The Fey

[Mirage]

Okay guys just a little taste of what is to come Check it out any comments appreciated and wanted

 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=238

[C James]

Okay guys just a little taste of what is to come Check it out any comments appreciated and wanted

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=238

 

Hi Mirage!

 

Very intriguing! Plenty of questions raised for the story to answer.

 

 

I ran. My heavy waist length auburn hair rolled behind me in the wind. My bare feet caught dirt and brambles along the way.

 

My once pristine bare feet were marred by dirt and scratches. I had woven my own dress. It was of the finest materials, ones that wouldn

[DarkShadow]

Hi Mirage!

 

Very intriguing! Plenty of questions raised for the story to answer.

I've quited the entire prologue above. Please bear in mind that the comments I'm about to make are just my opinions, and I may well be quite wrong.

 

To me, it seemed a bit short for a prologue. I also found it a bit distracting when you started three consecutive sentances with "my". Could some of the short sentances have been combined into compound ones?

 

You left me wanting more, though, so well done!

 

You know... that is totally my fault

[sat8997]

You know... that is totally my fault

 

Have I taught you nothing???

 

Sharon

[DarkShadow]

Have I taught you nothing???

 

Sharon

 

I would have thought by now... you of all people would know how much I have to learn lol!

 

We're working on it! Give us a minute or 900 lol!

[Mirage]

I would have thought by now... you of all people would know how much I have to learn lol!

 

We're working on it! Give us a minute or 900 lol!

 

Okay it has been edited all the mys are gone sorry about that guys . Thanks James thanks Shannon

[sat8997]

 

Sharon