One Moment - 5. Chapter 5

One Moment

Chapter 5

Matt did not know how long he stayed in the small room but it was dark outside by the time he was able to leave. He was still shaky and exhausted but instead of going to bed like he wanted he was led back down to the main hall and right into a room he hated as badly as the room he was just in, Dr. Marshall’s office.

He was surprised when the door was opened for him and he walked in to see the man still there. He wondered if the doctor ever took a day off in the first place and now wondered if he spent the night there as well. Checking the clock on the wall he saw it was a little past seven, which meant he’d spent about 9 hours in the solitary room.

“Have a seat Matthew.” Dr. Marshall said gesturing to Matt’s usual chair, the one in front of his desk, just inside the door. He could tell from the boy’s eyes and his demeanor that he was tired, that whatever fight he had had in him that morning was now completely depleted. “You okay?” He asked as Matt sat down, again not surprised when he did not get an answer.

“I’d like to think today’s experience may have deterred you from any future escape attempts. We aren’t going to know that for a while, I imagine though. Attempts to escape are treated very seriously around here. As I informed you before it means an instant level drop to number one.”

“That means you will go to bed at eight every night, you will have some extra chores, no TV, no snacks, no phone, tomorrow while the other boys are working on their play you will sit in the dining room and write letters.” He was pleased to see a slight peek of interest on Matt’s face and explained.

“You need to write apology letters to each of the staff members, to Mark for stomping on his foot and to him and all the others for the inconvenience you caused and the names you called them. You also need to write one to Andy’s mother who is more than a little irritated about the incident she saw today.”

Dr. Marshall spun a pen on his desk wishing he had some magical powers to make a person talk. He had confidence that Matthew would start talking at some point; he just hoped it would not be too long. He knew the boy needed help but there was not much he could do until he started talking.

“The other boys reported you had refused to help with the play. You will need to write them an apology letter too. When we have group projects here on the weekend, participation is mandatory and you cannot opt out. That may not have been explained to you so I’m not going to make a huge deal out of it, but you at least need to write them a letter.”

Matt left the office fuming, not that he was on level one and not that he had to write a ton of letters, not even that Andy’s mother was apparently as snotty as her son was. What made him so mad was the outright lie the man had been told. He hadn’t outright refused to help with the play, he had sat there with them all when they had discussed it, and he hadn’t even been the only one not talking. No one had asked him for his input, and he knew damn well if he had offered any, he would have been completely ignored. He couldn’t understand why he was always the odd man out, why in any crowd he was the loser. He hadn’t done anything to any of them. His only crime apparently was being poor. The same crime that seemed to always mark his spot on the societal ladder.

He didn’t understand why money was so damn important to everyone. He wasn’t stupid, he knew it was a necessity in life, but with kids, when none of them had any money of their own in the first place, he didn’t understand why it mattered so much. They were not the ones out earning the money, and he was not the one that made his parents losers. He hadn’t made his mother fonder of the bottle than anything else, causing her to lose job after job until she gave up altogether. He hadn’t forced his father to have a lack of drive in his life, hadn’t shown up before he was even born and made his father quit high school. It wasn’t his fault his father would work his whole life at crappy dead end jobs.

Somehow, though he was the one being labeled by his parents’ failures. He detested the idea of suffering for his parents fuck ups even when he was hundreds of miles away from them but each place he went he became even more and more sure that is exactly what would happen.

Those boys had no right to hate him, they didn’t even know him. He wasn’t certain if they did get to know him they’d like him any better, he wasn’t exactly the epitome of cool or anything, but just the fact they didn’t even care to get to know him, to find that out on their own really pissed him off.

As they walked by the living room, he looked in and saw them all in there watching TV. His anger escalated and he wanted nothing more than to go in there and give them all a piece of his mind. Being the chicken he was though, he started walking again as soon as Mark told him to, following him down the hall to the bedroom where he went immediately to bed, it already being past his eight o’clock bed time.

The next morning when Mark showed up while he was eating breakfast, he began to wonder if he too never took a day off. He had been there nearly a week now and Mark had been there every day. Mark said good morning to everyone before replacing the man that had sat by Matt’s bed all night, and sitting in the chair beside Matt.

After clearing his breakfast dish and watching as the other boys left the room, Mark and Matt sat at the table alone.

“Where’s the paper?” Matt asked as the minutes stretched on.

“Someone will bring it, with a list of the people you have to write letters to, it shouldn’t be too long.”

Matt nodded and looked back down at the table running his finger in a small circle on the table. Mark seemed quiet that morning and he had a good idea why. It bothered him that he cared if Mark was mad at him, he did not want to care, and he wanted to hate everyone there. However, Mark had always been so nice to him. Nicer than any other adult he could ever remember.

