Birds Being Birds - 1. Story

BIRDS BEING BIRDS

- SDK

Walking down the lane on a morning under a clear blue sky but with a slight chill in the air is indescribable. You don’t have to hide behind layers of clothes and you actually feel like coming out of your house to greet others. You see people walking their dogs and joggers jogging in nothing but shorts and tank-tops. It really is a good weather.

 

Your neighborhood is kind of uninteresting with a healthy fill of snobbish inhabitants. They hardly ever look as cheerful as they look today. Today really has got to be a special day.

 

You revel in the sunshine without the sun pricking you. The birds chirp happily and the blooming flowers look spectacular. You can see various shades of green in leaves, the edges of which shine in the sparkling sun. The grass smells of dew and you feel like taking a short nap in the sentiments of nature.

 

But you don’t. You have to get to school. It’s a beautiful day but still a school day. The dreaded school day. You could be popular but you’re still a kid and being a kid has certain limitations. Boundaries you don’t dare cross. You feel like looking up at the clear blue sky for one last time before the bus arrives. The bus that takes you to the dreaded place. A place you once happily went to.

 

While you’re looking up, you spot two birds chasing each other happily and having a good time on this wonderful day. You don’t know if they are lovers and you don’t care. You are not an expert in bird anatomy and don’t know if they are both male or both female and you don’t care. You wonder if they are doing something special or just being birds.

 

As you’re waiting for the bus you spot a shaggy dog. The dog looks like it needs to be cuddled. It certainly has seen better days. It scratches its back with a paw while making puppy-dog eyes at you. You wonder if it’s really trying hard to achieve that look. You feel your heart melt a bit but look away. You’ve seen that dog around before. It’s still looking at you but you quickly avert your eyes after giving it one last glance.

 

The bus has finally arrived and you board it. Several of your friends call you to sit with them but you just wave and take a vacant seat. They look disappointed but you’ve long ceased to care about those things. They wouldn’t care if they knew you. Knew the real you that is. They would most probably make your life a living hell if they knew. You sigh feeling vulnerable and lonely. You’re so tired of the daily grind; you want to be set free. But you know you can’t. Not for another couple of years.

 

As the bus moves, you feel the cool wind in your hair and it makes you groggy. You close your eyes for a while and try to block any thought from entering your mind. It’s a refreshing weather and you feel better than you’ve felt in a long time. The bus takes a turn towards a dirt road which feels a bit unfamiliar but you don’t care.

 

You are just staring out the window when a certain street causes you to perk up and straighten in your seat. You’ve been on this street before. It’s been a long while but you will not in this lifetime forget when and why you were here. You feel your pulse quicken and your heart feels like it will break the confines of your ribs, it’s pounding so hard!

 

You wonder why the bus took this route. It’s never taken this route before. You would obviously remember if it did. You had missed your bus when you had last come here. The memory of that day makes you hyperventilate. The day that had been an epiphany in itself. The day you realized how different you were from the others. The day you realized you had to come to terms with the real you. The day before which life was a farce.

 

You want to cry out loud in frustration and tell the whole world about who you are but you can’t. You are at least hopeful you will get there someday.

 

The bus has slowed down and so has your breathing. Your breath is hitching but you can’t control it. The bus comes to a complete halt in front of an old and battered house. You realize that you’re holding your breath but you can’t let it go.

 

You quickly look down and stare at your shoe-laces. You dare not look up in case you’ll have to look into those eyes again. Eyes that are so beautiful they keep you awake at nights. Eyes that you know have seen difficult days but still look hopeful. Eyes that make you cry when you’re alone.

 

Eyes that had looked at you with disgust. You want to die when you remember that day. The day you had followed him on auto pilot after he had scored in a football match that led your school team to victory. You wanted to congratulate him so bad you followed him without a thought. After some time you had lost track of where you were going and what you were doing on this strange street. It was on a different route from your house and a long way back. You were so mesmerized by the sight in front of you, you had forgotten about the reason. You wondered why he didn’t take a bus or why no one came to pick him up. It was a long way from school as well and you would never take such efforts for something like going to school.

 

You had been a fool and did not realize that he had noticed you and was disgusted with you. You should’ve talked to him but all you did was follow him like a stalker. Before entering a house that almost resembled a warehouse, he sent your way a look of utter annoyance and hatred. With a defined and well developed body like that, he could have done much worse. You should have been grateful, but you weren’t. You would have rather taken the beatings than the knowledge that he hated you.

