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Ashi

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  1. Ashi
    I am very saddened by the events rolled out lately.  It's not the first time there are protests over police brutality, but it's been a good while since some violence of this scale rolled out.  The city I live in is currently under emergency curfew due to civil unrest.  It is not a time to place blame.  It is a time to reflect, how we could do things differently, using each of our very limited influence, so there is a future for younger generation.
    I just want people to stay inside and be safe.  I do understand people are under emotional and financial duress with the pandemic.  I really do.  U.S. Constitution allows peaceful assembly, so please only express your rights in a civil manner.  Pen can be mightier than sword.  A few clear rhetoric can go a long way, saving lives of others for decades to come.  Hatred, however, divides people, and I am afraid to admit, last longer.
    I was on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit), our mass transit system one day and yield a seat to a senior lady.  It was only a matter of seconds before others starting to do the same.  I am a strong believer of setting good example, starting with ourselves.  A graceful gesture will be much more meaningful to our humanity.  Do forgive those who trespass against you.  We are all learning together how to be a better human being.  At one time or another, we most likely have done some regretful things, but if no one gave us grace and room for improvement, the world would be a very sad (and immature) place.  Forgiveness is much more powerful than hate, so use it.
    My current story, The Sojourner of San Francisco, expresses some of my latent concern about how things are progressing.  It is, in my own ways, a cautionary tale of the city (and by extension, the world in the broadest sense).  It is meant to make people look more inside to encourage tolerance and empathy.  The history of San Francisco is woven throughout for a good reason.  Those who don't study history are bound to repeat it.  I do wish some messages would come across sooner, so people would appreciate our co-existence better.  Unfortunately, now it is the worst timing to be telling a story of a 40-something boy who is frustrated about the world and the story is unfinished, making people likely to jump to the wrong conclusion  (what?  People misinterpret other people's words in our Internet Age?  No way!?! 😉 LOL).  Trust me, the story does have a positive ending.  I just need to write it out.  LOL.  In the mean time, please minimize the mental impact of outside influence.  It would lead to a happier life.  I will post one more chapter, which fortunately is a more positive chapter.
    Please do believe in humanity.  We can do it.  This is where you play John Lennon's epic song Imagine.  LOL
     
     
  2. Ashi
    It's been years since the last time I wrote a story (I've written poems in between, however).  There was this story fragment that started off with the main character trying to jump off Golden Gate Bridge, but it was never finished.  It was very emotionally taxing to say the least, and the amount of research done on suicide eventually lead me to give up.  My life experience just wasn't there, and my own emotional state wasn't the best either to carry on such stake.
    The story idea has been recycled, and that's the starting point of The Sojourner of San Francisco (final title TBA).  The story will have twelve chapters.  Each single-page chapter is called a Letter, and each letter will be accompanied by a couple of photos (which adds another page to each letter) to document Sojourner's one-year stay in San Francisco in the year 2019.  It's a mix of fiction (the main story) and non-fiction (history of San Francisco, and political subtext).  Since I am also the photographer, the travelogues accompanied the photos are largely non-fiction as well.
    The original Letter 01 started out by the shore of Golden Gate Bridge (suggesting the narrator survived the suicide), but that was scraped.  The entire idea the narrator is a suicide survivor is very discreet in the new version (as well as main character's homosexuality, which leads to his depressed mental state).  For the sake of story arc, the first two letters the narrator (Sojourner) wrote to his Perfect Stranger seem to have positive outlook of a new relationship.  It's a slow burn story, but it'll dive into heavy subjects very quickly.  It's a very delicate puzzle I am currently working on actually: how to deliver a slow burn story in just twelve pages?  If I put on heavy subject way too early and for way too long a duration, readers will burn out and desensitized.  The climax would appear to be very flat.  That's not a good story arc....  My current plan is to deliver comic relieves in between, but given the word economy this story requires, that's the most difficult task.  I am not a very good comedy writer either.
    The story will have three layers: travelogue layer (Sojourner's physical and mental journey), family relationship layer, romantic relationship layer, plus political events sprinkled throughout which will intertwine with Sojourner's story.
    It's mostly a coming-of-age story, but with a twist: it's an (older...) adult coming-of-age story.  The narrator is more or less my age in his forties.  I've written coming-of-age stories before, but not with such age group.  I personally think it's easier to write a story for an age group that I can truly say "been there, done that."  However, the more advanced age means more complex mental processing that's going on in the main character's mind.  People's interaction becomes more indirect, problems no longer have a clear answer, way too many things are going on at once.  The very compressed story reflects that (three layers after all...).  On top of it, the story might mention some events from twenty plus years back....  Not that I have any choice, as this COVID-19 long break may be coming to an end soon, so I have to finish the story before I return to work or I'd probably have to put the project on hold.  It's not a story I can write on spare time or over the weekend, because it's just too emotionally taxing and might affect my work performance.
    As with my other stories, there might be cameo appearance of Ashi (yours truly) in one form or another, and/or a cross-over character from another story.  Just to make things more interesting.  😄 
  3. Ashi
    Have you watched a movie so palpable, it feels like you were flipping through a dust-covered photo album?  I Am Jonas is like that for me.
    This is going to be a heart-tormenting blog entry.  As a proper COVID-19 warning, you might want to social distancing yourself from it if you are not emotionally fortified at the moment.  I need to get it out though.  Stuck in the 9th Hell is too much grinding (yes, I am going to sprinkle comic reliefs throughout the blog).  This blog is not going anywhere, so feel free to come back later when you are feeling well.  (this post may contain spoilers, occasionally more than just the movie plot)
    The movie is in French, but the portrayal of the gay experience in the 90's is universal: a good boy meets a bad boy, he could not explain why he was gravitate toward him.  Okay, I should stop projecting.  It's not like everyone here has ever met the bad boy who made up a lame excuse to skip class (or work...), and the good boy rolled with it, because he was too confused by an encounter of the same-sex kind.  And it was also not like everyone here had ever been gay-bashed, but the only thing he could do was self-denial and stay silent (because "haters gonna hate" wasn't invented yet).  Have you ever lied to your parents, perhaps the first time in a long time, too, so you could spend time with this exotic and dangerous boy (even a conscious thought of him was making you feeling sinful)?  I think not....   (*Ashi blows the dust off the cover of memory album and flips to the next page*)  
    It's a good time to interrupt and mention I had just watched Snails in the Rain right before it.  Yes, it's a movie review within a movie review inside walking down the memory lane.  Snails in the Rain is an Israeli movie about a man who was both gravitated and repulsed by a series of letters sent by what seemed to be a stalker.  With each letter, you could see the off-screen author was progressively breaking down as his love toward protagonist became fervent.  As the protagonist unfolded each letter, his anxiety accumulated slowly but steadily, and his emotional state spiraled downward, until he was feeling suffocated.  Unlike the confessor, the protagonist was less honest about his own feeling and became homophobic, to the point he became destructive to his own girlfriend and himself.  The story was intertwined with flashbacks of protagonist's time in the military, which accumulated to a one-time sexual encounter with a bisexual man (as the main character was also bisexual, as an audience you might wonder if this was a case of unreliable narrator a la Fight Club, a figment of imagination to legitimize his own action).
    Much like Snails in the Rain, I Am Jonas was told in stream of consciousness, a literary device more often used in 90's movies (think Memento, Pulp Fiction, Orlando, and Fight Club).  Jonas was constantly being haunted by the memory of his childhood friend.  As story unfolded, in parallels between the Jonas the Delinquent, and Jonas of the Bygone History, he became unrecognizable to people around him in present day, at least in form.  I enjoyed the detail the production team put in to recreate the 90's, like the green and purple wide horizontal stripes t-shirt and knee-covering crop pants, or the fact Jonas was playing Tetris on Gameboy (I might have fashioned such attire and played such game in the classic handheld platform back in the days).  However, it was the fact I have greatly changed myself over the years (at least appearance-wise) that struck a chord.  It's not the first movie I've watched showing how gay guys changed their physical appearance or demeanor once we were going through that metamorphosis, as if being gay is somehow a separate life, a life must be well-hidden, so nobody from the different phases of of your lives would readily recognize you....
    The movie troubled me further, opening a long-forgotten entry to the emotional attic....  In the movie, the bad boy Nathan is dead, but the one who introduced me to the deviant way of life is not, but he was very much dead in my memory.  Perhaps it is for the good?  Though I was not a stalker like Jonas became later in life (or like the Confessor in Snails), but I was glad I did it once on Facebook to see how he fairs in life, just to fulfill my curiosity.  His profile photo shows he lost quite a few hair, and he was married to a woman in a pose that looks like he was born-again Christian....  Honestly most likely I would not go back to him, and the relationship he had with me was best described as he was just toying with me.  Perhaps he was bi-curious like the protagonist in Snails.  It wasn't a great memory to re-surface, but it was a very beautiful memory while it lasted and should remain buried (instead of rehashing it like some remakes that plagues movie theatres near you).
    Some viewers probably won't get this from the movie, but once I got older and had relatable experience, it awes me how much I allowed love to manipulate me.  Love makes you invincible.  Love makes you do stuff you'd never imagined doing like skipped work or use the f-word (though I didn't let him convert me into a smoker, I tried to make him quit instead).  I was probably imagining what was like kissing a man (love made me do it!), and perhaps I would even allow him to conduct the sinful act of buggery.  Love is a queer little thing.
    Unlike Jonas, he was forever unsuccessful with his relationship... wait! I am not very successful with my romantic relationship either....  But what I was trying to say was, while I never had any romantic relationship after, Jonas was cheating on his boyfriends a lot.  As he finally disclosed to Nathan's mother nearly the end of the movie, he was looking for something that didn't exist....  As the fragment memory of him resurfaced, that quote was the final nail into my forehead.
  4. Ashi

    Define "Great"

    By Ashi,

    What is on your mind when you think of the word "great?" 
     
