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By Design piece


TheZot

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Right, I know I should be working on the last chapter of Yankee (and the first few chapters of its sequel) but I've been distracted by work and other stuff. This has been sticking in my head too -- I guess I shouldn't ever say "I wish I could write like that, but I can't" since then my brain will nag at me until I do.

 

I think I'm calling this one By Design, but I'm not sure. It actually involves a lot of landscape architecture, though you'd not know it from this bit.

 

Anyway, this is only a partial chapter. There's no finale (where Rick runs away, pretty damn horrified at the destruction and at how out of control he got) nor any setup. Two of the characters of the story are in this one. Phillip's a landscape architect who specializes in water features, both outdoors and indoors (which is to say he builds fountains and ponds), while Phillip's a financial planner. (Not that either of their professions makes a difference here) Rick's been essentially celibate since college because of two really bad relationships in a row and some bad stuff at home at the time -- given that he's in his early thirties it's been a long time since he's had sex of any sort, even alone. Phillip's been persuing him with some vigor for the past few months, and they've got a semi-bizarre near-friendship and courtship ritual going, as Phillip's been working hard to get under Rick's skin and Rick's not been running away.

 

This scene takes place in the morning. Phillip's dropped in, after Rick's gotten out of the shower but before he's had breakfast or gotten dressed.

 

There is a point to this posting, more so than just prurience (not that I've any problem with that!) I've never written a sex scene before, and I'm not sure it works out right, or if there are things missing that ought to be in. This chapter isn't here to tittilate the readers, either -- this is a pretty damn big change in their relationship, and it's supposed to show how repressed Rick has been, and that he's not anywhere near the sexless person he thought he'd turned into. The chapter that follows has some repercussions as well. Rick's convinced what he's done is rape. (Phillip's "I started it" and "Can't rape the enthusiastically willing" arguments don't work much, since Rick knows full well that it doesn't matter, he would not have stopped if Phillip had said so, and it's the disregard for consent that's getting him)

 

Anyway, I'd appreciate a read-over and comments on it, since I know the blog's not really set up for proper editing. Stuff I've missed, things that need more explanation, bizarrely shifting architecture, physically impossible acts, or whatever. It's first-draft, so there are some missing transitions (indicated by extra blank lines), but hopefully that won't matter.

 

Oh, yeah, and I'm pretty sure pasta sauces don't make for good prophylactics. Just for the record, you understand.

 

By Design, chapter ten-ish (maybe)

 

 

 

 

"You know you want it, Rick." Phillip practically purred that sentence, his voice low and husky.

 

"I don't think

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Oh, I'm going to write the bits before, and the bits after this one. The story's pretty much plotted out, the settings are in place, and I've a handle on most of the characters. The biggest problem's working out the first chapter, but that's all part of the bits that may or may not be fun. (I'm not sure yet)

 

Hence the title, after all. :P

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Heh. The question, though, is does it work? Because, bizarrely, I'm not exactly in a position to tell. It seems OK, though it definitely needs some editing (there's a lot of repetitive phrasing in there, and while some of it's on purpose, more of it's accidental). Like I said, I've never written a sex scene before, nor have I ever trashed a kitchen having sex (nor any other room, for that matter. My life, alas, lacks enthusiastic sex) so I'm just not sure it works.

 

There's also the issue of whether everything made it down onto paper right. I know the characters, their motivations, what the room looks like, and the dance they do, and I can see it as I write it out, but I'm not sure I wrote enough out, or the right things out, that other people can see it too.

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