Heat - 7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The casserole is even less edible than I thought. It turns out five minutes in the microwave does nuke out the fridge taste. It also nukes out any other taste and magically turns what was once food-ish into something vaguely resembling a brick in both shape and color. Guess it’s salad and chocolate chip waffles for dinner. Asher comes back down the stairs wearing a t-shirt that is usually too big on me and on him looks like a loose circus tent tossed over an electric pole. I am relieved to see it covers the more… distracting bits quite nicely. “Not much to eat around here, I’m sorry to say. And I’m pretty sure I just ruined what I had left.” I gesture pathetically to the once-casserole.

“That’s fine. I wasn’t super hungry anyway. So… uh… I guess we should start talking about the… the thing…” His speech is stilted and he won’t meet my eyes. It’s clear he doesn’t know what to say.

“Yeah. The thing. What’s the deal with that?” I move over to the living room since it’s clear we aren’t going to be eating any time soon. I sit on the couch and gesture to him to sit as well.

He perches on the edge of the couch like a skittish bird and I am struck again by how obvious his emotions are, as if they are just inches below his skin waiting to surface at any time. “Ok. So. It’s kinda a long story and it is… pretty complicated.”

“That’s fine. My mom used to read me fantasy novels when I was little. I can handle an exposition dump or two.” I smile awkwardly to show him I’m just joking.

He smiles back but I can tell he is still nervous. “I just… I’m not super sure where to start so I guess I’ll just start with what you already know. I moved here a few weeks ago from a secluded compound in Iowa. The reason I came here is because this is where my mom grew up. I know this because I found her journal, which I would show you except that the first time I read it I freaked out and burned it to nothing. Which, yeah, is a thing I do sometimes.”

“I did notice that about you.” I gesture to the mark still present on my neck. “So, uh, what’s the deal with that?”

He grimaces when I point at my neck and then says “I don’t really super know if I’m honest. I think I am half fire or something? I saw a birthing ceremony once a few years ago but I have never seen one of the… other ceremonies. The ones where the women are actually blessed with us. Or, not blessed exactly but like. Impregnated? They didn’t tell us much.” he shrugs.

“Us? So there are more people like you?” I don’t know for sure why I’m surprised about that. It just seems like there is really only one Asher.

“Oh yeah. There are five of us at any given time, existing as bridges between the Druids and the five aspects of nature. That’s what they are called, the Druids.” He says this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Forgive me if this is a lot to take in. Are you saying you are some sort of elemental being?” If my eyes could open any wider they might just roll right out of my head.

“Well, no. Not exactly. I’m the child of an elemental being and a human. Like, half and half. I’m sort of like a conduit to pure elemental power.”

“What kind of conduit? Can you control all fire or something?” I’m struggling to comprehend even basic concepts right now.

“No. I can’t even control myself, as you have seen. Whatever they did to make me is an imperfect system and creates something very unstable. I can shift into wild flame at any time and strong emotion can cause me to lose control entirely. It’s why they kept us locked up. I’m incredibly dangerous. And that’s not even including what would happen if the secret got out about what I can do.”

“What kind of strong emotion? Is there something I should be worried about?”

He suddenly seems to be looking anywhere in the room except at me. “Oh, you know. Anger, fear, uh… other stuff.”

I narrow my eyes. “Are you saying you were somehow scared of me that day last week? And before then, on the track?” If Asher were anyone else my first assumption would be that I pissed him off. Trouble is, I couldn’t imagine this lost puppy of a boy ever being mad at anyone.

He looks shocked that I would even ask. “Of course not! You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.”

“I’m sorry, what was that? Are you saying I’m not intimidating?” I glare at him.

“No, wait, I didn’t mean… I mean… I’m made of fire. What are you gonna do, stab me?”

I can’t help but laugh at that. “I suppose you’ve got me there. I might just have to start carrying around a water gun for personal security.”

“I’m far too hot for water to hurt me either.”

“Yeah, you’re pretty fucking hot.” I say, and then cover my mouth. Didn’t mean for that one to be out loud.

He either doesn’t catch my outburst, or chooses to ignore it. His face is pensive as he says “Yeah, I know. I’ve thought a lot about how killing me might work. My best guess is you would have to stick me somewhere with no air. Even if I went full flame under water, I would automatically change back to a person. I guess I could still drown after that though, I’m not sure.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve tried a couple ways and that’s the one that got me closest.”

Oh. Well shit. What do you say to that? “Uh… Shit. That sucks.” God I’m fucking dumb. I’m the dumbest boy in the whole world. Jesus.

“Yeah… sorry. I don’t know why I told you that. Guess I figured I knew all your stuff I might as well tell you some of mine.” He shrugs, sheepishly.

I’m silent for a few moments too long, unsure of how to respond. “I… ok, yeah. Thank you for trusting me I guess. Do you still feel that way?”

“Sometimes. A lot less since I’ve been here. It’s hard growing up with the knowledge that not only are you different from everyone else, but you also objectively should not exist. I’m a straight-up crime against nature. But when I’m here, going to school and thinking about stuff like trying out for the track team and getting good grades instead of… the kind of stuff I used to have to think about… it makes me feel almost normal. Almost like me being alive isn’t so bad. It still obviously is, but the pretending lets me forget that for a little bit. More importantly, I can’t die until I find out who my family is. That’s why I started this whole journey in the first place.”

It’s the most words I’ve ever heard him say all in a row and I can barely look at him as he says them because his entire expression is so heartbreakingly matter of fact. It’s plain to see he believes that his very existence is wrong, that somehow he shouldn’t be allowed to be simply because of the life he was born into. I take a deep breath and say “I’m gonna hug you ok? Try not to hurt me.” and I lean in and wrap my arms around him. He starts to warm up immediately then he takes a deep, slow breath and I feel his skin cool to it’s normal slightly too warm. After a short time he leans into me and rests his head on top of mine and we sit like that for a few moments, quiet in our shared secrets.