    Which story do you consider a classic?
     
    Who is your most admired person?
     
    Where do you go to get inspired?
     
    When does a moment become experience?
     
    How do you advance a civilization into the golden age?
     
     *   *   *
     
    This world is endowed with many great things.  Some are eminent, some are waiting to be discovered; some will become a memory, some will never extinct despite of deliberate neglect and distortion.  They all deserve to be cherished and preserved.
     
     *   *   *
     
    Can you put a price on...
     
    ...freedom?
     
    ...the feeling of falling in love for the first time?
     
    ...safety and feeling alive?
     
    ...respect and compassion?
     
    We have an unprecedented number of homelessness.  Everyday I ride on a train, I can see encampments so great, that some portable toilets are placed around them, which I assume is to maintain public health for all the surrounding community.  On another day, I went to a flea market.  Being educated in healthcare for a couple of years, I cannot help but think we might have an outbreak of weird diseases due to the near proximity of homeless camps and squirrel population.  (Please do not feed wild animals as some bacteria unique to them will crossbreed with bacteria unique to human, and these hybrid bacteria will infect both species....  We may or may not have the capability to control the mutated bacteria)
     
    All we hear on the news nowadays are bunch of big babies attacking each other over some petty issues, ignoring human conditions.
     
     *   *   *
     
    Why nobody ever tries to find out why more mass shootings happening nowadays?  It always turns into a political drama rather than addressing the most fundamental issue.  This is people's lives we're talking about, not an opportunity to further one's political career.
     
    I still remember the days when school taught students pipe bombs (though I never learned), but nobody ever seriously contemplating using it to harm others.  Now no school teaches that chemistry and yet more people died from violence.  What happened?
     
    I still remember the days when people can freely go into airports and museums without needing to go through security gates.  Why is my personal freedom and happiness compromised because of a minor chance of threat.  The security measure is not even effective guarding against people who have no regard of the laws anyways.
     
    I still remember the days the Internet was used to increase people's IQ by exposing to differences rather than reinforcing one's limited perception.  It used to be an Utopia of tolerance, a haven of self-regulation, a pool of endless knowledge.   Why is it used to propagate greed and misinformation nowadays?
     
    Isn't the fact-based journalism the propeller of democracy?  Didn't Jefferson want to be remembered to be the Father of Virginity University because educated people are the core of democracy? 
     
    Doesn't George Washington's Farewell Address warn: "[Geographic politics] agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions"?
     
     *   *   *
     
    Today after work I went to buy some tapioca tea.  There was some misunderstanding between the cashier and the customer before me, so the order was not placed correctly.  The prior customer basically suggested he had the power to recommend more corporate customers only if the store would simply replace his new order for free.  The small shop owner with her limited English skill couldn't understand what daft-dressing guy was trying to suggest, so she offered 50 cents extra for the replaced drink, because cashier/server charged him only for the regular tea rather than milk tea, and served him according to the wrong order.  Given I worked in food industry before (among many odd jobs I had held), I knew it's a big loss for the shop because it's not a simple adding milk to the tea issue.  The store needs to throw away the original order due to health code, irregardless whether the drink was consumed or not.  The shop keeper insisted on quality didn't help either, but she eventually agreed to just add milk to the order for free instead of remake the whole order to satisfy the customer.
     
    I have seen many of such disputes before.  It is not limited to restaurant order, or language barrier issue.  Don't know whether it's because their perceived financial standing or their education level, people are getting less humble.  Most people don't realized outside of their career specialization, they actually know extremely little how the entire world functions.  In this case, the customer before me did not realize it is a health code that the shop cannot serve tampered food.
     
    Everything in life is simple; even the simplest thing is difficult.
     
    What that quote (which I thought was attributed to Nietzsche, but I can't find it) means to me is one has to be humble, and be respect of people of all trades.  Everyone is an expert of something, disregard of our social standing or the wage we're paid for our work.
     
    If this were the old California I knew back in the 90's, people would be more graceful and asked why 50 cents is charged, rather than immediately pull the consumer/corporate pressure card without actually asking a probing question.  Because that customer might have learned something about the food industry.  Instead, he sounded like a crude and tactless person dressed in sharp suit.  Our California value of tolerance and acceptance is dying everyday, and it's such a sad sight to see.
     
    I wished my brain could be faster, and paid the 50 cents extra for the agitated customer and everyone would be happy.  Though when the shopkeeper apologized to me profusely because she was busy making the replacement order for that customer (who was not even there when she finished the order because he just had to answer a phone...), I simply told her to take her time.  I know how little gesture like this means a lot when you're working very hard for very little money.  Besides, I was late for my train anyways, so time wasn't that important to me at that point, but it'll brighten up her day.
     
    I wish I have made the point clear enough.  Great, despite current events might have you believed, is not based on selfish interests.  We can actually make the world great again, no matter how small or insignificant the contribution might see at first.  Be gracious of others, be respectful of nature, and treasure every moment we share.  The world doesn't need to be shallow and petty.  There can be a lot of beauty and greatness if we tried.
  5. Ashi
    You know what comes with age?  Silver highlight on your hair and hard of hearing.  Which I am sure are what most people referring to as wisdom and grace.  This year, I am turning Four-Zero, and I will become a legend because my sexlessness seems to inspire a movie.
     
    In any case, what also comes with age is the fact you began to see how history repeats itself again and again (ad nauseam).  When young folks were only starting to be disgusted by human nature for the first time around, I began to see no evil, say no evil, and hear no evil, as I know too well what's coming.  The smile on my face upon hearing aggravating political events is not that I am grace on the margin of being aloof, or wise to the point of condescending, but more like if your boss is being unreasonable again, let's shrug it all off to nirvana, because what else can you do?  How glamorous right?  I don't mind you complimenting my wisdom and grace, or is that my hair and my selective listening skill you're referring to, but a better compliment would be check my ID again when I am buying an alcoholic beverage.  It's wonderful to be young again, even if it's filled with angst.  The very idea of exploration of this world for the first time is just so refreshing.  I am just a simple folk like that.
     
    What really inspires me to ramble today is because my fourth decade milestone is making me childish again (not really).  I won't do some self-destructive behavior such as buying a Porsche and happily pay for the speeding ticket.  I am too Taurus to do that.  Okay, so what really make me ramble today is because 1) I am gay, 2) I went to Target today (pronounced Tar-JAY, like any French with self-respect would do, except I am not French), and 3) I am about to hit forty years-of-age (which is about 107 in gay years citation needed). 
     
    I am going to explain what I mean (you don't have to ask, because I am sensible like that).  I don't know if you frequent REDcard™ carrying, Cartwheel App abusing Target shoppers have noticed, Target employees belong to a couple of genres (roughly).  They either are outcasts, which back in my high school years, were those kids who worked at movie theaters with pimples (who I loved dearly, but high school kids liked to judge), OR they are gay (either openly or in naive stage, because dying hair pink is totally not gay but a mode of self-expression *wink wink, nudge, nudge*).  The latest Target Boy I am focusing on is way too beautiful that pimples refuse to tread on him, so I'd have to assume he's gay until proven guilty.
     
    Like many wonderful strangers I've met throughout my life, Target Boy #3 (hereon, TB3) sparkles on the first sight.  Usually the guys on the sparkle list belong to either one of the two archetypes I like (which I have no idea why..., because I don't have a type... but apparently after careful analyzing I do.  And they're polarizingly different), he belongs to neither.  He actually reminds me of a high school classmate who has the same first name as TB3.  TB3 is way too young to be a love interest, but it's nice to watch him, in a nostalgic way, as he reminds me of that classmate when he was that age.  Not like I've ever considered that classmate as a potential love interest, because I was "not gay" yet...
     
