Kev de Cauchery Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) So here's my story. I'm a newbie, Opening a thread, in the hope of the story being discussed and commented on when I start regular posting. The first chapter is a real short teaser. Sorry guys. Smiles, Kevin. Edited November 23, 2009 by KevinCaucher 1
Nephylim Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 My only criticism about this story is that it was too short because I wanted more. There are so many tantalising hints in this chapter... about the past, about the present about the future. I want to know what happend to Derek, what he does next and how the future pans out for the two of them, The characters are already compelling. they already have a story even in so few words. Keep telling it. Well done. Excellent start Nephy
Boy In Doubt Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I second Nephylim's comment, it seemed too short even for a prologue. I thought it was a good start, though, and I'm definitely curious to find about Derek and his secret, like why he thinks he's sick (my guess is it's either because of self-mutilation or sadomasochism). If his secret does turn out to be the latter then it would be kind of ironic that the other character is named 'Dom'. Perhaps it's intentional or I'm reading too much into it. Either way, I'm looking forward to the other chapters.
Nephylim Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I second Nephylim's comment, it seemed too short even for a prologue. I thought it was a good start, though, and I'm definitely curious to find about Derek and his secret, like why he thinks he's sick (my guess is it's either because of self-mutilation or sadomasochism). If his secret does turn out to be the latter then it would be kind of ironic that the other character is named 'Dom'. Perhaps it's intentional or I'm reading too much into it. Either way, I'm looking forward to the other chapters. That would be too funny... trust you to see that. I'm pouting that I missed it
Kev de Cauchery Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks Nephy and Boy In Doubt for the comment. You're so revved up. I just hope the followings don't disappoint you. (my guess is it's either because of self-mutilation or sadomasochism). If his secret does turn out to be the latter then it would be kind of ironic that the other character is named 'Dom'. Perhaps it's intentional or I'm reading too much into it. Either way, I'm looking forward to the other chapters. It's funny because I considered whether to change the name, but "Dom" the name kept me charged during my writing so I kept it. As for the secret, let's wait and see. Both of you complained it's too short. I promised I'll post the next soon, but it's still being revised, so...
Nephylim Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 This was a great chapter... so Dom is a lawyer Better and better Derek sounds so sad. Looks like he's in for a bad hangover sometime soon.
Boy In Doubt Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I just got done reading it and thought that the flashbacks were a great way to let us get to know the characters a bit better. I do like the name Dominic Steffanson so I'm glad you kept it. Perhaps your subconscious was trying to tell you something when it kept nagging you to call him 'Dom'...lol I also found the juxtaposition of the lunch scene with the after-sex scene kind of interesting. And since they had subway sandwiches I was like, "Kinky!" Looking forward to the rest, hopefully we'll know more about Derek's secret.
Kev de Cauchery Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I've never thought of the 'kinky' scene though. LOL Hangover, definitely. I think I'll put the story on hiatus, due to a big plot change.
Kev de Cauchery Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 *Cleans the dust* So the hiatus is over. Chap. 3 is on. Anyone? Still reading?
Kev de Cauchery Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Anyways, Chap. 5 is up. Pathetic me...
Kev de Cauchery Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Chapter 6 and Chapter 7 are both up.
Kev de Cauchery Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Haha, see how dominating I am in this thread? Anyways, Chap. 13 is up.
