A Promise and a Curse - 5. Chapter 5

Sunday morning Ben was awakened by the ringing of the phone in the hall. Dazed he padded barefoot over the floor boards.

"Yeah?"

"It's me."

"Simon!" Ben almost shouted.

"I want to say sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's OK, Simon." Ben said quickly. "Do you want to come over, have breakfast?"

"Yes, why not? I'll bring the rolls. See you soon."

Ben put the receiver back and felt light-hearted again. So all would be OK, he thought. He was a little worried about his brother though. He and Simon had never met and he wasn't sure how he would react although Ben had told him about Simon. Cautiously he laid his ear at Elias' door but couldn't make out any sound. Probably both were still sleeping and he hadn't the intention to wake them up.

Then he asked himself if his mother had arrived but when she was out with Petra, her friend, she usually slept there and didn't come until noon. Ben sighed. Surely she had drunk a bit too much again - as usual on those occasions - and would come back in a grouchy mood.

There wasn't much time left before Simon would arrive so he hurried into the bathroom.

When he opened the door 20 minutes later for him he gasped. "What have you done?" Carefully he touched Simon's black eye. Simon flinched and tried to grin. "Little quarrel between dealers" he said. "No big thing."

He pushed Ben against the wall and pressed his lips upon Ben's. "I've missed you."

"So," Ben panted, "then why do you leave me alone?"

A door opened and Elias appeared naked in the frame. One moment he stood stunned then he trotted indifferently to the bathroom. "Hi Simon," he said, tired, and closed the door behind him.

"Nice ass." Simon grinned. "I'm starving! Have you some coffee?" He entered the kitchen, sniffed and put a bag with rolls upon the table.

Ben looked at Simon's eye while they ate. "You should visit a doctor tomorrow." Simon grimaced and waved it off.

"Hope you have had enough of selling your drugs." Ben continued.

"Oh no, not that again, Ben. I'm not here to hear your reproaches."

"Why not?" Ben dropped his roll and leaned close to Simon. "Why can't you understand that I worry about you? Aren't you able to do me a favour?"

He heard a key in the lock. His mother came home. One moment later she appeared in the kitchen, looking tired and bleary-eyed.

"Morning, honey." She interrupted herself and eyed Simon curiously.

"Mum, this is Simon."

She stepped closer and examined his bad eye. "Gosh, what have you done?"

She plopped herself upon a chair and lit a cigarette. "Some coffee left for me?"

Ben filled her a cup. "You look tired," he said carefully.

"I feel likewise." She yawned and wiped over her short black hair. Simon discovered some single white hairs in her fringe. She responded to his stare.

"So you are Simon. I've heard a lot about you. I'm glad we have finally met." Her voice was calm and somehow unconcerned, but her dark eyes looked at him piercingly. "Listen, Simon. I know about your disease and I can't say I'm happy about your affair with Benedikt. But it is as it is."

She blew grey smoke into the air. "I want you to promise me something. No sex without protection." Her look scurried between her son and Simon. "How do you feel? What's your medication?"

Simon threw a look to Ben. "Nothing. I'm in observation of my blood corpuscles or something."

She nodded. "Right. I'm a nurse you know." She squeezed out her cigarette. "You didn't promise me."

Simon felt awkward and a bit dressed down by the cool eyes of this woman. "I promise," he said simply. She nodded again and rose from her chair. "I'll take a nap. If you're in need of something, Simon, let me know." She left the room and both heard a door clap shut.

"Phew. You have a strong mother." Simon said.

"Yes, she works too hard and the things she sees in the hospital have made her mellow and somehow done with the world."

"She came from work right now?"

"No, sometimes she goes out with an old school friend. She needs some fun."

"Doesn't seem to me as if she had fun." He shook his head. "Where's Mr. Nice Ass actually?"

"Hey!" Ben nudged him with his knee. "My ass isn't ugly, is it "

"No." Simon grinned and gave him a kiss. "Ok. Now, what do we do with the day begun?

"Let's go out. It's a beautiful day."

Simon looked out of the window. "Indeed, didn't notice."

Ben laughed and pulled Simon from his chair.

*

"It was very hard for me to accept what Oliver did. It was like a betrayal. After all, we found a tiny flat in the third backyard of a scruffy quarter; the loo was a half staircase up. Gosh, I never had thought I would be able to live almost like a dosser but Oliver was with me and that was all that was important. He knew he was up shit creek and I was able to get him off the heroin at last. But still he was swallowing an abundance of speed and valium.

One day I found him laying unconscious in the kitchen. He told me that he tripped and had bumped his head on the table. But he couldn't look me in the eyes. I sensed that his passing fits could have something to do with his heart but what was I supposed to do? I was the only one left of all his "friends."

Then he confessed that he owed money to his gambling chums and that they wouldn't wait any longer. Wait? On what? I asked. If they'd kill you they won't get money.

You don't have any clue, he just said.

So I went with him. He supplied me with cocaine and ecstasy and when the first customer came I liked his asking me if I could do something for him, I went with him. It was an easy job; a hasty sucking number in his car. No problem.

The next one begged me literally on his knees to suck me.

Again no problem. But after a bit of fun the problematical guys appeared. Guys who wanted sex without condom - I refused. Guys who wanted spanking - I agreed as long as it wasn't me who was beaten. Guys who wanted S & M - I refused once more. I was fed up with those kind.

Oliver asked me why and I told him the story of that odd comrade named Eduard I met in Hamburg. He was one of Jo's acquaintances, a good visitor of his table dance clubs and my very own, special client.