    I am going to describe what TB3 looks like (again, you don't have to ask the embarrassing question.  See what a gentleman I am?).  His hair is blond, meticulously groomed to have that unkempt look.  The wavy bang, like The Great Waves off Kanagawa, hovers over his forehead as if it can defy gravity.  If he were standing outside, the bang was long enough to cast a shadow in 11 o'clock sun.  His facial feature is a cross between young George Michael and Jesus Christ look (if that makes any sense to you), and his angular jawline was carpeted with short dirty blond beard.  His eyes are electrifying blue.  You can't miss him out of an ocean of generic looking Target employees.
     
    I have a habit of making REDcard™ payment in store, typically a week day and late evening to avoid a long line.  It used to be a gender queer boy/girl who took my payment, who is coy around me and very sweet.   One day, TB3 just showed up in that place.  It must be his first day of work because you could literally see his hands tremor and his eyes dilated around me.  He had a hard time making the proper change when I paid payment in cash.  I had to tell him how much to give me back, and remind him what's the proper procedure (take the receipt and staple it to the credit card statement).  He is either bad at basic arithmetic or he is just happy to see me.  You could tell he is from a good family, but due to recent financial distress he now found himself a need to work; too common a story in this area.
     
    Today, a month later, I am there to make payment again.  I was hoping to see him but at the same not a deal breaker if I don't.  After all, the boy is high school age or Freshman in college and not someone I want to have a relationship with, even under my current situation.  I just want to see how well he adapts to Target.  You see, I used to work at a retail environment as a supervisor, working with kids on average ten years younger than me.  Coincidentally I am currently being a trainee at a location that's not my typical station of duty.  Not to mention my worst crush ever is a Costco Boy and I literally witness his up and downs over the years.  I only want to see young folks thrive.
     
    I was in mischievous mood.  I wanted to pick up a copy of Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the novel Love Simon is based on.  I wanted to ask him if I am too old to read young adult novels, just to see his reaction.  After all, that movie, at least based on trailer, is about a high school boy coming into term of his homosexuality.  Given how self-conscious he was every time I saw him, it might help him somehow, even if I was not the intended audience.  I did not do it, however.  I know when I was at that age, I was easily agitated due to angst and for a boy still trying to come into term with their sexuality, it may not have a positive consequence as intended.  I certainly don't want him to think I am coming onto him.
     
    Instead I was just making a bill.  I gave him a hundred dollar bill today and again, he was nervous around me when I thought he had done a very good job with the prior customer.  He made some very silly mistakes when I told him I would like to pay my bill off, he thought I wanted to make $100 payment and I had to point out the pay off amount is on the bill.  He was just super nervous and I swore his beard was 1/4" longer today than the last time I saw him, and his jaw fur had been perfect.  His hair bang was still defying gravity and meticulous curled with a hair straightener I think, but telling another person to trim their beard to a certain specification might be a little too much.  I know how much a retail job can be exhausting and make you stop caring how you look.  Again, his beautiful blue eyes were dilated, as if he went through the whole war zone, so I left him in peace.
     
    Anyways, as you see, age is a bit of a frustration at times.  Though I have to say the Red Daddy is on vacation with his family and I am not feeling too well.  Not like I am a homewrecker, but he has been somewhat of a propelling energy to come to work at my temporary duty.  And Costco Boy sighting has not been found for a while now.  It's nice to see young folks but hoping one day I would find someone my age (though Red Daddy turns out to be very close to my age, but I am not going out with a married guy!) and more permanent.  Though at my current status, I am not holding my breath.  I will be a legend. LOL
  6. Ashi

    Play Safe Please

    By Ashi,

    Well, some of you guys know I had a job change. Part of my job is to change primary care physicians for people who request them. Today I received a report from a county hospital system, and on that short report, there were two people changed their primary doctor to one that specialized in HIV/AIDS (and that doctor doesn't accept anybody else, so it's not your typical family doctor). I've not even worked for this place for a month, and I already saw three people admitted to the HIV/AIDS department.
     
    Among them one was only in his 20's. I don't know this person..., but when I read his medical record, an surreal feeling rushed within me. I wanted to know why a young man in his prime must face this adversary; I wanted to know how he contacted with this devastating disease, and I wanted to know what he felt when his doctor announced his diagnosis.
     
    I hope this post would bring forth an AIDS awareness. I did a little research and found this data visualization tool from CDC (Center for Disease Control):
     
    http://gis.cdc.gov/grasp/nchhstpatlas/main.html?value=atlas
     
    There is no latest date for Year 2015 and 2016 yet. The general trend is the case of HIV diagnosis has been going steady throughout the years CDC had obtained official data (though it irks me some data don't adds up, like the sum of diagnosis broken down by genders don't add up to the number broken down by age group for year 2008 and 2009).
     
    Seeing the Year 2014 figure is the first year that HIV diagnosis has increased, and given more people are at ease with their sexuality, it alarms me that there is a possibility that 2015 and 2016 figures could be on the increase as well.
     
    The highest risk group remains to be men who have sex with other men. This group account for ~75% of all HIV diagnosis. Anal sex is a very efficient way to spread STDs. So the lesson here is: Play safe!
     
    There is no reason people's comfortable level with their sexuality should automatically translate into higher HIV/AIDS rate. Indeed, the rate of HIV/AIDS can be kept at bay if people can talk honestly and comfortably about the importance of getting tested. In fact, according to the study, almost 1 in 6 (15.8%) HIV carriers don't even know they are infected1. Don't be shy! Talk to your partner!
     
    While I think it's nice more people are coming to term with their sexuality, but at the same time, seeing the advent of cruising via Grindr and Craigslist personal ads..., I highly doubt it would be the last time I had to change a young man's primary doctor to an HIV/AIDS doctor.
     
    Don't make Ashi cry. Please.
  7. Ashi
    This video was quite refreshing after I had just watched the Anderson Cooper multi-part report on how ex-gay therapy ruined someone's life.
     

     
    Not I am saying Anderson's very professionally done journalism was bad (it is wonderfully executed), but I felt this innocuous, shy boy made a more positive impact in the direction of convincing there is nothing wrong being gay.
     
    The boy is so cute in a nerdy sort of way.
     
    He wasn't even trying to make a crusade. He just wanted to deliver a proper valedictorian speech; it just so happened he was also announcing he is gay. The entire speech was light-hearted, slightly cliche in a way that rekindled my memory of what it was like being a high school nerd.
     
    From the very beginning, you know he was just a normal boy, perhaps with an obscenely high GPA, but still.... Anyways, I almost felt if I were to live my life again in high school, I wanted to be him. So funny, smart, artless, and humble.
     
    It's a shame he made a few political references, so I could only share this in my blog instead of sharing it in other places, but I am not complaining. The video needs more air time!
     
    When he read that "love letter" to a girl he didn't truly love (totally understandable, as that's part of our "try to fit in" stage), and revealed he was gay, that truly impressed me. When Ashi was that age, he would never be that witty and funny enough to turn an awkward moment to something memorable and diplomatic. Ashi instead, probably hurt a girl's heart by not responding.
     
    It was a very gracefully executed coming out. No drama, no political agenda. Just a boy being honest of himself. It's a shame the school didn't let him deliver the speech during graduation. I am so happy young people can live at their full potential nowadays.
  8. Ashi
    Unlikely name for a game, Always Sometimes Monsters
     
    When I bought this game, after reading some reviews, I know it's not going to be your typical RPG where you hack and slash through your enemies, loot their gold and possessions, and buy yourself some equipments and pose yourself as the knight in shiny armor. No, this is game where the reality sinks in, and before you know it, you are robbing homeless people of their sandwich, selling fake drug to a stranger girl, and blackmailing the doctor who refused to give your friend free treatment (who ODed), because you have a need..., to get your life back.
     
    Ironic? Maybe. Self-entitlement? Perhaps. This game gives you gray areas to explore, and sometimes too easy to legitimize our final decisions as essential to get ahead in life.
     
    I played a white guy with scruffy goatee, who was dating a beefy black guy. In the early part of the game, the agent of the the main character hosted the party. While you're in his POV, you get to select the main character you'll end up playing (it's creative and confusing at time), and you'll get to select your sexual orientation, when your MC picked the friend you're going to introduce to the agent. In the beginning, everyone presented in the party, though in various degrees of politeness, are somewhat hopeful to the future, though some might sounds a little cynical than others. The game flash forward one year ahead, and you found out your main character is full of broken dreams and had trouble getting the rent paid.
     
