That Smokey Bar

[Jason Rimbaud]

I just realized that I've been posting only my serious poetry. So I thought I'd give you some of my lighter fare. This was written so many years ago, I've forgotten when. Enjoy

 

 

That Smokey Bar

By: Jason R.

 

Standing all alone in that smokey bar

The way you're drinking you shouldn't drive a car

I asked where you lived and you said it wasn't far

So we left that smokey bar

You and I in my car

To your place that wasn't far

 

We got to your door

You fell on the floor

You asked for a drink and I asked, "More?"

So I shut the door

Picked you up off the floor

And I tried to stop you from drinking more

 

You walked upstairs with sex on your mind

I didn't really want you and I to grind

You smile and said I was in a bind

So I went with your mind

Decided to do the grind

And i awoke in a bind

 

You didn't remember that smokey bar

You wondered where you left your car

I assured you it wasn't far

So we went back to that bar

You and I in my car

And I was lucky it wasn't far

 

By the way, I just posted my first short story in the Efiction section. It's called A Moment of Clarity, if you're interested in my writings.

 

Later on

 

Jason R.

[Bondwriter]

I just realized that I've been posting only my serious poetry. So I thought I'd give you some of my lighter fare. This was written so many years ago, I've forgotten when. Enjoy

This would make for a great song. I must say it's easier to comment this rather than your other very heavy, personal stuff. You've got a great sense of rhythm with words, which showed in your other poems. Actually it's semi-serious too, though it depicts a short event that's not overly dramatic. I'll keep on reading even when I don't comment because I am at a loss for words.

[Jason Rimbaud]

Bondwriter,

 

Someone else around here has said the same thing, how easy it could be a song. Though it could only be a country song.

 

*thinks about it*

 

A gay themed country song. That wouuld be brilliant.

 

Jason R.

[AFriendlyFace]

Bondwriter,

 

Someone else around here has said the same thing, how easy it could be a song. Though it could only be a country song.

 

*thinks about it*

 

A gay themed country song. That wouuld be brilliant.

 

Jason R.

I definitely think it could be a song too!

 

I dunno, I don't think it would have to be a country song. I think it could work folky/indie piece.

 

Anyway, it was just so much fun to read! I agree with Francois, it's got a great rhythm and flow! It almost sounds like something Dr. Seus would have written (you know to be read 20 years after one reads "The Cat in the Hat" )

 

So yeah, I really liked it

 

-Kevin