 

You didn’t want him to think of you as a pervert. You had not once slept properly since that night. You were so pathetic you needed the aid of pills and a couple of sessions with the therapist to put you to sleep. You felt caged and helpless. You had come to terms with the fact that you would never have him but you couldn’t live with the thought of him being disgusted with you.

 

In school, you had continued to watch him from a distance but were careful to be out of his plain sight. You watched him laugh with the boys and flirt with the girls. The transition from you being cocky, humorous and outgoing to being withdrawn and reclusive was so sudden it was unimaginable. Your obsession has been killing you but all you do is hide.

 

Your eyes land on a pair of haggard looking sneakers and worn denims. You can tell who it is without having to look up. You have never been this scared before. The feeling is mixed with excitement and a bit of pleasure and you wonder why. The adrenaline rush you get is stronger than any of your baseball games or when you go mountain-biking.

 

Just breathing the same air with him gives you joy. You don’t care if he is oblivious to your existence. You hope he has forgotten about you. You can live with anything but him hating you. You want to hear his voice so bad. It’s been a while since you’ve been so close to him. You want to look at that beautiful face with the most innocent eyes. Eyes that make you cry when you’re alone. But you don’t.

 

“Sean!! What’re you doing on this bus? Thought you walked to school. Come at the back, sit with us.” Vienna says expectantly and you can hear some giggles from the other girls. Some guys come to bump fists with Sean and you can feel the pang of jealously that is showing its green head. More than that you feel pain and sorrow. You can’t be like the other guys. You can’t even have him as a friend. You really are pathetic.

 

“Thanks Vienna.” You hear him make his way to the back.

 

You hear them talk excitedly and they try to include Sean as much as possible. They had tried to include you too. You turned out to be the ‘different’ one. Your throat feels constricted and you feel the initial sensation of tiny needles pricking behind your eyes when tears threaten to pour.

 

The arrival of the school saves you and you get down before anyone notices you. You want to rush to your classroom but your insides can’t let you walk away without looking at him once. You quickly glance in his direction but gasp when those eyes meet yours. You curse yourself for your stupidity but something inside you wants to celebrate. You feel like you’ve achieved a great feat. How pathetic of you.

 

The entire day you think of nothing else but him. Kids flock around you all day but your thoughts are immune to their loud banter. You feel more alone than you’ve ever felt. Life really is mean. You were miserable before but you were managing. You were trying to cope without him. But life being the bitch, dragged you to his doorstep, literally.

 

The day is almost over and you’ve hardly paid any attention. You gather your books, pack your bag and walk to the bus slowly. You don’t know what to expect from life anymore.

 

You board the bus hesitantly and take your usual seat. Other kids are chatting and talking among themselves. They look so happy. You’ve long ceased to care about those things. You have been looking out of the window when you feel a shadow over you. Your head turns in the direction before you can stop it. You are looking into the most beautiful face imaginable to you. You might as well be in heaven.

 

“Is anyone sitting with you? If not, do you mind if I sit down?”

 

You’ve never been in a comatose state. You feel like you are slipping though. You breathe harder and try your best to look fine and compose yourself. Whatever the situation be, you haven’t forgotten your manners.

 

“S-sure. I mean n-no. I don’t mind.” You quickly pick your bag up from the next seat and make some space.

 

This day has been full of surprises. It’s the first time you’re this close to him. You are so close, you can touch him. But you don’t. You don’t have the right to. His smell is driving you crazy. The proximity is killing you. You are drugged. You feel alive yet so pathetic.

 

You continue looking out the window. You see the streets pass. You observe the people going by. You observe the buildings- some edifices while some just plain abodes. You don’t care.

 

Something grabs your attention. He is not moving. He is simply staring ahead. Is this your cue? Is this your opportunity to look at him properly? He wouldn’t notice if you looked at him, or would he? You want to capture him in your mind and fill the void- the gaping hole in your heart with his virtual presence. If only you could look at him properly once. You would keep his image with you forever.

 

You turn slightly in your seat and your eyes take in his form nervously. You can see the curve of his neck where some strands of hair have fallen delicately. Your eyes move to his chin, then the cheeks which have a baby blush. You smile to yourself. You never realized he looked so masculine and yet so pale. Your eyes travel to his straight small nose. Then a little upward to his hair. Soft brown strands that lie wherever they please, messily covering his forehead.

