This book belongs to Cole:

2007

Things were starting to look like I had made a decision, it was my weekend off which was much needed. Since most of us were off we had decided to plan a fun night out of drinking and dancing. It was still pretty early in the day so I decided to just hang and rest. Out of nowhere I received a text from X. I didn’t respond so within ten minutes he was calling me.
“What do you want?” I felt no need to be nice to him nor did I have any reason to care about his feelings.
“Dude we really need to talk.”
“About?” I did want to talk to him, shit I wanted to see him more than anything. I just had to keep playing the rude card. He was someone that was supposed to be my friend only he used me as a piece in his game.
“Not over the phone.”
“X, I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Can you come over right now?”
“Come where?”
“I’ve got the place all to myself for the next few hours so it’s either a yes or a no.”
I had no idea what I wanted to do. Yes I wanted to see him, but I knew that nothing good would come from it. We needed to talk, there were so many things that needed to be said so many feelings to get out. Would we really talk though? I missed having X in my life and I would do anything to get our friendship back to what it was. In fact I would erase all of the sex. Everything in me told me not to go and not respond. “I’m on my way.” And to this day I wondered why I even wasted my time. I grabbed my things and was out the door. Within seconds he text me his address luckily for me it wasn’t too far.
The whole time I drove I thought about what it was that he wanted to say. I also thought about all the times we had messed around, about the friendship we had, the one I missed. No matter what was going to be said I knew that we could never go back. I had to let him know that I wasn’t just going to be there for him to call when he was horny. He needed to know that no matter what, I would still be there as a friend. He would need to show me he cared first. Then the thoughts of him changing and all this working out came to my mind. Now I gave myself a little hope everything would turn out for the best.
X was now living with a friend. The place was a mess, you could tell two guys lived there. It was a very small house, not much furniture either. I walked in to find X there wearing only a pair of basketball shorts and you could tell he wasn’t wearing any underwear. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes only on his face. Since I had last seen him he had bulked up pretty big. Apparently he had been hitting the gym almost every day for the past year. He stood there without a shirt on, his nice body was still a little wet he must have just gotten out of the shower. 
We only talked for maybe ten minutes just catching up a little about our lives “Hey Cole you have to come check out my new computer.” So we went back to his room. All he had was a large queen size bed with his desk, which had his computer and his dresser. 
I sat there on the bed, so far everything seemed okay yet our conversation never went to anything important. Maybe I had over thought everything, maybe he was trying to be friends and this was his way of reaching back out to me, maybe he too missed me and was wanting to get everything back to normal. It had been a long time since we had seen each other so maybe now he was over all the sex stuff and just wanted the old Cole back in his life. It all did feel right. I was now starting to feel as if nothing had ever changed between us. Maybe we could get passed everything and just start over.
He showed me all of the new games he had been playing. He pulled up some pictures of different motorcycles he wanted to get. These were the things I had missed, these were the times we needed to get back. I was feeling as though we were okay, but of course my mind got ahead of me. Soon X stood keeping his back towards me. He then dropped his shorts turning around showing that hard pink dick, letting me see that someone else was also happy to see me.
He moved over to the bed sitting so close to me that our legs were touching. We looked into each other’s eyes. I tried my hardest to get up and go I just couldn’t. I had been right before, there was no reason for me to be here. The friendship was done and I didn’t want to be his pass time. I could see in his eyes that he wanted me, that he had longed for me. I told myself this had to be the last time. No matter what I had told myself I had lost, he began to take my clothes off all I did was stare into his eyes showing him I give in, but I would never again answer his calls or text. Whatever he and I had was over, we were nothing to each other and sadly I think we never were.
X laid back on his bed while I sat there staring at his beautiful body and his long thick penis. It was crazy that all those years he and I had been friends I had never thought it would lead to this. It became something so wrong yet it felt right when we had sex, it made me feel as though I had found someone that could really please me. 
I lay down next to him exploring his body and kissing every part of it. I was going to take my time to really enjoy him. I had to make sure this was our good bye. I wanted him to see that this was more than just a way to get off that I knew how to really please him. 
