As I slip further down the slippery slope there come pauses where normal function is enabled for brief periods of time. Today I had to go to a class on time management. It was either take it now or wait until July when it will be considerably hotter. I’ve decided I do not like the hot, humid aspect of living in Dallas. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a great town and would love to live here, but I’m too used to living in the Pacific Northwest where 100 degree weather is a rarity, not the norm. Besides, there’s nothing like looking out the window and seeing a high, snowcapped mountain.

I didn’t call the crisis line as I’m not suicidal. I did try to get in to see my psychiatrist, but I have to wait until my appointment in June. So, I’m left to slide down as far I will go this time. I’m at level four and holding. Ideation is strong, but action is lacking. I still have a strong desire to keep on getting on. If I sink further, I will call, even if ideation is still only vague. How many clicks are there between four and five?

Mostly, though, I have to solve the problem of Remembering Tim. I’ve lost all the old stuff and will have to create a new narrative. In a way this is good as I can push into uncharted territories that will have to lead to one or two inevitable conclusions. I’m fairly certain the structure of the new stuff will be radically different from what I wrote before. Right now I have four more chapters until I have to begin rebuilding the story of Geoff’s love for Tim, so I still have some time to figure out what I’m going to do.

Luckily I have lots of time and focusing on what to do with Tim keeps my mind off dangerous destructive thoughts. Also, there are the anthologies. Summer is in the bag and Autumn is flitting around as it tries to achieve a story thematically related to Legends. So far I have two, maybe three, story lines that I’m trying to ferret out of a mind troubled mind.