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Rule the World - 1. Chapter 1 - Pistachios and Strawberries

The end of one thing is the start of another

“But mom! I don’t wanna move out!” Followed by vicious footstomping. Zach KNEW it was completely, utterly pointless. His mother was even more of a stubborn hell spawn than him. But, you know, you just have to fight some battles.

“Zachary, I know you’re upset…but it’s something we have to do.” Her eyes were just so annoyed. Zach didn’t get how she could play the victim. He wasn’t asking HER to move out.

“Nu-uh! Give me one GOOD reason I should leave all my friends.” Arms crossed, back straight. Confident, but not arrogant glare. He wouldn’t go down without a fi-

“Zach. Come on. We’re half underwater as we speak.” Oh yeah, the flood. That kinda sucked. But did it suck enough?

“It’s just water, mom. Free showers? Plants LIKE water, why can’t we? And, like, what makes this flood different from the other four this year?” Maybe by puffing his cheeks, Zach would totally win this war.

“…You’re making this really easy for me, you know.” His mom just did that thing where women run their hand through their side bangs when they’re trying to be hot. It wasn’t working, though. She was still being annoying.

Despite his most earnest and well-structured protests, which may have the, let’s be honest, genius idea of him buying snorkels for the whole family, they ended up having to go through with the move. So five weeks later, they had all finished the transition to their new city and home hours and hours away.

“Time sure flies when you totally hate everything ever.” The pancake flew through the air and then landed perfectly on the frying pan. Zach didn’t have the most impressive of life skills, but breakfast was his bitch. His father just rolled his eyes. The devil had left to do some grocery shopping, and thus was nowhere to be found.

“My boy, you sure don’t seem to hate that pancake.”

“Oh, it’s poisoned. Enjoy it though.” Very annoyed sighs echoed through the kitchen walls. It was a super pretty kitchen, and there was no denying it. The old kitchen always had that unholy stain on the wall from that time his mom tripped and a bottle of wine just crashed into it.

“Zach. You haven’t left this house since we arrived. School starts in like one week and you don’t even know how to walk back from it if you miss the bus! And you’ve cooked pancakes for two weeks. Why do you hate me so? Your mom’s the one who wanted to move.” Hmph, like he hadn’t taken her side.

“BECAU-“ As Zach spun around, he was met with his dad’s puppy eyes, his lower lip being bitten softly. His eyebrows were perfectly positioned to portray the begging of mercy. Mercy. Was there mercy left in his heart?

“Cody. There are children in Africa starving RIGHT NOW. You better eat those pancakes.” Cody being his dad, of course. Was that a tear that just came out of his dad’s eyes? Damn, he was good.

“…Just let me make a tower of bacon so you can make emotes on top of them.” His dad grinned brighter than the sunshine and the reflection was almost blinding. Who says you can’t kill with love?

“I knew I raised a fine young man. I love you, Zach! Really though, if you don’t get out of this house and visit your school today you’re grounded.”

“Grounded? You ungrateful young man! Besides, how is grounding me going to make me leave the house?” Why was his dad so likeable? He needed to be mad right now, and it was very difficult.

“If you don’t walk out that door before 1 PM I’ll take you with me to get a haircut.” Fuck. Likeable his ass. Zach’s hair was the hair all brunettes wished for. Fluffy, silky, clean, smelled like vanilla…if they made clothing out of his hair it’d sell for thousands.

“Here’s your bacon, you jerk. Bye bye.” Taking off his apron Zach just walked to the door and left the house. His dad took a sip of his coffee.

“Three…two…one…” The door opened.

“Dad! How do I get to school!?”

With the assistance of his father’s very charming map drawn on a napkin, it only took Zach around 20 minutes to get to his school. It was pretty gray and blue, which wasn’t very fabulous at all. It had a basketball court right by the parking lots, so that was cool! Really, though, 20 Minutes?