 

You know you have to stop before he realizes what you’re doing but you can’t. You take in the beauty of those eyes. Eyes that are pointedly staring ahead. Emerald greens which look sharp and intelligent from this close up. And yet so innocent. You see a flicker of exasperation there and you’re scared of what that means. But you can’t stop.

 

Your eyes continue their journey to his lips. Those pink lips. They are slightly chapped. You notice that they are the only feature that look slightly imperfect on his otherwise perfect beauty. You can see flashes of white teeth when those lips move. Why are those lips moving? He’s talking to someone. He’s talking to you!

 

You are snapped out of your trance and your eyes meet his. He’s looking back at you.

 

“Hello…um it’s your stop. You live by the park, right?” He’s talking to you and you can’t respond. Your throat has gone dry. Don’t be so pathetic.

 

“Your stop is here and you have to get down. Everyone’s waiting. You were daydreaming.”

 

“I wasn’t…daydreaming.” You manage to croak.

 

He is already standing and ready to get down. You look outside and it really is your stop. Then why is he getting down here? He was supposed to get down before you.

 

The bus driver looks at you in frustration. You decide you’ll deal with the questions after you get down. You look at him and he’s looking back at you. You stand there looking lost. Should you just walk home now? You are contemplating your decision when he gives you a tentative glance.

 

“Do you have to be somewhere?” he’s talking to you, again? You wonder if you are daydreaming.

 

You don’t trust your capability of speech but you try nonetheless. “N-no…I was just going home. I live two blocks from here.”

 

He’s looking everywhere but at you.

 

“I’ve always liked this park. I’ve passed it a number of times but never been inside. If you’re not busy, could you show me around?” his voice sounds nervous.

 

You weren’t expecting him to ask you to spend time with him. Does he not remember what happened at all? Does he not hate you anymore? You want to ask him but you can’t.

 

“Okay. There’s nothing really to show though.” Your heart is threatening to break your ribcage.

 

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s go.” He says excitedly.

 

You want to ask a critical question lingering on your mind.

“Weren’t you supposed to get down before me? Isn’t your house on the other side of the town?”

 

“I don’t have permission to be on the bus while traveling back. I could board it if I want to go anywhere on its daily route.” His voice sounds hazy since he’s already running towards the park like a little kid.

 

You still don’t understand what he meant and why he’s here but you drop the question and follow him.

 

There’s a lake in the centre of the park and he leans on the railing. The clear water sparkles under the bright sun. You can see the reflection of the water in his green eyes and you can’t tell what shines brighter.

 

“This is so beautiful, Drew.” So are you. Your insides churn when you hear him say your name. You want to run home. You can’t stretch the limit of your endurance. This is torture.

 

“Y-yeah it is.” He looks like a child taken to Disneyland for the first time. An overgrown child. You want to laugh with him but all you manage is a sad smile.

 

It’s a bit warmer than the morning and you look around for a bench under a shade to sit down. You find a clean patch of grass under a huge Bald Cypress. Seems like you’ll have to do with that.

 

“Wow! This tree looks so amazing. It must be ancient.” Sean says before he flops down beside you. His eyes seem so wide they look like globes. He sits a little too close to you. Your shoulder almost touching his.

 

“Yes it is. It was still here at the time my great granddad lived.”

 

“Cool. That’s great. Thanks for accompanying me. This place really is beautiful.” He gets a faraway look before he resumes taking in the scenery.

 

You don’t know where to take the conversation and the silence seems to drag. This is your only opportunity to spend some time with him and you want to make the most of it. You don’t want it to end. You don’t want to see him leave.

 

You look at him. He is sitting comfortably with his back leaning on the trunk and his long legs are outstretched. He has his eyes closed and a slight curl on his lips. He looks content. He is tall like you are but slightly heavier. He has broader shoulders. It could be the difference in conditioning. He plays football after all.

 

Sports! That’s a safe topic to discuss!

 

“Ummm…how is your football practice going?”

 

He doesn’t answer immediately. You wait for him to open his eyes but he doesn’t. You wonder if he has fallen asleep. You think of prodding him with your finger but you’re scared of touching him. He answers before you could act on your temptation and you’re grateful.

 

“Okay. It’s going okay. Coach is still taking tryouts. That old fart is never satisfied with his players. I’m in though.” He says with a grin.

 

He doesn’t say anything more for a long time. It’s atypical of you to expatiate dying conversations but you are feeling desperate. The sand is slipping. You wait for some time but there’s nothing but silence until he speaks again. You wonder how long this will go on.

