You've probably heard me say this before, but I like Missouri. In fact, I like Missouri so much I'd like to see it become the first totally gay state in the United States.

I think we should demand this at the next convention of the Gay Agenda. Missouri needs us.

Look at what this state has to offer. First off, it's mostly green. Well, in the winter the corn and soybean fields do go a bit brown, but there are the trees, no, wait they aren't green either. Okay, it's not green in the winter, but what state is green that time of year. Green under a blanket of snow doesn't count; and, Florida doesn't count either because they're turning that state into one giant timeshare. Florida is actually cutting down trees so the land can be paved!

What else does Missouri have to offer? How about it's practically in the center of the U.S. Okay, it's not actually in the center which is somewhere in Kansas, but who wants to live in a state that has been compared to pancake and where Toto comes from. Missouri is a lot nicer than Kansas, too. Missouri has trees. Kansas has corn, pre-burgers, and religious bigots. Besides, I've been to Topeka.

Missouri also has Huckleberry Finn, who just happens to be one of gayest fictional characters produced by any American writer. Look what Huck did for Bass Pro Shops.

Of course, Missouri also has Springfield, but what's a little wind? It's not like they have devastating high winds and tornadoes everyday of the year. Plus, tornadoes sometimes don't take every house, sometimes one house on the block will be spared. Maybe it will be yours.

We'll have to get rid of St. Louis, though. I propose we dig a huge canal around it and reroute the Mississippi River. We can dump the spoils in the old river channel and then St. Louis will be in Illinois. Illinois deserves St. Louis, after all, they've already got Chicago.

By the way, I should be sleeping in Faucett, MO, right now, but I'm writing this and I finished the first section of Chapter Six. Two more sections and it's on to Chapter Seven.