Eduard was the secretary of the senator for culture and art in Hamburg. He was old, fat and beer-bellied and his favourite was to be bound on the bed, a cloth around his eyes. I had difficulty to spread and lift his legs to fuck him so it was rather a hard job for me. But this happened seldom; Eduard was keen on variety; he was pretty inventive and a real rabbit buck. I must still have some photos of him somewhere.

Sorry Ben to tell you this. I'm sure you don't want to hear it. But it belongs to my life. I can't deny it nor forget.

Where was I? Oh yes, I've had enough of all those strange men but we needed the money. We didn't count how often we had to sell ourselves, nor how often we were about to be bashed or caught by police or the Turkish and Russian Mafia who quarrelled with the Albanian one who controlled the area around the Kottbuser Platz. It's like looking into a canister full of rats, Ben. I don't want to see it again."

*

It was the fourth of April, three days after Marcus' birthday. The trees along the streets opened up their first gingerly green. The owners of street cafe's had placed their chairs and tables upon the pavements and they were occupied in no time by sun seeking and footsore tourists.

Daniel was sweating in his warm woollen coat and Sebastian wasn't doing any better.

"If we are already on the way to the KaDeWe we could look for some lighter jackets, what do you think?"

Daniel nodded and tugged at his scarf while he unbuttoned his coat.

"Typical Berlin," Sebastian continued. "The weather changes every hour." His eyes twinkled up into the pale blue, clear sky before he stood and glanced back to his cousin. Daniel studied the remains of a church which stood out grey-brown against the light sky and whose golden clock face on the tower stump was glistening in the sun. The newly built clock tower next to it was covered with an old Persil advertisement.

"Is this the Gedaechtniskirche?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, but the Berliners call it simply "Hollow Tooth." Bombed out, you know."

He guided his steps to it and Daniel followed. On the right hand was the high tower of the Europa-Center; upon its top the Mercedes Star was turning. The place was awash by roaring traffic, by big neon signs, one shopping centre after the other, cinemas, restaurants and upon the pavement was an organ grinder playing Old Berlin popular songs, with a little monkey doing gymnastics upon his shoulders.

A group of young students performed a pantomime play; punks and beggars sat upon the few steps, surrounded by empty beer cans and full plastic bags, skinny dogs pissed into the scruffy beds and shrubs, groups of young Turks dealt with heroin and vanished like lightning when a Black Maria turned up in the distance.

Daniel saw this all with a mixture of detest and fascination, only Sebastian it didn't seem to bother.

He entered the heavy glass door to the tower ruin, which had been converted into a memorial. Daniel marvelled over old remains of mosaics, pieces of architecture and looked at old photos of the undestroyed church.

"The last remains. Look, here's a cross of nails from the cathedral of Coventry," Sebastian said.

"Coventry?"

"Yes, British town, completely destroyed by German bombers."

Daniel said nothing for a while. "It's a funny town, don't you think? The old and new so close together."

"Well, what could they do? Three quarters of the town was broken, destroyed, lay in ruins. But I must agree it's a strange town, almost as strange as Rome."

Finally they left the church and took the path to the biggest shopping centre of the mainland - the Kaufhaus des Westens - abbreviated to the short KaDeWe.

"You live there with Kay, yes? How did you meet?"

"At Marcus' exhibition he held at the beginning of the New Year. He worked in a branch of Cerruti. Marcus was a permanent customer and Kay got friendly with Nick."

Daniel looked at him from aside. "Both were lovers?"

"Hell, no. But I know he fancied Nick in the first place."

"I see." Daniel wasn't sure if he should dare to bring up the subject of what he had learned recently.

"Nick wasn't able to buy in those kind of shops," Sebastian continued, "but Marcus took him with him and bought him clothes."

"He was that poor?"

Sebastian opened his jacket too. "Apparently. Well, not so poor as those punks and beggars but poor enough to never set foot into one of those shops."

They crossed the street, entered the Kurfuerstendamm and passed shop windows.

"And you? What's with you? Never fancied sweet Nick?"

Sebastian burst into laughter. "Oh, you know me too well." Suddenly he stopped laughing and looked miserable. "You heard something, yes?" Lately at Marcus' birthday, am I right?"

"Very outspoken, yes, that's true."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow and looked Daniel up and down. "No use to hide it from you?" He sighed and remained silent.

"I wasn't sure if I've understood it right," Daniel said. "So there was something between you and Nick? Why? Kay doesn't know about it?"

Sebastian stopped in his tracks. "Danny, it's a long story and I'm not sure if you would understand. If I try to explain, it would sound wrong. Do you understand?"

"No." Daniel's voice sounded hurt and Sebastian put an arm around his shoulder. "Danny, don't be mad, I will try to explain in a more calm minute." He paused. "It was a very strong attraction whenever we met and one special day we couldn't stand anymore. Nick and Marcus had a hard time and were about to break up. At least Nick was sure that there was somebody else for Marcus." He looked up, "Look, we are almost there."

"And Kay? Did you tell him?"

Sebastian shook his head "I can't."

Daniel muttered "That's no good, Bastian. He will find out, even if by a stupid coincidence. What are you going to do then?"

"Perhaps it wouldn't be such a tragedy for him."

Daniel looked at him in surprise. "You have no clue how he looks at you, my friend. If you become too close to somebody you can't see clearly anymore. I can tell he loves you, more than you can imagine."