He pushed my head down then shoved his dick into my mouth. The sweet smell of lavender came from his body. I lay my head on his stomach so he could feed his dick to me. That was when something caught my eye, his web cam was on and I could see us on the computer screen.
“What are you doing?” I got up moving to another end of the bed so I was no longer on the camera view. I couldn’t lie I was more than willing to have some fun and record us, but not with him. 
“Oh don’t worry it’s not recording,” he said pulling me back over so we could get back to what we were doing “see it’s just so we can watch us fuck.” I had to admit it was a pretty good idea.
I went back to sucking his dick taking every inch into my mouth every now and then looking at the camera to watch us. Once I could tell he was really hard I got up and moved so I could ride him. He handed me a condom and some lube so I got him all ready then slowly sat down taking him deep into my ass. We lay on the side of the bed so we both had a good view of the screen. It was pretty hot, I looked down and watched his reaction to me as I rode him slow then fast. I moved in a circular motion making sure that my hips kept a good pace, so he could really enjoy me one last time. One of the good things was my ass was always tight so most men were able to enjoy a nice warm hole that felt new.
He was far inside of me there was more pain shooting up than I wanted, only soon pleasure won and filled my body. His hands caressed my back helping to move me up and down on him. Our moans filled the room and our passion had taken over. Every time he and I had sex I felt as if he were the only one that knew how to really satisfy all my needs. I knew now since we had been such good friends and not because there was more. He was just a man searching for something that would please him, something that he could always have. In a way I think I needed this more.
X grabbed me pulling me off him bending me over so we were both facing the camera. He pushed his way inside with such force I let out a cry. This was different, the heat was stronger there was more passion than I could even remember feeling with him. Each time he pushed into me was hard and seemed mean. He made me cry louder each time. It was as if he needed to hear me, he needed to know it was me. That I felt him deeper than he had ever been before. That I wouldn’t forget him even if I wanted too. It was as if he did it so hard so he knew what it was like to make another man cry in pain and pleasure all at once.
I looked up into the camera, it was amazing seeing me there in middle of my highest pleaser. But X, I was able to see his body, you could see every muscle tensing up as he pushed faster his sweat rolling down his body. Watching the faces he made as he gave into me, this only made it harder for me to hold back my release.
He leaned over me so our bodies where pressed together, he hugged me close with one arm while he used the other to hold himself up. It wasn’t too much longer till his breathing grew heavier and moans became louder. I could feel his body begin to quiver. Then he whispered into my ear, “Cole I wish I could have you, I wish I could love you.” With those words he pulled out and released, shooting all over my back. I watched him on the screen as he finished, his body so tense and sweaty. His cries of passion filling the room, the faces he made as he came, everything made me let go and take part in his moment. “You want to shower?” he asked smacking my ass so hard it sent chills up my spine.
“Of course.” I laughed getting up following him to the bathroom. I showered, but had to make it quick. I still had a few things to do before I got ready to go out.
When I got back to his room I found X laying in his bed texting, he had some porn playing pretty loud on his computer and of course it was girl on girl. Now that he had just finished fucking a dude he was all about girls. Guys were funny when they were “straight” it was all about fucking pussy and talking about all the pussy they had. Then sometimes they have another guy on the side, someone they occasionally sleep with and as long as no one knew it was okay. I never understood why people couldn’t be open about their true selves. It was as if they had to only like one, even if they did like both, they had to be all about the girls and be a real men. I didn’t care what they liked, I just wanted my friends to be happy and honest with themselves. The sad thing was from what I was learning that would never be.
“So what do you have planned for the rest of your day?”
He lay there watching the porn not once looking at me “Dinner with my girl.”
“Oh you have a girl?”
“Yeah we’ve been together for a while and talking about marriage I just haven’t said a complete yes.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I hurried to get dressed. I couldn’t believe what he had said, yeah X seemed to always ruin his relationships. For some reason he liked the drama, but to say almost engaged and the fact that he was now taking that step again was a little sad to me. I was starting to think that he would never be happy and maybe now he should stop and think if a girl was what he wanted.
“I figured it’s time to settle plus she loves my son and he loves her, they are spending the day together.” 