Kev de Cauchery Posted December 12, 2010 Author Posted December 12, 2010 EFic comment save pt. 1 Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: bugeye A good intro. You give us the situation but hold the details for later. Date: 03/13/2010 08:30 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Kanaye Tease, tease tease. So looking forward to the next chappy. Author's Response: It'd be up soon, as long as I remember to post it. And I want to take this chance to thank you for your constant support. Date: 03/10/2010 11:00 PM Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Nephylim Nice one. You know how much I love this story and it's author who made the editing so easy for me. This is not the best chapter in the story so that says a hell of a lot about the story as a whole. Author's Response: :blush: Date: 03/10/2010 10:08 AM Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: Kanaye Interesting. Who is this Matt? My curiosity is running wild. Date: 03/05/2010 01:24 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Kanaye Interesting. I'm glad Dom found him and he didn't die. One thing, if he was in the hospital and passed out, they would have put in a catheter. He wouldnt have needed to get up to pee. Date: 02/26/2010 05:24 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: mcnc1966 WOW! Sad and SOOO realistic! I feel Derrick's pain and it conjures up so many memories. Wonder why we can be our own worst enemies? Keep up the good work and I look forward to more. Date: 02/22/2010 09:06 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Kanaye Very sweet. All the harder for Derek when it all comes crashing down. I liked the part where Jenna made Derek blush, "which bedroom is louder". Teehee. Date: 02/18/2010 09:24 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Kanaye Im reading it! I do like this! I like the charecters and, even though I know they are gunna break up, how I'm reading about them falling in love. Cant wait to read more! Date: 02/18/2010 12:22 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Dragon31Prince Great Chapter looking forward to the next one keep up the great job Date: 02/16/2010 07:51 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Nephylim Very Very nice Good work my man keep it up *hugs* Date: 02/16/2010 12:41 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: Nephylim Lots of hints and teases and plenty of sweet detail. The story is real and colourful and the characters live. I like it a lot. Date: 01/28/2010 12:59 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: John Doe Continue on! Good work here... Date: 01/27/2010 12:17 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Nephylim Awwww.... this is so sad. I hope that Derek gets some good luck and stability soon. Nice story Date: 11/24/2009 11:52 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Nephylim An awesome start. Yeah it was too short... because it left me wanting more and wanting it now. There is so much possibility here I want to know where it's going. Date: 11/23/2009 10:42 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: eliotmoore Very short, too short I think; unless it is followed with the next chapter immediately ROFL. You sketched out your two characters with admirable economy. Dom's character comes through nicely in the two or three examples given. Derek's conflict is clear (and summed up nicely in the final sentence). I look forward to reading the next chapter. Date: 11/23/2009 07:35 AM [Respond] EFic comment save pt. 2 Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: bugeye A nice chapter. Bittersweet. Date: 04/23/2010 03:58 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: bugeye Have you ever wanted to avoid the obvious. I believe that is Derek's wish. He avoids with sadness. A good chapter. Date: 04/22/2010 08:43 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: bugeye Near loss and restarts in relationships are difficult, especially on top of shaking ground. Date: 04/20/2010 05:12 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: bugeye This was well written. But I just hate what is happening here with Derek. Date: 04/16/2010 03:36 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: bugeye Really enjoyed this chapter. The retelling of "Thanksgiving" and all its details really gives us insight into your story and the relationship of Domie and Derek. A very nice chapter. Date: 04/16/2010 01:57 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: bugeye A lot of punch for a few words. It makes a statement, tells us what we need to know. Derek is a mess. Date: 04/16/2010 12:50 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: mcnc1966 Have enjoyed the story thoroughly and am sorry to see it go. You have an amazing talent and I hope you'll continue to share it. Thanks for the pleasurable journey! Author's Response: Thank you. I hope I'll come up with something new. Date: 04/03/2010 09:10 AM Title: Chapter 15 Reviewer: Renee Stevens I was constantly waiting impatiently for new chapters to come out and I am sad to see it end!!! Thank you so much for sharing this story with us, I especially loved the ending!! Looking forward to reading more of your works! ~Renee Author's Response: Thanks Renee. Date: 04/01/2010 07:51 PM Title: Chapter 15 Reviewer: Witking And thank you for sharing us the story of Dom and Derek. This is one of those stories I never want to forget. Author's Response: Thank you a lot, Wit. BTW, did I or did I not add you as a friend in forum? Date: 04/01/2010 07:29 AM Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Witking A throughly satisfying ending. A fabulous read. The readers will be left to crave for more. Keep up! Im a big fan. =] Date: 04/01/2010 07:25 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: Kanaye Good to have some background on Derek. I'm curious to see how this meeting with Matt will go. Date: 03/28/2010 09:37 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: bugeye Like this chapter. It added a lot to the story. Date: 03/28/2010 07:02 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 14 Reviewer: Nephylim Super charged chapter. I love the way that things are unfolding at this point. At least Derek it getting himself out of the depression. Isn't it just the case that sometimes even when you try to put things right they turn out wrong. Date: 03/28/2010 07:18 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: bugeye Dereck, I want to talk some sense into this guy. I mean really. Date: 03/25/2010 03:06 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 13 Reviewer: Nephylim I like this chapter. We're starting to see things that help us to understand Derek. It's sad picture. But we have hope, don't we Date: 03/23/2010 08:39 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Kanaye Awww. Rejected. Date: 03/19/2010 12:24 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 12 Reviewer: Nephylim Very nice chapter. As usual. Date: 03/17/2010 05:24 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Witking Im a fan, and that's the highest praise I had ever given to a story. Can't wait for the next chapters! Date: 03/15/2010 06:29 AM [Respond] Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: bugeye They make an interesting pair, Dom and Derek. Date: 03/14/2010 04:53 PM [Respond] Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: bugeye So now the hook up, with both being hooked. Date: 03/14/2010 12:42 AM [Respond]
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