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asamvav111

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Blog Entries posted by asamvav111

  1. asamvav111
    Forever will be our destination.
    I will wait for you,
    On the other side of the river
    Of memories, of life and yet not of regrets.
     
    I will remember our time together
    As the golden springs long past;
    A silence that became music which turned still once more,
    A passionate embrace frozen in time.
     
    Then, we will meet again on the other side of the river,
    And we will resume our dance once more, now and forever.
     

    ©asamvav111
  2. asamvav111

    Longing

    By asamvav111,

    Longing
    It’s raining so hard up here, like someone has opened a floodgate in Heaven.
    I miss you, my love.
    I wish we could just be in bed entwined together, me in you and you in me,
    You are whispering in my ear while I nuzzle into your neck,
    Without a care in the world…
    Just you and me.
     
    Why is life so cruel?
    Why do we have to wait for all the good things in life?
    Why is that two souls self-realized and revelling in their love, have to wait for mandates of petty governments, while mandates of Heaven declare them to be one?
     
    I sorely miss you with each raindrop that touches the ground,
    Tuning into my agony they scatter upon the face of earth.
    How long till I feel the sweet breath of my eternal song upon my lips?
    How long till the veil of death separates me from my sky, my life? Had I ever lived without my sky?
    So, how long till the veil disappears and the Heaven smile upon us?
     
    I miss you, my love, and your eternal embrace.
    Will my ethereal Angel be with me or shall the fires of Hell consume my happiness?
    Angels are, but Lord’s smile upon His creation. When shall my Grace smile on me?
    Nay! He has indeed in His most merciful joy, given me a glimpse of my protector and I am enamoured since.
    Thus, my devotion henceforth is solely based upon redemption, so that the Gates of Heaven, that bar me from my lover, open in His infinite mercy and may my soul be saved;
    A pact sealed with a kiss in the face of the Lord and His congregation. Amen.
     
    14/06/2012
    ©asamvav111
  3. asamvav111

    Nature

    By asamvav111,

    Nature
     
    Silence disconnected, Wrath unleashed.
     
    Beneath your playful surface,
    I fear I sense a dead man, who wants to be alive once more;
    To feel the passion, the anger, the greed and the lust;
    All that connects one to life.
    Silence disconnected, Wrath unleashed.
     
    Create a world of meaningful challenges;
    One, who creates all, hadn’t been true to his soul when he created our world.
    We need a new world; a world of peace and silence.
    Silence disconnected, Wrath unleashed.
    Why create another world full of challenges?
     
    So, thus we return to the source, the bottomless cup of ambrosia,
    That supplies us all that we need most and may be some that we detest;
    Yet we cannot forgive them, who had once destroyed.
    In silence we shall await their destruction.
    Silence disconnected, Wrath unleashed.
     
     
     
    2008
    ©asamvav111
  4. asamvav111

    Litany of the Damned

    By asamvav111,

    I know I MUST write, else I’ll go mad. So, I am writing this.
     
    As you all well know yesterday, a mad man carrying a gun entered a school full of children in Connecticut and killed 20 children and 7 adults. The person in question later killed himself as well. One of the teachers of the school was his mother, who was the target of this seemingly volcanic eruption of emotion that had led to the killing spree. The man was mentally ill. And he had access to a semiautomatic rifle that was used to fire a hundred rounds of bullets on CHILDREN. God bless America, the land of the righteous and free.
     
    On another front, we had lost a dear friend and fellow comrade, Roan as he was affectionately called, to his long standing sickness. Roan was a good man, a horse worthy of winning any race. An honest loving friend that we all cherished is lost. I had communicated a very few times with him, that too after his sickness had set in and when he had become irregular in GA, his updates dark and full of angst. Yet, even on those few times when we exchanged words, I always felt his warmth coming through. I can only imagine what he had been at his best. May Lord rest his soul in peace.
     
    Two seemingly disconnected faces of utter tragedy have opened the floodgates of emotions for me. Long repressed, full of dirt and slime they now flow unabashed. I know the world does not care. It does not matter how many flowers wilt in the fields, how many horses die in the stables, the unstoppable grind of the wheel will continue to crush our bones. “Civilization” as we know it, will continue as always. Gaza will continue to be bombarded. The children of the poor will continue to be sold in the open market, their meat herded into prostitution or worse. The Himalayan belt will become more safely inhabited by a few more drug refineries and farmers will continue to produce truckloads of Ganja and Opium for those refineries. Africa, with each passing hour, will continue to turn into zombie-land thanks to XDR Tuberculosis and HIV/AIDS and Famine. And pharmaceutical companies will keep on riding the bull of profit with the exploitation of the lifesaving drugs that if used properly can save billions. The politicians and other scum of the earth will keep on sucking our marrow till our minds rot. Ashes to ashes…
     
    I don’t know, what I want to convey with my words. I am not writing with a conscious goal tonight. Just absolute DISGUST!
     