Bastian went on and dropped his head so he bumped into Simon who appeared to stand right before him suddenly.

"Simon!" Sebastian called out too loud.

Simon looked confused. "What's the matter with you? You look as if you've seen a ghost on roller blades. Do I look that bad?" He grinned and pushed the man next to him. "This is Rene, an old friend. Rene, this is Sebastian, Marcus eldest friend."

Then he smiled at Daniel, "Hi Danny, nice to see you so soon again. Thought you would be gone home already." He turned to Rene. "You know Daniel has an old castle he lives in. I once visited him with Marcus and fell instantly in love with it." He wiped his forehead. "Phew, it's hot today, isn't it?"

Sebastian watched his face. It was indeed a mild day but certainly not warm enough to have sweat pearls upon the forehead.

"How old is your castle?" Rene asked curiously. "Very old?"

"Yes." Daniel nodded reserved.

"Really precious things in there?" Old armors? Jewelry? Old Christian stuff?"

Simon nudged Rene's arm. "Nosey thing! Of course it's a precious castle, isn't it, Danny."

"Where do you go to actually?" Sebastian asked.

"Meet old friends." Rene answered. He still looked at Daniel and seemed to estimate his wealth.

Again Simon wiped his wet forehead and Sebastian was alarmed. Simon didn't look good; his complexion was pale and wan and had a strange colour, almost yellow and his eyes were dull, not to mention the remains of a black eye.

"Are you sure you feel well?" he asked. "We were going up to the KaDeWe to have lunch. Want to come with us? Perhaps you're hungry?" He took Simon's upper arm and Simon knew Sebastian wouldn't accept any back talk.

"Actually I'm sick at the pure thought of food," Simon mumbled but went with Sebastian, dragging Rene with him.

"What's this about old friends you want to meet?" Sebastian probed.

"Just some friends." Simon's voice was low and he pressed his hand upon his stomach.

"Hope you gave up your dealing. And selling your ass." Sebastian's voice was sharp. "It's pretty shitty what you're doing. Don't you think you should fill your life with more intelligent things? I know you're out of money but YOU know very well that your brother and Marcus would do anything for you."

Suddenly he heard a gagging sound and saw Simon tumbling aside and puking into a big bowl of juniper plants guarding the entrance to a chiceria-barber.

"Jesus!" With two steps Sebastian was at his side, holding his head and back. "What are you doing?"

Simon couldn't stop until there was only yellow-green liquid coming up from his stomach and landing in high arches between the plants.

Rene's face had become ash pale and he likewise felt nausea rising. "He didn't feel well for two days," he croaked and turned.

"Take a deep breath" Sebastian said, stroking Simon's quivering back.

"What's this shit for." A window had opened and a middle-aged woman looked down with disgust. "You drunken swines. I'm the one who must clean up your mess."

All of them placed no value on her words.

Simon finally raised up and Daniel gave him his handkerchief to clean his mouth and chin.

"It's ok." Simon whispered roughly, but then he swayed, closed his eyes and would have fallen if Sebastian had not held him. Amazed he stared into Simon's greenish face. "He passed out. Shit, we have no car. Do you?"

Rene shook his head saying no word. Daniel picked Simon's body up and carried him in his arms and called to the woman, "Would you call for an ambulance?" The woman grimaced and shut the window with a bang.

"Stupid cow."

Rene had run to the street curb where he tried to stop a taxi. It seemed a long time until one appeared. Rene tried to make clear that this was an emergency and no plastered lad. Daniel carried Simon to the car and sat him into it cautiously. Simon was still unconscious.

*

"Who?"

"Elli Schneider. Don't you remember the annoying woman with the orange cloak at Marcus' birthday?"

"Ah yes." Ben leaned back against the bench they sat upon and shadowed his eyes with one hand. "I can remember her obtrusive perfume." He grinned at Nicholas. "So she's hot for you, yes?"

"Seems like it, really."

"Really!" the corner of Ben's mouth twitched suspiciously.

"Don't you dare to laugh!" Nick said playfully. "It's a real nuisance, I can tell you!"

"I believe you, I believe you." Ben narrowed his eyes. "I could be wrong but I think Frank looks like shit."

Nicholas followed Ben's gaze until he found their teacher leaning against a chestnut tree, eating an apple.

"Yeah, even paler than usual."

"Must be the cold."

Frank himself chewed at his apple and the bits seemed to grow in his mouth. He suffered from a heavy cold and should actually have stayed in bed, but a teacher had already called in sick, so he had to take over his lessons.

Under half closed eyelids he watched both lads, sprawled upon the bench, enjoying the warm sunbeams. He couldn't understand how Ben could be so carefree ... Everything Frank had learned was that Ben's new boyfriend, Simon, was HIV positive, but Ben seemed to be unshakable in his affection and care. He spat out the last bite and wiped his mouth. It was unbelievable for him. Even more unbelievable was the time he was damned to wait before he could do his second AIDS test. The first had come out negative but this didn't mean anything. The second test was much more important.

His stomach began to heave with nausea - a too well known feeling for him for the last few days. He pulled out a paper handkerchief and wiped his running nose. Just when he was about to turn he almost bumped into Walter-Udo, also one of his students. Walt jumped back as if he had been bitten by a scorpion.

"What's the problem with you?" Frank asked. "You seem to go out of my way." And your hair is getting even thinner day by day, he completed the thought. Walt's eyes flickered, then he pulled himself together.

"Yes, there are problems," he said.

"So? Can I help you?" Frank was about to lay his arm around Walt's shoulder but he shook it off.

