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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

School Daze - 1. Chapter 1

And so it begins...

Chapter 1 School Daze

Ten… eleven…. twelve… thir- four- fif- six-… Wait! Twenty… twenty-tw- twenty-ni- …oh forget it.

Ryan sighed to himself and chuckled quietly. He had been looking out of the window, trying to count the passing trees as he and his parents drove along the road, but at the speed they were traveling he could not keep up. Now he had to think of something else to distract himself… something to help keep his mind off the nervousness he was feeling as they got nearer and nearer to what would be his new home for a few years; Northwestern University. He had already gone over the information packet from beginning to end, and then back again so he felt confident he was ready to embark on a new chapter of his life.

They were making an hour and a half drive from Champaign to Chicago. Ryan’s parents sat up front while he sat in the back, surrounded by luggage and boxes. Ryan could not deny it; he was excited. At the same time, though, he was nervous. He didn’t know what to expect as a new college student. His life would change dramatically as soon as he stepped foot on the university grounds.

“Honey, get over to the right or you’ll miss the exit,” Ryan heard the voice of his mother, Barbara, say. Ryan sat up a little to see over the front seat, tossing his head slightly to remove his bangs from his eyes in order to peer over his mother’s shoulder at the road ahead, reading the upcoming green sign.

Northwestern University EXIT ½ MILE

“Okay, sweetheart,” Robert, Ryan’s father, answered, his eyes still on the road. Soon, they exited the highway, onto the streets of Chicago. Ryan’s heart sped up as he gripped the front seat tighter with anticipation. Barbara’s head quickly turned to her son.

“Oh, Ryan dear, sit back and put your seatbelt on,” She reprimanded her 18-year-old son. Ryan sighed once again, leaned back in his seat, and did so. “Thank you, sweet pea.”

It was about another ten-minute drive, before Ryan could see the campus coming into view. Out of excitement, he tried to lean forward, but the seatbelt caught him in the chest, causing him to choke. He sat back and coughed a little.

“Oh, dear, are you all right?” Barbara asked with concern as she turned around. Ryan just nodded, rubbing his chest a little.

“Barbara, stop babying the boy... er… man,” Robert said. “He’s about to go to college for goodness sake.”

“I know, I know, but a mother still worries about her little boy.”

“I’m not a little boy anymore, mom.” Ryan pointed out. Barbara squinted her eyes at him.

“Yes you are.” She stated finitely and paused. Ryan’s eyes shot up to the rearview mirror and saw his father roll his eyes. Then, Ryan looked back at his mother and she leaned closer and spotted something below Ryan’s bottom lip. “Oh, come here, you got something-” She quickly licked her thumb and reached for his chin.

“Mom!” Ryan shrieked and tried to back as far into the seat as he could, holding his hands up in defense.

“Just let me…”

“Barbara, darling, please turn around.” Robert begged as he turned into the Northwestern University’s parking lot in front of the Administration building. Barbara did so with a pout as the car pulled into a parking space. Ryan quickly unbuckled his seatbelt, and hopped out. He stood there for a moment in awe. Students were littered everywhere all over the lot and lawn. Robert cut the engine, walked around back to open the trunk, and started pulling out more boxes. Ryan grabbed his luggage from the back seat. Robert left for a moment and returned with a roll away cart. Once everything was unloaded and placed on the cart, they all stood around the car.

“Oh, Ryan,” Barbara groaned as she looked around skeptically. “Are you sure you don’t want to come back home with mother? It’s okay if you want to wait a year or two… or three.”

“For the last time, dear, he’s a grown man.” Robert stated and Ryan chuckled.

“I’m sure mom,” Ryan smiled.

“Okay,” Barbara said and unzipped her purse. “Here’s a debit card…” She hands it to Ryan. “…and a credit card if the debit card doesn’t work… and some emergency phone numbers…”

Ryan looked at the slip of paper, and scrunched his eyes brows. “Um, mom, why is 911 on here?” He asked confusedly.

“Just in case you forget,” Barbara responded. Robert took hold of Barbara’s arm.

“Sweetheart, he’s not going to forget that number,” He said carefully, not wanting to upset his wife.

“Well, you can never be too sure,” Barbara countered. Robert just shook his head and went to stand by Ryan, and Barbara continued to sift through her purse.

“Whatever she says, just go with it,” He whispered. “You know how your mother gets so emotional.” He snickered and Ryan laughed as they watched Barbara.