    I am not finished with the game yet, but my character was giving some advices to NPCs which they should have taken themselves. I feel hypocritical at times while playing the game, because I am the guy who's behind my main character.... Most of my decisions were made to minimize the damage done to others, while I still could still get my objectives done, that is, get my rent paid, my past mistakes undone. I could also blatantly out to hurt people by playing the zero-sum game, though I didn't, but inevitably, people still get hurt along the way in some form.
     
    I almost got a kid killed, for example. I was merely trying to make a few bucks reselling a convention ticket, the kid stole his drug-dealing uncle's money in order to pay me. I could have just taken the money and ran away, and let the kid shot by his uncle and lay dead in the backyard pool. I ended up paying the uncle (and lose the profit), hoping I wouldn't get killed myself (and fortunately I was still alive by the end of the ordeal). There are many examples of such dilemmas in the game. However, one could also legitimizing it by saying it's the boy's poor decision that got him killed. After all, my ex-boss in real life also said we were only selling people store credit cards. It's their own responsibility if they got into debts. So the scenario is definitely observable in real life.
     
    In fact, "legitimizing" was the buzz word back in Organizational Behavior class. And the entire course was around mental maturity: how to move ourselves from the mindset of personal interests and the mindset of using company interests to disguise our personal interests, and transcend them to the mindset that's beyond self.
     
    I'll end my rant here. This game doesn't have the best graphics (the pixelated 16-bit graphics cries out indie garage game), and occasionally has a few quirks that I thought could have been done better, but it's a game for people who like to think deeper. It is the way we live now. What does an evil person look like? As one professor asked. Do they have evil written on their face? Probably not. Because if not careful, we could be the monsters that we always look out for sometimes.
     
    A few indie games that are thought-provoking: Dangerous High School Girls (warning, has rape scene, though in literary form, not shown on screen. The game might not run well in modern computer), Canvasser (a free online game where you play as political canvasser to save the forest, and it's very depressing).
     
    A review of the game perhaps sums up better than my rant here. http://www.gamingnexus.com/Article/4418/Always-Sometimes-Monsters/
  9. Ashi

    The Moral of the Story Is....

    By Ashi,

    Yesterday was a fruitful day for me. It was a time of reflection (so reflective, I was soaked in my own thought and forgot to bring my tripod... to a night photography session).
     
    Everyone has heard of the saying "pen is mightier than sword." And throughout the history we have witness that effect: how Jane Austen redefined marriage as a function of love (rather than a function of family duty), Charles Dickens showed the uglier side of Industrial Revolution (and none of the revolution fought with weapons redefined humanity more than IR), John Locke's words take the world into the Age of Revolution, and Karl Marx advised government to take active role in welfare for its own people. (I was going to add Adam Smith and his Wealth of the Nations, but ironically, we live in a capitalistic society but not many realized Smith also talked about government's role and it's very different from what people think of capitalism today, so I leave it out.... Maybe Smith's pen is less powerful...)
     
    But moral has always been a tricky issue in contemporary literature. Ever since circa 1950's and 1960's, the literary movement derailed from the moralistic model and to the one that's more amoral and more experimental in structure. Whether that's an effect of WWII, Rock 'n Roll, or Beat Generation, or a combination of those, I don't know. All I could observe is, the society has already crossed the border from that of an amoral society to the one that's immoral.
     
    If I have the endeavor to become an intellectual (which I do, to honor a legacy of an online friend), I have to exhibit not only knowledge, but also be a role model of the society, which includes, but not exclusive to, being a moral compass (and I am doing it with the secular/non-religious/intellectual method). How do I do that in a society which morality is an unpopular subject? (certainly less popular than money *tongue in cheek*)
     
    To me..., back in the days, the consciousness of using fiction as the medium of delivering moral started when I was reflecting on my own reading of Albert Camus's The Plague. We live in a society where it is extremely unpopular to tell people what to think, because here in Western society we value freedom above everything else (i.e., give me freedom or give me death). Nobody likes preachers. In fact, as part of modern literary movement, we go as far as refrain using italicized text or any emphasis method which is offensive to reader's intelligence (though use it judiciously can be effective, though more often used in exposition/editorial rather than fiction). And using allegory/allusion/humor/satire as a way of delivery the pesky topic of moral (I refrain from doing it, but sometimes it is necessary) has been my choice since. (btw, if you have a better way that's more diplomatic, please let me know, because so far I have been failed miserably as an intellectual)
     
    Camus also wrote many essays on top of his fiction career. Though this blog is also one of such that try to advocate certain view point; however, this form of advocacy is somewhat archaic and proven to be less effective in today's highly educated society. The essay form of advocacy has the pro of being direct, but also the con of backlash from opponents, and can easily be dismissed as being subjective (because it is subjective..., given its editorial nature). I, personally, advise against using essay form of advocacy except for political campaign, but that's just my opinion. I am risking myself sounding like a preacher for the sake of efficacy, and I have very little time to embed all these ideas gracefully into a story, so here they are..., very directly argued rather than being literary and diplomatically delivered.
     
    Though I am not religious, but think about it, many founders of religions used allegories as way of delivering teaching of the way, rather than pedagogy. Native Americans also taught people the way through storytelling oral tradition.
     
    And I encourage everyone to consider that, as writers, we have duty to our society, because we are given a weapon much more powerful than a sword. Remember it wasn't the existence of WMD that started the last Iraqi war.... It's a speculation of the existence of WMD that started it. Hitler waged a war against the world by manipulating patriotism of his own people. A sword only kills one at a time, but words can kill much more, effect much more enduring and detrimental. But words can also create positive effect and enlighten people. Choose words wisely.
     
    And think about how popular media shape the society today.... I had a debate with the late online friend aforementioned, whether sit-com is based on real American way of life or not. His rebuttal was the sit-com was just BS (he was very American). But being a younger generation than he was, I saw the transformation of this society that mimics the sit-com way of life with my own eyes. And since many sit-coms are set in New York, written by mostly contemporary Jewish Americans (as oppose to traditional Jewish, as they have very different modes of life), how many of us non-New Yorkers are already assimilated with New Yorker's way through the work of invisible hands? Does life mimic fiction or does fiction mimic life? Don't you guys think media is greatly responsible for the acceptance of homosexuality through popular media?
     
    Given I already talked about the power, it's only right that I also talk about the responsibility of the writer. The effect of second coming of yellow journalism is just as detrimental as the first time around, except this time we have the Internet.... I should also forewarn the the potential danger of cultural imperialism, which is a related to ethnocentrism, which is responsible for many wars throughout history. With the advocacy of anthropologists of its destructive nature to other cultures around the world, it is usually part of the American college curriculum to include cultural awareness. I was taught to consider point of views that encourage pluralistic way of thinking (as oppose to ethnocentric way). Given our society values freedom above all else (though at times I want to say money...), it is only democratic every culture can have its voice. One would expect cultural imperialism really should be bygone history with the formation of the Common Wealth... (though the Common Wealth was formed through practicality, but one should at least thank the Queen for at least considering from the humanistic point of view)
     
    I do not expect a moral renaissance with this essay, but I'll end this tirade with a quote:
     
    "The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything."
  10. Ashi

    A Gay Separatist....

    By Ashi,

    I noticed I am on my way to become a gay separatist... (kind of like radical lesbian feminist separatist, except I am not vocal about it and I am not a woman). I don't know why and I don't think it's healthy. This is especially weird because the world is becoming more gay tolerant (than when I grow up).
     
    I wonder if it's because I am getting older and just want to get a BF and hopefully a committed marriage (sorry I am so skeptical nowadays, I have to put that qualifier in), and forget about the world of straight people. Not all straight people are insensitive, but I've met plenty... (and GA doesn't count, because the folks here are gay friendly and know some gay common sense like "just because he told me he is gay doesn't mean I can tell all my friends about it"). I certainly don't want to sound like a militant jerk if straight people becomes passive-aggressive when I told them they're projecting the straight way of thinking onto gay people. I am not articulate. It frustrates me just thinking about how to explain something that cannot be told, but experienced. Most of such experience is poignant, unglamorous, and mundane anyways.
     
    I just want to be an ordinary gay person, with a BF who would love me for who I am and live a boring domestic life. Ironically, I probably would have a better luck being a straight guy and achieve that (except the gay part). But life is just sick and twisted like that.
     
    It also bothers me greatly people keep trying to do matchmaking for me. My Facebook already has two female friend suggestions and I wish I could just click "ignore" but I can't because the referral person is my uncle. When you're single and my age, relatives can just get nosy.... If I clicked ignore, it's an unofficial answer to the perpetual gossip, "Why is Ashi still single?" I am not ashamed of my sexuality, but I don't need people to pity my parents either.
     
