Break the Chain - 1. Break the Chain

Break the Chain

I went for my annual walk in the snow to the spot where I would say a prayer for my parents. It had been hard on me since they died five years ago, but I never forgot them. I prayed for them and also said a prayer of thanks for Stephan coming into my life. The past year had seen us as a couple, and I couldn’t be happier about it. As I walked back I got lost in my thoughts. I thought back to when I met Scott. God, three years ago at Christmas was that whole disaster. I am glad time has marched on and I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year. As the snow fell I couldn’t help but remember it was snowing the night I met Scott too.

“Hey TJ, want to go to the club?” my work partner Mike asked as we walked out to our cars.

“Which club?”

“How about the new one that just opened, The Bear Cave?”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s go home so we can get cleaned up and ready. I’ll meet you at the club. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to go out in the clothes I’ve been in all day. I want to get some of this sweat off me.”

“All right, I’ll see you in about an hour.”

“Ok, an hour it is.”

I got in my car and headed to my house. I wondered what kind of club it was that we were going to and hoped that it would be one where I would fit in, and maybe find someone that I could get to know better. It’s hard having a social life when you’re a cop, but I was determined that I would have one. I just didn’t want to date someone at the precinct because that could make it awkward if we split. I knew that my partner was ok with my being gay, even if it did make him a little uncomfortable. I was happy that he was making the effort to become more adjusted to my sexuality. He had said many times that he was ok with it as long as I never hit on him.

I took a quick shower and sprayed my Axe Dark body spray; I loved how it smelled. I looked through my closet and tried to find something to wear, but I wasn’t sure how casual I should dress. I pulled out some outfits to see which would look the best.

I looked in the mirror and liked how my blue fitted t-shirt hugged my frame and showed off my toned stomach. I paired the shirt with a pair of dress jeans that hugged my muscular ass. I’m not normally a vain person, but I had to admit that I looked pretty damn hot, with my short blond hair and hazel eyes.

***

I met Mike at the club. Too bad he’s straight; he looked mighty fine in his snug jeans and green t-shirt. Even if he was gay, I still wouldn’t date him because of what could possibly happen if we broke up, since I would still have to work with him.

We stood in line for about a half hour before we finally reached to the door and were admitted inside. The first thing that I noticed was the number of same sex couples on the dance floor. I couldn’t believe that Mike had voluntarily come to a gay club; I guessed he must have gotten over his discomfort at the idea of being around a gay man.

I followed him to the bar and ordered a Bud Light while Mike ordered a bottle of water.

“You not drinking?” I asked as I took my drink from the cute hairy bartender.

“Nah, I want to keep my wits about me.”

“Ok, would you mind keeping an eye on my drink if I go to dance? I saw this handsome man dancing in the middle of the floor and want to try and get him to dance with me.”

“Sure, I’ll make sure you stay safe.”

“Thanks bud.” I took a long pull on my drink as I looked around the crowded club.

The music was pumping so loud that it felt like my blood was pumping in rhythm to it. I handed Mike my beer as I headed to the middle of the dance floor. I was out there doing my thing when I felt hands on my hips pulling me up against a hard body as we danced. As the song ended I turned and saw a vision of beauty. He stood about six foot five with black hair and green eyes; he took my breath away. He had just a little bit of stubble on his face that made him look rugged and manly.

“Hi, my name’s Scott. What’s yours?” Even his deep baritone voice cut through the music and grabbed me by the balls.

“TJ.” We shook hands and went back to dancing while the next song played throughout the club. I’m not really into dance music so I couldn’t tell you the names of the songs, only that they had a good beat.

After dancing for a couple of songs I was dying of thirst; he must’ve been too, because he followed me back to the bar, where Mike was standing with my beer.

“I kept your drink safe, TJ.” Mike smiled and glance at Scott who was close behind me.

“Thanks man. Mike, Scott. Scott, Mike.” I made the introductions.

“Sorry man, I didn’t know you were with someone.” Scott started to back up and I didn’t notice a ring.

“No, no we aren’t a couple. We’re just friends. I work with Mike; we came out to unwind after a stressful day at work.”