“Oh, my baby boy…” Ryan mocked quietly in falsetto causing the two men to share a laugh. Barbara looked up at them and squinted.

“What are you two whispering about?” She asked accusingly, stepping forward. “Are you two making fun of me?”

“No, of course not,” Ryan shook his head fringing innocence.

Barbara pouted, “Just because my baby’s growing up, doesn’t mean I can’t worry,” She said, and stepped closer to Ryan. “As a matter a fact, it gives me more reason to worry,” She says as she adjusts the collar of his shirt. “Going out into the world and all…”

“Mom, try not to worry too much,” Ryan said and pulled Barbara into a hug and she held him tightly. Barbara then sighs, rubs his back, and releases him. Robert gives Ryan a hardy pat on the back.

“I’m proud of you son,” He says admiringly.

“Thanks, dad,” Ryan said appreciatively.

“Are you ready to check out you new ‘home away from home’?” Robert nodded over his shoulder to the buildings on the left.

“As ready as I’m gonna be.” Ryan smiled as he led the way. They had a short walk through the campus grounds and Robert was impressed with the manicured lawns and how neat everything appeared.

*~*

“Ahhh...here we are.” Ryan sighed, standing in front of the tan brick building. They made their way down the hall through the throng of excited students and their parents passing the main lounge and TV room. Barbara took in all the sites making sure it was to her liking, after all her baby was going to be living here. She nodded her approval as theypassed the kitchenette and notice it was clean and neat. They found the room numbered 212 on the “B” hall, Ryan’s home for the next 12 months.

Upon stepping inside Ryan gave his approval with a smile, the room was much larger then he had imagined. The lay out was perfect, two desks with chairs, that had built in bookshelves and task light. On each side of the room were twin beds. Each student had their own closet and clothes storage units with drawers and a floor lamp.

“Nice.” Barbara smiled nodding to Robert who agreed.

“It is.” He said walking over to his wife placing his hand on her shoulder.

Ryan shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans and smiled. “Home sweet home.”

“Hey, looks like your roommate has picked his spot.” Robert pointed to the bed closest to the window noticing the large trunk at the foot of it, and the boxes on top.

“Yeah, I wonder what he’s like; I mean if he’s nice.” Barbara wondered aloud.

“I’m sure Ryan will be fine.” Robert said in an assuring tone. “Anyway, we better get going, give Ryan time to unpack and get familiar with the place.” He said placing his hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll walk you guys out.”

Back at the car Ryan gave his mom a big hug. He could feel her warm tears against his shoulder as he whispered in her ear, “Don’t cry mom, I’ll be fine,” before kissing her tear stain cheek.

“I know son,” she managed to say without breaking down; “I’m just going to miss you that’s all.” She used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears, and gave Ryan one final squeeze before Robert opened the door for her. Once inside she blew Ryan a kiss and covered her eyes with her hands to hide her tears.

“She’ll be okay son.” Robert assured Ryan who had a worried look on his face. Robert walked up placing his hands on his son’s shoulders looking him in the eyes. He asked, “You remember the talk we had right?”

Ryan nodded, “Yes sir.”

“Okay…I want you to know I consider you a man now, and I’m so…so proud of you.” Robert said locking eyes with his son. “College life is going to be a lot of work, but the reward will be great, and along with that comes new beginnings, new friends…adventures and first time experiences.”

“Dad!?” Ryan started to protest.

“I know…I know we’ve had this talk before son, but I just want you to be safe, promise?”

Ryan nodded quickly, he knew this was his father’s version of the “birds and bees,” talk. “I promise.” Ryan pulled his father into a hug. “Thank you, dad, for always believing in me.”

Robert tussled Ryan’s hair and gave him a wink before getting into the car. Ryan stood back watching his parents drive away. He sighed heavily, watching until he could no longer see them.

*~*

Once they were out of sight Ryan turned around and for some reason the campus looked larger now that he was alone. He decided to take in some of the sights,familiarize himself with the lay out taking the long way on purpose, drinking everything in. The air around him felt different, fresher, the grass greener and the ski above more beautiful, it felt like freedom, and with every step Ryan grew more excited.

“Go long!” He heard a voice off in the distance before something hard hit him knocking him to the ground. He covered his head as a pair of long legs tripped over his body in an effort not to fall.

“Got it!” a voice called out with excitement. “Shit man,” he gasped looking down, “I’m sorry… are you okay?” He asked with worry in his voice.

