They say that you shouldn't meet your idols - it only leads to disappointment...
Well I can tell you from my own experience that it is true. You follow someone from afar, and you idealise them in your own head... put them on a pedestal, and create an image in your mind of what you expect them to be. But then you forget that the image that YOU project onto them is YOUR invention.
I had a hero. And the image i created of him was of a "defender of the wronged" - I decided in my mind that
Today, my guy is telling his family about "us". He's text me a few times and it sounds as if they are happy for him - all good news for me. It makes me wish so much that i had someone i could tell. The fact is that I want to cry from the rooftops that i'm in love with my beautiful man, but my situation makes that difficult for the moment.
Of course, I have this blog as an outlet - you guys always listen to me, provide feedback and advice. But its not the same.
I use the blog as a s
So my guy and I are planning our first weekend away.... naturally, i want it to be perfect. The perfect room, with a perfect bed, a perfect bottle of champagne - you know the score.
im so excited.... its just over a month to go (36 dyas and counting) but im so worked up already....
im looking forward to the little things... Holding hands as we walk.... waking up in his arms.... watching TV as we doze off to sleep. of course, im looking forward to other activities too, but just *being*
I'm finding increasingly that the "positive outlook" I've had recently is spreading and building a momentum of its own. You know there has been a major problem in your life, when people look shocked, just because you're smiling. And its true that a smile on my face has been a rare thing. For so long... everything has been very serious and driven. Its nice to let the sunshine in.
It's obvious that the sunlight is coming from the direction of my new man (and yes, in case you were wondering
So i have things to be thankful for. Lots of things in fact. My somewhat self indulgent post yesterday enumerated my insecurities, but really, i know that the theme of that post should have been much more positive. I have my man... and that is wonderful. I am finding myself more... and coming to terms with who i am. Maybe I am "gay-er" than i thought i was - because i have never felt this way with a woman...
Love has given me a perspective i think on a few things...
(1) I need to wo
so the first thing you have to understand is... im not ever the best looking guy in the room. I am overweight... i carry it well but still... its an issue for me. I am self conscious about my hair and... well... uhmmm... lets just say i wouldn't mind a few more inches.
Quite frankly, i have no idea why anyone would find me remotely attractive. but someone does... he told me so... he told me he loved me... he told me everything would be ok... and i believe him. i trust in him completely.
Life is full of events... the things that make you laugh, things that make you cry, things that make you want to scream, things that make your heart race...
There are big things... major events that shape us... and they help make us the people we are. But lately, i have come to appreciate the little things in life... because it is the little things that for me have been so exhilarating...
"I love you"....
a text in the middle of a bad day...
a random kiss...
and it is making
At the beginning of last night, I set my status to "Omnes una manet nose" which is to say, "The same night awaits us all".
What is comforting on an Election Night, is that in a sense, whatever is going to happen has "Already happened". The ballot has been cast, the dice has been rolled, and we just need to see where the everything falls.
I'm not going to say too much, except from a statistics point of view, we saw swings between parties on a totally inconsistent basis, with no discernible pat
I'm finding myself getting more and more drawn in to the world of GA.
I've made a few friends here, and am starting to feel more comfortable with this portal that allows me to be honest with the world, if only through a veil of anonymity.
Tonight was liberating. I had a conversation in chat with someone... and he asked me some direct questions. Questions about my past, and my future. And he has made me ponder the larger questions in my life - for starters, can i really bring myself
In case any of you hadn't noticed - there's an election going on here in the UK. We're entering into the final weeks, and I'll have to admit to following things quite closely.
I should say at this point that I am extremely biased - i've given significant sums to the conservative party over the last few years, and am an ardent supporter of the right wing position. Now, before I go any further, I want to debunk the myth that UK Conservative Party = US Republican Party. There is a tendenc
Last night I attended a dinner, at which the dress code was "white tie". For those of you not familiar with such things, white tie is the more formal version of "black tie", and is not usually worn these days. Now, not to brag, but white tie is a look that i really can pull off - I looked awesome. I have quite a heavy frame (think - rugby player. Bulky, but not fat), which was complimented by the cut of the tailcoat.
I had a really great time. I'm not usually the best at formal occasion
So there's this guy... (how many times am I going to start a post like this?!)
And he's Married.
We both happened to be at the same meeting today. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He was wearing a black suit, with a black shirt and grey tie... which for me is the most incredibly sexy look. And underneath, you can see the perfectly toned sculpture of a man who spend a lot of time in a swimming pool...
So I kept looking, and the thing is, every time I looked at his eyes... they wer
Yesterday - as one might gather from my post - I was slightly depressed. I allowed myself to remember something wonderful, but that inevitably lead me to the pain that came after. Someone commented on my post that it looked as if I was leaving Narnia (referring to my own perception of how deep in the closet I am) - and this reminded me of the freedom that I felt back then. At that time, I still hadn't felt the full weight of my responsibilities, or of expectations. It was a time for me when
He was wearing Blue; and it sparkled not because of the colour, but because it was HIM. Have you ever seen a guy who just draws your eye, and holds your attention like a vice? Where it's almost painful to turn away? David. His name was David, and he was my first for many things. the first guy I felt that "spark" with. The first guy I kissed. The First guy I Made love to. And the First guy to break my heart.
I only mention it because of what day it is - today is the only day I allow m
Why have I come here? why am I writing a blog? What's this british upstart thinking of coming along into the forums and stirring up the soapbox?
Well, I think I need to tell you about myself first. I am so deep in the closet, I'm half way to Narnia. I live in a small town in the UK, and generally speaking homosexuality is not accepted. So finding an escape online has become a sort of "release Valve" for me. A few years ago I was a member of another internet forum, and we formed a very
