I hope you all enjoyed the last Improve & Encourage feature, because it's time for another one. These features are meant to both provide feedback to authors and, similar to story reviews, point out stories that readers might not otherwise have found. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open!  These will post once a month until the last author signed up is critiqued. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. I'm hoping to have a lot more authors sign up, and just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured.

TJ

JayT

Critique By: jkwsquirrel  

Please give us a short summary of the story you chose.

After his parents are killed, TJ must move in with his brother and nephew in Texas.  But his brother has a secret which sends TJ’s world into a chaotic whirlwind.  As TJ adjusts to his new life, he finds the love he needed, and begins to feel wanted.

What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem?

The plot of the story is strong and you can tell Jay did a lot of planning right from the beginning.  I think the characters really began to find their voices and hit their groove around chapter four and then continuing through the book.  Everything is well thought out and the story gets stronger as it goes along.  The reader can relate to TJ’s plight easily as the story develops.

What do you see as the weakness of the story/poem?

I thought the pacing of the first chapter or two was a bit rushed.  The reader barely has time to figure out who is who and what is going on.  The first chapter could have easily been three or four chapters.  When TJ’s parents die, it doesn’t have as much impact as it could because the reader barely knows them enough to care about their deaths.  The story doesn’t have time to breathe in those early chapters as everything happens so suddenly that it’s hard to keep up. It takes a few chapters for the characters to really find themselves.  TJ’s nephew, Josh, takes a while to mature.  He is a junior in high school but he sounds much younger in the early chapters.

How do you think the story/poem could be improved?

Again, the pacing of the earlier chapters is where I think the story could be improved the most.  We never have time to feel much of anything for the characters because everything happens too fast.  Jay sometimes has to backtrack in later chapters to fill in details that could have been fleshed out earlier.  For instance, the reader finds out that Robert is the assistant principal at TJ’s new high school out of nowhere with no build up.  Jay has a good story to tell but rushes to get through the introductory things.  Slow down and let the story develop, then when the events of the plot happen the readers will feel a deeper connection to the characters and the story.

What was your favorite part?

For me, my favorite part was seeing the growth that Jay displayed as a writer as the story advanced.  Much of the weakness in the pacing in the earlier chapters settles down in the later chapters, and Jay allows the story to tell itself without rushing through.  TJ is a strong protagonist, and it’s fun to get into his head.  The characters really begin to find themselves once the pace slows down and they are given room to grow.  I really liked the characters and grew to like them even more as they interacted.  The dialogue is witty and enjoyable.  Overall, an enjoyable reading experience!