a hushed voice.

“I guess that will be ok,” she admits, “all her stuff is still in there, so it’s a bit girly, we can put her stuff in the attic tomorrow,” she says reluctantly.

“Come with me,” Henry tells me and takes my hand and leads me down the hall, “you will find all her clothes in her closet and dresser, you can wear anything you like.”

“Where is Becky?” I say as he leads me to her room.

“She passed away 4 years ago,” he tells me with a tremor in his voice, “her room has been a shrine since she left us,” he informs me, “it’s about time that shrine comes down.”

“That’s so sad,” I tell him, not knowing what else to say, “are you mad at me?” I ask.

“What?,” he says, “no, what gave you that idea?”

“I don’t know,” I claim, “I just thought,,, I did something wrong.”

“No, you were the great,” he tells me, “remember, man to man stays between us,” he says with steel in his voice.

“I know,” I say, “I can keep secrets very good, I’ve had to keep secrets all my life.”

Her room is all frilly and pink, there is a canopy bed and stuffed animals all over the place. The dresser is covered with bottles and all sorts of girl stuff. He closes the door and opens the dresser looking in one of the drawers, he takes out a pair of panties.

“Here put these on,” he says as he hands me a pink pair of butterfly panties. I just look at them and get a pit in my stomach. I hold them up and stare at them. Holding them by one finger, I wonder if I can even fit into them.

“I’ve never worn this kind of underwear before,” I inform him, “they won’t even fit me, can’t I just go without underwear?” I plead, hoping he won’t make me.

“Well I think they will fit,” he claims, “you have to at less try.” I just stand there trying not to cry and turning the panties this way and that way. Maybe if I look confused, like I don’t know which way they go, he will just forget this ridiculous idea.

“Oh for Peats sake,” he says, “here let me show you,” and grabs the panties out of my hand and pushes my nightgown up over my head and tells me,”lift your foot,” and proceeds to put them on me. I freeze and don’t make a move as he dresses me.

“Stay still,” he orders me, and steps back as I stand there with the nightgown above my head. “There now that was not that bad,” he says as he lowers my nightgown. “Time for bed,” he says as he starts to leave the room.

I turn to get into bed and I feel hands on me and I’m soon in my special place again. I’m standing on the beach as usual, but this time I’m in a two piece bikini. I look down and am horrified to find that I’m no longer a boy. I look at the ship on the horizon and it seems even farther away. I start to walk out on the waves, but I am soon running.

“JACK?” I hear my name being called.

I’m back in her room and just standing there when I see Donna standing in front of me asking me questions.

“What?” I ask, “I didn’t hear you.”

“I said why are you just standing there, you need to get to bed.” I look around and see I’m standing all alone, where did Henry go? I wonder as I look all around. I turn around and get into her bed and Donna tucks me in and says in a whisper, “things will get better, you will see and don’t worry about the dress and girl stuff, it’s only temporary and I’ll never tell anyone,” she says and kisses me on the forehead.

I’m laying there looking at the ceiling wondering what BJ is doing, I remember his face, such a kind face. He treated me good and I thought he liked me, but why did he have to call the cops on me? Didn’t he realize that if I ever get sent home, I’ll be killed or worse? Is it too much to ask that adults listen to kids? I mean, I know I’m young and I don’t know everything, but no one believes me. I sometimes wonder if I’m to blame, maybe,,,,, I could have called the cops on my parents, but if they didn’t believe me or my parents told lies about me? Who would they believe a boy or an adult? The adults of course. Why did you have to betray me BJ? You promised me you would not turn me in unless I said so, and the first chance you get, you called the cops, like I’m the criminal.

Crying into my pillow to muffle the sound I hear or really feel someone in the room. I turn over really quick and see Tod standing there in the doorway. I look at him and he looks sad, “want to sleep here tonight?” I ask in a whisper. He slips in the room and stands by her bed until I pull the covers away and he crawls in and I cover both of us up and hug him to my chest. I cry into his back and I can feel him sobbing as well, this somehow conforms me and we just stay that way .

I’m drifting off to sleep,”Jack?, are you asleep?” I hear a small voice ask.

“No, I’m just laying here,” I say in a whisper.

“Can I ask you something?” He asks very quietly.

“Sure,” I tell him. It is quite and all hear is his breathing, shallow with in and out breaths. I’m almost asleep when he finally gets up the courage to ask his question.

“Did you come here to rescue me?,” he asks in a whisper, “I prayed like Momma taught me to.” He admits. I am shocked, but make no response. I am thinking over what this boy has said and decide to ask him a question.

“Why do you need rescue?” I ask him quietly whispering into the back of his neck.