Ryan was more stunned than hurt when he uncovered his face looking up into a dazzling pair of blue eyes.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m okay.” Ryan said a bit dazed still laying flat on his back. The tall handsome man clutched the football under his left arm and extended his right hand to help Ryan off the ground. Ryan took hold of his hand and with his aid hosted himself off the ground. Standing up still a bit shaken Ryan dusted the back of his jeans.

“You sure you’re okay?” He questioned once more raising an eyebrow curiously before turning his attention to the guys off in the distance yelling at him to throw the ball… “I’m coming…” He yelled taking a step back before throwing the football into the air and running off in their direction.

Ryan stood in awe everything happened so fast, he laughed giving himself a once over before heading back to the dorm.

*~*

Ryan finished his walk and made his way back to the dorms. As Ryan approached his room he noticed the door was ajar and the Black Eye Peas ‘I Got a Feeling,’ along with someone singing off key could be heard in the hall. A huge smile spread across his face as he peeked in and notice the back of a tall, lean guy with slightly long black curly hair dancing to the music while wrestling with a poster he’s trying to put on the wall.

Ryan watched the young man struggle with the poster that kept rolling up on the corners and laughed to himself being entertained as he cursed at it. “Hey let me help you.” Ryan walked in reaching over the young man’s shoulder causing him to jump.

“SHIT…FUCK…UGHHHH... The brunette lost his balance falling backward into Ryan’s chest dropping the push pins he was gripping between his teeth and releasing the poster causing it to roll back up completely. He looked over his shoulder at Ryan whose face registered shock, “Damn man, you scared the shit out of me.” He chuckled placing his hand over his heart as he tried to catch his breath.

“I...I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” Ryan said apologetically.

“Startle... hell, how about giving me a heart attack.” He laughed eyeing Ryan with a smile, “Hey, you must be my roomie.” He extended his hand to greet Ryan, “I’m Brye Masterson.” Brye stood about six feet, medium build, deep blue eyes and black thick curly hair that framed his face perfectly.

“Ryan Smith, it’s nice to meet you, oh and again I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Ah, no worries,” He glanced down at the poster, “You could help me hang up my babe though.” He snickered, picking up the poster of Rihanna, “She’s hot…you think?” Ryan nodded in agreement, as he held the poster in place against the wall while Brye pushed the pins in the top smoothing it out at the bottom before securing it.

“There.” He and Ryan stood back with their arms crossed over their chest admiring their work. “Is it straight?”

“Perfect.” Ryan nodded. Brye walked over to his bed plopping down.

“Hey I hope this is cool.” He said patting the bed.

“What?” Ryan asked as he unzipped his suitcase.

“Me getting the bed by the window, I figured if you have a problem with it we can switch, I get half the year, and you get half…cool?”

“I’m good; you can have the window the whole time.” Ryan suggested with a shrug of the shoulder as he placed folded undershirts and underwear in the top draw.

“So roomie, tell me a little bit about yourself, you know, where you’re from, what you like to do for fun, got a girlfriend or a boyfriend?” Brye winked with a smirk on his face catching Ryan off guard.

“Boyfriend?” Ryan drew his brows together in confusion.

“Or girlfriend…whatever.” Brye replied nonchalantly leaning his back against the window crossing one leg over the other.

“Wow… well let’s see.” Ryan cleared his throat and sat down on the bed facing Brye wondering how he could have known he was gay, was Brye gay too? “Um… I’m from Champaign, which is not too far from here. I don’t do anything really.” Ryan sighed. “Champaign is a really small town compared to this. I like to read and I want to major in Journalism.” He shrugged his shoulders. “What about you?” He asked pressing his lips together.

“Ahhh…you left one question unanswered.” Brye smirked.

“Oh, do I have a girlfriend-“

“Or boyfriend.” Brye interjected.

Ryan eyed his roommate carefully before asking the next question. “Why would you think I had a boyfriend?”

“I don’t, I just wondered, I mean it’s no big deal, really I was not trying to offend you or anything, my bad.” He held his hands up in defense.

“I’m not offended.” Ryan reassured him, “quite the contrary, and to answer yourquestion I don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend.” Ryan stressed the word boyfriend and returned to unpacking. “So…” He asked looking over his shoulder as he refolded a pair of jeans, “Tell me about you.”

“Me, well I was destined to go here, my father is an alumnus, and my brother is a junior here this year, he’s on the football team, he’s a running back...He’s pretty good too.” Brye said proudly. “And for fun, I do it all.” He laughed. “Oh and I don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend either.” He smirked, “But I’m hoping that will change, hell I’ve never been laid…you, I mean don’t get me wrong I’ve had lots of sex, I would just like to try it with a partner.” He laughed causing Ryan to laugh along.

