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A revealing talk with Dwayne

So, tonight, against my better judgment, I went into what I've avoided doing for a long time. Of all the conversations in my head with Dwayne I knew I didn't want to actually say those things to him. Well, tonight against my better judgment I said some, and his reaction was precisely as I predicted it would be... he really doesn't know how to deal with someone emotionally troubled. Eventually though, after blathering on about my feelings and thoughts I said that I was conflicted, and he remarked

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STD Testing; Sonogram results

So today I went in for a consultation, talked with a doctor about various things concerning safe sex, and talked about the various dieseases they could test for and whether I want each of the tests.   I decided to be tested for them all.   Dwayne if you're reading this, I'm not writing it to hurt you... I don't know what I can or can not believe about what happened between us. I have asked you to tell me... its your decision to do so or not. If you leave me to put the pieces together with pi

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days of... huh?

Okay, so monday, i go out with my friend and her fiance. We saw vantage point.... I loved it. President Ashton... has a nice ring to it, lol.   After the movie we went to dinner at Chilis.... I love their Nachos and they have this tasty fruity drink that goes 2 for 1.   After dinner we went driving... didn't really care where we were going... drove all the way to the end of university parkway, then turned around and went the other direction towards the airport. It was during this time that

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Hiatus.

Addendum   I find myself falling more and more into an emotional wreck. When that happens, I'm going to go offline so as not to do/say things to push people away.

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Unentrenching

A thunderous excursion at criminal velocity,   Prompted by tormentuous raging pychopathy,   Preceded all preference for bodily safety,   For no latch remained locked within his fragile psyche...             Crash.

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Moving Out

For ages now I've wanted to move out but earlier this week I made the decision: I'm going to do it.   Today I got a call back from someone whose ad I had responded to. He's 37, buying a house, and looking for a room mate. The house is a two bedroom, one bathroom home with big beautiful trees in the yard. We've set up a meeting saturday afternoon to meet and look at the place. He also mentioned he might drop by my restaurant friday evening.   Its 500/month with utilities included.... more th

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Remix

So yesterday I get a call from Jeremy, apologizing again and wanting to hang out because he's bored and doesn't really have much to do. What a coincidence, I'm generally bored with nothing to do too. So, I agree to hang out and when he gives me a call after work I suggest we play a game of Axis and Allies - an exceedingly complex board game that can go on for hours and hours. I also suggest he ask Aaron to come over and play as well...   It seems that between talking to Jeremy that afternoon a

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Crazies

So yesterday I was going to class and in front of the building stood two crazies. One had tied a cross to himself from which hung a sign. One side said "Turn or burn" the other said something to the effect of "Jesus: your savior or judge?" Perhaps I'm mistaken but it appears that last one is a bit contradictory and the former rather counterproductive. Regardless, their rantings, ravings, and random insults to passing students was quite amusing - as were the cops who showed up when they were draw

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Finances; Writing

So yesterday I got a nasty note from the university wanting me to pay $975 I didn't think I'd have to pay for another couple months... but even so, I should be able to pay that off and be almost completely out of credit card debt by the end of the month. It just means I won't have the cash on hand I thought I'd have to pay down my computer loan. By the end of next month I'll have the cards paid off completely and a hefty amount of cash in hand to buy a car the first week of June... when I'll fin

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Constitution v Law

In seeking to find out information concerning the legal status of an immigrant to the united states who marries someone of the same sex in Massachusetts, I came across this section of the US legal code which rather perplexed me....  

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Campaign/Political Carreer and how I would deal with inevitable slander

As for the decision to run... I'd probably do what I'm sure plenty of politicians do and get the family together, talk with them about it, and after hearing their concerns make the decision from there. I think the only person who would hold an absolute veto in my mind is my boyfriend... maybe our son as well, but I would stilll want input from everyone.   As noble as it might sound to refuse to even acknowledge the inevitable slander... I know me well enough to know that I couldn't go on day a

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Standardized testing... yawn

So Yesterday after I got out of class I noticed a flyer about a lecture to be held regarding "The hundred Languages of Children." Well, being only a few weeks away from co-fatherdom I decided I'd drop in on that lecture, thinking it was going to be about children... what with the topic being the hundred languages of children.... as you can probably tell, for the most part it had very little to do with children. It was mildly interesting to down right sleep inducing to watch Mr. Pence talk about

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Reflecting on a turbulent past

I wrote this poem some time ago, and I'm posting it again now, with some extra stanzas. It tells my story pretty well I think.   I was walking across a rope bridge Behind me, my life without you Before me, the day I move in with you Below me, no rivine, nor rushing stream Below me lay a vastly wide river Moving warm and slow To nowhere I'd rather go Than the other side.   You were standing on the other side When I saw you disappear, And a moment of confusion crossed my mind When yo

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Morning musing

The first Thoughts as I wake up My last as I go to sleep The subject of my dreams The star of my fantasies If Ever before There was any doubt I am in love now This, I want to shout     I wrote this within a few minutes of waking up this morning.   Today will be a good day.