“It’s a secret,” he informs me, “I’m not allowed to tell.”

“I’ll tell you my secret if you tell me yours,” I tell him while rubbing his shoulder.

“This is not really my home, I think I was kidnapped,” he informs me in a secret whisper only I can hear, “what’s your secret.” He asks just as quietly.

I have to take a minute to think of how much to say, “if this is not your home,” I ask him, “where is home?” I ask as I squeeze him just a little bit tighter. He thinks about this for a long time and just when I think he fell asleep, I feel him start to shake ever so slightly.

“He’s a man that I thought was a nice man, but he’s not,” he claims. “He said he had a puppy that needed my help, so I went with him to help the puppy,” he says, “but I never saw a puppy, he says he is going to get me one, but that was a long time ago,” he says and starts to play with my hand, “I’m from a long way away and just want to go home,” he says in a sad voice, “I don’t want a puppy anymore.”

“How long have you been here?” I ask him. He keeps playing with my fingers and just shakes his head.

“I miss my mommy,” he says and starts to cry.

“Shhhhh,,” I tell him and gently kiss him on his head, “we are going to get out of here soon,” I promise without knowing exactly how we are going to do that. As I think about all this I wonder if there is a GOD and if there is, why does he hate kids like us?

“I ran away from home and I think I might have really hurt my parents really bad,” I admit, “you are the only one who knows,” I tell him as I look at the top of his head.

He turns around just enough to see into my face, “we’re they bad, your parents ?” He asks me while staring with wife eyes.

“I don’t know,” I admit, “I used to think so, but I don’t know, they made me do things that I didn’t want to do and punished me if I didn’t do things.” I tell him. “I was bad, so maybe it was me and not them,” I say getting more confused over everything.

We are both silent for a while and Tod turns back around with his back to me and plays with my fingers again. “If your parents are bad, then I’m glad you hurt them,” he says and lays his head on my chest. I don’t know what to say to that so I stay quiet and listen to him breathing in and out. We stay that way long into the night.

I start to remember my dreams or memories, it’s sometimes hard to figure out which is which. I think about what he said and my mind drifts to BJ. I can’t understand why I keep thinking of him, he betrayed me, but I can’t seem to forget him. I wonder what he’s doing and where he is. Is he looking for me? I’m not sure how long into the night I lay there, but soon I fade away…….

I’m sitting in a school room, it’s familiar to me and I’m passing a note when the teacher sees me and call my name,, “#$&&$#@&,l” what is that you have there? I quickly hide it under my butt and look at her. “Well?” She demands.

“I don’t have nothing,” I say.

“Come up here right now young man,” she commands.

I start to get up and the note falls to the floor with a loud swoosh and a click as it hits the floor. I pretend not to notice and head to the front.

“Didn’t you forget something?” She asks me as she looks at the note on the floor. I bend down pretending that I never saw that note and picking it up I go to the front of the class.

I’m in a van and I’m scared, I don’t know how I got here. It is bumpy and makes a loud rattle as we bounce down the road. I’m crying and blubbering when a man from the front seat yells at me, “ SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE FAGGOT,” then he throws a lunch box at me and it hits me in the stomach, I’m laying on the floor with a woman over me who puts a rag in my mouth and everything goes black.

I’m covered in blood and looking at my hands, they are a deep red and I’m crying someone is on the floor, but I don’t know who.

I’m getting chased by the Green Lantern. He catches me and puts me in a cage and makes me get naked and then I’m tied to a table and aliens are doing experiments on me.

“AWWWWWWWW HELP,,,HELP,,,,” I scream out in my sleep…

I feel hands shaking me, “wake up Jack,” I hear a voice, soft and soothing.I open my eyes and try to get away.

“He’s coming to get me,” I proclaim loudly.

“Shhhhh,, it’s only a nightmare,” Donna soothes. My eyes shoot open and I start to jump up to run somewhere, but Donna holds me in place as she soothes me. “You’re safe,” she says. She’s looking me in the eye and asks, “do you want to tell me about it?”I look at her loving face and just shake my head.

“Well why don’t you get up and get dressed, breakfast will be ready soon, and get Tod up as well,” she says as she pats Tod on the head. “It looks like you two are getting along just fine,” she says with a wink.

I shake Tod who looks at me with sleepy eyes. “Is it morning yet?” He asks as he rubs his eyes.

“Yeah,”I say as I start to get up, “Donna was just here and says breakfast will be ready soon, come on, let’s get going.” He slowly gets up and we head to the bathroom to take care of the morning call, we head to the kitchen and on the way there I wonder what today is going to be like.

