Finding My Beloved - 3. Brink Of Madness

Chapter 3: Brink Of Madness

 

 

Time here came and gone like the years of my existence. It was now fall and it was that certain month. With only 2 weeks until that day Clayton and Erik would be calling me daily. I could feel the savage entity in my body surfacing unto me. But, everything else was normal classes were going very well nothing new I haven’t learned or experienced. I became closer with the rest of the guys. Chase and I were becoming closer friends and he was still under Colton’s property. I kept true to my promise I was being very nice. And everyday a new form of disrespect came along like he was testing the waters. And in this month it made me heated. His thoughts were growing darker a beating, maybe humiliation or embarrassment. It was really getting to me.

 

“What’s got you hyped up” Chase said

 

“You really don’t wanna know” I said coldly

 

“I do?” he chirped

 

“Ai-ite I’m tired of holding back any way, Colton why?” I asked

 

“Why what?” he replied

 

“Don’t be dumb” I said

 

“Oh that he’s just playing”

 

“Oh really, do I look dumb”

 

“No”

 

“Ai-ite then why use that lame excuse then”

 

“Trust me it’s not what it looks like”

 

“Boy he don’t even look you in the eye. Don’t even acknowledge your presence” I responded matter of factly

 

“So what were not together”

 

“Easy to say but that’s no how you feel”

 

“You don’t know that”

 

“Don’t have to its all over your face whenever he’s around”

 

“Look were changing the subject”

 

“Fine it’s whatever” I snapped back

 

“Look we need to find a model for our project, we should check out some junkyards together”

 

I rolled my eyes, “When”

 

“Tomorrow”

 

“Fine but you better be here”

 

“I will”

 

“Fine now get out of here before your owner finds you” I smiled half-heartedly

 

I don’t know what comes over me its like he knows my weaknesses and uses it against me. I just didn’t get it my Adonis a mere mortal can use my weakness against me. One of the top predators in the world, I’ve had werewolves and vampires take one look at me and quiver. Like they knew more about my past than I did. Then it hit me the ancient werewolf sensations the biggest one being anger slowly coming in. hunger pains were growing too but those I could fight. After Chase left it seemed as if something was crushing my system. My nails were growing sharper a clear symbol that it was coming. So I went to town on the speed bag and punching bags.

 

After my little vent on the bags, I decided to prepare for the worse. So I did some research on car frames in the area within towing distance. I found some good car models. The next day went relatively like a breeze. And I was just pumped to be able to start this project. We were leaving at 4:30 after his swim practice. I waited patiently and anxiously for 2 fucking hours. I was pissed and a little heartbroken even if plans changed you can let a nigga know a phone call would do. I even went outta the way to surprise him with the mechanic uniform he liked so much, with his favorite color too. So I walked up to his dorm. Michael was there I was sulking before he even reached the door.

 

“What’s wrong bud” he asked

 

“The property never showed”

 

“He didn’t call you”

 

“No” I replied

“Oh well he’s with the owner”

 

“Ai-ite then, well can you give him this” I said handing him the package

 

“You like him don’t you?”

 

“Yeah, but I’m ready to just give up now”

 

“Well I can’t say I blame you, he doesn’t deserve you” he said and that hit a switch in my system.

 

“Wrong he doesn’t deserve him, to be treated like that; I can give him whatever his heart desires treat him with respect, the sky’s the limit and the best sex he’s ever had”

 

“That’s exactly why he doesn’t deserve you, he’s so stuck on Colton that he can’t see the catch in front him” Michael said rubbing my back trying to console me

 

“Thanks” I replied and left the dorm and decided to go for a jog.

 

The next day came relatively quicker to an end of the school day. I was quiet still pondering the thoughts to either leave this week or wait until next week. By psychology class I was rude to everyone Chase included. I was still pissed just looking at him and Colton in front of me. I could smell the lies all over Colton’s body he rank with the stench. The taste it was like eating straight lemon. Then a note hit my desk,

~I’m sorry, I should’ve called

 

I read it and got more pissed and decided to skip class and trashed the note as I left out of the classroom. I hated the fact of feeling second rate like Colton had so much power that he couldn’t turn his neck to speak. I went to my car and just blasted the stereo; I just needed some space to clear my head. The music had me good for a couple

Hours. Then he showed up trying to impress me by wearing the uniform I just bought him. And I must he admit he looked hella sexy but I was still pissed off. So I decided to give him the Colton treatment.

