Hey you... I feel weird saying that cause I feel like I should know your name, and I don't... but anyway...

I can see feeling like you crave genuine affection when you feel like the people around you aren't being genuine to you. REAL accceptance and affection would be like... refreshing, and nurturing. I was just having this conversation with someone the other day... the difference between tolerance and acceptance, and how i think that, while tolerance is nice... it's not enough. I suppose it's the most you can ask for in certain places, like a work environment or something, but with the people you choose as your friends, or who choose you, or your family, or even yourself... it's not enough.

As for those people that think they are 'supporting your phase of process of elimination' or whatthef**kever they have told themselves it is... I'd love to say it's their problem, not yours, but the truth is... everyone needs a support system and real friends they can count on and be themselves around and not have to put on some show to be 'accepted'. I'm glad to see that you know who you are and that they are the ones not holding up their end of the relationship...

You know... being female, and married, and straight, I know it sounds weird saying I can sympathize with you about those people who feel like saying things that are judgemental and hurtful because they think it's 'safe' to do so. I do, though. I've made it a point to start saying things back. I know it's not the same for you maybe, and I certainly wouldn't expect you to do it... but I'm in a situation where I'm just enough older than most of the people that say it are willing to stop and listen when I talk. So everytime I hear someone say, "That's so gay." my response is... "Since when is 'gay' an adjective?" or if they says something like, "That dude is such a (word I refuse to say)" I'll say, "Excuse me?" **raises eyebrow** A lot of times I get a look like... oops or what? but I prefer the what? look cause that gives me the opportunity to say something else like... "For real? Did you just say that? I expected more from you."

It's their bubble babe, so I'm not going to tell you to bust it, especially because you shouldn't have to throw yourself down to do it, but sometimes... a little bubble busting is good. Getting one person to realize they're acting like a total asshat is an accomplishment... one person, one day at a time... not that you're trying to save the world or anything.

As for B, not my business, but if I'm right, almost 7 years younger than you puts him in illegal territory so, probably a smart choice. Sucks having to hurt people you care about though

Anyway, I'm around a lot if you ever want to talk some... just send me a PM in all your spare time between work and school and other irritations!

Hugs,

Vivian

PS. I like men, too!! Sometimes I wonder why everyone doesn't