"Didn't think you would be amused." he said and turned abruptly to face his teacher. "My aunt moved in with us."

Frank arched his eyebrows. "That's the problem?"

"The problem is the reason she did it."

Frank sighed and let his eyes wander around the yard. Then he pulled out a cigarette box and lit one. As he held the box out to Walt, he also picked one and inhaled deeply.

"So, do you have problems with your aunt, yes?" Frank looked up into Walt's strained face.

"Not exactly. You know, my aunt found some strange magazines between her husbands clothes."

"Her husband is the secretary of the Senator for culture and art, did I get this right?" Frank asked innocently. His cigarette trembled a bit between his fingers. Short memories flashed through his mind, memories of having Eduard on his knees, naked and vulnerable, ready to do every kinky thing for Frank, being fucked like mad, being bound to the bed so he couldn't move...

"Perfectly. Guess what she found."

Frank shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sure you will tell me instantly."

Walt blew gray smoke through his nose. "Special kinds of magazines. Porn, hard core, sado-maso-shit." He glared into Frank's light eyes. "Faggot's porn to say it clear."

"So?" Franks sickness grew. "Perhaps he lives a double life."

"Sure he does. My aunt was shocked and left him. At least for a while."

Frank waved off. "You have no clue how many men live a double life. Outwardly the upright husband and family-father but inwardly they suffer from this circumstance and wish they could live their lives and desires openly. They are cowards."

"Wouldn't say that." Walt contradicted. "Perhaps they love to have kids and a family. You can't have everything - be a faggot and have a family, right, Frank?"

Frank choked on his cigarette and coughed a bit. His pale eyes were suddenly piercing cold. "Watch your mouth, Walt. Thought you had a REAL problem but perhaps it deals with your intolerance. What your uncle is doing shouldn't bother you. Likewise what I am doing."

"Yeah, that's exactly the point. I bother. Lately I followed my uncle. Guess where he was going?"

Frank dropped his cigarette and squashed it with his shoe. Calmly he said, "So where was he going? No, don't tell me. I know. Think it was my flat."

"Clever guy." Walt's eyes sparkled with anger. "What do you like to do with my uncle, huh? Give him a good fuck? Strike him until blood splatters? Does this turn you on, you dirty cock sucker? Jeez, just the mere thought of it makes me throw up!"

Frank's face was a grimace. He made a step forward until he saw himself in Walt's eyes. "Say it again and I will forget where we are."

"Ah!" Walt sneered. "I'm scared shitless..." then he held his hand to his cheek where Frank's surprising strike had left a bright red mark, but he regained his composure instantly. "Wow, that little asshole licker isn't that much of a wimp..."

"Shut your face, baby." Frank's voice was still calm but now had an ice cold, frightening undertone. He punched Walt in his stomach. "What do you want? To provoke me? Why? Perhaps you're in need of a good fuck too, eh?"

Walt ducked but couldn't avoid the fist hitting his face once more. He began to bleed from his nose and his left eye swelled closed in no time. Others noticed the quarrel and held the now fuming Frank by both upper arms and prevented him from hitting Walt again.

Walt's shirt was soaked with his own blood by now; he held his head back to stop the bleeding, with minor success.

Both, Nick and Ben, sat at the edge of the bench and watched the action in amazement. Then they looked at each other and ran to the crowd to find out what happened.

In the meantime, Frank and Walt were carried into the Academy building again. Both were separated in the teacher's room, one of the teacher's cared for Walt's injuries, holding a cold, wet handkerchief onto the nape of his neck.

Nick tried to peer in but was rushed out. It was then that the phone rang in the office and one minute later a female teacher called for Ben.

Ben and Nick were standing together at the window, discussing the event when he heard his name called.

"I'm here," he said.

"I just had a call from someone named von Scheffel or something. He> asked that you come to the Charitè-hospital. It's an emergency." She carefully eyed Ben's facial expression. "Are you ok? I hope it is nobody in your family."

Nicholas was instantly at his side, holding his arm. "I'm going with you."

He asked silently for permission from the teacher and found approval. Without a backward look, both went out of the Academy.

Ben was speeding down the streets leading to the hospital area and got very confused about the large old building mixed together with new ones and stopped in front of a tower block which read at the entrance 'Emergency Admission.' He panted for breath and waited for Nicholas who was a short distance behind him. After they were informed by a nurse they found their way to the right floor and corridor. From a distance they saw Sebastian sitting on the bench along the walls. He rose when he saw them coming.

"No need for fear, Ben." He looked soothingly at the exhausted Ben and shortly nodded to Nicholas. "Simon broke down on the street. The doc is with him. I don't think it's so bad that he wouldn't be up in a short time."

"Can I see him?"

"Not yet. Come sit down with me. Soon we will find out." Dumbfounded, Nicholas sat down but Ben was in too much turmoil to sit in silence. He leaned against the wall opposite and asked, "Why was he with you?"

"We met on the street. Ku'damm. He was with Rene and I had Daniel as company."

"Daniel?"

"Oh, you didn't meet him at Marcus' birthday party? That's odd."

Ben could remember vaguely a well-built man with auburn hair he saw from a distance but he had never exchanged a word with him.

"They're looking for some coffee," he heard Sebastian continuing.

"I didn't know he was having a meeting with Rene." Ben said low. "What is happening, Sebastian? I know he didn't feel well lately but..."

"Perhaps something was wrong with what he has eaten." Sebastian really tried his best to comfort the boy... and himself. His knees were still somewhat shaky and he was more affected that he would confess.