“Oh ok.” Scott leaned in closer to be heard over the music in the club. “What kind of work are you in?”

“We’re cops and he’s my partner. What about you?” I asked.

“I’m a doctor at Davenport General; I work in pediatrics.”

“That’s an admirable job to have.” I took a swig of my beer as Scott waved down the sexy bartender and gave his order. “I know I couldn’t handle working with sick kids.”

“It’s rough on me, but there’s nothing else I would consider doing. It’s a reward in and of itself when the children get well and go home. The heartbreaking ones are the young kids that are there with a life-threatening illness like cancer.”

“Yeah, that would be rough to handle,” Mike commented as he shook his head.

I wondered if Mike was thinking of his own kids as Scott took a sip of his soda. Mike looked up and smiled, then nodded at me. I smiled and set my drink back down.

“We’ll be back later Mike.”

Scott and I went back out to the dance floor to do some more dancing. The next thing I knew Mike was letting me know that he was leaving. I looked at my watch and realized that it was almost midnight; we had been there for a couple of hours. Time seemed to fly by while I was dancing with Scott. I had had a few drinks so I called for a cab and Scott, being the gentleman that he was, waited with me until the cab pulled up. We exchanged numbers before he left and I gave the taxi driver my address.

***

I was so lost in my memories I nearly slipped on the snow. That would be all I needed to do, fall and break something. I would then have to call Stephan to come and get me. However, with the quiet, and the falling snow, I seemed to slip back into my thoughts of my past once again seeing how things just kept piling up like a sort of chain reaction.

***

Mike came and got me the next morning and we rode to work together. We caught a domestic violence case that was easy to close. We arrested the man who had assaulted his boyfriend and luckily he agreed to plead out so that he wouldn’t get as much time. The victim took out a restraining order against his boyfriend.

I got a text message while we were wrapping up the case, but I waited until the paperwork was done before I looked at it. I was curious to see who it was had sent it; it was from Scott.

“What are your plans for the weekend?”

“Nothing planned. Why?”

“Was thinking about taking you to dinner on Saturday.”

“That sounds good. What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at 6, dress casual.”

“Cya then.”

“You texting lover boy?” Mike asked with a grin.

“Yeah, but we’re not lovers. We’re going to dinner on Saturday.”

“Nice. Hopefully we won’t catch a case and have to work.”

“Oh shut your mouth, you’ll jinx us.”

I looked at the time on my phone; our shift was just about over. I started to straighten my desk and got ready to go. Mike drove me to go pick up my car from the club where I left it last night.

“Thanks. See you tomorrow,” I said as I climbed out of the car.

***

The sound of a breaking branch brought me back to the present. I can’t believe my life moved so fast with Scott. Things were much easier with Stephan. The wind blew the snow up and blurred my vision as I walked on.

***

The week passed in a blur and Saturday finally arrived. Thankfully, I didn’t have to work, but I was anxious about dinner with Scott. Yeah, we got along fine while we were at the club, but I wasn’t looking for a club bunny. I wanted someone who wanted to be in a serious and committed relationship. I wasn’t in it for sex; it would be great to have it because it had been so long, but I wasn’t going to fall into bed right after meeting someone. That just wasn’t me.

I am not the kind of person who can just sit around and do nothing. When my parents died I inherited their life insurance money, which I used to purchase my three bedroom house. While thoughts of good and bad ran through my head, I took care of some of the necessary chores that always needed to be tended to.

Around four thirty, I decided that it was time to get ready and got in the shower. I decided to use my Axe Gold body wash this time instead of the Dark. I used my wet electric razor and shaved while I took my shower. I liked stubble on others’ faces, but not mine.