 

“Hey” Chase waved

 

I gave him the head bob.

 

“Ha ha very funny”

 

I rolled my eyes

 

“Thanks again” he said

 

I closed the door to my car and began to walk to the gym.

 

“I like the color” he said running after me

 

“It’s whatever” I replied

 

“What is with you today?”

 

I just looked at him thought and kept walking toward the gym. Until I reached the punching bag and started to swing.

 

“Fine lets play a game. You wont talk to me, so if I ask you a question you hit the bag hard for yes and soft for no. Ok”

 

I rolled my eyes and hit the bag hard

 

“Ok did I tell you green was my favorite color?”

 

Light tap

 

“Are you upset about last night?”

 

Hard hit

 

“Ok I should’ve called”

 

Hard hit

 

“Not a question, so who are you more mad at, me?”

 

Hard hit

 

“Understandable”

 

Hard hit

 

Then he said “Colton” as he was walking in the gym. And I hit the punching bag too hard that my fist went right through it. I saw the frightened look on Chase’s face for Colton. I chuckled darkly,

 

“Oh fuck, I broke it whatever do I do now” sarcastically.

 

“Don’t even think about it” Chase snapped at me

 

At that second some of my Alpha male genes kicked in and barked back in an even darker and eviler voice,

 

“Don’t Challenge Me!”

 

And disappeared into the darkness that was coming in full.

 

I went back to my room feeling a little bit better letting loose on that bag. But, now I was a little bit depressed for a Friday night nothing was going on. I missed the Beacon the rush of the people cheering you on. The club the bass sounds that made you wanna move. Even the occasional hook up with Mark swarmed my thoughts. I had to talk to the guys they’ve all been through this, so I made my way over to Kenny and Marco’s room and found Michael outside.

 

“You’re going to be late” I said

 

“I’m nervous I’ve never been on an official date before” Michael sighed

 

“You’ll be fine” I replied

 

“Thanks” he said knocking on the door

 

So Mike and Kenny left on their date. And I was left with Marco it was awkward at first until we started lighting up his stash of weed. We were both just geeking out he was too much fun when he didn’t have sex on the brain. We just finished the last of it when somebody when something dropped against the door. It took us a second to realize it was Chase. And he was in bad shape bruises everywhere. All he could say was,

 

“It was an accident”.

 

I couldn’t even answer that I said, “your going to the hospital, Marco can you drive a stick”

 

“Sure can” he replied right beside me

 

“Take him to the ER I’m right behind you”

 

Chase spoke up, “Don’t hurt him”

 

“I never said I was” I replied tossing the keys to Marco

 

“Your gonna get cold so take this” I said handing him my hoodie

 

“I don’t want it”

“Fine”, so I gave it to Marco

 

“Meet you there” I replied

 

And off they left, I let most of my instincts take over I had 3 choices. Kill, scare or toy with a little bit. The primary sense said kill but scare him a little couldn’t hurt. After they disappeared in the darkness. I started my search I took one deep breath and I caught his scent. I was growing sick with such a stench. It lead me to the track and there he was jogging like nothing ever happened. I leaned up against the fence thinking of every possibility of why not to kill this guy now; no one around he didn’t even notice this and me, would be such an easy takedown. But if it wasn’t for my heart and 80 years of recovery I would have killed, eaten, and conquered.

 

“Hey Troy, right” he said, first lie he knew me

 

“Uh-huh”

 

“How’s he holding up?” this one was tart he really didn’t care either way

 

“It’s not like you care”

 

“So why you here, what you came to go for a test drive too”

 

“I’m sorry, what?”

 

“I don’t repeat myself,” he snapped, before he even finished the statement my hand was around his throat. If I gripped any tighter I would have killed him but loosened a little and barked back,

 

“Look here little bitch, listen up and listen good I’m a let you slide on putting your hands on Chase now, but next time I wont listen to such requests. So when he gets back if he’s in your presence and comes back tarnished, tears or close to it. I’ll be your worst nightmare. Got me!”