    I need my own space. One day there will be an utopia where gay people can just be. No explanation, no apology, just be.... Now, where can I go shopping for a boring domestic life?
  11. Ashi
    It's kind of weird really. I don't know how/why the transition happened, but to me it's like ancient history, because it's so fussy at this point. I recently dig up a story I wrote for an adventure game project (never completed, btw), and it was written in programming language style syntax.... Lots of conditionals and definition declarations. Wow, Ashi was a nerd!!! I mean a full-fledge nerd, not like the half-nerd I am now....
     
    And then I found this story, which is probably the first story I've ever written (and completed). Gosh, it's so strange and filled with some unintelligible symbols. It's hard for me to understand, though I am the author!!! I would like to get into my own mind set back in the time when that story was written to figure out what was I thinking! That story needs to be re-written in Ashi's current language. Less abstraction and obscurity. Creativity is certainly there, but so confusing....
     
    There were so many projects I was doing. I even found some web sites prototypes I made for distributing stuff I made for The Sims. The nerdy Ashi was actually a very popular guy active in the dawn of Internet explosion.... Wow, how that seems like an ancient history now. Seeing some younger folks in Skyrim modding community discussing future plan for the project brings back memory. I was like one of them.... Who would know I was actually combating depression at the time given I was pretty active and popular in the gaming community.
     
    Now I can barely keep up with FB, Twitter, Pinterest, etc.... What happened! LOL (*sighs*) Watching younger folks growing up makes me feel so old! OMG! I am old! (*creaks*)
  12. Ashi
    People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles. This is the first thing I hear when I come back to the city.  
    And that was how Brett Easton Ellis started his debut novel, Less Than Zero. Bumblebee's recent status update sort of reminds me how a fussy past sometimes can come back at the most inconvenient time. Some of you guys know I am a photographer, so I have a huge amount of photographs in my hard drive, many photos go way back to a time I don't want to remember. And today, while I was trying to keep my archive manageable, I came across this old family trip photo from Las Vegas. In it was some people posing with costumed people in Caesar's Palace. It's really funny how it triggered a series of memories.
     
    Some years ago, I accidentally came across the blog of the guy who dressed up as the Roman soldier in that photo. I was like, "Hey! I saw that guy in Las Vegas!" And indeed, it was him, when I found the photo in my hard drive. Then I read carefully about what he said. He basically said he was pursuing after a career as an actor, and he had been a star athlete in high school, and he was trying to provide for his family working in Caesar's Palace.
     

    Blair picks me up from LAX and mutters this under her breath as her car drives up the onramp. She says, "People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles." Though that sentence shouldn't bother me, it stays in my mind for an uncomfortable long time.  
    Random memory like that bothers me a lot.... It's just a photo, and the pure coincidence why I came across his website years ago (and I always wonder why I've had plenty of these "coincidences" throughout my lives), and now years later, it still bothers me what he said when I found the photo. Perhaps even more due to economy and life experience. It wouldn't bother me this much if he was not pleading for a job in his blog.
     
    Then it reminds me of a blog where Justin Guarini recalled his American Idols days. Blog a commenter said he was a major failure because he only sold 150,000 albums and bunch of brats making fun of him online. While at the end of Santa Monica Pier (where Pacific Park is), I once saw a cute guy singing his throat dry and I felt he would be lucky to sell five albums that night given how busy that place was and how little people reacted to him (and he kept on smiling). And the same night, off the pier someone squat herself on the sidewalk, covered herself with a blanket on the street, as if in shame, with her newish luggage roller by it. All I could remember was I thought she must be a new homeless, because how could she keep her luggage if she's been here long (or he..., I don't know, but I think it's a she for some reason).
     
    I know I shouldn't look back, but sometimes past comes back uninvited....
  13. Ashi
    When I read, sometimes I have some internal dialogues for various reasons. Today the internal dialogue I had was about how much information is too much information (no, I am not talking about my daily ritual, thank you very much). At which point should I, as a writer, get my hand off.
     
    Whether it was when I was in my business training or when I was writing some programs (yes, Ashi was some sort of a computer nerd long times ago), one of the things I learned in those disciplines was trying to be as thoughtful as possible so the people under your management, or end-users of your program can finish the job they want to do without put too much thought on technicalities. That's what makes the business process or a computer program running as smooth as possible.
     
    The same thing can be applied to a piece of creative writing..., or can we? A grand assumption.
     
    I am sure most of us writers have come across the statement "show, don't tell" some time during our creation process (usually during editing stage). I admit I violate that rule myself sometimes, and hopefully I edited them out before presenting it to the world. On the other hand, as a writer, I can get over anxious whether my story is coherent or not to my readers, and I believe that's when I start to violate that aforementioned rule. But then I realize this isn't a technical writing or running a business. The point isn't about efficiency, but effectiveness. I am not trying to make readers get by; I want them to get it.
     
    A main character can be overly critical and too self-introspective; a side-effect of an excessive descriptive passage.
     
    Such implementation of detail is well-intended. I certainly was taught to make good use of adjectives to create vivid imagery. But I also believe in "show, don't tell" and that ought to be applied to both the action, as well as the mental process of my main character. And there should be some sort of balance issue when a writer is doing his/her first read-through, and decide how much information must be cut. We wouldn't want to run into the risk of making the reading process too thoughtless.
     
    Unlike running a business operation or a well-written app that should breeze through business as usual, an important concept in a story ought to be like a drama queen who draws attention to himself. Jar readers' mental comfort. Make them stop and think about why (why main character did that, and/or why author decided to write it that way). Make them confused (for now). Confused reader will have a heightened sense, an awareness of the issue, and it's exactly what we want (and therefore, such tactic must not be abused, or you'd fatigue the reader) to build a solid foundation of understanding important concepts in our writings without resorting to spell out the detail.
     
    If successfully applied, the process will make the reading more engaging, and hopefully make the story more gripping and less flat in structure.
     
    And now after I introduced those fuzzy general statements, now I am going to explain what leads me to think this way. Besides the "show, not tell" and "don't undermine the intelligence of the reader" rules mentioned, I believe in realism as a writing convention. The last time I checked, I wasn't exactly a stellar mind reader. As much as I want my readers to get inside the mindset of my main character, and put themselves into his shoes, I want my readers to... explore.
     
    What I mean by that is, through my friend making process (which I admit I am awkward at it), I've come to the realization I don't actually know them overnight. Sometimes it's easy to be self-righteous and hasty to judge because I feel I know someone so much, but in fact I don't. So I keep doing the exploration until I see people's character unfold. Some info is given under strange circumstance where the informant is in fact an unreliable narrator (e.g., when was the last time you were told someone was straight only to find out it's more complex than that? How does that change your perception of that person? How does that change the story? Does that make the person deceitful or is he only trying to protect someone or himself? Is it fair to judge someone using limited knowledge of them?).
     
    Unreliable narration and dramatic irony are proven techniques for drama, both literary-speaking and in real life. It's human nature, it's a human flaw, it's a way conflicts are derived, so let's embed that human flaw into a story. People are not always considerate or introspective in a face-to-face setting, unlike a character in a story which is a result of a writer's grand design, his channel for ideology. Real human beings are far from consistent and reliable in that regard and far more complex. Some people are more considerate than others alright, but I've yet to meet someone who takes his time and make me wait for his perfectly delivered cognitive idea in a conversation (if he did, is that what he really believes?). We grow somehow at the end of our conversation, and that growth comes from exploration and understanding. And we're going to write some fictions that allow our readers to explore human nature, and make them wade through human flaws to find out the real story, on their own. Our writing is merely a sandbox that a reader can use for creating their own story.
  14. Ashi
    Today, I had to tell Georgie George had died. I wonder if he understands what that means. Perhaps to him, it just means the ginger cat won't be here to compete with him anymore. A triumphant story of the undercat, or it seems.
     
    Georgie had overseen the death of two cats. One is my own cat. When Georgie came along, my father shifted the affection toward Georgie and my own cat died slowly out of depression (and he just quietly sit on my lap the day before, and finally accepted my affection). Then George came along. My father once again, liked the newer cat, and Georgie suffered the same injury my own cat endured because of his aid.
     
    And now George is put to death by his legal owner (our cross door neighbor), I wonder how Georgie would feel. He had been both the mistress which accelerated the death my own cat, and through the act of karma, he was also the bullied. Except this time, he outlived his bully. Is he really happier to be a survivor? Isn't that a twist of fate?
     
    Both cats who died were remarkably beautiful cats. That also makes me wonder if being beautiful really has any effect on our final destination. After all, life is fragile, an anomaly. My cat suffered through depression (no matter how much I loved him, he just couldn't overlook that my father preferred Georgie), and George happily meowed and leaped into his legal owner's hands, into his death. No matter which way, depressed or happy, they are both beautiful goners. The plain Georgie outlived them both. Be gracious we are still alive, because we'll never know how the fate could turn on a whim.
     