He looked back up at him a few minutes later. “Are you mad?” He was pretty damn sure Mark was but didn’t know how else to start the conversation.

Mark looked away from the door and at him. “No Matthew, I’m not mad, I was kind of figuring you were mad at me. That’s why I wasn’t saying much.”

Matt looked at him very confused. “You’d care if I was mad?”

Grinning slightly Mark tilted his head to one side. “Of course I would, and I figure from your point of view I am definitely the bad guy here. Some day, hopefully soon, you’ll see that’s not the case. But I know you don’t see that now so I would imagine you are pretty upset with me.”

Looking down at his still tracing finger Matt was confused. He hadn’t seen Mark as the bad guy at all. Of all the people he was pissed off with Mark was not one of them. He couldn’t figure out why though, after all Mark was the one that stopped him from going through the door, by all rights he would be the one to be mad at, but he wasn’t. Maybe it was because he was so pissed off at everyone else; maybe he just didn’t have any more room to be mad at Mark, like his anger space was all filled up.

“This really isn’t a bad place Matthew. You just have to let us help you.”

Realizing there was a little more anger space there after all, as the comment certainly angered him a bit, he looked back up at Mark. “I don’t need help. I need to get out of here.”

“Why? Where do you have to go?”

Though he wanted to tell he knew he couldn’t, he couldn’t break his promise so he looked back down at the table and shook his head cursing himself, it just did not feel right not to say. He didn’t know if keeping that promise was the right thing to do anymore. All he did know was that he had promised and that made him stand firm in keeping his mouth closed.

He was actually glad when Mary showed up with a stack of plain white paper and a very long list of names. Even though he had started the conversation, he did not like where it was heading and was very glad for the distraction.

He wrote letter after letter checking off the names as he went along, breaking only twice once for lunch and once to go the bathroom. As soon as he wrote Mark’s letter he handed it over to him, and then skipped over the next names on the list and did the last two on the list. When he was done, he put his pen down on the list and looked up at Mark.

“I don’t want to do these last ones.”

Mark looked up at him then leaned over the table and looked at the names seeing it was the names of the other boys in his room. “You have to write letters to everyone on the list Matthew. Why don’t you want to write those?”

“Because it’s a lie, I didn’t do what they said I did. And I can’t apologize for something I didn’t do.”

Mark furrowed his brow in confusion, having thought that Matt had to write the letters because he had disrupted the household or something. “What did they say you did?”

Matt sighed feeling like a tattletale but knowing he couldn’t write apology letters to boys that he hated for something he hadn’t even done. “They said I refused to help with the play.” He wrung his hands together nervously and looked Mark in the face. “You were there, I didn’t refuse to help.”

Mark nodded, a little annoyed that Matt had been told to write those letters when no one had even verified with him what the other boys were accusing Matt of doing. Of course, they would know he had actually been there; he hadn’t left Matt’s side the entire day. “Well I totally agree with you there bud. I’ll talk to Dr. Marshall about it, he’s not here today, but I’ll talk to him first thing in the morning, so for now don’t worry about those last letters.”

Matt looked at him totally dumbfounded as a small smile found its way to his lips. He could not believe what he had just heard. Mark hadn’t forced him to write the letters, something he was certain was going to happen. Instead he had actually agreed with him, he couldn’t believe it, also couldn’t believe how happy it was making him feel. To think that someone would take his side over everyone else. It was an incredible feeling and he suddenly felt even sorrier for stomping on the man’s foot the day before.

After he was through with his letters, it was time for supper, after supper the boys went off to work on their plays while he spent the evening cleaning windows. He found out that you couldn’t even go to bed early on level one, that you had to stay up until eight. He didn’t like that very much as he’d grown used to going to bed to just avoid interacting with anyone. When Mark had left at six, being replaced by another guy Matt didn’t like very much, he had wanted to go straight to bed. The man seemed to get an awful lot of joy in informing him he had to stay up until eight before he handed him a bottle of vinegar and water and a towel and set him to work cleaning windows.

On Monday morning, Mark walked into Dr. Marshall’s office. The man looked up at him and smiled. “Thought you had the day off?”

Mark nodded as he sat down in a chair in front of the desk. “I do I just wanted to talk to you a little bit about Matthew.”

His interest peaked, Dr. Marshall leaned forward putting his elbows up on his desk and setting his chin in his hands. “Sure,”

“I told him he didn’t have to write the letters to the other boys.”

“Oh?” Jack asked surprised, as Mark was always very good at enforcing rules with the boys.

“I was with him the whole time. He never refused to help, those other boys were lying, I assume just to get him in trouble.”

“Did he participate at all?”

“He didn’t talk, but neither did three of the other boys. As usual, Andy and Brian pretty much ruled the conversation. Matthew did not refuse anything; they ignored him as they always do. In fact Andy lost a couple points for blatant rude comments he made about Matthew.”