 

He didn’t have to say a thing, I saw it in his mind, his fear of me growing but I was already there he didn’t know it his ultimate fear was werewolves. I released him and walked away laughing out loud. And then dashed through the woods toward town. I reached the hospital Marco was waiting for me.

 

“We have a big problem”

 

“What’s wrong”

 

“He blacked out and no one has medical insurance” he said

“Got it covered” I replied pulling out my black card

 

“Don’t do that” Marco halted me

 

“What its just money trust me a life is more and important”

 

Then the nurse walked up to us and said, “Have you figured out the mishap” she said smiling

 

“Yeah I’ll take all charges” I replied handing her the card

 

“I.D. please?” she asked

 

I slipped her a hundred dollar bill and said, “You have a lovely evening”

 

She smiled politely and said, “Thank you very much Mr. Gabriel”

 

“So how’s he doing?”

 

“He’s still knocked out but doing better you guys can go back there”

 

The nurse lead us back to the room. The kid looked helpless he needed all the support of friends. I wasn’t going at any costs and for once my instincts agreed. That if anything was too happen it wouldn’t be due to someone else. I only had 2 instincts up kill and protect at all costs. Exposure be damned. So I told Marco to head back to campus. That I would stay here in case he woke up.

 

“Did you get him?” he asked

 

“No, but I scared the shit out of him”

 

“Should’ve hit him”

 

“Slam* should have though”

(Slang word used to show expression like in agreement)

 

“Alright well I’ll see you tomorrow then” he said leaving out of the car. The weekend went by dreary. Chase was still hospitalized people were dropping by daily with notes, cards and candy and just to pass by. Even Jamal stopped by and said that he threatened Colton for this bullshit. Our Mechanic’s teacher dropped by to see how Chase was holding up and to tell us that he received the car frame a couple days ago. And on Wednesday the kid finally woke up asking for water continuously. I rang his nurse bell she rushed over.

 

“Aah Mr. Matthews you gave us quite the scare”

 

“Who are you, what are you talking bout?” he asked

 

“You’re still a little groggy your body experienced so much pain that it shut down” she said

 

“He was asking for water earlier” I chimed in

 

“No problem…you know Mr. Matthews you have a good friend here he never left your side” she added before departing

 

“You’re the last person I expected to be here?” he said looking at me

 

“Just because I have a bit of an anger problem doesn’t mean I still don’t care about you or wish you in this predicament you’re in” I replied

 

“Thanks but you just seemed so angry at me”

 

“And I apologize for that, one reason why I keep a punching bag in my trunk”

 

“Yeah you do need it” he smiled weakly

 

“Can I ask you something?” he added

 

“Yes, mostly anything”

 

“Who told you my favorite color?”

 

I thought for a minute how to answer and replied,

 

“Nobody any other questions”

 

“You didn’t hurt him did you?”

 

“It’s time for you to relax and don’t waste your breath on such a fucking waste of space” I hissed

 

“What did you do?”

 

I rolled my eyes and said,

 

“Who put you in here?”

 

“Technically you did”

 

“True story but you’re in here because…” I replied boring my eyes into him

 

“Because I got drunk and kissed him in public”

 

“Nope stop right there were ending that conversation” I said texting the guys

 

~Hey he jus woke up

 

The nurse came in and urged me out of the room as she noticed me getting angrier.

 

“Troy you have to be hungry, you haven’t eaten since he’s been admitted. I think now that he’s awake you should get some fresh air for awhile” she winked to me

 

“Sure, sure” I said stepping out of the room. I wasn’t hungry so I just ran around the woods a little bit but ended up gone for almost 2 hours. When I reached back to the hospital the guys were in his room with the police and the nurse said, “We need to talk?”

 

“Sure what’s up?”