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Okay, so its been a while...

A general update on things....   Gavin and I are friends, and not more. His low sex drive and disinterest in the romantic did not make him a good match for me for a boyfriend... we're still friends though. I actually just got him a job working at the same theater I'm working at.   Oh yeah, I got a job working at a theater. The pay sucks, but I do like the job and the people I work with.   I'm looking at a job elsewhere, if I can go to work as a waiter in a restaurant around here, I think

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Encouraging Conversation

I had a very encouraging conversation with my Dad this morning... glad I got to sleep early enough last night to see him before he left.   We started out talking about politics... both of us are very disappointed in the available candidates. He mentioned McCain... I said I felt betrayed by his recent pandering to the religious right, that I thought it was a big mistake on his part since those are precsisely the people who hate him and the people who liked him are the kind who don't care much f

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New Content Block

For my own amusement, I started keeping track of how many new reads and reviews I was getting for each of my stories as well as keeping track of how many new chapters are being put out on a week to week basis... this helps me track how popular stories are in the present, rather than just how many times they have ever been read. My good friend TL The Writing Tiger mentioned that would be an excellent thing to add to a blog... and so I tried to do just that... the thing is, it wouldn't all fit int

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Islam and homosexuality

As many of you may already be aware, I am an ex-Muslim apostate. I converted to Islam in the summer of 2004, deserted it in late spring 2006. Among various other issues for my departure from that religion is the Islamic stance on homosexuality. I inquired about it on Islamonline.net, having been previously referred to that site as a legitimate site for the discussion of Islam.   This was my post:    

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One exam left!

So yesterday I took two exams, one in Management of information resources in the public sector, and the other in Contemporary political philosophy.   I'm not sure how I did on the first one, but I'm not especially concerned either. I would have to get below a fifty in order to not get an A in that class. As for Contemporary Political Philosophy... that one I gambled on a bit, and my gamble worked great.   You see, we were told that 6 questions would be on the exam, 3 in each of two sections.

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Been a couple weeks

Yesterday I realized again just how much I love Silven. Just the thought that it might not be until December that I see him had me upset...   I suppose in a way its a good thing that I'd get upset at the idea of not seeing him sooner...   Anyway... I was pretty annoyed with myself last night, I got home too late to talk to him, he'd already gone to work. And now this morning my Internet connection was cut off, so I couldn't get on until seven... I guess he's asleep now... hopefully sleeping

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Changing Plans

Okay, first on the agenda today: my job. I'm not especially happy working at the restaurant. If a table comes in and can't figure out what the hell they want until the next table is in too, its like having double-duty. Top that up with having to put together all their salads myself and fetch countless little things for them that don't come with the meal and only some items go through the computer, but most don't so I have to remember when to punch stuff through....   Ugh.   I'm told breakfas

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Nathan and David Part 3 on the way

Okay, I admit, its been ages sinces I've posted a new chapter of... anything >__<   However, I do have a new chapter of Nathan and David on the way, it just needs a bit of editing to polish it offf... the problem is... If you've talked with me before, you've always heard it referred to as the final part of Nathan and David.   This is no longer the case as I now have some insidious, explosive, boiling hot plans for our boys and their honeymoon.   In any case, be on the lookout for so

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Returning to the previous schedule as best as possible

Okay, so... after some clearing up by the administration as to what constitutes porn in their eyes, i will soon be posting Nathan and David part 2, not quite on the schedule i had hoped, but probably within a week. Liberty Island will remain behind the scenes and a chapter of Webs should be on its way by some time in the middle weeks of the month. Sorry about all the confusion.   Also, while you're here, I updated the story tracker to give a summary for the month of march. Hopefully at some po

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A conclusion reached

I've made a few philosophical decisions about how I'm going to live my life from now on, based on certain experiences, and grand disappointments that I've had.   First I'd like to say I won't be giving up on love itself, as I'd been pondering doing just yesterday. That's still just not the kind of life I want to live.   What I am doing though, as a matter of preserving my own personal dignity and self-respect, is throwing aside a certain path I was traveling too often. I will no longer be p

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Posessive-Obsessive Exes

Last night... what a trip.   I get a call from Aaron who I hadn't heard from in two weeks apologizing about not calling because he'd not had any access to a phone and the bitch of a roomate who does have a phone refused to let him use it.   He says that he and a bunch of friends, including his ex, are going to be meeting at a park to hang out for a while and he invites me to come along. So I do - this is about 10pm. By around midnight the other friends have all left and its just me, Jere

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