Jack sighed as he sat back in his chair and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Have the other boys been giving him a hard time?”

Mark shook his head. “Mostly they ignore him. That’s not hard to do since Matthew doesn’t pay them any attention either, but you and I both know what happens when we get a sponsored kid in here. It’s happened every time since I’ve been here, the kids come and go but the same attitudes are always here.”

When the Doctor didn’t say anything right away, Mark continued. “I was proud of Matthew yesterday. He stood up for himself. He told me he didn’t want to write the letters and he told me why. He did not get mad, he did not throw stuff around and scream and yell, he just said it. I think it’s a very good thing that he’ll stand up for himself like that.”

Dr. Marshall nodded. “I totally agree.” His nod turned into a headshake as a small chuckle came out of his mouth. “Damn I just wish I could get him to talk. Has he been talking a lot more with you?”

“Not a heck of a lot, but he does talk enough for me to get the impression he’s a good kid. He’s polite, articulate, seems aware of other people’s feelings.”

“Does he ever mention his parents?”

“No he’s never mentioned anyone outside of this place.”

Dr. Marshall rubbed at his chin some more while he thought, then deciding to do something he’d never tried before he got up and pulled Matthew’s file out of the filing cabinet behind his desk. Pulling out the descriptive paragraph Matthew had written the day before he handed it over to Mark.

“See if you can get him to tell you about this cabin.”

Mark took the paper and read it over getting the same impression about the cabin that both Joanne and Dr. Marshall had gotten, that the place was very special to Matthew. He also noted that Matthew was very good at writing. After reading it through he looked back up at the doctor wanting to do anything he could to help Matthew.

“I’ll see what I can do; you want me to work today so I can start?”

Dr. Marshall shook his head. “No you have a day off, you haven’t had one in a while, and you’re one of our best so we don’t need you getting burned out.”

Mark smiled at the compliment, and then stood up and handed him back the paper. “I do want to go and tell him though that he doesn’t have to worry about those apology letters, is that okay?”

“Sure, he’s in class I imagine.”

“Thanks.”

Matthews’s fingers were tightly wound in his hair, his frustration growing by the second over his math lesson when he looked up and saw Mark walking into the room. His frustration suddenly left him as what he was sure must be happiness at seeing Mark took over. He had already accepted the fact that Mark was not going to be in today and was pleased to see he had been wrong.

He found himself actually smiling as Mark walked up to the table and sat down beside him. “I thought you weren’t working today?” He asked as his happiness overtook his mouth.

Mark smiled noting how happy Matthew was to see him and very pleased that he was though upset he had to break what was apparently bad news to him. “I’m not working I just came in to talk to Dr. Marshall about what we discussed yesterday.” He smiled at Barbara in an apology for disrupting her lesson.

“And?” Matt asked disguising his disappointment at Mark not working as best he could.

“And you don’t have to worry about writing those letters. I told him what really happened and he fully agrees you shouldn’t have to write them.”

Matt’s eyes widened thoroughly surprised at this news, he was sure the doctor would make him write the letters even if Mark agreed with him. He wasn’t only surprised he was also very pleased. He was starting to wonder if it was really just the kids that were unfair in this place. That maybe the adults actually listened and maybe, just maybe, they might actually care.

As Mark was leaving, Andy was seating himself in Dr. Marshall’s office for the first of his two weekly sessions with the man.

Dr. Marshall looked him over as he sat down. He really hadn’t been surprised to hear that morning that Andy had been giving Matthew a hard time. Andy had a very large mouth and very little respect for anyone else. He assumed he’d gotten that personality from his parents, his father a man who only really ever paid attention to the boy when he was scolding him, and a mother who doted on him as if he was the king of a distant land.

“I’ll start with the bad news first, so you can get upset and curse me out then we can get on with our session.” He wasn’t surprised when all he got for a reaction was a narrowing of the eyes, partly in confusion and partly in anger, he imagined. “You are now on level one.”

“WHAT!” Andy just shy of screamed, as he leaned forward in his chair his eyes boring into the man. “That’s bullshit, I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“You lied Andy; you came in here to me on Saturday and told me that Matthew had refused to help with the play. Said he told you outright that it was stupid, that this place was stupid and all of us were stupid. Did you not remember that Matthew always has staff around him right now? Did you not think that the truth would eventually come out?”

“So I’m on level one for a stupid lie?”

“You don’t think that’s reason enough?” Dr. Marshall asked as he sat back in his chair and surveyed the boy. “Well how about this, it’s also been brought to my attention that you have made snide comments towards him. That you have basically gone out of your way to make him unwelcome here. In addition, the fact you would lie, just to see someone get in trouble makes this a little more serious than just some stupid lie. Do you want to tell me what your problem is with Matthew?”

