Heat - 21. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I find Asher and Marcus playing, of all things, Dance Dance Revolution in the arcade. Asher is bad. Like, really bad. His dancing is like his running was when we first met but somehow even more violent and unpredictable. He keeps flinging his hands around for some reason even though it is very much a foot based game. The song ends and Marcus, ever the gentleman, wins with dignity. “Next time, man” he says with only the slightest hint of irony in there.

“Right” huffs Asher “Next time.”

“Glad to see you two are getting along.”

Marcus claps Asher on the back. “Yep. Best buds already, eh Ash?”

Asher, no longer quite so out of breath, nods and smiles up at him.

“Senna sent me over here to pick you guys up. She says, and I quote, we paid for an hour and a half of bowling and I’ll be goddamned if we aren’t going to bowl for at least an hour of that.” I do my best imitation of Senna’s voice. It sounds like I’m choking on a marshmallow. Marcus laughs though. Good man.

The two of them trail after me back to our lane where we find Chris and Ryan have purchased a truly ungodly amount of snacks including a huge plate of nachos that made liberal (criminal?) use of the open topping bar - definitely a Chris inclusion.

I nod a hello to Ryan who gives me an encouraging smile. That smile says we both know there’s a conversation that still needs to happen here, but for tonight it’s ok to be ok. I nod my thanks and another weight lifts off my shoulders… slightly.

Asher peers at the nachos suspiciously then leans in to whisper to me “Is that supposed to be food?”

I nod. “Don’t knock it till you try it. Chris knows his stoner food.” I take a big scoop and hold it out to him. He takes a tentative bite.

“Oh my gosh. That is… wow. I didn’t know I wanted buffalo sauce on taco meat until right now.”

Chris smiles sagely. “The power of the old el paso/buffalo/ranch combination should never be underestimated.”

“They don’t have old el paso seasoning here Chris.” I say, taking a bite. Asher’s right, shit’s good.

“I know. I brought it from home.” There’s a moment of silence as we all take this revelation in. I open my mouth to say something and then change my mind and close it again.

Finally, Marcus slaps him on the back. “Never change buddy, never change.”

Finally we get to the actual bowling part of the bowling outing. I’m pretty good at bowling so I take an early lead. That’s probably why they asked me to come to this in the first place. Figured I couldn’t skip out on a chance to beat them again. They were right. It’s fun every time.

Asher does pretty well too, even managing to tie with Chris for third place just squeaking out Senna and handily beating Marcus with the rest of us. It’s obvious this is his first time but once he gets the hang of it most of the balls stay out of the gutter. More than once I’m tempted to jump up and help him with his form but I don’t want to be that couple, you know?

I do give his leg a squeeze under the table every time he sits down though, just to let him know he’s doing well. If not at bowling then certainly with my friends. It amazes me how quickly he finds his place with them, how quickly they accept him. I guess it was the same way with me too really. He’s hard not to love.

We end up having so much fun that we buy another half hour to finish our second game. After that we all head to the arcade to see if anyone else can beat Marcus at DDR (we can’t). By the time we collectively decide to wrap up for the night it’s nearly ten thirty.

“Wow it’s really coming down out there.” Ryan says, peering through the glass doors of the bowling alley. I look out as well and confirm that it is, indeed, really coming down out there - one of those big storms that come on suddenly on warm spring evenings like this one.

In light of the rain, I offer a ride home to anyone who wants it but Chris and Senna had already planned to take Marcus home in Chris’ mom’s minivan and Ryan has his own car. Ryan, Asher, and I wave as the three of them take off running across the parking lot to duck into the van, no doubt soaking the long-suffering beaded seat covers.

“Hey, uh, I need to pee. Back in a sec, ok?” Asher says his eyes flicking between Ryan and I. Those eyes and his hand in mine together say “Now or never. Don’t fuck it up.” I nod my ascent and then he lets go, disappearing back into the riot of flashing lights, ancient aughts pop music, and spilled beer smell that is a small town bowling alley.

Ryan and I stand awkwardly for a moment and then we both try and speak at the same time.

“I just wanted to say -” I say.

“You don’t have to -” He says.

We stop, then laugh a little. A couple pushing a stroller approach the doors and we have to squeeze to either side of the narrow entryway to let them pass. “Maybe we should take this outside. It’s a little crowded in here.” He says and I agree.

Outside the rain pounds into the little awning sticking out from the front of the Big Bowl like it’s trying to split the neglected, sun-bleached thing right open. For the first time I realize the sky is that kind of green that makes anyone from these parts a little more than a little nervous. I look up at it. “Hope they make it home ok. Looks like we might be hearing sirens before the night ends.”

“We just might” he agrees in that way locals always do when you acknowledge the sky’s potential to reach down and pluck us up off the ground, flinging the whole town into the next county like it’s nothing.

We watch the rain for a long while, the wind whipping our light jackets and drops occasionally stinging our skin when it’s pushed far enough past the relative safety of our awning to actually hit us. Finally I work up the courage to start. Well, sorta start. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“I can think of a few things I wouldn’t mind hearing from you, Kenan.” He gives me that look that makes me feel see-through, paper thin, like he knows everything there is to know about me and he still can’t quite figure me out. That look that used to piss me off like no other.

“Well, if you know what you want to hear you might as well just tell me so we can get this over with.” I snap. Ok, so maybe not quite “used to.”

He holds his hands up, too-thin fingers spread in a gesture of surrender. “Hey, listen, you came to me. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I… know. I’m sorry.” My shoulders slouch.

“Well there you go. There’s one of the things already, you’re off to a great start.” He gives me a winning smile, a dancer’s smile.

“It’s just… this is hard for me. Please don’t make it harder.”

He drops the smile. “Oh. This is hard for you? Hard how?” I open my mouth to reply but he cuts me off. “Hard like losing your best friend? Hard like having them cut contact entirely with no explanation because they are too busy feeling fucking sorry for themself about what they did to give a shit about how anyone else feels? Hard like knowing that same friend is too much of a coward to fucking apologize for what he did to you even though he obviously knows that it was wrong but not being able to drop his ass like he deserves because you still love him despite yourself? Fuck your hard, Kenan, and fuck you too. It’s not all about you.” He’s shouting, angry tears cutting ribbons down his cheeks.

“I… I’m sorry… I didn’t know you felt that way.” I reach out and grab his arms, try and meet his gaze for the first time in months.

“Of course you fucking didn’t. You didn’t ask.” He looks away from my eyes, yanks his arms out of my hands.

He’s right. I didn’t. God. How could I be so clueless. Lighting flashes just above us and thunder cracks the air at almost the same instant. I’ve heard big storms on the coasts have eyes, middle bits where things get calm for just a little while. Not around here. Around here the storm just keeps getting worse until it ends, just like that. So… why is it suddenly so quiet?

“Ryan…” I say, and he notices it too. The rain has stopped. There’s a moment of complete, eerie silence. The air is tinged a sick, pale green. Then, ringing out across the parking lot, an unfamiliar voice.

“Well… if it isn’t my little brother’s partner in sodom. I thought you’d be taller.”