“Don’t tell on me,” Tod whispers to me as we head to the kitchen.

“I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine,” I tell him in his ear.

He giggles as he walks into the kitchen, “that tickles,” he says as he rubs his ear.

Donna and Henry are already at the table when we both sit down. “So I hear you two slept together last night,” Henry says with a weird look on his face. I just look at him and don’t say anything, because I don’t know what to say. “Well that is not to happen again, you have your room and Tod has his,” he says in a stern voice.

“What’s the big deal?” Donna asks him with her eyes raised.

“Because it’s not right Donna,” he says with irradiation in his voice, “Tod has his own room and,,,” he says pausing to get his thoughts together before going on,”it’s not right, she needs her own room,” he says and then realizing what he just said amends his statement, “l mean he has his room.” He looks at me and then continues, “I mean we are making a room for you, so you should be grateful, you should have your own room is all I wanted to say, “he stammers.

“Is that right?” Donna says with a confused look on her face.

“It’s ok, I say I don’t mind if Tod wants to come sleep with me sometimes,” I say hesitantly, “he just got scared last night is all,” I try to explain , “he misses his,,,” I stop mid sentence realizing that I almost spilled the beans, “misses his sister,” I say looking at Donna, who looks at me with surprise in her face.

“His,,,, sister,,,,?” He says with a strange look on his face, “right,,,,just don’t let it happen again,” he says with a quick look at Tod who looks down at his plate.

“Who wants pancakes and bacon?” Donna asks a little too loud.

“I’ll take a whole stack,” Henry says and lifts his plate in the air. The room is still as Donna serves us all breakfast.

“So Henry are you going to take Jack into town and get him some proper clothes,” Donna asks as she is pouring Henry some coffee.

“I thought I would, but then I remembered that I threw out the rages he was wearing and all he has is the girls clothes,” he says with a wave of his hand, “I wouldn’t want to introduce Jack to the village in a dress,” he says. He looks right at me and says, “do you want to go with me in a dress to town?” He waits for me to answer and I am not sure what the right answer is, so I just slowly shake my head. “I didn’t think so,” he states, “I’ll just go to town and buy him boy clothes, what sizes do you wear Jack?” He asks as he looks me up and down.

“I,,,, ummm, I don’t know,” I stammer, “my mom always just had lots of clothes for me to wear,” I state.

“He looks like a small size,” Donna says, “how old are you Jack?” She asks me as she too looks me up and down.

“I’m 9 years old,” I say as I look down at my night gown as if that would answer everything.

Just tell the Matt at the mercantile, that you need clothes for a 9 year old boy, I’m sure he will be able to figure it out,” Donna says, “and if he asks, just tell him we have my nephew visiting for the school year,” she adds as an after thought.

“I know dear,” he says with an irritated voice and an eye roll, “this is not my first rodeo.” I look back and forth between both Henry and Donna, trying to follow everything that is being said.

“Jack?” Henry snaps his fingers, “look at me when I talk to you,” he says sternly, “you will need to call me Uncle and call Donna Auntie,” he says. He looks at Donna for approval, she nods and he goes on, “if the townies discover you are a run away, they will arrest you and throw you in jail until your parents come to get you,” he threatens, “do you want to get arrested?” He asks. “There’s no reason to scare the boy,” Donna says as she looks at me and smiles, “I’m sure Jack doesn’t want anyone to get into trouble, do you Jack?” She asks with a smile on her face.

“No mam,” I say firmly, “I can call you guys Auntie and uncle,”I say as look at them both.

“Good,, now that we have that settled,” he says with a smile he turns to Donna, “since she,, or I mean since Jack only has dresses for now, please find some girls work around the house till I get back from town,” he says with a sly smile on his face.

“I’m sure I can keep him occupied till you return, my dear sweet husband,” she says as she clears the dishes from the table. “Tod, why don’t you go get dressed and start you chores and Jack, go put on a dress,” she says in an apologetic voice, “remember it’s only temporary for now.

I follow Tod to down the hall and see him disappear into his room and close the door and wonder what kind of house this is. I enter her room and close the door and head over to the closet, there is nothing but dresses, some short and some long, I open the dresser and only see undergarments, but no pants. I’m still looking over everything when Henry just walks in and looks me up and down while closing the door behind himself.

“You know,” he says with a smile on his face, “you do make a very pretty girl, I wouldn’t mind if you stayed a girl,” he admits, “it would save me some money on clothes and we can tell, everyone that your name is Jacklyn,” he tells me, “you can pass as a girl, no one would have to know,” he looks at me and raises his eyebrows.

