myself_i_must_remake

i think 'Honesty of the Year' would be more fitting.

i suppose i have a little explaining to do. i think that the 'nurture' argument manages to stay so lively because the ability to blame is in fact, convenient for people. now, several people mentioned that being gay shouldn't involve blame because it's not a problem. well. let's investigate. colinian made that post forever ago but i remember reading it. now. let's see what he said in this topic. so he sees no reason to blame anyone. but is it surprising? he had his love life set up at a very early age, so he didn't have to go through the struggle of looking for years and years, and sneaking out on dates with guys who are- a ) easy b ) unintelligent c ) awkward d ) one-dimensional (i'm gay and that's all i do!) e ) annoying f ) stuck up because they get so many guys (well obviously, many gay guys are pretty desperate, it's not hard to get them) so... colinian doesn't think there's any need to blame. well, duh. why would he? dear colinian, you will probably read this because you are active on this site. this wasn't used AGAINST you by any means. by and large, you say intelligent and interesting things on this forum. again, this is not an attack. i'm just saying, your response isn't surprising considering you flew over an obstacle that many teens have to climb with fifty pound weights attached to their ankles. i am glad for you. it's nice to see things like that happen in the world. and i'm not saying you got around some of the other issues we have to face as a minority, i'm just saying that you circumvented what i would say is my least favorite aspect about being gay: having a small and unimpressive section of the population to work with. do i sound like an elitist asshole? i do? oh. that's because i am. if i were straight, my standards would be completely normal, but because i'm gay, the fact that i'm frustrated with my dating experiences makes me stuck up. so be it. but i've gotten off topic. my point is that being gay is not easy, and that it would make sense that some people would want to blame our condition on a person instead of finding out that some gene tickled another one the wrong way, or some hormones got out of control. what else... oh. allegedly my comment about father neglect being a result of homosexuality instead of the cause upset people. well. let's just say i'm a little annoyed that i thought outside of the homosexuality box and it wasn't received well. i'm not saying it's always the case, and i'm not saying that it's good when it does happen, but i'm willing to bet that it does actually happen. i mean imagine my father. had me when he was twenty-one. he cried when i was born. i can only guess that he was imagining what i would grow up like: star athlete, loves cars, steady stream of admiring girls, great group of guy friends to "chill" with, make relatives proud with my young manly charm. but instead he got a four year old boy who wouldn't stop doing handstands and cartwheels. one who hates cars. one who has a stream of admiring girls, not because they want me, but because they respect me and because they are my group of friends to chill with. i'm an athlete. not the star high school one. my dad would be hard pressed to find other nineteen-year-old boys in the area who can do front aerials and full-twisting backflips. but that's not what he wanted. i'm supposed to tackle other boys to wrestle an oddly shaped ball from their hands, not do pretty things and land on my feet. my hair should be short and spikey instead of having layers and colors in it. my relatives don't know how to handle me. i am the walking reason some older people say "kids these days." granted, i'm not as overboard as i feel like i'm making myself out to be. but the point is that i'm not the ideal boy, and where i don't excuse my father's neglect, i understand it, and personally i think that is a HUGE step to take for someone who's lived my life and is only nineteen. i used to blame him. it was so easy and it felt good. but then i saw the evidence that points the other way, and i saw how overwhelming it is and how much sense it makes. i can be objective as i have just shown you. what other person on this forum has argued AGAINST themself? i see myself as i am, not through a pleasant filter where i can't see that anything's my fault. i was a disappointment to my father. i understand why. i accept it. why? because he was a disappointment to me. but the fact remains, i understand why he doesn't like me. now razor, that was a silly thing to say. did i say that all fathers of homosexual boys are victim by default? no. i'm just saying that i don't think the failures of a father/cocksuckingson relationship are surprising. and i'm also saying i don't think they're always completely in the wrong. now... to parallel your warning, i will say: Don't attempt to attack things that I haven't said and I won't attack things you haven't said. However, I will attack things you have said. Case in point- I find it hard to take you seriously when you say that after BeastKid posted that well-suited article for this forum. "Over time, preferences change dramatically." really? what are the statistics on that? do everyone's sexual preferences change? do they all do so dramatically? when will mine change? i've liked the cock since i knew how to, and it hasn't wavered since. i've heard stories about people changing sexuality, but a good number of those stories also end up to be cases of "I was gay but forced myself to hide it blah blah." so that leaves very few cases to support a claim about sexual orientation changing dramatically over time. you could call me out and say "but i said preferences, not orientation." well, in the context of this forum, we're talking about preference, and a good look around would show you that the overwhelming majority of people's sexualities do not change. this upset me because you use the word preference, but what about those of us who'd prefer to be straight? there are times when i do. especially when i was younger, i tried to force myself to like girls. i prefered to be straight, but i couldn't no matter how i tried. and then there was this thriller. you're sure there are studies that suggest the opposite, just as convincingly. meanwhile, the other side of the argument is actually represented here, and we don't have to take anyone's word for it. they actually took the time to find it for us, and not just have confidence that eh... they're out there somewhere, really they are. i think your mind is closed to the idea of homosexuality being predetermined. why? well, you've been shown a good deal of evidence that supports the idea, but you say you want proof. that's understandable enough, except for the fact that you've accepted the other argument on no grounds whatsoever. what am i saying? you're inconsistent. you're more critical of the nature argument than you are of your own. am i making sense? sometimes i ramble and i know what i'm trying to say, but it doesn't get through well enough. as for conner. i feel like i disappointed you because the things i say come off so harsh, but i need to be that way to get my point across. people like to blame. it's not rocket science. it's not true of all cases, but the number of gay teens i've talked to who dislike or even "hate" their dad and blame him for their sexuality is hard to ignore. you are fifty-six. why does this matter? well, i don't imagine when you were my age, that you had the internet to talk to other gay teens, and i feel like being a gay teen when you were was hell and that you got very little contact with the community. point being, you haven't necessarily surveyed the modern gay teen population to the extent i have. and i feel like you've stayed mostly on this site, which as far as i've seen, attracts mostly likable gays. makes sense doesn't it? we're a brand of homo that prefers to read pornography, and to have it have a plot line, and discuss weighty issues instead of just swap cum and rail each other. let's not call what i said stereotyping. let's call it observation. i think i've played gadfly enough today.