    I still don't have the heart to tell my parents that the cross door neighbor took him to vet to get a vaccine is really a euphemism to have him euthanized (how could she lied to my mom and then told me what she was about to do, and told me not to tell my mom?). At the same time I have to endure the terrible secret in me. I know if I don't tell my parents eventually, it will kill me to see two bowls of kitty kibbles being filled every morning, but only one bowl will be bothered.
  15. Ashi
    My room is a mess. I admit it. Old receipts in Amazon boxes, CDs full of back up data scattered around, all sort of books and research papers, and accumulation of memories from different stages of my life among other things.... I am recovering from the grand trench of growing pain for some while now, but those mementos keep reminding me of such unhappy past, as if they do not want to part with me, in fear I would find happiness. I have been wanting to shake off those who are still pulling my legs from moving forward, but all that piling up baggages of the past affected both my mood and energy, so they remained.
     
    Today I decided it's time to clean the past. The project is daunting no doubt and will take multiple days, but it must get started, or I would always remember it. In the process, I found my old medical terminology book, an accounting project, various leftover computer parts when I upgraded my computers, piling Amazon and other online store receipts, and a Costco coupon for 100 free photo prints (ooh hoo!). I dusted various books on the shelf, among them, Jude the Obscure, the wrong edition from what I ordered. I kept it anyways, because no matter what the cover is, it is still the unglamorous story of an overachiever victimized by his own moral integrity (however unconventional he became at the end).
     
    Among other more interesting things I found was a pile of peer review periodicals I gathered on small acid-soluble protein (SASP) found in various bacteria's cell wall. I found them for a school project, which later sparked an interest and I started to fabricate a hypothesis on the possible cure (and/or prevention) for skin cancer. Since my desire to go into health care diminished, so if you guys are interested in doing the full research in that field, let me know. I will let you know what I was thinking, so at least that project can be carried on, and perhaps help people out if successful.
     
    Another thing I found was the outline I did for an old story I wrote. I made a structured outline because I really thought seriously about becoming an author (no, I didn't join GA for chat originally), so I did quite a bit of online (and little bit of offline) research on how to get stories published. Having a cover letter and a structured outline were among the requirement before sending the whole story to the publisher. On top of the outline pile was the handout "Principles of Screenwriting" (which I do not remember whether I got it online or from a workshop). Bottom of the pile was a chapter I eventually took out from the final story, because it was not told from the main character's perspective. I thought it was a fun idea, but then decided it was just distracting from the main storyline. Besides, that subplot was much darker in tone than the main storyline and involved a theme that might turn off people who were attracted to the main plot. It was a story of a side character who talked very little in the main story, so the entire chapter was about what was his life like, in the mind of a shy boy, and his dark past.
     
    It is a good story on its own I think, though with a somewhat disturbing theme (just my opinion). It also needs editing and I am not sure if what I have left is the whole thing, though I have eight pages here with me. According to the outline, there is more to that subplot, but I might have integrated the remaining part into the main storyline, so I am not sure....
     
    Anyways, hopefully my life will be on its feet again after my room is finally rid off past events. Now I think of it, I actually have done more than I originally thought when I was going through that painful (but numbing) period. And what a big spender I was, after seeing all those receipts. Yikes!
  16. Ashi
    Olympics Opening Ceremony has become a show case of the host country's cultural heritage to the world. This year, 2012, people of London have the honor to host the event. While I have limited access to the broadcasting of Olympics, I caught a few clips of the opening ceremony, and it is a job well done.
     
    Let's go to the U.S. for a bit to introduce a parallel story of a city I love greatly (don't worry, I'll bring the attention back to London later on).
     
    San Francisco is the fog city of the United States. As you driving on the scenic California State Highway 1 (CA-1) into the city, approaching its north end in the Marina District, the monumental Golden Gate Bridge emerges from behind the white misty veil. "Welcome to San Francisco," the bridge painted in international orange greets. As you stand on the bridge, look toward east, a domed building in the midst of fog to the right side of San Francisco downtown cityscape is the rotunda of The Palace of Fine Arts.
     
    The Palace of Fine Arts is one of the last reminders of 1915 Panama Pacific International Exposition; many considers it as the greatest international exposition ever held on the soil of the U.S.. The event was held just after much of the city was burned down to the ground as the aftermath of the 1906 earthquake. The event brought in much needed revenue for the devastated San Francisco to stand on its feet again. The event had a lot of significance than ones mere to exhibit one's wealth and power. San Francisco needed it, or the city would fade into the background and exist no more. More history of the 1915 event is here: http://www.sanfranci...amapacific.html
     
    I was right across it on Crissy Field watching the 75th Anniversary of Golden Gate Bridge firework. I have seen greater fireworks before, but it was extra special to me because the event was held in a place I love dearly (San Jose is further south, but San Francisco is close enough to be considered my extended home town). To celebrate an old friend's 3/4 century birthday with all people of different age, backgrounds and great diversity was already quite exciting (you have to be here). However, as I passed by The Palace of Fine Arts on the way home, knowing it oversaw the bridge's construction and completion, and the fall and the rise of the city, provoked much response to me. Itself has gone through many stages of life: from its heyday to other temporary gigs as tennis courts ground, to temporary fire station, or simply as an abandoned building with graffiti. It finally was rebuilt (in the 1960's and then later 2009 with permanent materials) does it finally stand with its solemn dignity as one of the most recognized landmarks in San Francisco today. Sometimes things take time. (I wonder if there will be an event for its centennial anniversary, since they are moving Exploratorium out, and hopefully it'll return to its original function as art gallery).
     

     
    Let us move back to the other side of the globe, to London. While I saw only a few clips of the opening ceremony (I could not get any NBC signal through antenna broadcasting...), but my impression of it is a pleasant one. The great mill/foundry segment is a reminder that the Great Britain was the world's leader back in the time of Industrial Revolution. I am not sure if I were the Queen, I would agree to do the parachute stunt. It exhibits a lot of humbleness for someone who is suppose to be the head of the state. It is very admirable of her to do it for the sake of her people. The mixture of rich history and pop icons that UK has to offer was well done (Hey Jude is an excellent picked by Sir Paul McCartney), at the same time they did not forget the humble beginning of the country by recognizing it with the British country segment. While having pride in one's country is wonderful, but it should be superseded by humility and consideration of its diplomatic consequence. In that sense, I think London did a wonderful job balancing the act while providing a necessary pump to its people across all spectrum of class and diversity. I can imagine how it may bring tears to the British people just like the Bridge and the Palace did to me. Just my not so humble opinion.
     
    Here is the explanation of the Opening Ceremony:
    http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/2012-london-olympics-opening-ceremony-explained/1/210704.html
     
    "Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it." -- Edmund Burke
     
    It takes a lot more than money and power to be a leader of society. How about start with humanity?
  17. Ashi

    Social Grace

    By Ashi,

    It seems to me social grace has slowly become a lost art. A shame really, as I believe that is one of the most attractive features a person can acquire simply by practicing it. It can greatly improve one's aura of presence, as well as a general improvement of one's social function.
     
    What is social grace? thesaurus.com lists it as "good manner." The list of synonyms includes: good breeding, civility, decorum, consideration, courtesy, tact, etc.. Generally speaking, a woman or a man who can avoid a conflict through diplomacy is considered to exhibit an excellent form of social grace. The definition can be further expanded to include compassion and consideration toward others (especially ones under duress), or one can simply perform proper etiquette in the appropriate occasion. A beautiful person who can exhibit social grace is considered to be elegant, an aesthetic value that is different from gaudy.
     
    In the olden days, when nobility ruled the land, people of importance would observe proper manner to reassure their status in the society. As the world began to shift from hereditary rule to capitalistic democracy, the class-based values have slowly drifted out of favor. While I can understand why some people may consider such formality is an reminder of the class system, but mutual respect between different members of the society, whether one is rich or poor, sick or old, in my opinion, should be continued to be observed.
     
    So what are some ways to be a more graceful person? As a starter, one can exhibit one's social grace simply by not exhibiting behavior that would be considered disgraceful or scandalous. That is, if you did something that would bring shame to your family, it is probably the wrong thing to do.
     
    Second, shows some appreciation, whether the act is heroic or simple. The lack of gratitude and take things for granted is a modern trend, usually among younger members of the society. As the world becomes more well-off, at least in the materialistic way, more people believe money is the magic that creates everything they enjoy, without considering the people who had made things possible. A simple nod to a street sweeper is a way to show one's appreciation of the person who makes our street clean and beautiful. A manager who provides sufficient support to his/her team members so they can have the required resource to do their jobs without harassment is also a type of appreciation.
     
    Third, show some compassion. While some of us have trouble shelling out some money to the needy (though one should be wary of non-profit organization who promises to help on your behalf), but do be empathetic or others' hardship and try to strive for some solution to the problem.
     