“20 Minutes. Why do we even pay for a bus at this point? It’s not like I wake up at 5 AM every day or ‘nything…” He knew the answer, though. His school was complying with some weird ass regulation of including bus services on the school fees as a safety measure. So the school couldn’t be sued if you went missing getting from the school to your house. Or whatever.

“Man, That doesn’t even make sense. If I get mugged from the market to my place no one’s gonna get sued…’xcept for the thief, but rea-“

“UGH.” The outward monologue was directly interrupted by the shrieks of a girl, and her subsequent fall. The fall sounded totally painful, but by the time Zach had spin around she was already on the floor, so it’s not like he saw it. Following Gentleman 101, he rushed to her.

Now what was the best way to do this? Step one, you squat. Step two, you extend your hand so that she may hold it. Step three.

“’Sup. Need help with that?” Step four is the most important, though. You gotta grin real wide. It makes people sparkle. She wasn’t sparkling though, she looked absolutely miserable. Maybe it’s because her blonde hair was covering her right eye. It didn’t make her look that emo, though.

Kinda sweaty, too. Not to be rude…but eww.

“Um…Yeah, would you help me carry this box with me to the nurse's office?” She took Zach’s hand, and he pulled her up. Then Zach went back down, and rose with the box. He was smiling, but his back was crying.

“Holy shit. This is super heavy. How did you even get this far? I’m Zach by the way. Seriously though, HELP ME.” The girl broke a little smile, which means he had indeed succeeded at being a pure gentleman. It was on a weird border between mockery and gratitude but he’d take it.

“Call me Addy.”

Addy hadn’t told him the nurse’s office was on the second floor. That was kind of a stupid design decision. I mean, if you broke a leg on gym class why would you want to go up the stairs? He kind of wanted to resent her, but he totally didn’t have to help so that was on him. They did, eventually, make it through the Rocky Balboa box-carrying sequence and pushed themselves through the nurse’s office’s door.

“Aww, honey. Sorry for making you carry that box!” The nurse was hugging Addy, and giving her kisses on the cheek and everything. Very intimate. Upon further observation, the nurse also possesses blonde hair and green eyes…C-Could it be? But further thought was promptly interrupted by his back being broken by the nurse’s hug. No kisses, though.

“Hgnhnbpbea.” For the power of blueberry muffins, this woman was STRONG. She could probably beat the shit out of Zach’s dad.

“Nice to meet you too! I’m Miss Oak, but you helped my daughter here, so why don’t you just call me Lauren?” Ooooh. He thought she was her sister, but this works too.

“Mom, you’re killing him. Can we just finish setting up the place? No one likes being at school before classes even start.” Oooh, she was pouting and crossing her arms. AND bantering with her mom. Bestie confirmed.

“That’s not true, honey. This stud came to school after all!”


“You ARE a student, right? What’s your name?” Zach definitely felt his face get a little red. Stud? Oh, if only. Being completely humble yet honest on the manner, he did think he was super pretty. Freckles make you pretty. But if you can’t carry that box by yourself you’re definitely not a stud.


“Oh! Sorry, Zach.” She finally let go. And Zach could finally breathe. Breathing hurt.

Zach decided to stay around and help the family get everything set up. Apparently a lot of stuff needed to be replaced, and the school didn’t even notice until school was almost in session. Because of that, Addy’s mother had to take a break from her break and get the place sparkling. Eventually, they ditched school grounds, and Addy’s mom, and walked around the streets.

“So you moved in two weeks ago? Are you enjoying it here?” Addy lived about 5 minutes away from Zach’s house, so they had agreed to walk back together. And it was cool talking to another human being that hadn’t contributed to your birth.

“Nope. I miss home, girl. Mom keeps pretending our house flooding monthly was such a big deal. God.” Addy just began scratching her head after that.

“Um. Zach? That IS kind of a big deal.”

“Nu-Uh. Plants love water, I love plants, I love water. Simple, right?”

“You DO know plants drown under floods, right?” What.


“They can’t properly breathe. Didn’t you tell my mom you were going to be in tenth grade this year with me? How do you NOT know this?”