 

“What about you, Drew?” The way he says your name is melody to your ears.

 

“Me? What about me?”

 

“Has baseball season begun yet? You are gonna try out right?” he opens his eyes and looks at you making you feel suddenly cornered and a bit anxious

 

“I-I dunno. I haven’t thought about it yet.” You say while digging the mud with a stick.

 

“Why not?” he is sitting straighter now and looking at you intently. You wonder what brought this sudden change and you’re not too comfortable with it.

 

“I just…I don’t feel like it. I don’t enjoy baseball anymore.”

 

“You were…are really good, Drew. I’ve seen you play.” His tone has softened a bit but he’s still looking at you with…determination?

 

You look around and find a stray twig lying on the ground. You pick it up and start breaking it into small pieces. Anything to avoid this line of conversation. He doesn’t look ready to give it up yet and you sigh.

 

“I find it difficult to concentrate on baseball. I’d rather study and pass my classes.” You manage an excuse which seems lame to your own ears.

 

“What? That’s bullshit. You are smart enough to pass your classes easily. Everyone knows about how good your grades are. You don’t need extra efforts for that.” There’s a pause and he stares at you as if daring you to contradict. But you don’t and he continues.

 

“What you really need to do is get a grip on your life and live a little. Baseball’s your game, man. Play it. Think about your friends-your coach-your family. They would never want you to give that up.”

 

You hate that he’s suddenly in your face. His mere presence is enough to drive you crazy and now you feel outright frustrated.

 

“It’s not always about others, Sean!” Anger gives you enough confidence to say his name out loud for the first time. “It’s not always about the conventional things. I have some reasons that are personal. I would rather not discuss them. So let’s cut me some slack and not discuss my reasons to quit baseball. Okay? It’s just…I know this sounds pathetic but I have a lot of things in my life I can’t deal with.” Like you. “My life’s a big mess and I need time to sort it out. I know I’m a loser. I don’t need people to reinforce the fact for me. I don’t need anybody to care.”

 

You glare at him and he glares back. You expect him to get up and leave but he stays glued to the spot. He opens and closes his mouth several times before he speaks.

 

“Fine. I won’t. I forgot we aren’t really friends.” he relents and looks away.

 

His words hurt you but you feel helpless.

 

Great! You killed the conversation with your own hands! What now? If he didn’t hate you before, he definitely does now. The biggest dream of getting to spend some time with him had finally come true and you screwed it. It’s funny how you spoiled a non-existent impression in what…five minutes?

 

You look at him sideways. He’s sitting with his knees drawn to his chest with a lost look on his face. He should be annoyed with a prick like you around but he just looks…sad. You want to touch him so bad. If you could just extend your hand and feather touch his face with your fingers. Sigh. You feel so tired. The silence keeps on stretching…

 

A gentle breeze is blowing from the hill-side. It soothes your senses and caresses your tense muscles. You move a bit to get more comfortable against the tree.

 

Something moist and sloppy against your cheek wakes you up from a nap you didn’t realize you were taking.

 

“WHA-” You rub your wet cheek with the back of your palm.

 

“Ha-ha. Man, looks like someone has a crush on you.”

 

You open your eyes and realize you’re lying on your back on the ground and looking up into a pair of big brown sad eyes. The shaggy dog you saw in the morning stares down at you. What time is it? Hasn’t Sean left yet?

 

“Aww. Come here you little fella.” You hear Sean say to the dog. He gets up and sits near you to get better access in petting the dog.

“I think the cool breeze put us lazy boys to sleep. Your startled voice woke me up.” He laughs while you wonder where all the dog-catchers went.

 

“Isn’t she cute, Drew?” Oh, it’s a she?

 

“Yeah it is.” You say dismissively.

 

“She’s a she, Drew.” Sean snorts.

 

“Okay, alright. She’s cute.”

 

The dog sniffs your shoes and spins around itself for a couple of times before choosing a spot to lie down. Between your legs.

 

Sean leans over you to pet the dog and you feel giddy. Some of his hair tickle your face and you want to just lean in and take in the fresh aroma. This is torture.

“She doesn’t seem to have a collar. I think the poor thing is abandoned.” He runs his fingers through the coat and you can’t help but feel jealous. Of the dog. You didn’t forget how pathetic you are, did you?

 

“Drew, why don’t you keep her?” he asks in the most innocent voice you’ve ever heard.

