What's this life anyway? What's it to you and me, what's it to anyone, and who are we supposed to be? Make me a storybook, and write me away from here, I need it different now. Where we can wear each other for a while, and I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile, and we'll get through tomorrow some other day, happy after, once upon these days.

 

- Chantal Kreviazuk, These Days

 

Okay so today is almost over for this year...

 

I was chatting to Davey the other day and we ended up in this conversation, as we often do about one thing or another, and this is what ensued...

 

Vivian says:

Okay did I ever tell you about the guy I work with, 'G'?

 

Davey says:

No?

 

Vivian says:

He's this funny straight forward kid, like 19, and in college...

 

Vivian says:

And last year, he was telling me about how he had to write this paper supporting gay marriage for a class, even though he was against it

 

Vivian says:

Cause it's his religion or some crap

 

Vivian says:

So after I talked to him a long time, I think I finally got him to understand that while he might believe that for himself, he doesn't get to decide for everyone else...

 

Vivian says:

So yesterday we were talking

 

Vivian says:

And I mentioned our retirement plan

 

Vivian says:

I said we are gonna be hangin' out while our husbands work on their cars or whatever they do, etc...

 

Vivian says:

And he goes whoa... wait... you said husbands?

 

Vivian says:

And I said... mmhmm

 

Vivian says:

And he goes... okay I'm a grown up now, I can handle it

 

Vivian says:

And I said good

 

Vivian says:

And then we just went on, and I was... slightly impressed

 

Davey says:

Explain? What did he do to impress you?

 

Davey says:

Because as it stands, I'm not liking this dude

 

Vivian says:

He didn't argue, or try to tell me what he thought or anything, just okay...

 

Vivian says:

That's a big improvement from last time

 

Davey says:

So he just let you talk?

 

Vivian says:

Well no, I mean he talked too, but it wasn't a debate like before where I'm telling him he's an idiot

 

Vivian says:

He was just like... okay

 

Vivian says:

And we laughed about stuff and just went on

 

Davey says:

Is it wrong that I find it so hard to believe that homophobic assholes can change? Or has my life jaded me?

 

Vivian says:

Well, I dunno... I just think it depends why they are like that

 

Vivian says:

Like I mean... he's a kid still basically, and all his life his parents taught him to go to church, and to listen to what they teach you, and then all they teach you is if you aren't like us, you're wrong... it's wrong, and eventually, some real life, and real people will teach you that isn't true

 

Vivian says:

I dunno

 

Vivian says:

I mean I remember Rich having all sorts of ideas about crap that made no sense based on what he was taught religiously, and now he's like WHAT!!??? That's lame or doesn't make sense

 

Davey says:

It's just, I guess we're lucky. We've never had to deal with upfront physical homophobia, but it happens everyday. Like we can be walking in the mall with his arm around my waist. People dont say anything out loud, but expressions speak louder volumes

 

Vivian says:

Yeah, but the thing is... I really think it's taught

 

Davey says:

Of course it is

 

Davey says:

Society teaches you to dislike what's different from you

 

Vivian says:

It's not like they examined all sides of it, and somehow came to the idea that they should get to decide what is right and wrong for everyone

 

Vivian says:

Well see that's the thing... and I teach my kids that everyone is the same and that everyone is allowed to live and be happy and love no matter who it is

 

Vivian says:

And someday (soon) I hope, enough of them will have learned that

 

Davey says:

I can honestly say I dont see that happening in our life time. But I DO hold the hope that it will

 

Vivian says:

Plus... if even one 'G' grows enough to see that while he might not like it, or choose it, or agree with it, he doesn't get to for anyone else, that's something to me

 

Davey says:

And people like you are special. Because you've actually decided to learn for yourself. And in doing so, you've managed to start a new generation seeing things in a different light

 

Vivian says:

Or if I can get one 'M' to stop using gay as an adjective...

 

Vivian says:

That's the idea

 

Vivian says:

Plus I also think alot of it is... that they just don't see it so they don't think of it as 'normal' which I HATE that word...

 

Vivian says:

But I mean if they did, see it on TV and in movies, and in public, they would have to

 

Vivian says:

Cause all of that stuff is like a representation of our lives

 

Davey says:

Yet we are stuck in a trap. People are afraid to show their true selves in public. TV censors are afraid to display it on TV. and Movie censors well.... they're getting better, lol

 

Vivian says:

Yeah exactly, cause if you are out in public and people are staring and saying shit it's like... not right, and not fun, and so then you don't

 

Davey says:

More than half the problem with gay film is the way they tell their story. Its always the same thing. Gay guy finds love, has trouble with homophobia, etc. How often do you see a movie where the gay aspect isn't the main topic?

 

Vivian says:

There is one I saw

 

Vivian says:

The Family Stone

 

Vivian says:

But that was like... every type of thing in one

 

Vivian says:

It was a gay, interracial couple, one of whom was deaf, and they had adopted a baby

 

Vivian says:

I was like... gee... couldn't find anything else?

 

*******************************************************

 

Any thoughts?? And in a later conversation, Davey made a statement that I think is obvious, yet brilliant, alot like he is... Discomfort is different than distaste...

 

Hugs, Viv

 

PS. I know it sounds like I discounted 'G's' choice at religion... and while I've made it rather clear I'm not particularly religious, I respect his right to believe what he wants to, and if you read correctly, that is what I was trying to get him to do as well