“If you don’t mind,” I say in a small voice, “I want to be a boy and I wouldn’t know how to be a girl,” I quickly say, “I might mess up and make a mistake,” I claim as I look at my feet and waiting to see if I will get yelled at or hit. Nothing happens for what seems like a long time and I dare to peek up to see him looking at me with intense eyes, I quickly look back down to my feet.

He lifts my face to his and kisses me on the mouth, “you are a smart boy,” he says, “and you are right,” he admits, “if you made a mistake or if someone did notice, it would cause all sorts of problems,” he states,” if that happened, I would have to,,, ummm,” he stops and says very slowly, “fix the problem,” he threatens.

“I won’t make a mistake,” I insist, “I am really good at knowing my place,” I claim, as I secretly wonder how he would fix it, I sneak a look up and see kindness in his eyes and venture a small smile and wait shuffling my feet back and forth.

“I’m sure you do know your places,” he says satisfied, “now let’s see what we can find you to wear,” he says as he pulls the dresser drawer open all the way, “theses should do good,” he says as he holds a pair of stockings and a pair of pink and white panties with unicorns on them, he tosses them to me as he heads over to the closet and looks through the dresses till he finds a pink and white dress with a big bow and a red satin belt. “That will look Devine,” he says with a wide smile. I start to get undressed, but he stops me, “no, surprise me when I get back from town,” he says, “it’ll be better if I can see the finished product,” he says with lust in his eyes as he walks away, “one more thing,”he says right before he closes the door, “don’t tell your Auntie I picked out the clothes, it was all you dear,” he says and closes the door.

I stand there afraid to move, I’ve never dressed as a girl and I feel really weird about this and briefly wonder if I can make a break for it, just run away, but then I remember the promise I made Tod and besides, do I really want to run away as a girl? I decide to just get dressed and wait for my, “uncle”, to come back from town with some clothes. I head down the hall and see Auntie in the kitchen. “Hi” I say brightly.

She turns around and takes one look at me and grabs her heart, “oh dear, you about gave me a fright,” she admits, “you do look almost exactly like ,,” but then she trails off, “never mind,” she stays, ‘come here and let me get a good look at you.” I hesitantly walk over and stand in front of her for inspection. I look down and fidget as I wait for her to start to laugh at me.

“Please look at me,” she commands, “it’s considered rude if you don’t look at someone when they are talking to you.” I look up and see she is not laughing at me and I gain a little confidence. “Now,” she begins, “what can you do?” She asks, “can you wash dishes or dust, can you sew or perhaps you can cook?” She says hopeful.

“I can clean up the house and do the dishes, I don’t know how to sew, but I can learn,” i claim. I keep looking at her and tell her “I can draw and I can play the piano and sing songs,” I says with pride in my voice. I look at her not sure what to expect and wait.

“Well in that pretty dress, I can’t have you cleaning or washing dishes, it would ruin it, but there is a piano in the parlor, maybe you can sing me a song as I work, the radio broke ages ago,” she tells me, “and your uncle has never bothered to fix it,” she points the way to the parlor. “Follow me, “she commands me and I walk behind her out of the kitchen feeling really strange in a dress. ‘here you go,”she says as I sit down, my dress gets all bunched up and she says, “not like that Jack,” and commands me to stand up, “ like this,” and guides my hand to the back of my legs, “a lady always folds her dress under her,” she says, “I know you are a boy, but when you are in a dress, you will need to act like a girl or you might show more than you want to,” she says with a wink. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I do as she shows me.

I play and sing many songs through out the day till my uncle gets back, auntie praises my singing and playing abilities. As soon as I hear the old car drive up I race out to greet him and run up to him all excited. “Did you get my clothes,” I ask jumping up and down, “I can’t wait to put on some real clothes” I say as I look in the back seat, but the back seat is empty, “are they clothes in the trunk?” I ask as I walk to the back of the car.

“Jacklyn,” he says, “,,umm I mean, Jack,” they were out of your size clothes,” he claims, “I had to order them special,” he says in a proud voice, “they will be here next week and they cost a fortune,” he claims. My face drops and I just look at him intently. “Hey, don’t be like that,” he says cheerily, “it’ll be a game, and it’ll save you from having to work out in the mud and dirt,” he claims. “Im sorry, but there’s nothing I can do,” he claims, “so did you help your auntie today?” he says changing the subject.

“Yes,” I say, perking up a little, “I sang for her while she did her housework,” I admit. It really was a pretty easy day, I think as I follow my uncle in to the house. Tod comes running up and leaps into his dads arms and wraps his little legs around him and starts telling him all about a frog he found in the creek out back, I feel sad because I would have liked to go play outside with him today, but I couldn’t get her dress dirty. I wonder why they only have pretty dresses, where are her every day clothes?

