So there's this girl I used to work with.

We used to be close, but she had problems with her boyfriend and started pushing everyone away. Then, when one of the girls in her dept stated the obvious (i.e. dump him, he's a dick), it all ended in a rather fiery confrontation. I believe her exact words were "The only reason we fight is because of all the f**king stress at work". I believe the other girl's exact words were "You tell yourself that, honey."

And then, psycho girl stopped talking to me. Dunno why. Guilt by association, I guess. Who cares.

Anyway, they passed her farewell card around at work the other day, and I initially refused to write in it. What do you say to a colleague after an acrimonious split? If you don't have anything nice to say... Anyway, despite that, at the last minute, I thought of the perfect thing to say and decided to jot it down.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs.

xMatt

(Look it up, if you must. But if you don't get the irony straight away, you won't find it funny.)

Anyway, as sad an ending as it was, the whole thing made me happy because it reminded me of the day that I quit my last job.. It went exactly like this...

It was a quiet Monday morning, many weeks in the making. I'd called in 'sick' and attended a job interview the previous Tuesday, and spent the subsequent six days planning my entire routine. Then, the moment I got the phone call saying 'You've got the job!', I put the whole thing into action.

First, I made sure to dress for success. In this case, that meant jacket/collar/tie/cufflinks, the works. Although I'd probably spent that morning watching an NBA game or indulging in random youtube, I made sure that I looked a million bucks.

Then, since one of my friends was the manager on duty, I went into my place of employment and jumped on the office computer. After approximately two seconds of thought, I started typing my resignation letter. And since I've kept a copy on my computer all this time, so I can tell you with 100% certainty that my resignation letter went like this:

Dear <Owner's Name>,

My mother always told me that if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.

Consider this your seven days notice.

Kindest Regards,

Matt.

To quote a figure skating term... stuck the landing perfectly. Scored a handful of perfect tens. Even got a 9.5 from the Russian judge.

Then, inkeeping with my brat-ish behaviour, I printed a copy off and faxed it to all the other businesses owned by my boss. I also printed a copy and pinned it to the office noticeboard. Then I printed a copy to hand to the boss. And finally, I indulged in some workplace tradition and signed the underside of the office desk with a permanent marker:

So I'm on my back, and I've just f**ked <owner's name> in the arse.

Who said history never repeats?

xMatt

And then I jumped in the car and turned up unannounced at the owner's head office. Never mind that he was in the middle of some meeting. After a brief conversation (in which I wished him the best of luck), I walked out into midday sun and began the next phase of my working life.

Not once did I ever look back. And frankly, I'm a better person for it.

Anyway, now I've told you that, tell me your funny work-related stories.

Or comment on mine.

You know you want to.