“Yeah me either.” Ryan admitted.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea; let’s make it our own mission statement.”

“What?”

“Okay,” Brye leaned in closer to Ryan like he was about to revile a big secret, “We’re going to strive to be the best students we can be, have as much fun as we can and get laid before winter break…Deal?” He held out his hand. Ryan bit his lower lip nervously wondering what he was getting himself into.

“What the hell, let’s do it.” Ryan agreed and they sealed it with a firm handshake. BAM! Without warning, the door to their dorm slammed open with force, startling both Ryan and Brye.

“Hellooo… Losers!” A voice called out.

Ryan looked up at the door as four men walked into their dorm. Each looking as if they had stepped out of a GQ magazine. One had a messy mop of ash blonde hair and playful pale eyes; he was carrying a big, brown paper bag. Another stood about 6’2” with a slight built, with red wavy hair and green eyes. The next had a very muscular build, chocolate brown skin, light hazel colored eyes, his hair shaved to a low fade and a deep dimple in his left cheek.

The last one, was the one Ryan had recognized from early; the guy that ran into him. Now that he could see him up close, he was more attractive than he remembered. His eyes seemed bluer, his skin flawless sporting a short cropped military cut, his body lean, yet defined with broad shoulders, the guy was amazing. Ryan felt nervous as he watched them make themselves comfortable, wondering if they had walked into the wrong room.

“Fuck you, Jaxson,” Brye laughed giving the one with the pale eyes the finger. The muscular black guy shook his head and squinted at Brye.

“Joel man, looks like I’m going to have to teach your little brother a lesson in respecting his elders.” He laughed.

“Nah, Tank, go easy on him, it’s his first day.” Joel said as he gave his little brother a wink before sitting down at the desk on Ryan’s side of the room.

“Yeah Melvin give me a break.” Brye teased, saying Melvin's name in a flirty tone. Ryan tried to suppress the smile trying to form on his lips, here this huge intimidating looking guy was named Melvin, no wonder they call him “Tank” it seemed to be more appropriate.

“See that’s the kind of shit I’m talking about right there.” Tank said glaring at Brye.

“Cool it Hot-shot,” Joel nodded to his brother, as he pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket reviewing a text he had just received, reading it with a smile. “Ahhh, I knew he would accept my offer.” Joel nodded with a sexy grin as he started to text a reply.

“Yeah, he’s such a punk.” Jaxson teased as he sat the brown paper bag down on Brye’s bed before taking a set.

“Hey.” Joel peeked over his phone with one brow raised. “He can’t resist the Masterson charm.” He defended jokingly.

“Yeah right.” Jaxson laughed as he pulled the twelve-pack of Budweiser from the bag. Ryan sat in awe at the scene playing out before him. “Hey want a beer,” he pulled a cold brew from the box.

“No thanks.” Ryan declined shaking his head still a little shocked.

“You sure?” Jaxson asked still holding the can out to Ryan.

“I’ll take it.” Brye said reaching for the can.

“Cool.” Jaxson pulled out another one and tossed it to the one called Tank, who tapped the top of the can before pulling the tab.

“Emmett,” Jaxson nodded to the quiet one with the red hair resting against the wall with one leg propped behind him. He caught it in mid air.

“Thanks man.”

“Hey,” Joel said as he put his cell back in his jacket pocket, “Toss me one.” He nodded to Jaxson. “So Little bro how’s it going, you settling in okay…introduce us to your roommate.” Joel said leaning back in his chair.

Jaxson handed Ryan a beer “Pass that to Joel will you.”

“Um…sure.” Ryan smiled. “Here you go... I’m Ryan by the way.”

“Yeah that’s Ryan Smith.” Brye chimed in before taking a sip of his beer.

“Thanks,” Joel nodded, “Ryan eh…nice name…have we met?” Joel asked eyeing the handsome young man. He starred at him noticing how big and brown his eyes were and how when the light hit them just so he could see flex of green. Trying not to be too obvious Joel’s eyes inadvertently locked in on Ryan’s full lips watching as Ryan slowly ran his tongue over them, out of habit.

“Yeah, I’m the one-“

“Um…Emmett where is everyone meeting tonight?” Joel asked interrupting Ryan, diverting his attention away from the younger blond, he wasn’t sure, but he could have sworn he felt something different when their hands touched, but he just blew it off, he needed to.