What took the longest was deciding what to wear. Scott had said casual but I didn’t think he meant jeans casual, so I grabbed a pair of khaki pants and a grey polo shirt. I slid my feet into a pair of brown Doc Martens, looked at my watch, and realized that I still had about forty five minutes to wait for Scott. I had texted him my address so all I could do was wait. I flipped through the radio stations and found a game on, so I focused on that. The knock on my door had me glancing at the clock as I made my way toward the door. It was almost six so I knew that it was Scott. I paused to grab my wallet and keys, wiped my sweaty palms on the legs of my pants, and went to open the door. When I opened the door, he took my breath away again, like he did at the club. He was dressed in black dress pants that accentuated his long legs and a white button down shirt that had the sleeves rolled up to right under the elbows.

“You ready?” he asked. I felt a shiver run down my spine and my cock started to harden from his deep voice.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I stepped out of the house and locked the door.

He led the way to his Lexus and was captivated by the way his pants seemed to caress his ass. I was nearly caught staring at his perfect butt when he opened the door for me. I smiled, knowing he did this sort of thing often. “Thank you,” I said as I slid into the leather seat. When he was in the car, I asked, “Where are we going?”

“I thought we would go to Red Lobster for dinner this time,” he said as he pulled out of the driveway.

***

The red brick of a house let me know I was going the right way. The snow was slowing down as I continued to walk. I was happy to be heading home to someone whose gifts had no other motive than to make me happy. The peace and quiet we shared was something that bonded us.

***

Dinner was quiet; we spent the evening talking about our pasts, what we hoped to accomplish in the future, our families, and our careers. Scott explained how he had a young twelve-year-old boy in that afternoon with leukemia. He was such a brave little boy that was dealing with it like a trooper; he was upbeat and positive that he would go into remission. His parents weren’t as positive, but they didn’t let him know that they doubted it.

After dinner, we went to Marble Slab Creamery; they have the best cheesecake ice cream. We walked around the mall as we continued to talk and hang out. He was really easy to talk to and I felt myself start to like him the more I got to know him. He was confident in himself and went after what he wanted; I liked that in a guy.

Saturdays turned into one of our date nights over the next couple of months. It was almost Christmas time and I hated that time of year. I decided to stay in town this year so that I could spend the holidays with Scott since neither one of us really had any family to spend it with.

I knew I had to go to the mall to get Scott a gift so I invited my best friend, Collin. We walked around and I found the perfect gift for Scott in a black leather jacket, which I figured would look perfect on Scott.

“Geez. You buying his attention?” Collin asked as he nodded toward the jacket.

“Too much?” I glanced at Collin, but then pictured Scott in the jacket. “I think he will look hot in it.”

“Whatever makes you happy, TJ. When do I get to meet him?” Collin leaned against the wall as I put the jacket back in the bag.

”Soon.” I smiled hoping to put it off for a while yet.

We wandered into the food court where I grabbed a soft pretzel with cinnamon and sugar, while he grabbed a shake.

I managed to wrestle Collin into the Barnes & Noble so I could grab a novel to read while I was off. Collin naturally got lost in the LGB section.

“God. This store doesn’t even stock any good porn,” Collin grumbled as I pointed toward the register.

“Come on. I got something to read while I’m off from work.”

“Porn?” Collin looked hopeful.

“No, you idiot. The latest Nora Roberts.”

“Whatever.”

We wandered to the front of the mall and promised to get together soon.

Christmas fell the week of our four month anniversary and I had taken the week off to celebrate both occasions. I know it was an odd situation I was in with Scott. My luck with men seemed to find me dating loser after loser, who only wanted one thing, to get into my pants. I was brought up in the age of AIDS and with my parents’ morals. I didn’t just want sex, I wanted a relationship and was willing to take the time to find someone special. After all this time Scott was the first man to fit the bill. Scott was the only one who understood my job and crazy schedule. He knew that I could get a call at any time and needed to be able to leave, no matter what I was doing at the time.

I decided to take a leap by moving to the next level in our relationship. I spent the week cleaning my house. The night of our anniversary, I put together a meal, had candles lit all over the place, and had even scattered rose petals on the bed.

After dinner, we danced and made out. I indicated to him that I wanted us to go further and he was all for it. Needless to say, the night was very memorable and for the first time, he spent the night at my place. He went home the next morning to shower and go to work.

We usually talked every night. It was three days when I finally managed to get him on the phone.