A door opened and a sickbed was shoved out from a room. In it lay a very pale Simon who tried to smile. Ben was instantly at his side, trying to hold his hand, unable to speak.

A young nurse smiled at him encouragingly but didn't say anything. They were followed by an elder doctor. "Are you family?"

Ben shook his head. "His friend."

The doctor looked a bit confused. "Seems to have a large amount of friends. Well, anyway, I think you will have to phone his parents to inform them about the condition of their son."

"Couldn't you please tell us too?"

"According to the circumstances. We made several blood tests. Doesn't seem to look like a food poisoning. His eyes are of a yellow colour, likewise his whole complexion."

Sebastian rose to his full length and folded his arms behind his back.

"You mean a hepatitis?"

The gray-haired doctor gave him a speculative look and nodded slowly. "It was good to bring him in instantly."

Sebastian cleared his throat. "As you might find out soon, I can tell you anyway. Simon is HIV positive. Could it stand in any relation?"

If he had ever expected a twist in the doc's face, he waited in vain.

"Yes, it could. I'm sure it is." His face was getting more friendly. "Thanks for being serious. We have to deal with it a lot lately."

Suddenly understanding, he turned his head to Ben who was standing forlorn and unhappy in the middle of the corridor, staring at the closed door to the sick room. "You can go to him in a minute." There was a faint smile on his face. "Would you be so kind and call his parents?"

Ben nodded absentmindedly and the doctor vanished into his room again.

As Rene and Daniel turned the corner with their paper coffee cups, Daniel recognized Nicholas and next to him a young man with a black ponytail. He could only see him from behind but he was sure this had to be Simon's boyfriend.

"Ben arrived." he heard Rene muttering beside him.

"Ben... Simon's lover, right?"

"Right." Rene quickened his steps and spilled some coffee onto the floor.

"What did the doc say?" he asked.

Ben turned and Daniel got a strong pang in his stomach ... his knees were weak like warm butter all of a sudden ... in his chest his heart beat quickened ... and in his crotch where he felt a hardening in his trousers... He almost dropped the paper cup he carried and missed the answer Ben was giving. He saw the red lips moving but didn't hear a word coming from that sweet mouth.

"What did the doc say?" Daniel repeated like a parrot and earned a confused look from Sebastian. "Are you deaf all of a sudden?" Then he took a double look and saw attraction plastered all over Daniel's flushed face. Despite the seriousness of this situation he almost laughed out loud but held himself under control. This wasn't funny at all.

"It could be hepatitis." Sebastian said low.

"Shit." Sebastian took the coffee from Daniel's somewhat trembling hands and emptied it in one gulp. Then he grimaced and shook his head. "What's in that awful brew?" He looked to Daniel and spoke to Ben, "Did you meet Danny already?" He tugged at his sleeve. "This is my cousin, freshly imported from South Tyrol."

"Hi Ben." Daniel croaked and absorbed Ben's face into his memory. The hazel eyes, black in the light of the corridor, the shining long ponytail, and the slender body dressed in a blue, open anorak. Ben's pale cheeks reddened a bit as he shook Daniel's hand. He couldn't quite remember if anybody had made such a deep impression on him at first sight ... except Simon, of course. He reluctantly drew back his hand and began to sweat. Daniel's green eyes were even brighter than the ones of his cousin and his straight nose was crowned by some nice freckles. He quickly asked himself if his body was covered completely with those lovely flaws but then he tried to shake off those thoughts.

Daniel excused himself to go to the loo and Sebastian's eyes followed his strong body then return questioningly to Ben's eyes. Then he turned to Nicholas and whispered. "Have to call Kay and shall I call Marcus too? Where is he?"

"Exhibition hall. No, wait, he wanted to go to the Friedrichstrasse. He told me about a large empty shop which is free for sale. Try him on his mobile. I'll come with you."

Sebastian nodded and both went away to look for a phone.

Rene approached Ben and took his arm. "Are you still ready?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"Ready for your big sacrifice." Rene's grin was repulsing. "This was just the beginning."

"Damn, Rene, I can't bear your drivel. I know a hepatitis, I had one of my own when I was a child."

Rene drew even closer and whispered, "Go while there is time. I can care for Simon." His look was lurking.

"Why?" Ben shook his head. His ponytail swung like a perpendicular line along his back. "I don't understand the reason. "Why do you want to get rid of me? Be happy, you don't have to care." He paused. "Or are you still hot for him?"

"I'm not sure about that. By the way", Rene grinned, "did you notice Daniel's stares?" he asked suggestively.

"What stares?" Ben was getting angry and wanted to get rid of Rene.

"What stares?" Rene parroted Ben. "Are you blind?"

Ben blinked a moment before he began getting angry again. "Push off, man. I've other things to do." He saw the nurse coming out of Simon's room. He rushed to her and asked, "Can I see him?"

"Of course you can. Follow me. You have to put on a gown and you can see him only through the glass door."

"Why?" Ben was startled.

The young nurse gave him an indulgent look. "Perhaps he has a very infectious hepatitis. We will find out soon. In the meantime we won't take any risk, you understand me?"

Ben nodded and disappeared with her into the room.

Rene saw Daniel coming back from the toilet.

"Where's Sebastian?" Daniel asked.

"Gone to phone Marcus."

Daniel plopped himself upon the softly upholstered bench which led along the corridor. Rene watched him briefly before he sat beside him.

"You're hot for Ben, right? I can see it from a three miles distance."

