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Wisconsinites...

JSmith

Entry posted by JSmith

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I got this in an email. You gotta love Wisconsinites :D

 

On Visiting Wisconsin This Summer - Do it, Go Home

 

How to save your ass if you plan to visit Wisconsin this summer

Issued by the Wisconsin Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors:

 

1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Lodge. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your ass.

 

2. Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Onalaska, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass.

 

3. Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Here it's called "pop". Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

 

4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass.

 

5. We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here, unlike some places where people are allowed to live off parents past the age of 16. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her ass. We are also not dumb enough to elect a Professional Wrestler to our highest state office. People like that should have their ass kicked.

 

6. Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. And don't laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we'll kick your ass.

 

7. We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.

 

8. Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven’s sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass. If you ask what a supper club is, that will get your ass kicked too.

 

9. Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked many times.

 

10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and New York and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Interstates 90, 94, and 43 are ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

 

11. Along the same lines, don’t try to tell us we don’t have beaches like California, Virginia, Florida, and North Carolina. We’ve got two great lakes, lakes up the ass, and the biggest river on the continent. You knock our beaches and we’ll kick your ass.

 

12. Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and farmland. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to Chicago.

 

13. Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

 

14. Don’t lie to any of us. If we don’t find out right away, we will eventually. We will then kick your ass.

 

15. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.

 

16. Anyone from any point further south than the Mason-Dixon line will have their ass kicked back to whence they came. If you are from Virginia, we will kick your ass using with some LaCrosse Steel reinforced boots.

 

17. Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked.

 

18. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come up here and tell us how the prairies should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box minus your ass.

 

Enjoy your visit and then go home.

 

Just a tip if any of you plan on visiting there 0:) And if you are there, then you're probably laughing your ass off right now :P

 

Joe

(Who is a native and loyal Wisconsinite)

12 Comments

Recommended Comments

icedfire

Even this adopted Minnesotan can see the inferiority complex inherent in this! :P

 

But seriously, I've enjoyed the times I've been in Wisconsin. Especially since they're usually about a year apart...hehehe.

 

I'll be back in late September. Tim, Kurt...hell, even you, Joey...are more than welcome to come hunt me down and kick my ass for this comment :D

 

Rob

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JSmith

Hey don't be forgetting our dear ol' pal Miso who would come kick your ass too :P

 

Jeez- Cheese-heads are sensitive.

 

Damn straight :D:P

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Guest Kitty

Guest Kitty

Posted

Do we really kick that much ass?

 

Kurt, I know you kick ass. :D;)

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Tim the Traveller

I'll be back in late September. Tim, Kurt...hell, even you, Joey...are more than welcome to come hunt me down and kick my ass for this comment :D

 

Rob

 

Count on it! 0:)

 

All I can say is I've woke up a few times back on this side of the river.

 

With my ass kicked. :D

 

LMAO :lmao::funny:

 

Do we really kick that much ass?

 

Kurt, I know you kick ass. :D;)

 

yes we do

 

eh, damn cheese heads... they're all talk no ass kicking, bunch of softies :P

-Nate :D

I think we should kick Nate' ass!

 

yes we should--But you gotta realize he's just a mudduck 0:)

 

 

 

 

B)

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NateB

"Wisconsinites" just think too high of themselves :rolleyes: lol

 

;) Bring it Kurt

 

and i am not a mudduck :( im a New Yorker, im just lost... theres nothing out this way... :?

 

-Nate

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Caipirinha

You Know You're From Wisconsin When...

 

You can taste a difference in cheese made somewhere else

 

You own at least one tie with a or peice of jewelry with a Green Bay Packer theme

 

You can find and pronounce : Eau Claire, Oconomowoc, Menomonee Falls, Waukesha, and La Crosse, Fond du Lac.

 

You can correctly spell Milwaukee.

 

You know what "bubbler" means.

 

At least one of your family members works / worked in a cheese factory.

 

A holstein cow outside of Wisconsin makes you miss home.

 

You can taste the difference between apples grown up north and the ones that you can buy in the south.

 

When talking about the Green Bay Packers you refer to them as "we".

 

When the weather hits 0 degrees you decide that maybe it's time to get out a jacket instead of a sweatshirt.

 

The family gets together every week for fish fry at the local pub.

 

You know what a brat is, and they're at every outdoor event that your family has ever had.

 

You know how to make a very good sled out of normal household items.

 

Your love you outdoor pool because of how it doubles as an ice skating area during the winter.

 

You can tell the difference between the smell of cow manure and pig manure.

 

You have watched Fargo and not noticed an accent.

 

You drive around with the air conditioning on until it hits 30 degrees, because it just was so darn hot outside.

 

The local paper needs 6 pages to cover the Packers... in July!

 

Your best shirt has a big letter G on it.

 

You've said "Of course they'll win. They're God's team."

 

You think it's nice enough to swim when the temperature hits 50.

 

You family owns a "winter car" while the "good one" sits in the garage from Nov-Apr.

 

Your put ketchup on a charcoal grilled NY strip steak.

 

You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.

 

You think everyone from south of Madison has an accent.

 

You can identify a Michigan accent.

 

Down South to you means Chicago.

 

Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.

 

You can make sense out of the words "upnort" and "Trivers".

 

You have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.

 

You consider Madison exotic.

 

You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.

 

You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.

 

You buy cat litter every winter, but you don't own a cat.

 

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant or cannery.

 

You know what to do with a Blatz.

 

You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

 

Bucky the Badger hangs on your Christmas tree even if you didn't go to University of Wisconsinm Madison.

 

You're a member of the Polar Bear Club and proud of it.

 

You can use the word "ya der hey" easily in a sentence

 

You hear someone use the words "uff-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter.

 

Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.

 

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.

 

You know how to polka

 

You own a cheesehead

 

You have cow pharaphenilia around your house, including your pajama pants

 

You know what a FIB is and can spot them a mile away.

 

You think of the major four food groups as cheese, beer, brats and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

 

FFA was the most popular club in high school

 

You have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair.

 

There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning

 

Country Kitchen is the place to meet after the party

 

You have ever seen or played in a "broom ball" game.

 

You have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana, German Fest, Irish Fest, Oktoberfest, or all of the above.

 

You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair.

 

You can't be friends with a Vikings fan

 

Your idea of diversity is having black, white, and brown cows.

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