Emmett was as tough as Tank, but as humorous as Jaxson, part of a fraternity like Joel and his friends, but he had the inside connections to a lot of underground college stuff which occasionally helped him and his friends.

“Well Brett over at Delta is throwing a private party tonight, its invitation only, we’re in if you wanna go.”

“We wanna go.” Brye interjected.

“Sorry no squirts allowed.” Emmett said with a genuine frown..

“Yeah, Joel man, once you finish with Jace, you should head over.” Tank added.

“Yeah, but don’t bring him…” Jaxson threw in “He’s way too uptight.”

“Nah…he’s cool, he’s just different.” Joel defended. “Anyway guys I’ll meet up with you later…duty calls…”

“You mean ‘Booty calls.” Tank chuckled into his hand.

“That too.” Joel smirked. “Hey Brye I’ll stop by later, oh and Ryan…is it?” Ryan nodded, “It was nice meeting you, don’t let that one.” He laughed pointing to his little brother, “Get you into trouble. "

“Wait up, we better head out too.” Tank said grabbing another beer.

“Yeah, we just wanted to stop by and welcome you to college life.” Jaxson laughed.

“So Ryan, see you around?” Emmett said holding out his hand to shake Ryan’s.

“Yeah,” Ryan answered shyly, “See you around.” He said running his fingers through his hair looking more at Joel when he made that statement. His longing stare may have gone unnoticed my Joel, but not Brye. The guys were heading out the door when Ryan called out,

“Hey guys…your beer.”

“We brought it for you… not that we are indorsing underage drinking, but we know you losers can’t get it on your own.” Jaxson laughed.

“Yeah, well bring rubbers next time.” Brye laughed jokingly.

Once the guys were gone, Ryan had this huge grin on his face. “So Joel is your brother?”

“Yeah,” Brye said grabbing another beer, “Here, they’re gone have a beer.” This time Ryan conceded.

“Sure….soooo Joel’s gay.”

“Yepp, Out and Proud…” Brye said taking a swig, “you don’t have a problem with him do you?” Brye asked already knowing the answer, he saw how Ryan was trying not to look at his brother.

“No, why would I?” Ryan questioned with a shrug of his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t” Brye laughed taking another sip.

“What do mean I shouldn’t?”

Brye motioned with his finger for Ryan to come closer. “I saw you looking at him, or trying not to look at him.” Brye whispered. “He gets that all the time.”

“Gets what?” Ryan asked opening his beer.

“My brother’s hot shit and you know it, and I know you’re gay.” He said with pride in his voice.

“So, you knew from just meeting me?” Ryan asked curiously.

“No, when I asked if you had a girlfriend or boyfriend I just ask everyone that, I guess having a brother that’s gay I’m just open minded. I don’t care either way."

“Hum…” Ryan sat back on his bed leaning his back against the wall.

“But once I saw how hard it was for you to look at Joel, I guessed it.”

“Wow, I better watch that.” Ryan laughed. “He didn’t seem interested in me anyway, it sounds like he has a boyfriend and I’m just a kid in his eyes.”

“Jace…no he’s not Joel’s boyfriend, they just hook up every now and then, I think.” He said rubbing his finger under his chin in thought.

“How do you know so much about his personal life?”

“Joel. Joel and I are tight…I love my brother, he’s cool.” Brye said with admiration.

“He seems cool; his friends seem okay with him being gay.”

“Why wouldn’t they be?”

“I don’t know, I guess,” Ryan paused, “when I came out, I lost a few friends. My mom had a hard time with it, but my dad was cool though.”

“Well my parents were totally cool; it was almost like they wanted to throw him a “coming out party.” Brye laughed. “My folks are very liberal, they were big into ‘self’, you know Woodstock, give peace a chance; that kind of shit, but I bring home a few D’s on my report card and all hell breaks loose, explain that.” Brye chuckled finishing off his beer, “Want another one.” Brye asked grabbing another for himself.

“Sure,” Ryan laughed, “but what do you say we scout the campus for something to eat first.” Ryan suggested. He was not much of a drinker and the one beer was giving him a slight buzz.

“Yeah that’s an idea; we can over to girls and co-ed dorms and check 'em out. Orientation is not till tomorrow, but we can get a jump on things, we have to get busy if we are going to get laid before winter break.” Brye laughed.

“Yeah.” Ryan agreed but not with as much enthusiasm as Brye.