"So?" Daniel tried to stay calm but the sudden flush of his face betrayed him. Rene grinned. "Your secret is well kept with me, don't worry. Actually it's a good idea."

"What is a good idea?"

"To save Ben from Simon. You know, Simon is doomed to die, so I don't see a reason why Ben should waste his life."

Daniel looked with disgust at Rene. "How can you tell me such rubbish? You should be happy that Ben is so faithful - at least according to what I've heard."

Rene waved off. "I have no illusion about that. I'm infected too and the disease broke out some weeks ago," he said calmly.

Daniel quickly turned his head to face the other man. "Oh. I didn't know that." Shit, what could he say? To say he felt pity was too .... it didn't hit the point he wanted to say. An awkward silence filled the air.

"You don't have to say sorry, Danny, it's ok." He grinned again and patted Daniel's arm. "So what are we going to do with you and Ben?"

"Nothing! Come, stop babbling. Next week I'm going back home and I will probably never see him again."

Rene eyed the dropped head with the auburn hair. "Would you like to see him again?" he asked.

"No."

Rene shook his head. He couldn't understand all the fuss about feelings. If he ever had fancied somebody he didn't wait long for any opportunity to get him into his bed or wherever. So where was the problem? Simon would die sooner or later and Ben would look for another man...

"Tell me about your castle. Where do you come from actually? You speak a funny German."

Daniel laughed shortly. "Funny German? Well, it is German, isn't it? I live in Italy."

"Italy? I don't understand."

"It's the north of Italy, a part where people still speak German. We learn it in school along with Italian."

"Most odd."

"Isn't odd at all. That part of Italy once belonged to Germany, that's all."

"I see. It's nice there, yes?"

Daniel nodded vehemently. "Oh yes. It's surrounded by beautiful mountains, vineyards, apple plantations, castles, and nice towns and villages."

"Can imagine. You must find Berlin awful. Do you really have armor in your castle? Is it open for the public?"

"Yes and no. I have armor and no, it isn't open for the public. Well, not yet. I'm busy with restorations. Perhaps when I'm done with it I will earn money by guiding people through the castle."

"Gosh! You never will be alone again. I wouldn't like to have foreign people in my house. You live alone there?"

"Geez, you are very nosey, Rene." Daniel answered half laughing. He saw the door to Simon's room open again and a very pale Ben appearing. His eyes had lost their sparkle and Daniel felt the urge to take the boy into his arms. He went to him and asked softly, "How is he?"

Ben looked up into Daniel's caring green eyes. "Relatively ok. I couldn't go to him, he's behind a glass door." He sniffed a bit. "I too had hepatitis when I was very little. I can now remember that I also was laying behind glass. Two glass doors actually. We could only talk by shouting and I had to take a lot of pills and eat only cream cheese and honey and ..."

Daniel had to laugh, "You see, there's a lot of fun to come for Simon."

Ben couldn't but laugh with him. But it was an unhappy laugh. "Yeah, you're right. A lot of fun to come for both of us."

"Hey, Daniel whispered. "It's just an infection he will recover." His face was dangerously near Ben's red lips and he quickly put space between them. "Next week I'll go back home but I hope we can keep in touch. If you want, that is. I'm interested in Simon's recovering." He added quickly.

Sebastian watched with unease both men in the corridor. Although he trusted his cousin that he never would interfere in a relationship, he nevertheless had a bad feeling. He had been able to reach Marcus and he had promised to come as soon as possible. Kay was on his way already.

"I only hope there's nothing going on," he heard Nicholas mumbling at his side.

"Huh?"

"Open your eyes, Bastian. Don't you feel that same attraction that once connected ourselves?"

"Why do you use past tense?" Sebastian's eyes sparkled. "I still fancy you!"

"Oh, come on." Nick gave him a slap on his shoulder. "Not that again. I thought you had enough of my body once you saw it naked."

Sebastian stopped. "Do you really think that? Well, my body tells me a different story." He winked.

"Shove off, man," Nicholas said laughing. "You reached Kay at home?"

"No, he wanted to visit the Cerruti shop he used to work in, perhaps he was laying with the new sales clerk under the desk doing indescribable things of lust when I called him there."

Nicholas burst out into laughter but instantly held his palm over his mouth.

"You're an asshole, Bastian. Can't you ever be serious?"

"Of course I can, sweetie. What are we going to do with Simon's parents, for instance?"

"Yeah, that's a real problem. They live at the isle Sylt, right?"

"Right. But didn't Marcus tell you that he has plans to visit them?"

Nicholas lifted his head, surprised. "No!" He blew air through his nose. "As usual he has a mind like a Swiss cheese - full of holes! You talked about it? He wants to go there without me and tell the parents about Simon's disease?"

Sebastian was a bit embarrassed. "Yes," he said hesitantly. "We talked about it." He stopped his walking. I'm convinced he planned to take you with him. Easter is coming soon and perhaps this will be a good time for a trip. But listen, Nicki, actually it should be Kay who brings the bad news to his parents, am I right? We talked about it and Kay agreed. So if you could do me the favour and tell Marcus that there's no need for him to do it? Go and spend your Easter holidays as you like, I'm sure there are more exciting things to do for you both." He winked.

Nicholas nodded.

It wasn't long until Kay came rushing down the corridors, disarranged and sad. He had lost his merry behaviour completely, just stood close to Sebastian's side, not talking until Sebastian lead him to the small canteen to buy him a hot tea. He held his cold hand until it was warm again. Sebastian was surprised that Kay was so affected, after all he hadn't had the impression that the brothers would be that close. Perhaps it was a wrong impression.