Tod looks over at me and gets a strange look in his eyes and then whispers to his dad, “who is that dada?” He asks while hiding his face in his chest.

“That’s Jack,”he says, “but I think when he is in a dress, we should call him Jacklyn,”he says with a wink to the boy, “what do you think partner?” He asks while ruffling the boys hair.

He giggles and says,” ok dada,” and looks over to me and says, “Hi Jacklyn,” and waves at me. I am stunned and just stand there unable to move. I look down and see the dress with the white stockings and realize that I really do look like a girl in this dress, only thing missing is the long hair.

That night after dinner, I sing for everyone while I play Bridge over Troubled waters and we all have a good time because I really love to sing love songs. Tod dances around the living room and my auntie and uncle dance as I watch out if the corner of my eye. I feel like maybe I might actually be a part of a real family and I smile to myself as I sing “Red River Valley. We spend the entire evening singing and dancing and way too soon, it seems, it’s time for bed.

“Time for bed, Tod you go run and get ready for bed,” Henry tells him, “and “Jacklyn,” you need to get ready for bed too and remember, you two are not allowed to sleep in the same bed as Tod,” he reminds us, “boys and girls should never sleep together unless they are married.”

I almost say that I’m not a girl, but one look at uncle Henry tells me that would be a big mistake, so I open my mouth and just close it and head to her room, or I guess I have to start think that it’s my room now. I try to close the door, but uncle Henry puts his hand on the door and steps in, closing the door after he enters. “You look very beautiful,” he says as he spins me around to get a good look at me, “I can’t wait to get you out of that dress and into your night gown,” he admits.

I know what’s coming next and I go away to my special place and see the ship, it is a lot closer this time and I know I can walk just a few steps and I’ll be there, but as soon as I feel the sea breeze in my hair and the sand on my feet, I hear a distance cry from somewhere off the coast. I look and see a tiny island I never saw before, when did that show up, I wonder. I strain to see what it can be. There are palm trees and a small figure waving at me, I can make out the voice and it yells “come play with me,” I turn and stare at the ship and the island and am torn between them. I start going to the island and suddenly the tiny island is on fire and the boy on that island is screaming in terror and I know it’s a boy now because I recognize that voice, it’s Tod. I have only just met Tod, but I feel like I have known him all my life. I try to scream at him that all he has to do is walk to me, but he just screams and runs around in circles. I have to get to him and start to run across the waves, but I have to stop short, sharks are infesting the ocean and I can’t get to him. I’m panicking and looking everywhere for some way to get to him. He sees me and starts to walk my way intending to walk across the waves right through the sharks.

“NO!” I yell at him, but he doesn’t listen and as he walks into the waves I see a great white shark swim right for him, I look around and suddenly I’m holding a spear and I throw it as hard as I can intending to kill the shark, but just as spear is going to hit the shark, it dives and the spear sails over and hits Tod right in the chest, he just looks at me with such admiration that my heart breaks as he falls down to the beach and Looks at me questioning. I start to run to him and I hear a familiar voice behind me and see that same figure telling me not to go.

I am suddenly back in her room and uncle Henry is getting dressed and telling me that I’m a good girl and to get some sleep, I look around to see a lantern and I feel my hand reaching for it, thinking if I hit him in the head, would it kill him, but I only turn it down to low and get up and put my night gown on, uncle Henry leans over and kisses me on the lips and says, “good night sweet heart .” He walks away and turns at the last minute and asks me, “if you want Tod to be able to sleep with you, all you have to do is ask,” he says, “I will be happy to supervise the two of you,” he says with a wink as he closes the door softly. I wonder what it means to be supervised by him, I have an idea and I don’t like that idea, I feel like I have to protect him. I have to Fiona way to get Tod off that island.

I get a many chances to talk to Tod alone and he’s afraid and does everything he’s told to do. A few times he didn’t do what he was told and was locked in the shed for hours.

“Has Tod ever touched you?” I ask him one afternoon.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“I mean down there,” I say pointing to his groin.

“No,” he claims, “but before you came I had to wear dresses once in a while,” he tells me with a down cast face. “He said when I got big enough I could wear them all the time,” he admits, “but now I guess you get to wear them, he’s never going to bring you the boy clothes, you know?” He tells me, “he wants a girl,” he says in a whisper.

I have to decide if I should just get used to this house or leave. I look at Tod and wonder if I can take him with me, so far I’ve kept uncle Henry away from him by offering to do even more than I had ever done before, but how long will that last?