I grew nervous, my stomach turned, and I felt a chill run over my body. My mouth went dry, my head was getting dizzy. I had to sit. What had I just done? What was I really doing here? I should have never listened to him or trusted him. X was never going to change. This was his game and I was forever going to be a piece in it. I just hoped one day I would roll the dice and find a new square that would let me leave this place.   
“So since I think she is the one I needed to have one more day of fun, which reminds me,” he looked his watch. I hadn’t noticed the nice watch he was wearing I was sure she was buying him nice gifts. X always managed to find girls that would spoil him more than he would them “you remember that older married woman I used to fuck.”
“The one with the husband and great job downtown?”
X had liked that woman a lot, after the mother of his child broke up with him, which was right after the baby came, he met the older woman at his work. One day she had gone to get something fixed on her car, X had been working for a repair center. That same day they had met she got a hotel room and they spent the whole night having sex. All he was to her was a young guy with a great dick, he could give her sex all night, she would buy him nice things, but he fell for her. He tried his hardest to hold his feelings back, which of course most guys did, he just couldn’t with her. After he came clean she called it all off, but they would randomly meet up for sex, usually every three months.
“Yep she’s on her way now.”
“Wait so you’re telling me while your girlfriend is out with your son you are here cheating on her?” Now I was angry, how could he have dragged me into his mess? How could someone that I had called one of my closest friends use me for just a fuck while someone that loved him was waiting?
“It’s not cheating,” he moved closer to me so we were sitting right next to each other “you see she is giving me a day off from the relationship. She said today was my last day to go off, have fun, do whatever I want and none of this counts then tomorrow we will be back together and engaged.”
I had no idea what to say or what to think I just sat there thinking of what we had just done. I couldn’t lie it was a different idea. Something that would maybe help to make more marriages last. So really I couldn’t be mad since she was allowing him to do whatever he wanted. I was upset that he saw me as some piece of ass that he needed one last time. Now that he got what he wanted he would be throwing me out like I was the trash, which hurt. After all the years and all the things we had gone through I was in the same category as his normal hoes.
“I hate to rush you but you kind of need to leave, she’s going to be here in less than thirty minutes. I still need to shower and get ready.”
I just walked out not even saying good bye to him. I wasn’t even going think about it, all this was, was fun. It was over and the only thing left to do was walk away. No longer having to think whether this would happen again. Now I wouldn’t even have to worry about our friendship or if I would see him, in a way this was our closure. We had taken a great friendship and crossed over to lovers knowing no matter what we said or did we would never be able to go back. Maybe X had always known our friendship was over, even though deep down inside I did too, but never admitted it. So instead of pretending he kept me as just a booty call and now this was his way of letting me go.
In some cases you can start having sex with a friend and you both will be able to move past it. Sometimes you can stay friends and not let any weird feelings affect you. Sadly for X and I all you can do is end whatever communication you have, denying you were anything more than just old friends. Maybe there was more to all this than I knew or will ever know, but X wasn’t going to come forward. He was getting married and he sent me out the door. I went with my head high, knowing that I was able to be there for someone when they had needed me, that I too had a friend that had helped me through some of my toughest times. And no matter what I can always look back on some amazing sex, remember the time I had slept with a guy that so many girls had wanted. This was the last time and as I drove off I said good bye to X and a relationship that we would never be able to explain.
That night at the martini bar I finally told Cynthia about the whole X thing. We had gone out with Gina to have some drinks. I explained why I had waited so long to fill them in and thankfully she understood “So he’s getting married.” 
“I can’t believe you two were doing it.” Cynthia said laughing at me. 
“Well I say whatever. At least you had fun.” Gina said as she took a few drags of you cig.
“Yeah I did. I just wish it hadn’t turned out this way.”
“It seems as though he can’t even figure out what he wants so why would you want a friend like that?” Cynthia added.
“True,” I looked at my two friends, I didn’t need to fight for his friendship I had people I could really count on right here with me “sadly some friends come and go.”
“Not us.” Gina said holding her glass up so we three could toast.
“To real friends.” We all said laughing and chugging our martinis down. I smiled knowing that I was finally free from something I was afraid to loose, but in a way I think I was more afraid to loose myself. Now I would move forward because there was always something better waiting for me on my next turn……