"I left him alone." Kay croaked huskily after a long time of forlorn staring. "Should have cared more for him." He looked up. "He didn't tell me where he had gone to after he and Marcus broke up, you know my parents didn't know either. He told me a lot in the little time we had after we met again." He hesitated. "Very personal things. I don't believe Ben has any idea of, and he's unsure if he should tell him."

"What is it about? His time after Marcus?"

Kay nodded and Sebastian looked thoughtful. "I hope you'll trust me one day enough to tell me too."

Kay smiled thinly. "Perhaps." He emptied his cup. "But again we're so far away. I feel guilty about it."

Sebastian suddenly felt guilty too and didn't know what to say. He hoped desperately that Ben would be there for Simon - always. But would the shoulders of a 21 years old man be broad enough to carry the burden? He watched the patients with their family and friends and hoped that soon Simon would be ok again.

"Come, honey, perhaps the doc has finished his examination."

Kay sneaked through the white washed door into the hospital room. Simon was laying in the bed near the window and opened his eyes. His small face lit up when he recognized his brother. Kay smiled back and pushed a chair beside the bed.

"What you doing for crap, eh?" he said cheerfully. He tried not to show his shock; he examined his brother's yellow face briefly but sharply and then took one of Simon's hands.

"You know I'm always in deep shit." Simon's voice was huskier than ever.

Kay laughed dryly. "Yeah, I know."

"Did you see the doc?" Simon asked.

"Not yet. Sebastian said it's probably a hepatitis."

"Is it worse?"

Kay sighed. "I don't know. Usually not, but...." he trailed off.

Simon wanted to pull his hand away but Kay held on. "Hey, Ben's still waiting outside. Everybody is waiting outside. Nick, Sebastian, Rene, Daniel and Marcus will come too."

"Marcus?" Simon asked shrilly and Kay gave him a surprised look. "What is so odd about Marcus coming?"

"He shouldn't see me so."

"Nonsense." He bent over. "Hey, what are you concerned for? You don't still fancy him, do you?" he asked mockingly and Simon grinned. A poor imitation of his old grin. "Why can't I be like you?" he said very low. "You were always able to cope with life, but I... I always mess up things."

"Simon, don't talk rubbish. Life isn't perfect, I surely messed up things too." He looked fondly at his little brother and cursed his parents - and himself once more. "I'm here for you now."

"But you will go back to Rome soon I suppose." Simon sighed. "You can't help me anyway."

Kay didn't know what to say. He felt bad when he thought about his selfish being - wasn't he the same as his parents? He squeezed Simon's fingers. "And even if I return soon to Rome, we'll say in contact, yes? Don't want to lose you again. I understand you were too proud to ask for help when you were on the streets, this is a share of our parents inheritance, but you must promise me that there's no reason to be ashamed. We all love you and..." He had almost told him about the plans to visit their parents. Simon would be mad if he knew. He had to make up for it.

A nurse was silently rushing into the room and Kay arose. "I will come back again later." He smiled his most encouraging smile and turned to the door. The nurse's back blocked the view of his brother and Kay left the room.

Marcus had arrived, finally, at the hospital. His cheeks were rosy and Nicholas could tell he was successful in making a contract with the seller of the large shop rooms. Nicholas had visited Simon too, but could only stay in front of the glass door and watch his friend's sleeping pale face.

Marcus arrived not a minute too early because Doctor Hardenberg came out of his room, holding a sheet of paper in his hand. He looked a bit surprised by the arriving of the other friends but said nothing.

He wiped his tired eyes and said in a low voice to nobody special, "As I expected it's hepatitis. Unfortunately the worst form of it, means the C-class. We don't have any real medication for it. The way it goes is mostly chronic."

"Is it really that bad?" Ben exclaimed, "He will survive though, yes?"

"Yes. But there's no need to lock him behind glass." Doctor Hardenberg studied the young man intensely. "Are you his boyfriend?"

Ben nodded. "All right, would you be so kind and follow me?" I have to talk to you in private."

Ben followed but not without a helpless glance at his friends. They all gave him encouraging smiles and indicated that they would wait for him.

"This is really a shit." Rene said. "I've heard about Hepatitis C. It always leads to liver cancer."

"Oh yes, that's exactly what we need, Rene. You are so encouraging." Sebastian shot back.

"Well, what can we do? Face the truth! They will pump him full of tablets and pills but it won't avoid the cancer, believe me." Rene insisted.

"How can you be so fatalistic?" Marcus glared at Rene, sitting on the bench. "You gave him up, right? Well, it's just hepatitis and I'm sure they will do everything they can to treat him properly."

Nicholas grabbed for Marcus' hand because he sensed Marcus was really annoyed about Rene's presence. Marcus breathed deeply in and out.

"Anyway," Rene responded. "Ben will be having an examination too. This Hepatitis C is carried by blood and body fluids, just like AIDS."

Nobody said anything, they stood and sat in silence and hung onto their own thoughts. Kay was checking Rene out from the corner of his eyes. Simon had spoke about him. Kay couldn't figure out what Simon saw in him. Perhaps he was only a good fuck buddy. But thinking about the fact, it was probably Rene who passed his brother the disease, the thought produced feelings of hatred in his guts.

For Daniel it was really a shock. He had hoped to have some entertainment and calm holidays amongst friends here in Berlin and everything he had learned was disease, sorrow and pain. His heart went out to Ben and he really hoped that he wasn't infected too.