You look up and two sets of puppy-dog eyes are staring back at you.

 

“Umm…I’ve never had a pet before. I wouldn’t know how...”

 

“Oh come on. Look at her. She has no home. You can’t leave her on the streets like that. The dog-catchers will take her away by tomorrow. They don’t treat them well.”

 

“I dunno, Sean. Why don’t you keep her?”

 

He looks sadly at the creature which seems to be returning his look. “I can’t afford to maintain her.” He shakes his head dejectedly but quickly gets an excited look on his face.

 

“Besides, even if you keep her, I’ll own her. I’ll take good care of her. I know how to. I’ve worked at a vet’s before. I simply love all sorts of animals and didn’t know any other way to be around them than work there. But it wasn’t my kind of job.” He gets a nauseous kind of look on his face before continuing. “So, you’ll keep her?”

 

The hopeful look on his face wants you to do it for him, almost.

 

“Consider it a gift from me to you. Please, Drew.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll keep her.”

 

“That’s awesome. You’re so cool.” He jumps happily and you want to hug him.

“Did you hear him, beautiful? You’re getting a nice cozy home.” The dog makes happy ‘wuff” sounds like it understands every word spoken.

 

“Let’s name her.” You say after a while.

 

“I’ve already thought about it. We’ll name her Sherry. I had a best friend whose dog was named Champagne. He moved away. I miss him so much. If I name her Sherry, she’ll be kinda like a sister to Champagne.”

You find the whole thing funny but you don’t want to say anything since it obviously means something to him.

 

You sit cross-legged on the ground with Sherry lying between you and Sean. Sean continues to pet her lovingly.

 

“Hey, keep your hands off her. She’s mine now.” You joke.

 

“Yeah, say that when she poops around the house and you don’t know what to do with her. You’ll need to train her. Who are you going to remember then?” he winks.

 

“Oops. She’s all yours, then. I’ll only do as much as feed her. But she’ll still be your property.” You stick your tongue out at him.

 

“Damn right, she’s mine. Now that I have her, she’s officially the second most adorable thing in my eyes after you.”

 

Both the heads jerk up at the same time. His words surprise you and he seems in the same position. Did he really say what you heard him say or were your ears ringing?

There’s an obvious look on his face that reveals that he was caught off guard by his own words. His eyes flutter in panic.

 

“I-I gotta go.” He suddenly says before you can get a grip on what happened. “It’s getting late.” He seems to be avoiding your eyes. He picks his bag up and gets up. You are too confused to react yet and give him a nod involuntary.

 

He takes it as a cue to leave and brushes past you swiftly.

 

You see him walk away and you can’t help but think that what’s happening is wrong. Never in your life did you expect him to spend a day with you but here you were together, almost being friends.

 

His tall figure is disappearing as he walks farther. He looks no more than a shadow- a blur in the greens of the park.

 

Something tugs at your mind.

‘She’s officially the second most adorable thing in my eyes after you.’

 

“NO! Wait!” You run to him and grab his arm. Your fingers feel on fire at the contact and you withdraw your hand immediately.

 

He stops but does not turn. You walk in front of him and look into his eyes. They look moist. You stare into them for a while before he averts them.

 

“It’s better if I leave, Drew.” His voice is so low you have to strain your ears.

 

“I don’t want you to go yet.”

 

He looks so helpless and you think his voice cracks a bit when he says, “I have some chores to do.”

 

“Are they so important you can’t be around for just an hour more?”

 

“They are not important, but…”

 

“Do it because I’m asking, Sean.” He has a look of affliction on his face. His eyes look pained and his lips are tight. But he nods finally.

 

You’re scared of where this is going but you can’t go back. You don’t want to go back. This could cause pain worth a lifetime but you’ll at least get closure. You’ll know you had tried. You are ready to deal with the consequences whatever they are: be it one battered and bruised body or a shattered heart.

 

“Let’s take a walk in the woods.”

 

“Isn’t it a bit late for that? Won’t your parents worry?” You remember you haven’t informed anyone about where you were going. How does it matter anyway? It can’t be more than a couple of hours after school and your parents are not home until evening.

 

“No. Don’t worry about them. Let’s go.” You pick your bag from where it’s lying and start walking in the direction of the woods. Sean and Sherry follow you.