i feel like some people, specifically teenagers, may hold to the nurture side because it gives them something to blame. what would millions of angsty homosexual adolescents do if they found out their fathers' neglect wasn't the cause? and what if they had to think that the fathers' neglect was because of their alternative sexuality, and not the other way around? gasp.

edited.

sounds/looks like a happy ending to me. or beginning. whatever.

fun things. you can only see me upside down and far away until my hair gets longer. anyways, this is what i do with my life. -billy

as with many things, it's a good idea to be moderate. optimism, even when it's not realistic, can be a good thing. personal example - i'm trying to write a novel. i know there are thousands of people trying to do the same thing, and i know that when i send in my manuscript, it'll be considered against many others by people who are just as, if not more, talented. also, not all manuscripts get the same consideration, depending on who reads it and what the publishing house is looking for at the time. but if i think about that too much, if any author did, they'd abandon the cause quickly. this can apply to a lot of things. i'd say most inventions and forms of entertainment are the results of reckless optimism. i'm actually not going to supply reasons for pessimism, because i feel like the gay lifestyle gears people towards it, and that it'll be well-represented enough on here without my input. but as i stated at the beginning, being moderate will work best for most people.

i feel like if looks didn't matter, then this website wouldn't exist. allow me to explain. looks are our sexual motivator. i mean i know that in society today we make sure that a lot of things precede sex. people have certain values that they need fulfilled before they can get into bed with someone. but the point is, looks are what make the chemicals flow... and certain parts of the body respond. so. looks are kind of equated to sex. and gasp, this entire website is born because of our sexualities. if looks didn't matter, i'd almost go as far as to say that there would be no sexualities, and that people would just date people.