    Another way to show social grace is simply show some humility. No matter how much we have accomplished, think about those who helped us along the way and attribute the credit to those who deserve it instead taking all the credit. When someone wronged us, considered the accusation as room for improvement, as there must be something we did that led to the misunderstanding.
     
    Some case scenarios of social graceful behaviors:
     
    Scenario A:
     
    YouTuber Commentator: Your video is so gay.
    YouTube Video Uploader: I am glad you enjoy my video. Though I would usually use ghey rather than gay, as the latter implies something pertaining to a homosexual man.
     
    Comment: A smiley at the end of the sentence usually works. And the rebuttal needs to be humorous to ease the tension. If done in real life, imagine doing a curtsy in your head as you smile, as it gives you the proper mental posture and a sense of confidence. The guy could be a homosexual. Some gay people believe or not, use gay to mean nifty and awesome. Being defensive is just going to make the situation worse and create an awkward atmosphere for other people who look at your video. Not only that, more people will begin to post "gay" remarks on your video.
     
    Scenario B:
     
    Random Homophobe: Get out of my neighborhood, you faggot.
    Faggot Boy: (*gives the perfect smile that could give homophobe a hard-on*)
     
    Comment: Avoiding confrontation like this. Do not say anything. Just be humble and leave. The man might be someone who was never loved as a child, so he couldn't understand the value of compassion. We can show him what love is by simply ignoring them, instead of a scold, which only makes things worse. If the homophobe appears to be violent, please run away and call 911. Sometimes homophobic people are rather insecure about their own sexuality. They might be gay or straight (or anything in between). Do not always assume every cute guy is gay (a common gay mistake), but a big smile like our faggoty boy just did is a good test. Though dating a closeted case is not a long-term solution.
     
    Scenario C:
     
    Hanky Panky: (*gropes and gives the most disgusting smile*)
    Nice Asset: (*moves away*) You are mistaken me for someone else. >
     
    Comment: You don't want to agitate a hanky panky. When they're humiliated, they might do something more aggressive, and you would end up a very sorry ass.... But do be stern and give a clear message that no means no.
     
    Scenario D:
     
    Chick-fil-a Goer: (*lines up on to buy chickens*)
     
    Comment: Nothing you need to do except you don't need to buy chicken from Chick-fil-a. Doing an over-the-top counter-protest with your c*ck in their chicken is not going to work. Shows your humility and compassionate side. They're the Christians and they ought to be the ones who know those values. Emphasize similarity rather than differences. They need to learn gay people are just like any normal people they know, an integral part of the society. Just because they judge us doesn't mean we need to judge them back. Nobody likes a judgmental person anyways. We can do other more educational work instead. Things of this nature takes time, or you can wait until they all die out as a specie. Violent, acute act may backfire. I have never seen a Chick-fil-a in California. Their own narrow-mindedness is limiting their own market, and probably already lowered the public perception of Christian church.
  18. Ashi
    All of you must have heard of the recent Colorado Shooting thing. The guy randomly shot people to death at a Colorado Theater that was showing Dark Knight Rises, then made a joke that he was a joker when he was arrested.
     
    We've had massacres before, Columbine, Virginia Tech and many others, but this is the first time in many years that the perpetrator of such scale was caught alive. All previous executors of the massacre committed suicide at the end. I suppose lashing out at people wasn't as fulfilling as they had first imagined. (incidentally, both Columbine and Virginia Tech perpetrators were on anti-depressant)
     
    Now here is the purpose why I am writing this blog. The court case will no doubt be a real drama and give excitements to news agency, and no doubt he would be convicted of the murders he committed. However, what I am thinking right now is this will be a real test on our corrective system, I mean specifically, James Holmes and his prison life. His hair color of choice reminds me of a Stanley Kubrick movie called A Clockwork Orange. The main character of that movie was Alex, a socio-psychopath who had no regard for the rules of the society, and committed crimes for the heck of it. He was sent to prison and was used as a subject of an experimental correction treatment, which he was forced to watch a series of crimes, and I suppose the idea is to reactivate the guilt region in his brain (lack of guilt, both observed in Alex, as well as James Holmes, is a main component of antisocial personality disorder).
     
    I doubt James Holmes will be put in psychiatric wards (though I don't know if dyeing his hair to appear in court is a stunt for the plead for insanity). He would most likely to be put in prison. The public would outcry if otherwise. If that's the case, a story of a man who committed of such crime, and going through the corrective reformation, could be told. This will be the first chance of a serious study of this type (given he would not die in prison), both in term of psychology, sociology, and a real test of whether our corrective system is working or merely a place to put people away (like Alex's case..., I do not think prison had made him reform. He was still the same man he had been by the end of the movie). I certainly hope such study would bring awareness to the public on how we should think about our society in general. So far the society just keeps sweeping a persistent and re-occuring problem under the rug, and do not want to know the cause, and instead, blaming the issue to the person, rather than think the possibility that the modern society's infrastructure is partly to blame.
     
    Psychology became a serious study during the second Industrial Revolution (end of Nineteenth Century), mostly due to an explosion of mental problems because of the rapid changes in modes of living (from farm life to dirty industrial urban life, artisans became factory workers, child labor problem, high density urban housing, lack of spiritual life, etc.). Now we are in the age of Information Revolution, some consider it has even more impact on how we live than Industrial Revolution had done before, I believe the speed of information passing onto people has condensed the speed of human experience accumulation into a new level which some people may not able to manage well, especially to those are in a life stage whose previous experience and education are not quite as well equipped to counter the information overload (e.g., how would a child process the concept of child pornography when they stumble across it over the Internet). It is my believe a serious revolutionary retake on what is a proper living condition that not only incorporate the concern for physical wellness (modern sewage system and antibiotics are necessity due to worsening living condition due to Industrial Revolution), but also new concepts of mental wellness (there has to be more sophisticated preventive measures that will keep our minds free of mental illness).
  19. Ashi

    Spaghetti a l'Ashi

    By Ashi,

    This is a variation of Lana's Divine Spaghetti Sauce featured on Allrecipes.com. It has my own spin on it. Here is the link to the original recipe:
     
    http://allrecipes.co...uce/detail.aspx
     
    Spaghetti a l'Ashi
     
    Ingredients
    1 pound lean ground beef 24 IKEA Swedish meatballs
    2 (28 ounce) cans whole peeled tomatoes
    2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste Instead of those two, use two jars of Bertolli spaghetti sauce, your choice of flavor. Prego works too, but Bertolli is better. If you have the access, use Dave's Gourmet spaghetti sauce. Not easy to get, and it's a San Francisco based company and usually only specialty cooking stores carry them. Oh, they have a website and you can buy them there.... I never tried their website though. ALTERNATIVE: If you like to make your own sauce, use three cans of S&W Italian Recipe Stewed Tomatoes, which can be bought in Costco in bulks. Don't know the size of the can offhand.... The reason I don't use Lana's tomato sauce from scratch is..., it takes too much time!!! You need to cook overnight to achieve perfection. Using my method, you can finish it in as little as an hour if all ingredients are washed, cleaned, chopped and ready to go.

    1 large onion, chopped
    4 stalks celery, chopped Ashi's note: this cannot be omitted, I found out by experience. This is the secret ingredient that keeps the sauce divine as it is. If you don't like celery, use two stalks instead of four. Chopped them up finely so no one would be aware of them. Their existence will soak up the acidity level of the sauce, and make the sauce sweeter)
    2 green bell peppers, chopped
    1 red bell pepper, chopped
    15 fresh mushrooms, sliced
    5 tablespoons Italian seasoning 1/4 cup of Italian seasoning
    1 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
    4 bay leaves Ashi's Note: Turkish bay leaves. California bay leaves don't cut it and are completely different products.
    2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil (I don't use it, but you can)
    3 cloves garlic, minced 12 cloves.
    1 pound spaghetti (as much as you need! I usually cook a lot!)
    Some olive oil

    Following are Ashi-specific formula
    2 pounds squid or calamari, cut them into strips (Ashi's own formula)
    2 pounds shrimps with head on (Ashi's own formula)
    Shredded Gruyere cheese (optional)
    LOTS AND LOTS of love

    Preparation: (this is very different from Lana's, so please use this version instead of hers)
    Clean the squid and shrimps. Cut the shrimps' heads off, and put them in a large infusion ball. We'll cook squid and shrimps later.
     
    Grease a large saute pan, probably a 16-18" one, with olive oil (please don't use non-stick. It's not the same) and spread Italian seasoning all over the pan, and turn on high heat. Put the Ikea Swedish meatballs in, sway the pan around so the meatballs are coated with Italian seasonings. Do not let the Italian seasoning to burn. Lower the heat if you suspect it's about to burn. The water from meatballs should keep it from burning, but do be careful. Cook for 1-2 minutes, and put them aside (they don't have to be fully cooked. We're only coating them with Italian seasoning here..)
     
