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    Yettie One
  • Yettie One
  • Author
  • 05/11/2013
  • 965 Words
  • 2,030 Views
  • 20 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
2013 - Summer - Roll the Dice Entry

Worth It - 1. Worth It

My fist slammed into the mirror.

The impact was ear shattering. An intricate network of cracks spread across the face of the reflective surface, spreading outward from the epicentre; the point of my frustration, my exasperation, my desperate need.

A fine sliver of glass protruded from my knuckle. I stared at my trembling hand as if massive pain engulfed me, when, in fact, it was not a physical pain, but a mental release of emotion, an out-pouring of pent up feelings. So much bottled up, hidden from time and the world and my friends; those I loved and cared for.

I delicately retracted the glass from my skin.

Bright red blood gushed forth. I watched as it spilled across the imperfect ripples of my skin, running across my fist and dripping to the floor below. It fascinated me, my life source spilling out of my hand, rushing as if to escape this hell my life had become. A surge of desire overwhelmed me, a need for the escape to become a torrent, willing my life to flee. Run. Make its way to a new future. A better tomorrow.

A tear fell down my cheek. Reality was something I couldn’t face alone. But it was a much needed reality; one that I cherished. I longed for so much more, yet was willing to wait, stick it out until perfection presented itself.

The most incredible forces come together during the fusion of an atom, an impact in science that results in an explosive reaction. It is perfection born of volatile pain, a collision with enough force to give birth to something pure, a molecule giving way to life, an atom combining to form energy, a flawless reaction resulting from the potent union of two individual elements.

In my simple reasoning, this was but an example of what it took to create something special. If, in nature, such violence could produce something so perfect, was that not evidence itself that sometimes to build that perfect relationship maybe this world of pain is necessary, perhaps it’s a part of learning to survive the growing pains of love.

I am deeply in love, yet I sometimes feel so alone.

I desire to be all that he needs, all he wants me to be. Yet some days I fall short of that mark. I just don’t seem to find the ability to meet his expectations sometimes. I know I have to do so much more. He only wants what is best for me; he’s only trying to bring out the good in me.

It haunts me to think of being apart from him. I fear his absence, and when we are apart my body aches for him. I need him so much. He is the air I breathe, the positive charge to my life, the centre of my world. I wish I could get it right. I wish the bruises on my back would force me to be good. The pain is a vivid reminder of how stupid I can be; times where I just don’t think. All worth it though. When I feel his love embrace me there is nothing more real, nothing more that makes me complete, nothing more I could want.

I am learning to understand that without the pain, we would be apart from each other, left even more alone. Deserted. Abandoned. I could never Be without him. I long to be with him until the end of time and to do this, I must learn to endure.

It is a wishing well. A place upon which I sit. A place in which I am trapped, wishing against all the odds that it will remain dry and that I will not drown in the despair of my failure. I trust he loves me, I am not sure why. I sense he could be lying to me, for love is not about pain, love is not about fear, love is most certainly not something of horror. But many have suffered for love, few have it easy. This is my lot. It is worth it. He is worth it.

So I stand here, watching the blood spread across my hand. My future is far and my life has many more crosses to bare. I just wish I could get it right. I wish I was perfect. I wish I could be the man he needs me to be. I try. I will continue to try.

Every day I roll the dice, never sure what will come of my decisions. I am a simple man, madly in love and I am willing to endure anything to make it work.

That is what real love is, right?

 

You say, "I love you boy."
But I know you lie.
I trust you all the same.
I don't know why.

'Cause when my back is turned,
My bruises shine.
Our broken fairytale,
So hard to hide

I still believe
It's you and me 'til the end of time.
When we collide we come together,
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Sitting in a wishing hole,
Hoping it stays dry.
Feet cast in solid stone,
I got Gilligan's eyes

I still believe
It's you and me 'til the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

‘Cause you said our love is letting us go
But guess what?
Our future's is far, many of horror.

Lyrics Copyright of Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by Simon Alexander Neil entitled Many of Horror licensed and performed by Biffy Clyro and Matt Cardle.

