akisar61

This is all I can remember about The Good Ship Venus, add to it if you know others T’was on the good ship Venus Good God you should have seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed And the captain’s name was penis. Now the captain of this lugger He was a dirty bugger He wasn’t fit to shovel shit From one ship to another. The cabin boy was kipper He was a crafty nipper He stuffed his arse with broken glass And circumcised the skipper. The first mates name was Harper He was a musical farter. He could fart anything From God save the King To Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

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sorry about the ending being a bit abrupt, but I was beginning to run out of ideas I should have stopped and had a think about it before concluding the story

Glad you liked the story and thank you for your positive comments much appreciated

The painting itself is great but as you run your cursor over the people it tells you who they are ..... BUT DOUBLE click on a person) and you obtain their life history. CLICK HERE

Usury

Grandma's Letter The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir practice followed by a powerful prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus; because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the nice man behind started honking like crazy, and he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for the Lord. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there , because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another man waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was an Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing; why even he was enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So I waved to all my sisters and brothers, smiled at them all, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window, and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

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A teenager who has lost his voice regains it in the most unexpected manner.

Part 4 Fear the Redeemer When the bell went for end of classes the boys met up outside the school gates. David borrowed Billy’s mobile and called his father telling him he was going to Billy’s house before returning home. The boys waited at the bus stop along with numerous other pupils and when the bus arrived there was the usual mad scramble to get on and grab a seat. When they were seated facing each other Billy signed, “So what were you going to tell me about Jake?” David didn’t

Part 3 Back to School Billy smiled and signed, “I still don’t understand David, what are you trying to say, could you please repeat it?” “Okay Billy I think this will make it clear,” and once again David lowered his head and brought their lips together, but this time as he did so he felt a hand at the back of his head holding him. David poked his tongue out only to be met with Billy’s, the moment their tongues touched their mouths opened and battle began. Their tongues went from mouth t

Part 2 The Meeting He waited all through Saturday for a call from Jake but it never came. By 5.00pm he accepted the fact that Jake had found other interests and that it was futile for him to think that Jake might suddenly need his company out of school hours. Reluctantly he settled down to watch the box for the rest of the day. Sunday he decided to go out to the shopping mall just to try and get Jake off his mind. He walked around aimlessly not really achieving what he had set out

The Quiet Boy Part1 The Dream He was fifteen years of age and waiting impatiently for the approach of his sixteenth birthday, which was due in four weeks time, when at that time school would be over and he would be free for six whole weeks for the summer break. When he could laze about the house, and not having the tedious task of having to be up by 7.30am Monday to Friday. He would be able to do as he wished within reason as long as he didn’t untidy the house too much whil

The picture has movement the entire time you are working on it. Drag the pieces together to make a picture. Hint; separate the pieces carefully. Click Here : Unusual Puzzle

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, And Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Pete! r said, 'Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, And we have been administering An entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to Pass it before you can get into Heaven.' Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance Exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test As it was.' St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I Know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week Begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?' Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and Says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, Tell me your answers.' Forrest replied, 'Well, the First one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and He exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do Have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit For that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about That, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds In a year?' Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's Got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... ' ! 'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see wh ere you are going with this, and I see your point, Though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give You credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.' 'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated And frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you Came up with your answers to my first two questions, But just how in the World did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?' 'Shuck! s, that was the easiest One of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, And said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

Caressing hands had it erect

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Yearn

A young teenager learns to socialize again, and learn about himself

Part 8 Mitchell Winters lost his cool when the door slammed shut in his face. Without thinking he took a step back then with all his strength he kicked the door which flew open. Expecting to see an astonished boy standing in front of him, instead he saw Cobey lying on his back in the hallway. He quickly went to kneel beside the boy, who was moaning and holding the side of his face. “Cobey I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” I could hear the words being said, and a pair of hands helping me to

Part 7 I felt Mitch’s tongue swirling, caressing, massaging, as I rested in his arms. I couldn’t begin to explain what he was doing to me, or the feelings that were crashing through my body. He broke the kiss and my eyes flew open to see him looking down at me. No words needed to be spoken in order to convey the emotions that had been stirred by that one kiss. As we silently gazed searching the others face, each showing the longing to continue as before, and he, seeing that desire in my eyes

Part 6 I was so nervous at first I wanted to jump up and run, but I resisted the urge and the longer I sat resting my back against Mitch’s body the more comfortable I became. I closed my eyes, and tried to imagine that it was my father once again holding me in his arms, but it was not to be. Mitch’s embrace stirred totally different feelings, to the ones I had when my father held me. I heard a click, and opened my eyes in time to see a panel slide to one side, to reveal a huge screen. Sud

Part 5 I stood looking across at Mitch, who had this wicked grin on his face. “Uh, umm, okay then. What do you want to do?” I said nervously, not knowing how to go about entertaining my guest. "Well, first of all, I think we’d better sit instead of just standing around.” And, he took a seat on the settee, patting the place beside him, for me to join him. As I sat, he asked, “So what had you planned to do, when you got home, after your brief visit to my place?” “Copy out the course