“Wow…Wow! …Wow. Addy I, like, I need to sit down. Damn.” There were some benches very conveniently placed next to them, so Zach just sat. And sulked.

“I guess it is kind of a big deal, huh? Although I don’t exactly recall the garden dying or anything.” Addy’s face was a mix of divine judgment and genuine concern. But he DID help her with the boxes, so what?

“Oh, it’ll be fine Zac. If it makes you feel better, there’s never floods on this part of town. Plants never drown!” He flashed her a signature thanks grin and stood right back up.

“Oh well. Wanna get something sweet? We’re totally in front of a bakery right now!”

“Are you like, bipolar or something?” Addy’s left eyebrow was pushing against her left eye, and her right eyebrow was all the way up.

“Nah. I’m sweetspolar! Are you in or not?” Addy shrugged. It was nice going with the flow every now and then. And to tell the truh she wasn’t actually following her diet right now, so whatever.

Everything in that damn bakery was too damn big. Delicious, probably, but too damn big.

“Are you allergic to anything, Addy? Let’s share a dessert.”

“Um. That one medication with the really long name.”

“Awesome. How about vanilla? You can’t go wrong with that.”

“That’s so boring, Zach. If you’re gonna be all spontaneous you could go for something really out there. Pistachio or something?” Oh this girl was good.

“Addy, we’re going to rule the world together. Do they even sell pistachio cakes in here?” The cashier smiled and gave them a sweet “We do, in fact.” So they ended up buying a pistachio cake and eating it out by the benches outside.

“Y’know, Addy. I didn’t even know pistachio existed. It was great!”

“I…I haven’t even tasted my half. How…How did you DO that? When?”

“You serious, girl? Cake exists to be devoured with extreme prejudice.”

Addy grunted, and began eating her share. The scowl leaving her face told Zach she found it as amazing as he did.

“Maybe we will rule the world, Zach. Maybe we will.” The rest of their cake-eating session was pretty uneventful. Mainly because Addy didn’t speak while munching and she was done two minutes later.

“It WAS pretty good, Zach. I hadn’t tried pistachio out before, either.”

“We need to do this again some other ti-HOLD THE PHONE ANDY.” It happened, right then. The incredible jolt of seeing someone you simply must cuddle with, treat to dinner, introduce to your parents, look at cats with, ride a two-man bike with, eat pasta with, laugh with, take selfies with, take private very embarrassing selfies with, doodle sketc-

“What? Who’s Andy?”

“Oh. I meant Addy. Sorry-I mean LOOK! On the other side of the road!” How could she not see it? There must have been a gigantic aura descending from the heavens.

“…Zach. There’s like 14 people walking. How am I supposed t-“

“THE TANNED GINGER. WHO ELSE STANDS OUT, WOMAN?” And it was true. Among the boring crowd of completely not bangable people with black hair, the magnum opus of red heads stood before them. His tanned but not overly so skin reflecting the rays of th-

“Lower your voi-I-Is that Connor?” She even knew him, which made things easier. Surely, this was fate.

“Connor’s the only ginger, so yes! Isn’t he like, perfect? Is he in your grade? Is he cool? Does he like cats?” Zach wanted to ask if he liked dick, but that was very rude and improper to do in front of a fine lady.

“He’s in my grade; I don’t really talk much to him but...” A sudden look of confusion surged through her face, as if she was trying to crack an impossible code.

“You’re gay!?”

“You’re NOT? Have you seen his ass, girl?” Addy turned her head sideways to look at Connor. He did have a sweet ass.

“I…ngh..grr…yes, I like men too, Zach. I hope you don’t mind.” Suddenly, Addy felt herself shake around the place. At first thinking it was an earthquake, it turned out to be Zach’s hands pulling on her shoulders.

“Zach I swear to God if you don’t unhand me.” Zach stopped shaking her, but didn’t stop smiling.

