furnishedsoul

This story depresses me, so you must be doing something right. I want to grab Andy and smack some sense into him, but love (or at least the feeling of love) often causes us to look past obvious flaws in our partners. How many people stay in abusive relationships because they "love" the person? Andy's feelings for Dillon blind him to the truth.

You're always so intuitive, Lisa! I enjoy reading your commentary. We must always remember Caleb is not always rational Anyways, I try to not answer too many questions because I'd rather the story speak for itself, but I'll breifly discuss Joey's behavior. Yes, Joey is Carson's older brother. I tried to imply that he is sort of dense, or at least people view him that way, maybe that wasn't clear. In my head, his trouble comes from the fact that Jake and Caleb (especially Jake) are his friends and he feels "out of the loop." He knows people view him as dense, and he feels Jake especially has capitalized on this by trying to pretend like Joey doesn't know about his activities. BUT it's also that Joey and Carson and Caleb grew up together, and Joey feels like he is ~protecting~ Caleb from Jake's promiscuity (something that Jake thinks he doen't know about, but that is, as shown, kind of a running joke). His actions may or may not be appropriate, but I think his feelings are valid. Oh, and I'll NEVER do anything fantasy, sci-fi, etc. I don't enjoy reading that and I don't know if I could write it. I'm firmly planted in realistic fiction! Maybe my next story will be adults, though...

You're always so intuitive, Lisa! I enjoy reading your commentary. We must always remember Caleb is not always rational Anyways, I try to not answer too many questions because I'd rather the story speak for itself, but I'll breifly discuss Joey's behavior. Yes, Joey is Carson's older brother. I tried to imply that he is sort of dense, or at least people view him that way, maybe that wasn't clear. In my head, his trouble comes from the fact that Jake and Caleb (especially Jake) are his friends and he feels "out of the loop." He knows people view him as dense, and he feels Jake especially has capitalized on this by trying to pretend like Joey doesn't know about his activities. BUT it's also that Joey and Carson and Caleb grew up together, and Joey feels like he is ~protecting~ Caleb from Jake's promiscuity (something that Jake thinks he doen't know about, but that is, as shown, kind of a running joke). His actions may or may not be appropriate, but I think his feelings are valid. Oh, and I'll NEVER do anything fantasy, sci-fi, etc. I don't enjoy reading that and I don't know if I could write it. I'm firmly planted in realistic fiction! Maybe my next story will be adults, though...

You're always so intuitive, Lisa! I enjoy reading your commentary. We must always remember Caleb is not always rational Anyways, I try to not answer too many questions because I'd rather the story speak for itself, but I'll breifly discuss Joey's behavior. Yes, Joey is Carson's older brother. I tried to imply that he is sort of dense, or at least people view him that way, maybe that wasn't clear. In my head, his trouble comes from the fact that Jake and Caleb (especially Jake) are his friends and he feels "out of the loop." He knows people view him as dense, and he feels Jake especially has capitalized on this by trying to pretend like Joey doesn't know about his activities. BUT it's also that Joey and Carson and Caleb grew up together, and Joey feels like he is ~protecting~ Caleb from Jake's promiscuity (something that Jake thinks he doen't know about, but that is, as shown, kind of a running joke). His actions may or may not be appropriate, but I think his feelings are valid. Oh, and I'll NEVER do anything fantasy, sci-fi, etc. I don't enjoy reading that and I don't know if I could write it. I'm firmly planted in realistic fiction! Maybe my next story will be adults, though...

You're always so intuitive, Lisa! I enjoy reading your commentary. We must always remember Caleb is not always rational Anyways, I try to not answer too many questions because I'd rather the story speak for itself, but I'll breifly discuss Joey's behavior. Yes, Joey is Carson's older brother. I tried to imply that he is sort of dense, or at least people view him that way, maybe that wasn't clear. In my head, his trouble comes from the fact that Jake and Caleb (especially Jake) are his friends and he feels "out of the loop." He knows people view him as dense, and he feels Jake especially has capitalized on this by trying to pretend like Joey doesn't know about his activities. BUT it's also that Joey and Carson and Caleb grew up together, and Joey feels like he is ~protecting~ Caleb from Jake's promiscuity (something that Jake thinks he doen't know about, but that is, as shown, kind of a running joke). His actions may or may not be appropriate, but I think his feelings are valid. Oh, and I'll NEVER do anything fantasy, sci-fi, etc. I don't enjoy reading that and I don't know if I could write it. I'm firmly planted in realistic fiction! Maybe my next story will be adults, though...

I started reading this story on Nifty, so I'm glad I found it on here!

We'll see :0

In my mind he is, but does that really mean anything?

In my mind he is, but does that really mean anything?

Thanks!

Thanks!

Sorry you feel that way. Not everyone can relate to Caleb's specific feelings. BUT The continuous whining is to show Caleb's state of mind. He's realizing his place and possibly what he has to do to change.

Thanks! Tell all your friends

Thanks! Tell all your friends

Sorry! I just saw this! I think you're right about Ethan When I think of him, it's sympathetically. When reading this story, I think you've realized (as I've stressed), Caleb is an unreliable narrator. Every character is filtered through his perceptions of them. Is Ethan really an ashole? No, probably not, but Caleb perceives him this way. The reader has to decide how to view other characters using Caleb's flawed sense of reality. Maybe one day I'll write Ethan's story. It might be fun!

Sorry! I just saw this! I think you're right about Ethan When I think of him, it's sympathetically. When reading this story, I think you've realized (as I've stressed), Caleb is an unreliable narrator. Every character is filtered through his perceptions of them. Is Ethan really an ashole? No, probably not, but Caleb perceives him this way. The reader has to decide how to view other characters using Caleb's flawed sense of reality. Maybe one day I'll write Ethan's story. It might be fun!

Driving to school never felt like so much work before, like I was driving up a mountain and couldn’t actually drive and was probably going to fly down into the valley any second because the car couldn’t take the speed. It’d be over, though, and maybe I’d be happy then. But it’s none of that, it’s really the normal drive to school: Cassie fiddling with the radio, cussing when a song she doesn’t like plays, her small glances at me every now and then as she applies make-up in the sun visor mirror.

Beautiful story, Sasha. It was so well-written and not over-done. BRAVO!

Thanks! More coming soon!

Yes! They are in the works.

Yes! They are in the works.

Yes! They are in the works.

Yes! They are in the works.

I'm really enjoying your story and the build up, but time for a little constructive criticism: you have some errors in spelling/grammar, so make sure to carefully edit. Also, the dialogue seems stiff, this may be intentional, but it just doesn't seem organic. Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter.

As much as I had wanted it to, nothing happened with Jake after Ethan left. Oh, we kissed a little, but nothing scandalous. We went to my room and lay on my bed, talking, for the next hour and a half. And that was okay, maybe even better than some lurid sexual escapade. I liked talking to Jake, and not pretend-talking about video games and football practice and all that shit. I told him about Adam and rehab and the baby and he told me about his mom and her depression and how she can barely ge