 

The woods begin where the park ends. They go up-hill and are densely vegetated. You have to go east on a small dirt road for more than half a mile which is overgrown with weeds. The dirt road leads to a smaller road to the top of the hills. If you go deeper into the woods, you could spot some wildlife like deer and feral hogs.

 

You walk close to Sean. His hand is so close to your own while you walk side by side, you are tempted to take it. The last time you were here was with your father which was more than a year back. This experience is altogether a different one. You are here with Sean! Alone!

 

While you’re walking you spot a gray squirrel and a cottontail rabbit. The tiny animals seem so scared of your presence. Or maybe it’s the brown furry dog happily running around you.

 

After avoiding tripping over the weeds and getting scraped by the thorny bushes, you arrive at a creek. The woods being dense, feel void of blowing wind and you feel sweaty from a long walk. You feel like wetting your legs in the cool water.

 

“Let’s sit down on that rock.” You point at a rock which is situated in a perfect position for you to dangle your feet in the water.

 

The rock is not wide enough and you have to accommodate by sitting close to each other. An occasional cry of the red-tailed hawk can be heard in the distance. The silence is unsettling but you both seem to need it for a while.

 

“Why did you hate me?” you say when you think the time has come to deal with the real issues.

 

“I didn’t.” he sighs. “I didn’t hate you.”

 

“Yes you did. I could see it in your eyes. I saw it in your eyes the day I followed you. Don’t act like you don’t remember, Sean. I know you do.” You spew it.

 

His shoulders slump a bit and he looks tired.

 

“I’ve never hated you. I couldn’t hate you, Drew. Never.” He shakes his head as if to state his point.

 

“Then tell me what that was. I need to know.”

 

“It’s difficult.”

 

“It’s difficult for me too. But we’re both here and we need to sort it out.”

 

He takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Okay. I’ll tell you everything. It’s killing me to not to tell you anyway.”

 

You brace yourself for what is coming. It can’t be necessarily good, right?

 

“I’ve always known how you felt about me. I noticed you watching me from the bleachers for each of my matches.”

 

You feel a pang of anxiety and you almost want to argue but decide against interrupting him. After all, this is what you want.

 

“You would even come to watch me practice. I know why you wore your baseball cap so low. You thought nobody would notice your eyes under it. And you were successful. But someone did notice. It was me. I would watch you back.

 

“You were so obvious sometimes, it was flattering. You would glare at all the girls who’d try to flirt with me. Even the boys who were just being friends. It was so cute and I enjoyed the attention. Then I started wondering why. It was because I felt the same. I felt a very strong connection between us. I was so drawn to you, Drew. It scared me.” You see tears trickling down his cheeks and you want to wipe them. But you know this is not all he has to say. There’s more.

 

“I would dream about you in the nights and think about you all day. It was never enough. I wanted to be with you so bad. I wanted to be the best friend you ever had. My days were incomplete without you. I prolonged my play, till I saw you in the stands. Your presence was becoming like a drug. I needed you around me all the time. And the best part was that I saw all of my emotions mirrored in your eyes.”

 

He takes a long pause and you feel overwhelmed with his struggle to get it out.

 

“But it was also the worst part. I didn’t want you to feel the same. You were oblivious to my feelings and I wanted it to be the way it was.”

 

He looks at you with a sad look. “I don’t regret what I did. I didn’t want you to like me. I wanted you to hate me. But I didn’t know how to make you dislike me. So the only option I had was to make you feel like I hated you. That way you would forget about me. That had been my plan.

 

“It felt like daggers to my heart when I saw the crushed look on your face that day near my house. I wanted to take you in my arms and make all the pain go away. For both our sake. But I controlled myself that day and every day after that. I could never sleep in peace but I told myself it was for your good.”

 

He wipes his tears with his hand and looks at you determinedly, “I’m not proud of myself for what I had to do, Drew. You have to believe me. I saw what effect it had on you. You withdrew yourself from everything- sports, friends…life. I hoped for it to pass. But you wouldn’t be the same person I knew you for. That was the reason I came here today. To make you realize that life has to go on. And I’m gonna do just that. I can never be the person you want, Drew. You have to let me go. I’m bad news.”

 

You should jump with joy. He likes you back. But all you process are his last words. ‘I’m bad news.’ You don’t know why, but they hurt you immensely.

 

“Why do you say you’re bad news, Sean?”

 

He looks at you with a look that says ‘are you kidding me? You didn’t notice?’