 

“Well, Troy your reputation proceeds you I’ve heard you have too big a heart for a werewolf”

 

“Thanks I guess but what did you really want to tell me?” I asked the nurse

 

“Well, you need to be careful not to expose yourself because you almost did back there”

 

“I know thanks for pushing me out earlier but what’s with the police”

 

“They are here on investigation because there were dangerous levels of alcohol in his system”

 

“Alright is there any way we can keep this situation to ourselves and not leak this out to Clayton or Bryce”

 

“I think I can handle that”

 

“Thanks so much by the way you smell lustful today, you still got a thing Erik”

 

“If your offering I surely won’t turn it down”

 

“Done”

I made my way to the room and there was a finger pointed at me. And two cops made their way to me asking for ID. I said,

 

“Do it really matter you gonna fine and bag me anyway regardless of age so how bout we just make this easier just put me in county overnight and I can get someone to bail me out and pay the fine” I said smiling

 

Marco and Kenny came running up to the officers pleading,

 

“It wasn’t him”

 

“You didn’t know it was me, so now I have to do the time” I replied to them

 

“You really don’t deserve this” Kenny said

 

“It’s just fucking county I’ve been in worse”

 

“You’re throwing your life away” Marco said

 

“So be it” I barked

 

“Why are you doing this?” Michael asked

 

“Because people do crazy things to show one how much they love the other”

 

“As scary as it seems he has my heart; if he wants me dead, I’m dead; if he wants me gone, I’m gone as long as that’s what his heart desires” I added dropping my head and going willingly. The ride in police car was soothing I was communicating with Sam and Amanda to come and bail me out and that I’ll explain when they got there.

 

I was only in county for a couple of hours when they came and bailed me out.

 

“Explanation” Sam barked

 

“I think I’m in love”

 

“Be Serious” Amanda replied

 

“I am listen to my heart” I said they grew quiet as they listened to the sudden acceleration and deceleration of my heartbeat.

 

“Amazing your heart barely beats” she replied

 

“I know”

“But that doesn’t mean jail time” Sam said

 

So I explained the whole story of the various events that occurred. They were as pissed at Colton as I was.

 

“I smell a scary Halloween prank” Sam said coming up with a diabolical plan to scare Colton

 

We followed his scent and traced all the way back to a party and Amanda was to go in and bait him out in the backyard and the three of us would phase and toy with him a little. We reached the party and Sam and I were in the darkness waiting for Amanda to run back to us.

 

I didn’t even realize Sam come back with 3 deer he was already phased and getting his face bloody. I didn’t phase I took off all my clothes except my boxer briefs including my tags and necklace. And knelt down and got bloody too. Amanda played the perfect decoy as she came running down to us and phased down and got bloody too. He was coming closer so oblivious to his surroundings and then Amanda snarled at him. I got up and started walking toward him, with Sam and Amanda striding behind at my flanks. When we came into view they both snarled and growled at Colton he was scared shitless. He made one false turning his back on us and our snarls grew louder. He turned back around and in my full alpha voice I shouted,

 

“Don’t move”

 

He halted as we walked closer to him taking in his scent. It was putrid with a taste of sour lemons. He started to speak,

 

“T-t-troy, what are you doing here with these animals?” he asked

 

All 3 of us snarled again at such accusations of being called animals we have come a long way since becoming mindless werewolves.

 

“We wolves are here for hunting evil heartless humans for the next feed and our scent lead us to you” I pointed

 

“What did I do?” he cried

 

“Don’t worry were not interested in such filth as yourself for the time being but there will be others who may not be as nice but that’s their choice to end you” I barked

 

“But if I come across your scent again during my next feed, it WILL be your last day” I said flashing my true teeth. And, with that he blinked and we disappeared into the darkness on our way to the campus. The prank went almost perfect it was so dream like in his state of mind because he was intoxicated. But perfect because there was no exposure just straight fear that is in his permanent memory. We spent the next couple hours just catching up on things that were going on at home. Until they had to go back home before somebody got suspicious. I spent most of the next day working on my Mechanics project until the end of the day. I went into my dorm and packed some stuff, as I was already cutting it close and I was starving it had almost been a week since I ate. So I grabbed my cell and called Clayton.

