I don’t want to do my homework, I find it difficult to care about my assignments for the week, I am apathetic to the point where procrastination has become my one friend, and yet, I only have five days left of the class. Logic would say just go ahead and hurry up and get stuff done, but I can’t, because I cannot find the motivation to care about the stuff I was assigned to do. I have a low A at the moment, I never expected to get better than a B out of the class, so of course, I sit here and tell myself that I have wiggle room to mess up, because it’s hard to be motivated to do stuff you’re told over and over is wrong anyway.

Maybe that’s the biggest part of my frustration with the class, going into it knowing it was a weak subject for me and one I had little interest in but needed to pass as it is a requirement. Looking at the first weeks assignments I was immediately put off by them, and that just grew and grew week after week until not caring became outright anger at some of my classes.

Couple that with lack of sleep though, and all that anger and frustration has been a downer this week, leaving me close to tears on a constant basis two days in a row. I just want this done, I want this over with, I want my time free to actually do stuff I care about doing again, I want the snow to stop, I want to get out into the woods, I want to take pictures, I want to go hiking, I do not ever ever ever want to draw another stupid human based character because those do not interest me in the slightest.

I get it, I do, they want us to be well rounded, they want us to be able to pick up a model sheet and be able to follow it, but I am more of an idea person, concept art, not the actual animation, I’ll come up with the ideas, the character sketches, the backgrounds, the scripts, I’ll edit, I’ll do exposure sheets, I’ll do sound effects, ect, ect, I just do not ever plan to be the person who has to draw the same thing over and over because repetition is NOT my friend when it comes to that.

You ever wanna see a person freak out and come up with 115 different things they can do to avoid doing something, give me a task where I have to repeat a process over and over and over. My concentration and focus just goes right out the window, and my stubbornness sets in and with me stubborn and angry go hand in hand and then I’m trying to think up ways to calm down before I have a meltdown and leave myself grouchily unable to do anything.

Have been somewhere between depressed and ranting/raving lunatic all week, culminating in this rant, which is yet another bit of procrastination on my part as I do not want to do tonight’s assignment either. When this class is over on wednsday night, I have a bottle of SoCo in the corner with my name on it, and I plan to see just how much of it can be consumed in a siting.

So um, to those reading my rant, thanks for letting me rant.