Andy crossed his arms over his chest and snorted as he shook his head back and forth, his anger radiating from him like a white-hot flame. “Cause he’s a putz,” he ended up saying.

“You want to expand on that?”

Andy’s blazing eyes met the doctors. “Why in hell we gotta have him here in the first place, he’s not like us, he doesn’t fit in. He’s a friggin loser.”

“What do you base that on Andy. What makes him so different?”

“Well in the first place, he doesn’t have the money to get in here. The rest of us have to pay, why give him special treatment.”

“How much out of pocket money did you put out to get in here Andy?”

Andy looked at him scornfully. “You know what I mean.”

“I think I do but it makes little sense. You didn’t pay to get yourself in here and neither did he, sounds to me like that’s something you have in common not something that sets you apart.”

Andy sat forward in his seat growing even angrier. “He’s poor I’m not, he doesn’t fit in, it’s simple. I don’t know why that confuses you.”

“That sounds like your dad talking.” Dr. Marshall said raising his eyebrows.

“Fuck my dad, I speak for myself.”

“But you learn from your parents. I do not believe that anyone of your age could have an opinion like that on their own. It is something instilled in you, you feel superior because your parents have money. It is not right to feel that way; money isn’t the measure of a person. Especially with kids your age, none of you have money, why judge your peers over it?”

“Even if he was rich I wouldn’t like him.” Andy spat.

Dr. Marshall masked his smile, not at all surprised about the change in direction Andy was trying to create. “And why not?”

“He’s weird.”

“Can you expand on that?”

“He doesn’t talk.”

“Have you tried talking to him? Other than to insult him?”

“Why would I?”

Dr. Marshall tilted his head to one side and looked at Andy earnestly. “Weren’t you nervous when you first came here? Wasn’t it nice when the other boys made you feel welcome? Wouldn’t it be nice to extend the same courtesy to Matthew?”

Andy sat back heavily in his chair, his arms still across his chest and shook his head.

“I see what I’m going to have to do here.”

Andy snorted again. “There’s no level lower than one, you can’t do anything else to me.”

“Matthew’s on level one too. I think for the next few nights after dinner and your regular chores you two are going to be working on a project together. I’m not sure yet what it will be, but I will come up with something.”

Andy’s mouth dropped open as more scorn filled his face. “No way.”

Dr. Marshall shook his head. “Sorry Andy, and don’t think you’re the only one that’s not going to like this so try and remember that when you are working with him tonight. You guys need to get to know each other, if you end up still hating each other we’ll work around it, but I won’t have you hating him without even knowing him.”

“My mother won’t be happy about this,” Andy said putting on his best ‘holier than thou’ attitude. “You remember, don’t you, how she’s trying to get him kicked out of here for attacking her the other day. She certainly won’t like me being paired up with someone so obviously unstable.”

Smiling at Andy’s pretty much word for word account of his mother’s take on the situation; Dr. Marshall nodded not at all ruffled by the threat. “I’ll tell you what I told your mom Andy. You have a choice, you can stay here and follow the program, or you can go to the youth center.”

“So you’d rather keep him around than me?” He asked thoroughly disgusted.

“I didn’t say that and I don’t mean that Andy. However, you forget, you are not here voluntarily either, you are here because you committed a crime. It was your parents’ money that got you here instead of the youth center; if you or your mother refuses to accept other clients here, you do have the option to go there. I don’t want to see you go, therefore you need to work it out, which is why you and Matthew will be working together on a project, to try and get you guys over this problem.”

“But he assaulted my mom!”

Dr. Marshall shook his head at the mask of concern Andy was showing, as he knew deep down the kid loved the fact his mother was put out, he seemed to love any discomfort his parents were subjected to.

“And you and a bunch of your friends assaulted a couple of boys just because they were different than you. The reason you are here in the first place, does that make you as unstable as him?”

“Those boys deserved it, my mother didn’t.”

Sitting back in his chair Dr. Marshall sighed. “I thought we’d gotten past this feeling that they deserved it. Looks like we need to delve back into that a bit.”

“It’s my opinion; you can’t tell me my opinion is wrong.”

“It’s wrong when you hurt other people over your opinion Andy; those boys did nothing to you.”

“They are disgusting, that’s enough in itself. They gross me out and I shouldn’t have to be subjected to them.”

“They weren’t even doing anything but walking down the street.”

Andy shook his head the anger written all over his face and the way he held his body. An anger Dr. Marshall had seen in many boys, an anger that was very difficult to deal with, an anger that made him sure that Andy could never know what Matthew’s crime had been, the crime that had landed him there.

Andy gritted his teeth and glared at the doctor. “I know what they do; I don’t need to see it to know, fucking faggots.”