 

“Hey, Troy”

 

“Hey, Pop Halloween’s here” I said in code to let him know that I was close to full transition of my condition

 

“Alright I’ll be there in a couple hours”

 

“Ok I’ll call Erik”

 

“See ya soon”

 

“Alright”

 

I took a deep breath and it hit me full force tension and anger coming in my direction. Not a good combination for an ex-killer ready to hunt so I grabbed my headphones put them on my headphones turned my back and texted Erik the memo.

 

“What did you do to him?” he shouted

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Where were you last night?”

 

“In county you know where you sent me”

 

“Sure you were”

 

“Why are we talking go before I get charged for property damages” I said pushing him away

 

“Enough I’ve had it with your jokes, why can’t you just leave, things were so much better you got hear?” he shouted

 

I took a deep breath to avoid lashing out,

 

“You need me here more than you think, remember our project, yeah if you read the contract the deadline to drop it was 2 two weeks ago” I said

 

“And another thing you don’t own me control me to just tell me to leave and I comply, no I’ll leave when I’m ready and best believe he’s going with me” I added

 

“No, I won’t let you” he said getting in a defensive posture. I found it hilarious and began to laugh uncontrollably.

 

“What’s so funny”

 

“You really think you can threaten me” I said showing off my true battle scar. It when from the back of my shoulder down the length of my side and hooked around close to the bottom of my abdomen. I loved it but never showed it off I put make up on it to cover it up. But for any one that’s seen it, its lets them know that I was a killer and back up. And naturally Chase’s instincts kicked in he caught a chill down his spine and took a step back and then spoke,

 

“I thought you of all people would be the most compassionate with your Mark and Silas why don’t you go yell at them?” he argued

 

I didn’t hesitate this time he may only be human but you don’t go there with me,

 

“What Mark, Silas I know you did not go there?” I said grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer to me

 

“Now Mark and I were nothing like you and that little bitch, hell I knew what I was getting into sex with no emotions and it was going well until I fucked it up but he NEVER disrespected me if anything he protected me and Silas offered me and Sam the unrefusable if we just followed and listened but not once did he put his hands on us to humiliate us. But, Colton you let him beat on you, use you and then got the nerve to blame me”

 

“Boy you need to kick rocks, blow bubbles jump in and don’t jump out” I added walking away from him

 

“Why me?” he asked

 

“Why, because when I first saw you I took the plunge to fall, for the first time in my life I possibly thought there was someone out there that would be interested into getting to know me instead of just hitting it and quit it and thus that person was you and you have it my heart”

 

“Well, take it back”

“Clown, it doesn’t work like that and you know it, just add it to your collection” I said as I kept strolling

 

“Bitch, probably doesn’t even notice things about you” I said to you

 

“Like what?” he snapped

 

I jerked my neck around, “I don’t know your favorite color and your eyes”

 

“And you do”

 

“Yes, your favorite color is green because it makes you feel important somewhat of a royal confidence but not arrogance. Whenever you wear it you have this swagger about you that screams ‘queen bee or diva’”

 

“Lucky guess”

 

“If that’s what you want to call it but then there’s your eyes those beautiful glacier blue eyes that when you smile sparkle like diamond facets and smolder any and everything in sight” I said rubbing his cheek

 

“You’re not the only one who notices things” he said

 

“Like?”

 

“Your temper flaring, the mystery behind you leaving a week out of every month”

 

“Some secrets are worth keeping”

 

“But being in the closet isn’t?”

 

“In Colton’s case no he’s already out you two are already together and people will get over it true friends will still be there at the end of the day but to beat somebody just because you’re trying to keep this image of being isn’t” I stated

 

“That’s hypocritical”

 

“And you’ll never know or understand why”

 

“But being gay isn’t a big deal. Like my father once told me ‘you are who you are. Mentally, physically, emotionally no different than who you are spiritually. You can no more change your sexuality than you can your height or weight. Yeah sure you wear stilettos and suck in your belly but sooner or later when you’re all alone with but your thoughts to keep you company, the truth is going to show itself. SO EMBRACE THAT SHIT” I said

 

“So why not do that with yours”

 

“Trust me I’d lose everything because those like me know the world isn’t ready for us to reveal ourselves” I replied

 

“You don’t know that” he said

 

“Yeah well whatever” I said walking towards the building to meet up with Mike and Tracy. Mike was already in the little mini-studio practicing the song I was to do on the piano.