Thank you for reading. Your thoughts and criticisms of the work are appreciated. Taking a moment to leave a comment and share with me as an author is always appreciated. 
hug.gif
The copyright of the story is the property of Yettieone and remains so. <br />However part of this story uses the Lyrics from the song Many of Horror which is and remains the property of Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, who hold the copyright to this work.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
2013 - Summer - Roll the Dice Entry
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Chapter Comments

Yettie One
On 06/16/2013 02:19 PM, Bill W said:
A dark tale of someone wanting love so badly that he is willing to justify the abuse. It happens far too often and scars so many. Will it ever end?
Hey Bill. You are spot on the money mate. It is a reality for far too many, and unacceptably so, but where does it ever end? I felt that the desperation and desire for love in someone so vulnerable was important to explore, and I hope that I managed to adequately portray the conflict within to endure for the sake of love. Thanks so much for reading, and taking the time to comment. Hugs :)
Yettie One
On 06/16/2013 09:41 AM, K.C. said:
A very dark tale indeed. The pain is so fresh and raw almost poetic. I've lived through abuse but never at the hands of a lover. Very deep, very honest, it is hard to face but it is so many's reality. Thank you for sharing!
Heya KC. I guess for someone that has lived through something that your able to compare to the characters emotional and mental state makes it real and visceral to you. That I captured a scant part of that as a reality in your eyes means a lot to me, and I appreciate your feedback. I am glad you took the time to share your thoughts and read. Ta bud. x
Yettie One
On 06/16/2013 02:09 AM, carringtonrj said:
This is very well write and disturbing. I think you explore (much better than the song lyrics, actually) the lie that love and suffering are somehow linked. You write very powerfully and suggest subtly but strongly what real love is. Thanks for sharing.
Heya RJ. You always manage to find such a perfect way to describe things. I very much wanted to explore this illusion that victims of abuse seem to fall under, that love comes with the burden of pain, and try to understand that mentality, when someone is willing to endure such torment in the pursuit of love and affection. I found it really hard actually, as it is such a powerful process to work your way through, so I am glad that it came across the way it did, and while it is really dark, it was a very enlightening experience as a writer. :) Thanks for your feedback buddy. Really appreciate it. x
Yettie One
On 06/15/2013 03:47 PM, Daithi said:
This story is so sad because of the honesty in it. The simple truth that each day is a roll if the dice, what will be the outcome for this roll of the day, happiness and love

Bruises and pain

Hospital and doctors

Or;

Is this the final roll for the morgue. Will there ever be a roll for freedom?

Hi Daithi. Really nice to get your thoughts and response to the story, thank you so much for taking time to read and leave a comment. :) I agree, life is a gamble, very much a roll of the dice, and in this instance it is a risk too far to take, yet so many would stay and take it all the same. I felt I needed to try to understand that, and explore that kind of mental frame of mind, and this was the result. I am glad you got that. Thanks again. x
Yettie One
On 06/15/2013 02:10 PM, comicfan said:
Well you definitely went to the dark side with this one. Abusive relationship, a sort of loss of reality, and coming to take it all as part of a normal relationship. Ouch.
Haha

Yeah Wayne, trust me to dig deep and loose the cattle on the range ey! :P

I love that song, and really wanted to try take the emotions of it and put it on paper in my own interpretation. I started this whole thing out in two very different attempts, but really did not feel it as much as I did when it took this form, and it gave me an opportunity to explore a mind frame I have never really understood or been able to fathom. From that point of view, it was an eye opener to me too...