“Scott? Is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you.”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Just busy.”

I was hurt by his comment, but didn’t want him to know.

“Oh. Well, when can I see you?”

I heard laughter.

“He was right. He said you were more of a woman than any queer he knew.”

I froze and stared at my phone. Who was this? This sure as hell wasn’t my Scott.

“Look, TJ, we are over. I had made a bet with a friend of yours. He said you would never give up your cherry. I mean how many twenty-three-year old virgins are there?” His laughter echoed down the line. “Anyway, I bet Collin I could nail your ass before Christmas and I did. It was fun, but I get it regularly from my girlfriend and Collin.”

“Your girlfriend?” I was numb and nothing was making sense.

“Yeah. Well the mother of my kids anyway. We have an open relationship. She is there for me, and so is anyone I decide to bed.”

With that he hung up and I my world fell apart.

With the agony of the holidays and the pain of the betrayal, it was a chain reaction that caused me to spiral out of control. It had broken the chain that had been holding the misery at bay. I drove to the cabin that my parents had left me up in Charles City after I had called in and used all of my vacation and sick days, because I was in no condition to work, let alone carry a gun.

While at the cabin, all I did was drink myself into oblivion. I stopped on my way into town and stocked up on groceries, especially the alcohol. I had been at the cabin for two weeks when there was a pounding on the door, which matched the pounding in my head. I tried to ignore it, but whoever was there would not go away. I finally made it to the door and opened it to see Mike standing there with a duffel bag.

“What are you doing here?” I snarled.

“I’m here to help a friend in need. I know that Christmas time is rough on you and I heard what that asshole Scott did. Collin couldn’t keep his mouth shut at the precinct. I knew that you would be miserable so I took some time and decided to come be with you for the holidays.” He walked past me and into the living room.

“I came here to be alone.” I slammed the door shut since it was obvious that he was staying.

“I know, but I’m too good of a friend to let you wallow in self-pity.”

I slumped in the recliner and pouted. I didn’t want to be around people, but I knew that Mike was right. I also knew that he wouldn’t be like Collin and betray me. I was so lost in thought and self-pity that I passed out in the chair.

***

The cold wind was biting and I couldn’t wait to get home to Stephan and curl up next to him on the couch. The memories were nearly as cold as the weather.

***

I woke with one hell of a hangover and the smell of food cooking in the kitchen. I immediately flew out of the recliner and fled to the bathroom where I knelt before the porcelain throne and emptied my stomach of all the alcohol that was in it.

I rinsed my mouth and brushed my teeth before I headed out to the kitchen, where I found a glass of water and two Tylenol sitting on the table waiting for me. Mike set a plate of toast and butter in front of me so that I could eat something to try and settle my stomach.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I sipped the water and took a bite of the toast.

“You’re welcome.” He sat down in the chair next to me and dug into his breakfast.

After I ate a couple of pieces of toast I went and lay down on the couch trying to get rid of the pounding in my head. Mike came and sat in the recliner with a book to read. We stayed that way for a couple of hours until I could sit up without my head feeling like it was going to explode.

“So, want to play a game?” Mike asked.

“Not really, but what did you have in mind?”

“How about Go Fish?”

“Fine, it’ll give us something to do, since I’m sure you hid my alcohol from me.” I stood up and went to get the cards.

“You’re right, I did hide it, but only because I care about you. I don’t like what happened with what Scott and your so called friend, Collin, did to you. You’re stronger than this, and I know that you can bounce back from it. Don’t let them win; they aren’t worth it.”

“I know you’re right, but it hurts.” We sat around the coffee table and I started to deal the cards.

We played different card games for several hours, only stopping to eat lunch. I had to admit that I actually felt better about everything that had happened, but I knew that from then on out, my heart would be guarded and not easily given away. By that night, I had gotten rid of the urge to drink myself into oblivion and knew that everything would be ok. That I would not be controlled by my emotions concerning Scott

Mike left the next morning, taking the alcohol with him, but he trusted me not to go and get any more. I decided that I would not let Scott and Collin ruin my holiday.