 

“Don’t let him push you away” he told me

 

“He’s aint but it’s time for my monthly appointment” I replied

 

“Good, but are you sure about these two songs?”

 

“Yeah it’s the best way I can express my emotions” I said

 

“Alright” he said giving Tracy the go ahead. He started playing the instrumental on the piano that I got lost in the songs. I became more angry and frustrated and knew it was here. So I grabbed my sunglasses got an envelope hugged Mike and Tracy and said,

 

“Can you give these to him and can you guys critique the songs and tell me if anything needs to be added or worked on”

 

“Sure, no problem” they said

 

“Thanks and catch you next week” I said grabbing my Burberry backpack. Perfect timing too because my phone was ringing.

 

“Hey I’m here” Erik said

 

“Ai-ite I’m coming out just stay out by the woods”

 

“Ok be careful there’s a fight going on out there” he said

I growled hastily

 

Calm down this isn’t our fight” he said

 

He was absolutely right Chase made his bed now he had to sleep in it. But as I walked through the doors Chase was looking for help and I just rolled my eyes and kept walking. And then a voice said,

 

“Yeah that’s right keep walking”

 

I halted immediately every instinct took over on the phone I told Erik, “to give me a minute” and I could feel all the venom in my body. I walked up to him to see if he was still feeling bold as ever. I could feel the silver glow in my eyes as the rain began to fall. Along with little strikes of lightning and thunder. And he spoke again,

 

“It’s rude to eavesdrop on peoples conversation” and he slapped me and broke my favorite pair of Valentino shades.

 

Almost instantly I went off gripping his neck and shoving him up against the brick wall with one hand and beating him profusely with the other. Two hooks to the chest jabs to the ribs and an uppercut to the jaw. He was out cold and he didn’t see any part of my eyes. And then I looked over to Chase and said,

 

“You disappoint me”

 

He was staring blankly at me and I slapped him lightly and all he could get out was,

‘those eyes’ and his mind was completely open placing them in his memory.

 

“Shit” I said loudly as I walked to the trees. Erik yelled in my head ‘ I knew this would happen you have to eliminate him!’

 

“No” I replied

 

‘Then I will’ he growled

 

‘No you won’t look just take me hunting I’ll explain it all on the way, just be open minded’

 

‘I don’t like this at all so were having a family meeting” he said

 

‘Fine’ I said thinking the worse

 

‘Just let me say goodbye’

 

‘Make it quick’

 

I screamed “Fuck” angrily obliterating a tree with my fist.

 

“How could I’ve been so stupid and now he’s seen them…”

 

“Once you see them there’s no way you can just down play it like its nothing”

 

Then someone was eyeing me down it felt good, like a deep tissue massage just all over my body. I knew exactly who it was Chase. There was a silence in the air not awkward, but more understanding and he broke it,

“Some secrets are worth keeping”.

I sighed but didn’t turn around. His heart was beating with mine in synchronization. He stepped closer to me, “you dropped these” he said spinning me around. And just made eye contact with me again, I automatically closed them and backed up.

 

“Why do you hide them, there so…so beautiful” he said lightly rubbing my face. I took in a sharp breath his fingers were so smooth and gentle against my skin. He slipped the shades on me trying to go back to from what he saw and change the subject,

 

“Don’t you just hate rain”

 

“No, but I need you to keep this secret”

 

“It’s the least I can do”

 

“If you do were even”

 

“Will you be back?”

 

“Yes, but I’ll be longer”

 

“Look I’m sorry for the way I treated you”

 

"It's fine, look how bout you keep this to yourself and when I get back I'll answer any questions or theories you have" I said leaving

 

I walked toward Erik who was growling the entire conversation with Chase. He thought slightly about killing Chase.

 

`Your going soft on me' Erik said

 

`I won't be soft you try to threaten him again'

 

`Whatever, nigga lets go'

 

Then off we dashed for a good hunt. The whole time I was hoping I could come back to this place. Maybe she would be there for me like numerous times before.