“What, we can make it happen.” He said eyeing Ryan thoughtfully. “I’m sure Joel knows who’s who, we can feel him out…” Then Brye fell back on the bed with a hearty laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Ryan looked at Brye as if he had two heads.

Brye sat up laughing “Joel…”

“Joel…what about Joel?”

“Shit, don’t act like you’re not interested in my brother. He can be trusted, I say go for it.”

“What… nah.” Ryan waved his hand in the air dismissing the idea. Then he looked at Brye, “I can’t believe you would even suggest it….hump.”

“Why not, you’re looking to get laid, hell we both are, all we have to do it find a girl for me, not to mention Joel is the best one for the job I’ve known him all my life…I trust him.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Why do I have to be crazy?” He laughed. “I’m mean think about it…Do you, or don’t you find my brother attractive?”

“Yeah…yeah…He’s alright.”

“He’s more than alright and you know it…Hell,” Brye teased punching Ryan in the arm , “ if I was gay and he wasn’t my brother I’d go after him.”

“Owww…” Ryan laughed rubbing his arm. “Okay…okay he is better than alright, he’s pretty hot.” Ryan blushed.

“It’s settled. Now all we have to do is come up with a plan to get him into you.”

“Wait, what about you?”

”I don’t need any help, you’re the shy one here Smith.” Brye nudged Ryan’s shoulder knocking him off balance.

“Let’s get out of here you’re getting drunk.” Ryan teased.

“I’m not drunk yet, but I have a nice buzz and you my new best friend are becoming a kill joy.”

“Well someone’s gotta keep an eye on you…now let’s go.” Ryan laughed helping Brye to his feet.

“Look out world here we come and our hormones are raging out of control.” Brye snickered.

TBC….

Copyright © 2011 Naptowngirl; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
You are not currently following this author. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new stories they post.

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Chapter Comments

Hi Naptowngirl, I'm back. :boy:

 

Good gawd, mothers! Oops! You're a mom. Sorry. :P But you must admit, Barbara needs to chill a bit.

 

911 on the emerg numbers list - that was funny! :lol:

 

Great opening chapter, nice flow, good dialogue. I could get used to this. :D

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On 08/27/2011 09:03 AM, Conner said:
Hi Naptowngirl, I'm back. :boy:

 

Good gawd, mothers! Oops! You're a mom. Sorry. :P But you must admit, Barbara needs to chill a bit.

 

911 on the emerg numbers list - that was funny! :lol:

 

Great opening chapter, nice flow, good dialogue. I could get used to this. :D

Welcome back...*waves*, call me Kim... wait, I need to take the 911 off my daughter's call list...heheheh...wait till you meet Joel's mom... I hope you get used to it..Hope you enjoy it...
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oooh! moms :P Yeah... seen a few of those. lol

sorry No offense, but... yeah... :*)

Barb is a character! but, lets look past that for a bit, hmm...

Really liked the attitude of the boys in this chappy, cant wait for more, and... Joel, huh? *evil grin* sounds like a character! Not to mention Brye! lol.

**going over to Chappy 2** Boy am I glad i waited till the stories are completed, or what? :D

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On 02/26/2012 10:53 PM, Frostina said:
oooh! moms :P Yeah... seen a few of those. lol

sorry No offense, but... yeah... :*)

Barb is a character! but, lets look past that for a bit, hmm...

Really liked the attitude of the boys in this chappy, cant wait for more, and... Joel, huh? *evil grin* sounds like a character! Not to mention Brye! lol.

**going over to Chappy 2** Boy am I glad i waited till the stories are completed, or what? :D

Awwww thank you. I really need to go over this story and do some major editing though. So I hope that the mistakes will not make it hard for you to read it and that you still enjoy it...I had fun with this one thanks so much for the review...

 

Kim :)

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First review, as I'm a new member. I don't know how to even begin to say how much I thought this chapter was a train wreck. It seemed like we were viewing the world through Ryan's eyes, but when the jock that knocked him over entered the room, suddenly the point of view shifted to him. That's jarring and confusing. I didn't think the roommate was realistic, nor did I find the four guys bursting into Ryan's dorm room a realistic or well-thought out scene at all.

So, I know I probably made an ass out of myself by criticizing this chapter so harshly, but it left me with a big question: who is the protagonist? Ryan, Brye, his brother or Emmett? It seems like we've seen the world through all of their eyes. So, my constructive advice is to please pick a protagonist and tell the story from his, and only his, perspective.

I'll try reading the second chapter in the hopes it will be better.

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