I've been borderline obsessed for the past two weeks. I don't like it. It's a horrible feeling. I'm not sure which is worse: passing through life without really registering anything or anyone, OR emotionally latching onto a random person and being consumed by them. I'm thinking the former is a better option, since I won't have to deal with this obsession! Obsession blows chunks! My thoughts are constantly on this guy and I get moody just thinking about him. It's disgusting and I really dislike it and I want it to go away RIGHT NOW! What's even worse is that I met this guy one time! Yes, one time! How is it humanly possible to get obsessed/infatuated after one stinking meeting?!? Can anyone tell me the answer to that??

OK, let me rewind and give some backstory, since this sounds like a massive ball of confused ramblings. About three weeks ago I rushed to see my mother since she said she was feeling ill and she sounded scared on the phone. Anyway, I postponed work for a week and just stayed with her, but I was bored out of my mind since she didn't really do much other than sleep and shuffle around aimlessly. That led to me posting a platonic ad on craigslist. It wasn't even requesting anything, more like ranting how much I hated my friends for being busy and having lives, how it sucked to be bored, etc. But I got a bunch of responses. This one guy wrote a couple emails, we exchanged numbers. He texted me once, but after that I kind of forgot about him. Then a few days later he texted again and asked to meet up. I was already busy that week, so I suggested the upcoming weekend. He agreed.

Fast forward to the weekend and I had no idea what to expect. I was sort of blah about the whole meeting since we didn't talk via email or phone at all, so I was wondering if I was meeting up with a lame ass. I know internet meetups are dangerous, but we met at the Starbucks on my college campus, and it's a really busy area in general. And I know that place so well, I could easily make a run for it. Anyway, I didn't know what the guy looked like, except that he was Asian, because of his last name. He was a bit late looking for parking so I sat inside Starbucks, texting my friend and reading emails on my phone, when I see this tall Asian guy looking inside, looking confused and hesitant, and reaching for his phone. So I waved and voila, there we were. At first, I wasn't obsessed with him. I mean, yeah, he looked good, but I wasn't sure if he was boring as hell. So we had lunch, went to the mall because he needed clothes for an upcoming trip, and that's when I started to look a little more. And after we parted ways, thus began the obsession. It wasn't just about his looks either. I'm really not that shallow. But my mother is ill. And his father is ill. Our lives seem kind of parallel and it was a bit shocking to meet someone in my exact situation. I guess besides his pretty face, it would be nice to talk to someone and have them truly understand, rather than just nodding sympathetically and merely pretending to understand. I've had enough of that over the years.

I nicknamed him Hot Guy to everyone I talk to him about. We haven't hung out again and I'm pretty sure we won't. I already deleted his number because I'm that positive we won't hang out again. It makes me a little sad though, and I feel a little crazy missing someone I just met once. But the real thing that bugs me I guess is how people just drift in and out of your life, a passing glance, a few chats, and then they're gone, and all you're left with is a memory. Just makes me realize how big and isolated this world is and how insignificant I am and how weak the connections I have with people really are, and just...I don't even know anymore.

I did text him twice to hang out, but the first time he had plans in the city, the second time he was jammed up at work. Half of my other male friends said that was a brush off, the other half said he was probably just busy. However, even I think it was a brush off, because I'm realistic, not optimistic, but that doesn't make the suck factor of the situation any less suckier. Not to mention he was totally out of my league. You can just tell sometimes. But this is a website full of guys: that was definitely a brush off, right?

For anyone who read all of this, thanks for putting up with my boring, whiny, and umm, desperate rant...You are insanely awesome and I need to be more like you.