Christmas morning, I walked out to the fence line and just stared at the open space in front of me. I enjoyed the sight of the sun glistening off the snow like diamonds, and said a quick prayer for my parents before I returned to the cabin for the rest of the day.

I headed back to Davenport the next day feeling better than ever. When I got home I grabbed the wrapped package that had the leather jacket that I had gotten for Scott and went to the mall to return it. As I left the store I ran into Scott and Collin. They had a chuckle at my expense but I didn’t let it get to me. I wished them a happy holiday and walked away from them with my head held high.

***

The snow wasn’t too high so walking was easy. I had survived betrayals and lies, finding myself unwilling to settle. Now I had Stephan waiting for me. A smile played on my lips as I hurried toward home.

***

Over the next two years I repeated the pattern of going to the cabin for the holidays, but I refrained from getting drunk. I would go home and spend New Year’s Eve with Mike and his family. I moved on from the incident with Scott, and I feel that I came out of it as a better man.

December 20, 2013, I headed back to the cabin for my annual trip. I looked forward to the solitude that I would get this time of year while I was there. After about three hours on the road, I pulled into the driveway and looked around at the nature that surrounded me. If it wasn’t for my job on the Davenport police force, I would live up there year round.

I got everything into the cabin and started the process of opening it up for the holidays. I got all the dust cleaned up, made the beds with fresh linen before I went outside, and chopped some firewood to bring inside.

Shortly after that, I headed to the store to stock up, because it looked like we were about to get some nasty weather. Sure enough, as I drove home from the store, the sky opened up and poured out sleeting hail that came down so hard that it became difficult for me to see.

I came upon my driveway and noticed that a car had run off the road and was partially sitting in the ditch. I noticed that the driver was still in the car, so I grabbed my rain coat and got out of the car to check on him. I knocked on his window, and when he rolled it down, I noticed that he was a very handsome, man with short brown hair and blue eyes.

“Do you need any help?” I asked.

“Yeah, do you have a phone that I can use? Mine seems to be dead and my car charger isn’t working right,” he said.

I handed him my cellphone and stepped around the car to see how bad the damage was before I returned back to the driver’s side window.

“Apparently, it’s going to be a while before they can get out here to get my car out of the ditch. There have been several accidents in town because of the sudden change in weather.”

“Well, your car isn’t going anywhere without the help of a wrecker. It looks like you may have broken something when you went over into the ditch. You are welcome to come up to my place to get out of the cold.”

“Thanks. By the way my name’s Stephan.”

***

I came out of my thoughts as I got back to the cabin that had become our home over the last few months. My life had improved so much in the last year. I came around the back of the shed and could see Stephan through the kitchen window. I’m so thankful that he stuck with me through my insecurities about our relationship.

“Hey babe, enjoy your walk?” he asked when I walked through the door.

“Yeah, I did. Thanks for cleaning up the breakfast dishes so that I could have my walk.” I gave him a kiss that quickly turned deep and passionate.

He broke the kiss with his arms wrapped around me and rested his forehead against mine. “You ready to open presents now?”

“Yeah.” I gave him a quick kiss before I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room.

I had him sit on the couch in front of the roaring fire while I walked to the tree and kneeled in front of it. I grabbed the two small packages and brought them over to where he was sitting before I joined him on the couch. We started to open the presents at the same time.

When I opened the box that was in my hands I noticed that there was a smaller box inside. I opened the smaller box and pulled out a jewelry box. My breath caught in my throat and my hands shook as I pulled it out of the box.

I looked over at Stephan and noticed that he was watching me nervously. I couldn’t bring myself to open it so I handed it to him to open for me.

He slid off the couch and kneeled on one knee before he opened the box with it facing me. I was stunned when I saw the silver band with four diamonds in a single line along the top of the ring.

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

My mouth opened and closed unable to make a sound. I nodded my head and finally croaked out, “Yes.”

I flung myself at him, knocking him over. I straddled his waist and attacked his mouth with mine. When we finally broke for air I looked down at him with a grin that matched his.

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too.”