 

“Well if you haven’t figured it out and you need to know, just look at yourself in the mirror and look at me. You have everything going for you. You have a nice home to live in and parents that love you. Hell, you have parents. I don’t know who my parents were. My sister raised me. We worry about our everyday meals. The day is a good one when we get to eat two times a day.

 

“You wear Nike and Adidas while I wear hand-me-downs. You get to style and gel your hair while I’m happy to go as far as cutting my own hair. I was never invited to any party as a kid. All the kids made fun of my clothes, my hair. It was only when I started playing football that kids noticed me and my life became a bit bearable. Not even you noticed me before that, Drew. You were always so popular and rich. You are gorgeous to look at and any kid in the school would want to trade lives with you. It’s a difficult life as far as I’m concerned and I don’t want to drag you in. The reason I can’t take the bus while going back home is because I can’t afford it. I have to tutor some kids from the younger classes in return of the favor school is doing me.”

 

He pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and evens out the creases. It’s a twenty dollar bill.

 

“You see this? I have only so much money in all. No savings, nothing. Only this. I’m carrying this money in my pocket for about a week and can’t make my heart to spend it. It feels like treasure to me when most of you spend much more than this in a day. How do you think that makes me feel?” he chokes. He is crying freely now.

 

He puts his head in his hands and sobs loudly. Why does this bother him so much? Why does it bother him what others feel? You feel anger surge through you over the fact that he lets what others think decide his fate.

 

“Don’t cry like a fucking baby! FUCK YOU, Sean! All this pain, all these sleepless nights for what…how much money I have? I wanted to kill myself so many times because I couldn’t bear the thought of you hating me. You should have thought before you inferred things based on what others said or did. You should’ve tried to know me better before you made a decision for both of us. If you’d know me, you’d know that I didn’t care about such things. The reason I didn’t notice the difference in our clothes was because I DIDN’T CARE!

 

You try to get up abruptly and lose your balance. You’re about to slip and fall from the slippery rock when Sean grabs you and pulls you to him. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” You scream and struggle in his arms till you look in his hurt eyes. The eyes that look even more beautiful when they’re moist. The only sound you can hear is of his sobs and your rapid breathing. “I want to be an equal in this relationship. I can’t do that when I live the way I do.” He mumbles.

 

You can’t hold it in anymore and the dam bursts. You want to shed all the tears you’ve been holding for so long. “I’m so sorry, Sean. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean.-sob.”

 

“Shh- it’s okay.”

 

You look up into his eyes and see the same feelings reflect which you feel in your heart.

You hesitantly take his face in your hands and the contact makes you wild. You pull his face closer to yours till your noses are touching. “Oh Sean. I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.” You nuzzle your face in his neck and kiss the soft skin. “I was scared to even dream about this.” You whisper.

 

You breathe in the smell of his hair and hug him tighter. You want to make him a part of yourself. Crush his body to yours. Now that you have him, you never want to let go.

 

“I love you so much, Sean.” Sob. “I’ve loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. There hasn't been one day I haven't wanted you. And I did notice you. I’ve always noticed you. Maybe you didn't realize then. I’ve seen you as the most beautiful person ever born. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. Just love me back equally, and we’ll manage. Don’t leave me now. I can’t live without you. Please.”

 

You pull back a little and your lips find his parted ones. The feel of his soft yet rough lips on your lips makes the whole experience more real and you feel your body tremble with pleasure. You bite on his lower lip for sometime before ending the kiss. The tears and the kiss have made you out of breath.

 

“I love you too, Drew. Promise me you’ll not leave me midway. My life is a struggle and I wouldn’t be able to deal if you get tired of it and leave me.”

 

“I promise I’ll never do that. I’ll always be with you.” You hug him tightly again.

 

You loosen your hug and smile at each other. Sean takes your hand and you walk to a patch of even ground in the woods. You lie down with Sean lying in your arms. He’s bigger than you but this position seems perfect. You want to protect your innocent boy from the problems of the big bad world.

 

Sherry woofs at you indicating that she’s had enough of the woods for now. You rub her behind her ears.

 

“You’re still keeping her, right?”

 

“Of course I am. She’s a gift from you to me after all.” You say while rubbing his arm affectionately.

 

You are so content. So feel so free. You want to fly.

 

“Are you happy, Drew?”

 

You don’t answer. You turn a bit to look at Sean and kiss his forehead gently. A single tear trickles down your cheek. You look up and into the clear blue of the sky and wonder if this is what it feels when birds are being birds.

[THE END]