After half an hour, Ben stepped out of another room where the nurse had led him into to make several blood tests. His face was now as pale as Simon's. "I can go home," he said in a low voice. "The nurse will call me when the results come back."

Everybody began to move, but Marcus and Kay peered quickly into Simon's room to find him still sleeping. Tears were welling up in Marcus' eyes. He had feared this... and he wasn't sure if he could bear the things to come. Being always fresh and healthy himself, he hated illness and sick people, but there still was a lot of affection for Simon, his ex-lover, no matter what he did or who he now was, he couldn't go on as if nothing had happened. He would do what he could for him. The first one was to speak with his parents. He felt Kay touching his shoulder.

"Marcus? Sebastian told me that you and Nick want to visit our parents. I don't fancy the idea. Let me speak with them, please." Marcus wanted to say something but Kay shushed him. "I really would appreciate it, for it's family business. Sebastian will come with me. But thanks for your efforts." He looked pleading at him and Marcus squeezed his hand. "Ok," he said quietly. "Perhaps it is better this way."

He closed the door and quickened his steps to get to Ben's side when they went out of the hospital building. "Did you tell the doc about his parents?"

Ben nodded.

Kay said, "Listen, Ben. You know they live at Sylt and have no clue about Simon's condition. Sebastian and I decided to visit them and ask for permission to receive Simon's inheritance."

Ben stood petrified. "Simon's inheritance?" he asked confused. "What do you mean?"

"But you know that Simon's parents are rich. It would enable Simon to enjoy a life without sorrow," Marcus threw in.

"I don't want money from him."

Marcus' grip on Ben's arm was tight. "Jesus, Ben. It's Simon's money and he is entitled to it. Swallow your pride, damn, I don't even know if he has social security card."

"Yes," Ben's head dropped. "Ok. When will you go?"

"Look, next week is Easter and you will have holidays anyway. While both are away you can care for Simon and keep them informed, will you do this? Nick and I are here for you anyway."

"Ok."

Marcus let loose of his arm and lifted Ben's sad face. "You had protection, yes? There's nothing to fear for you?"

"We had protection."

"Good. Do you want to come with us? I don't like the thought of you being alone."

"But I must be reachable for the phone call."

"Don't worry. We'll call the hospital and give them the number, ok?"

Ben's face cleared a bit. At least he would be with Nick.

Ben lay sleepless on the comfortable couch in Marcus' atelier. The guest room was occpied by Daniel but he didn't mind sleeping here high under the roof, although the soft light coming from the window in the ceiling disturbed him a bit.

Late that evening he got a call from the hospital saying that he was clean and he was relieved to no end. But soon he scolded himself for his feelings. Simon lay there lonely in his hospital bed.

Ben had learned from the doctor that Hepatitis C was very dangerous and leads almost inevitably to cirrhosis of the liver and this could lead to cancer. But he had comforted himself with the term "could"; it wasn't unavoidable. Simon would have to stay for several weeks in hospital, about four or five, and Ben was determined to visit him every day. Simon would recover. He had to.

Ben shifted uncomfortably. He inhaled a light smell of paints and turpentine and he was sure that right on this couch where he was laying, there had to have been something going on between Nick and Marcus. He grinned. Perhaps Marcus had been laying here naked under close examination of Nicholas' artist's eyes....

But Ben wasn't convinced that it would be a good idea to invade Simon's parents at their domicile on the island. After all, they didn't give a toss about the life of their sons - apparently. Simon had mentioned them only briefly. If they were as wealthy as Marcus? If yes, they could afford a bigger flat together... but Ben wasn't sure if this is what Simon wanted.

Oh well, he would think about it when Sebastian and Kay came back.

"Crap, I didn't tell you the very hot news!" Nicholas exclaimed to Marcus. Both were lying in bed.

"What is it?" Marcus turned to his stomach and looked into Nick's face.

"Frank and Walt had a fight!"

"Walt?"

"I told you about him, one of the students, the one who can't paint!"

"Ah, yes. They had a fight? How and where?"

"At the Academy yard. Suddenly Frank hit him and Walt got a black eye and he punched Frank in the stomach."

"So?" Marcus scratched his nose. "That's strange. What could be the reason?"

"Don't know." Nicholas also turned to his stomach and began to stroke Marcus' back. "Walt hates gays."

Marcus raised his eyebrows and grumbled something. "Usual theme. Did he say something bad to you? Or to Ben?"

"No, he avoids us like the bubonic plague."

"Good for you." Marcus smiled. "Who would like to have company with an asshole?"

"Frank looked like shit. He has a cold." Suddenly his face was thoughtful. "Marcus, what if Frank is also infected with Hepatitis? He had sex with Simon."

"Hm, that would be indeed awful. Well, it's his fault. Better to have this than HIV."

"Or both."

"Come, don't paint it black, angel." He leaned over and kissed Nicholas' freckled nose. "Let's drop the subject. What do you have in mind for Easter holidays?"

Nick made a vague gesture. "Well, Ben will be alone when we go for a trip..."

"Don't worry about Ben. He will be fine, he's strong enough. And I don't think he will feel abandoned because Simon needs him, don't you think."

"Yes." He snuggled into Marcus' arms and closed his eyes.

"Frank will be in trouble... " he heard Marcus low voice. "Walt won't miss the opportunity to sue him for hitting a pupil." But this Nicholas didn't hear, he was deeply asleep.