“Of course I don’t mind, girl! Men are awesome! You know who else is awesome? Connor. Look at…wait…he’s gone!” So he was. The divine shine of the gods had left the other side of the street. Zach whimpered.

“…Oh, come on. We’ll probably be in the same classes as him. Even if we aren’t, it’s not like you’re not going to see him around.” Zach whimpered harder.

“But Addyyyy. Classes start in a week! That’s 7 days, 168 hours, 10080 minutes, 604800 seconds!” Addy's eyes opened up real wide.

“…Did you do the math for that in your head?”

“Oh? Yeah. Numbers are cool.”

"...Ok, whatever. Point being, you won't die from here to Monday. So just relax." So sighs and grumbles aside, Zach did end up chilling out as they walked back to his place.

"Want me to go with you 'til your place, Addy? I can walk back and stuff."

"Oh it's fine. I do want your phone number though." Zach took his mobile communication device out at light speed.

"Very bold! Men like that, you know."

"Oh, shut up. My number is..." After trading numbers, they exchanged their merry goodbyes, and Zach went through his door as Addy walked back. In the living room, his dad was reading a book.

"'Sup champ. Did you have fun out there?" Zach crossed his arms, and stared at the ceiling.

"I want to say no, but you'd know I'm lying." His father smiled.

"So no pancakes tomorrow?"

"No pancakes." Wonderful things do happen when you leave the house. Or so Zach thought. Hopefully, the week would pass by fast. Patience really wasn't his strongest virtue.


It was 1 AM. The neighborhood was completely silent. Except for, you know, Addy's cellphone ringing into her ears. She picked it up in utter rage.

"Holy shit, who is this? What time is it?"

"Addy...it's Zach...you know how you said I...wouldn't die before Monday...?" Zach sounded raspy. Hurt. Critical. Addy's drowziness left her in an instant.

"Oh my God! Zach! Zach, are you okay!? Where are yo-"


"Oh my FUCKING God Zach! I'm going to kill you!"


Follow new submissions in this story by pressing F5 on the section every 10 seconds.

You can also follow @Pancake_Zach, if that's your thing.

Reviews are appreciated! Constructive criticism over anything, yeah? Good day everyone!

Copyright © 2016 Zach; All Rights Reserved.
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Chapter Comments

Hey there Zach this a good start, but I did notice a few minor errors within this chapter drop a message in to the editor and beta reader section on the site and I'm sure someone would love to help you out, and help you improve. You already have the foundation all you need is a little push to reach your full potential.

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On 04/28/2015 06:20 AM, scotty94 said:
Hey there Zach this a good start, but I did notice a few minor errors within this chapter drop a message in to the editor and beta reader section on the site and I'm sure someone would love to help you out, and help you improve. You already have the foundation all you need is a little push to reach your full potential.
Thank you for the reassuring message. The truth is I already have some chapters done that I'm uploading. After I'm done with those I'll see into taking your editor advice!


Hope you'll keep enjoying it.

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It's a very cute chapter! Yeah, like Scotty, I think you got a great foundation. Keep it up!

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That was both cute and amusing. I also agree with scotty on the editor and beta.

Cake exists to be devoured with extreme prejudice.

How can you not love that? :)

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What a fun chapter! You've set up an interesting couple of characters, and it'll be intriguing to see where you take this story.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

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I'm intrigued to see what pistachios have to do with ruling the world. Is it a metaphor, or is it a literal plan? ;)


All joking aside, I loved it. It was a very fun read, and though the editing would certainly clean up the rough spots, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you have obvious storytelling talent and I'm looking forward to the rest of it. Good job, Zach!

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On 04/30/2015 10:44 AM, Cynus said:
I'm intrigued to see what pistachios have to do with ruling the world. Is it a metaphor, or is it a literal plan? ;)


All joking aside, I loved it. It was a very fun read, and though the editing would certainly clean up the rough spots, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you have obvious storytelling talent and I'm looking forward to the rest of it. Good job, Zach!

I'll just come out and clear up that Connor was the strawberry in this situation
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