Maybe you should try poetry. Most poems are short enough that you can be as perfectionist as you like. Also, IMO, you may have an aptitude -- if it was a conscious choice for you not to capitalize that last "I" in your last sentence, it means you like the sort of tricks/effects that would be worthwhile capitalizing in poesy.

You need to chill out and not be so hard on yourself. You are scewing with your muse dude All artists are perfectionsists and I have never been happy with anything I have done... writing, painting... well except the kids Just follow your heart and your muse. If it feels like you are writing crap keep going because your crap is someone else's gold