Thanks for reading buddy. Sorry if it was too dark. xx

Yettie One
On 06/15/2013 11:09 AM, joann414 said:
Bud, you can write some deep stuff. Kudos to you:)
You are sooooooo right JoAnn. :D

I do love dealing with tough stuff. I think that writing gives me a channel to put words to stuff that I ponder and struggle to understand. It is a way for me to work it out in my mind, and try to explore the way something happens from everyone's perspective. Ta for reading chick. Love your comments. Huggles. xxx

Yettie One
On 06/15/2013 02:02 AM, Dolores Esteban said:
We're tempted to indulge in wishful thinking and not acknowledge the facts. It won't do any good, but I understand his thoughts. Well put.
Heya Dolores. I am really glad that you were able to connect with the character. It was important to me in writing this piece, that I maintained a genuine feel to the character and his circumstances, and when you say you are able to understand his thoughts, I feel really grateful that I took the time and listened to my editorial team as we trimmed and honed the story into its current form. It is a bit of wishful thinking, an illusion, but an attempt to understand why someone would entertain such a farce. That you get why means I was able to communicate that reason, and that makes me really happy, so thanks for the comment, it made me really happy to see it got through. Hugs and snuggles. :) x
Fishwings

This is a relevant, educational, and powerful piece, especially with the context you provided. Intimate partner violence is a common phenomena that plagues households/relationships across the world, and many times it is not perceived as abuse in the eyes of a victim. It's apparent that the perception of IPV of the victim in your story has been altered, normalized, and even slightly romanticized.

 

I loved your incorporation of the Anthology title in your story, as well as these lines: "It haunts me to think of being apart from him. I fear his absence, and when we are apart my body aches for him. I need him so much. He is the air I breathe, the positive charge to my life, the centre of my world. I wish I could get it right. I wish the bruises on my back would force me to be good."

 

Great work!

Yettie One
On 06/22/2013 10:44 AM, Luc Rosen said:
This is a relevant, educational, and powerful piece, especially with the context you provided. Intimate partner violence is a common phenomena that plagues households/relationships across the world, and many times it is not perceived as abuse in the eyes of a victim. It's apparent that the perception of IPV of the victim in your story has been altered, normalized, and even slightly romanticized.

 

I loved your incorporation of the Anthology title in your story, as well as these lines: "It haunts me to think of being apart from him. I fear his absence, and when we are apart my body aches for him. I need him so much. He is the air I breathe, the positive charge to my life, the centre of my world. I wish I could get it right. I wish the bruises on my back would force me to be good."

 

Great work!

Hi Luc

What a wonderful response to receive. Thank you so much.

I appreciate that you took the time to actually show parts/words of the text that you enjoyed, it is very useful as a writer to see exactly what worked well. In this instance, your feedback encourages me in that the time I took in choosing the colour of the words I chose worked too add contrast to the mental capacity of the central character, and the careful enhancements of my editorial team helped me to polish that into what it now is. I am so glad you enjoyed it, despite its tough subject matter. Thanks for the comment and reading. :) Ya deserve a massive huggle for that! xx

Yettie One
On 06/30/2013 05:47 AM, Renee Stevens said:
Nice job Rob on capturing the characters emotions and inner turmoil. This was a disturbing read to be sure, just as it should be, but you certainly made me feel for your main character.
Thanks for the compliment Renee. I was lying listening to music one night, and the song came on, and as I really listened to the words of the tune, the story just came tumbling out of me. I felt so drained when I finished. It was an emotional experience, and really made me think about things from a different perspective. I'd always been pretty aloof about people that suffer long term abuse, kind of thinking if they didn't have the balls to walk away from it, then they made their bed and had to lie in it. But actually putting myself in their shoes, and trying to see it through his eyes, was haunting and really left me wondering why I was so judgemental. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Yettie One
On 06/28/2013 05:36 AM, Andy78 said:
A really dark piece Rob.

This is one of those aspects of life that many prefer to turn a blind eye to. It becomes even worse when the victims themselves accept it as part of a normal relationship.

It chills me to the core to know this kind of thing still goes on.

Heya Andy. Exactly, I am guilty of that myself. It is much easier to dust it under the carpet and pretend it does not happen. But the horror of life is vividly real and out there every moment of every day for so many pour souls. It scares me to think about it. Scares me to think that someone would be so beaten and lost that they'd crave the pain just to feel alive, accept the fault as their own, and break themselves even more to try be better. That is a hard pill to swallow. Thanks for reading buddy, and appreciate you taking the time to comment.
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