Rick and Alex

[Ieshwar]

Hi! I just posted the first chapter of Rick and Alex. It's my very first story on GA. Hope that it's good. I have already posted this story on Nifty ( upto chapter five) but I will be bringing a few changes before posting them here. So you can get read them here itself if you want.

 

Please review. It's really important for me.

 

Hugs

Ieshwar

[DarkShadow]

Hi! I just posted the first chapter of Rick and Alex. It's my very first story on GA. Hope that it's good. I have already posted this story on Nifty ( upto chapter five) but I will be bringing a few changes before posting them here. So you can get read them here itself if you want.

 

Please review. It's really important for me.

 

Hugs

Ieshwar

 

For those that wish to review or read this story, here is the link:

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=195

 

I've been working my way through the stories trying to read more and more each day. You've got a great story line here, but you need an editor. They have some GREAT one's at this site. Post a request in the editors thread.

 

I gather from the way you word things, that english isn't your first language. I noticed that (like me when I first came here) you didn't post a link in the e-fiction announcements area. This could also be one reason why people have not posted reviews of your work.

 

Here is an example of how you might change wording for better flow.

 

-----

 

Damn it! I was once more late. I knew I could not trust that cheap car. I crept as quietly as possible to the seat available in the back row. I ignored all the glances I was getting. I lifted my head and saw Mr. McKenzie, the head of engineering department, giving a really monotonous speech.

 

(edited)

Damn it! I was late again. I knew I shouldn

[Ieshwar]

Thanks a lot for your kind words. They meant a lot to me. Thanks for giving the link to the story. I'll be asking for an editor in the forum. Hope I get one.

 

Thanks once again.

[Ieshwar]

Hi, I just posted the second chapter of Rick and Alex. I brought some changes to the story compared to the one I post in Nifty. So you can just check out the story at the following link

 

First chapter: https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=195

 

Second chapter: https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...0&chapter=2

 

thanks,

 

Ieshwar

[Xiao_Chun]

I enjoyed reading the first 3 chapters, and I can't wait to see what will happen next.

 

The relationship between Rick and Alex are very interesting. There is a huge imbalance of power between them since Alex is a student in a department which receives a substantial financial aid from Rick (Richard Grey). So Rick and Alex are not equal and there are some ethical questions that arise with that. I am glad that ieshwar is addressing this issue and I can

Edited November 27, 2006 by Xiao_Chun

[Ieshwar]

I enjoyed reading the first 3 chapters, and I can't wait to see what will happen next.

 

The relationship between Rick and Alex are very interesting. There is a huge imbalance of power between them since Alex is a student in a department which receives a substantial financial aid from Rick (Richard Grey). So Rick and Alex are not equal and there are some ethical questions that arise with that. I am glad that ieshwar is addressing this issue and I can

[captainrick]

Thanks a lot for reading my story and like it. As you have said, they wil face lots of obstacles. I hope that you like the chapters to come.

I finally got a chance to read this. It's really good. I like the premise. I'm not sure about changing back forth between POV, can get monotonous or confusing if you're not careful with it. So far, it worked fine. Good job

 

Hope more's coming soon!

 

Rick

[Bondwriter]

Very sweet beginning. Fine writing. I don't know how long this story is, so I will refrain from commenting further and "criticizing" because what I thought after reading the story really depends on what you've got coming next. I love the professor arranging dates for her students.

 

One thing, and I don't know what others will think, but I think you can do without mentioning whose point of view you adopt at the beginning of the chapter. You write for clever readers and your writing explains it clearly enough that we know who's talking after five lines at the most.