    Use the same pan, saute 12 cloves of garlic just enough to get the flavor out, take them out and put them in the same infusion ball with the shrimps' heads.
     
    Cook the pasta sauce (or stewed tomatoes) in the same saute pan, which should still have plenty of Italian seasoning in it (you want it to give flavor to your sauce, so don't dump it!), put the meatballs back in, and turn to medium-low heat.
     
    Put the bay leaves in the infusion ball and close it. Immerse it in the pasta sauce. Add chili pepper flakes to the sauce.
     
    In a separate pan, saute the onion and celery. Allow them to be caramelized, then add sliced mushroom, then add chopped bell pepper. Some people (especially with French cooking training) will broil the halved bell peppers in the oven until the skin is burned. Then remove the charred skin by using a French knife in scraping motion..., and then dice them to desired size. For people who don't like bell peppers, that way the bell pepper will be really soft and sweeter. I prefer my bell pepper visible in my sauce, so I don't do that. Bell pepper skin is very nutritious, so another reason not to scrape it off.
     
    Keep slow cook the sauce for at least an hour. For best result, 4+ hours.
     
    Cook the spaghetti (or spiral pasta if you like that better) until it's almost done..., and drain the water with a colander. If you think it's already fully or almost fully cooked, "shock it" with cold water, so it doesn't keep on cook through even when it's out of the stove. Shock is not a good cooking method.... It washes away nutrition, so it's the last resort.... It's often used in restaurants because it's easier to control cooking time.
     
    On a separate saute pan coated with some olive oil, stir fry in high heat one or two servings of shrimps and squid (or whatever the amount you think you can handle at once), adds a ladle full of pasta sauce (per serving) and mix them thoroughly, and then stir fry the almost done pasta (of corresponding serving) until it's fully cooked. That's it. Top it with extra sauce with veggies on the serving plate. Repeat this step if you are serving more than 1-2 servings.
     
    If you want, add shredded Gruyere cheese on top for final presentation (I don't like Parmesan... Gruyere is creamier).
     
    ALWAYS COOK WITH LOVE!

    Serve with red wine (Cabernet Sauvignon preferred, but any red should be okay).
     
    Bon appetit!
  20. Ashi
    Okay, it's made with Indian rice and Indian spice (to save time), but it still tastes good. If you want to know how it is made, here is the recipe.
     
    Ingredient:
    rice (I used Indian rice, but most long grain rice would do) - 2 cups chicken broth - 16 oz. sweet onion - half of a large one, diced button mushrooms - 5 pieces, sliced tandoori masala powder - 1 tablespoon scallion (or green onion) - one piece shrimps - 5 large ones, cubed mini Roma tomatoes - about 10, quartered butter - 2 tablespoons white wine - 2 tablespoons salt - 1 teaspoon or to taste cayenne pepper - (optional) 1/4 teaspoon or to taste

     

    Procedure:
    Use a large 12-inch sauté pan (preferably the stainless steel, not the non-stick kind) on stove, turn heat to high and melt the butter Put in tandoori masala powder and onion, cook until about to turn brown, then turn heat to medium. About five minutes Put in tomatoes and mushroom, mix well with onion. About one minute Add chicken broth, rice, and scallion, mix well so flavor would be infused into the rice. Make sure the rice is even in height in pan to promote even cooking. About one minute Add salt and cayenne pepper if you want, then close the lid. Turn heat to low, and cook for 10 minutes. Stir every couple minutes so the rice doesn't stick to the bottom Add two tablespoons of white wine (I used Chardonnay and it adds a nice fruity note as it cooks) and shrimp. If the rice is beginning to stick to the pan, add another tablespoon of olive oil, and stir. Remember to keep the rice even in pan. Simmer for the rest of the 10 minutes on low, and stir regularly. Turn off the stove and take the pan away from heat. Let the lid remain closed for another two minutes to let the rice cook through without drying it up. It's very yummy as is, or used it to make burritos.

  21. Ashi
    Methodwriter keeps excellent lists of popular songs of yester years in his blogs. If you haven't read them, please do.
    They're often good choices that reflect the period those songs were first performed. This list is an addendum to his latest list: The Class of 2005 Playlist- We're Here, We're Alive, We're the Class of '05!
     
    Anyways, here are my additions (mostly alternatives and punks). Most of them are from around 2005 but not all (ones in parenthesis are recommended songs that may fall out of the 2004-2006 range):
    - The Killers (I love , but Methodwriter already covered it. Also try... , ).
    - Jimmy Eat World (also try... and cover of Wham!'s )
    - Panic! at the Disco (also try... and ).
    - Maroon 5 (also try... )
    - Daniel Powter
    - Coldplay (also try... and )
    - Keane (also try... )
    - Arctic Monkey (also try... )
    Marching Bands of Manhattan - Death Cab for Cutie (also try... Brothers on a Hotel Bed and )
    - James Blunt (also try - Goodbye My Lover, )

    EDIT: Extra bonus. How could I leave out Green Day?
    (thanks Allan for this)
  22. Ashi
    (For best experience, please watch each video clip in order it is inserted before moving onto the segment that follows it)
     
    It was September 4, 2012 when I saw him: George Moscone, or the likeness of him, in San Francisco Museum of Art (SFMOMA). The livid color attracted me, and his smile, as if he was alive and happy. I took a look of the inscription that puts him on the pedestal:
     

    Harvey Milk Too
    Twinkies
    Danny Boy!
    Diane Feinstein Becomes Mayor  
    Without thinking much, I took a black and white photo of him, along with a painting of him with my camera and brought the film home (yes, a film camera).
     
    Days later, after I received the scanned photos on a CD, I reviewed that photo of him more closely. Who was that man, and who made the sculpture of him. Sure, I have some rudimentary knowledge that he was the mayor of San Francisco, and he was assassinated along with Harvey Milk, both key figures in gay history, or at least in California, but I would like to know more about the inspiration of the art.
     
    As an artist myself, I believe the purpose of art is to promote thinking. Certainly the inscription on the pedestal is a good starting point of that thought process. I Googled "Portrait of Moscone Robert Arneson."
     

    Now, 30 years after the piece riled a San Francisco still raw from the 1978 killings of Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk , "Portrait of George" is coming home to the city that commissioned then rejected it .  

    * * *  

    Then-Mayor Dianne Feinstein directed the Arts Commission, which had commissioned the piece and paid Arneson half of the $37,000 fee, to reject it unless he agreed to change the pedestal. In 2000, now-Sen. Feinstein told Chronicle staff writer Mike Weiss that because of the pain and polarization in the city after the Jonestown massacre, the assassinations and the White Night riots, "I did not feel it was appropriate public art at the time. And I felt and feel very strongly about Gina (Moscone) and the family and what they had gone through."  
     

    Arneson , who was known for his irreverence and comic bite and obviously wasn't going to cast a heroic bronze , refused to alter the piece and returned the fee . [ 1 ]  
     
     

     
    It was a different time. A time in history when public figures murdered in cold blood was considered a shocking, unthinkable event. It was the year I was born, which makes it even more unreal, as I don't think it's that far back in time.
     
    The murder of the San Francisco mayor reminds me of the movie Milk, which is focused on Harvey Milk who was murdered along with him by Dan White.
     
     
    [media]
     
    People left comments on the video reflecting anger over the questionable judiciary system, with Dan White was only convicted and sentenced for five years in prison for the murder of two men. The possibility of a movie made about Dan White surfaced, as it is dramatic in its own right, through the eyes of a murderer. Why he killed Moscone and Harvey Milk? How is that possible to carry out in broad light in city hall? Was he suicidal in prison as his defense lawyer and prison supervisors would make the public believe? Was the crime conducted out of political reason, or as speculated, because he was a homophobe? What was the cause and reason for his eventual suicide, two years after he was out of prison? Or was that a result of street justice? Was it really a murder out of diminished capacity (temporary insanity plead, with too much sugary consumption? Twinkie Defense) or is it premeditated as reported by homicide detective Frank Falzon? So many questions, and so many possibilities.
     
    No matter what the answers are, the people are angry.
     

    [media]
     
    It was an interesting mental journey back in time. A piece of gay history. And it was all because of a bust with graffiti-like inscription on its pedestal.
  23. Ashi

    It's You I Like

    By Ashi,

    It's a wonderful song by Mr. Rogers. Yes, it's a kid's song, but the meaning of it hits me harder as an adult. Don't know how people here remember this remarkable person. If you're too young to remember him, his lessons of life transcend time, so I want to pass his message on.
     
    Please click to see that heart-warming clip on top right corner and sing along if you want.
     
    It's You I Like
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