    This wonderful modern civilization of ours, is the pinnacle of filth and hypocrisy and shamelessness. Never before were we so self centred and sure of our infallibility as of now. And that is our doom. Our pride in our civility and refined manners is going to bring us crashing down to the abyss of utter destruction. All religions talk about sins and perversions and appointed punishments for those, in a place we will go after our happy time in this mortal world, the world of our vain civilizations, of dead morals. But, Hell is not in some other life, where an unknown deity administers punishments depending upon our arbitrary demerits according to a dogmatic view. Hell is very much around us. Our ideals, our actions, our expectations, our creations, our perversions, our attitudes… everything is a constituent of our very own personal HELL. And to live is to suffer. Day after day, we rot in our own living carcasses, our souls long dead. We call it high-end living.
     
    At least for once, I implore you all, come out of your damned shells and declare your hypocrisy. If you are going to keep living in expense others' misery, the least you can do is to accept your nature. Let go of the honeyed tongue. Those, who relentlessly drink your poison, can survive without it.
     
    I am one of you fella’s! I love the way I live, and I don’t care a damned fig about what happens to our sorry existence, how the social morality washes away ever so slowly into oblivion. And I refuse to put a gold leaf on it. I don’t care about anyone or anything else other than my own sorry arse. And I am proud of it.
     
    Now, it’s your turn. Stop judging. Come off your high horse and confess your crimes, NOW. But, I know, none of you will. Go rot in your putrid hopelessness.
    Adios.
  5. asamvav111

    No-Where To Run

    By asamvav111,

    Tears trickle down those rosy cheeks
    As I watch by the cold weather outside
    And the cold feelings of the old heart I betrayed
    Watching me becoming a prisoner of my own love
    I cast my net slowly waiting in silence
    With haunting patience for the catch
    I await your return.
     

    ©asamvav111
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    An old creation, 2005.
  6. asamvav111

    Untitled

    By asamvav111,

    Writing about love is like writing about pain;
    When did it start, how did it progress, did it affect your day to day activities,
    How did you cope with it, pills, meditation, diet… so on and so forth?
     
    Yes, Love has indeed brought a lot of heartache.
    But, is that all it had to offer?
    What about the nicer times, the times when we flowed like music, an eternity in peace.
    That time when in the dead of the night, you came by just to say, “I love you”.
    The times that we shared in the whirlwind of romance, dizzy and content.
     
    Those are the times; we stood side by side and watched the sun set in the distant horizon.
    In the eye of the turbulence, in our oasis of bliss, everything is silent.
     
    ©asamvav111
  7. asamvav111

    In Response To

    By asamvav111,

    This post is in response to Yettieone's beautiful blog 'Proudly Standing Strong'. So, if you have not read that yet you better come back later.
     
    Yettie is a wonderful blogger; His words well-chosen and to the point, and his content heartwarming. It is not the first time I have been so moved by his words, and hopefully will not be the last either. His latest post is about people, who has touched his mind and rendered it gold. He is talking about people who are not related by blood, but has remained close to his heart. And as always human kindness is the core of his thought.
     
    He is talking about childhood friends and distant cousins and standard issue wayfarers. People, who for us regular mortals are rather common and thus under-appreciated, are his topic. These are the people who have touched his heart profoundly. But, an uneasy surprise is the pen pal on death row. It is someone, he agrees, who deserves his fate, which puts him apart from the rest of the list in my eye, and yet who again is just a sacrifice to the social paradigm of law and order. This person in his own words, "...is that after all this time locked in a tiny cell for up to twenty three hours a day, waiting for his day to die, he is alive. His mind is beautiful, quirky, happy. His imagination is unreal. He is funny and serious. He is human. And above all, he has grown up. He just needed a chance to be himself, and out of all that anger, hurt, pain and evil, a wonderful individual is there." Not a regular Joe you meet in the market!
     
    I don't know this person. All that I have about him is this blog post. Yet, I can feel the desperation and the pain just as clearly. It is the common human consciousness that is providing the necessary empathy in this case. But, unlike most of us, Yettie is capable of amplifying that feeling a thousand times. He seems to have a faster connection with better bandwidth to the collective unconscious! lol! I envy him. But, the question is, "Do I really need to?"
     
    In the picture above, we are seeing a tender young man, aristocratically dressed, seated in a leisurely fashion upon a lotus. Avalokiteswara, Lord who looks down, is the name of a Bodhisatva. A Bodisatva is a being on the path of righteousness. It learns the true path through millions and millions of lifetimes in different bodies and different worlds. They learn about the pains and sufferings of Samsara through each and every one of their lives and lives of their loved ones. All that knowledge is stored in the Bodhimanjusha, a sort of a locker for knowledge, and when they attain Buddhahood, that knowledge becomes instantaneously accessible. Avalokiteswara is one such Bodhisatva, the one who learns through compassion. His is the path of mercy. He has millions of hands and each hand is reaching out to support a dimension of sentient beings in suffering. This guy lives to help those in need.
     
    I love this particular allegory of Avalokiteswara. According to Buddhist thoughts, we all are striving Bodhisatvas in our own way. In each of our crimes, our failures, our successes, our desires, our anger and frustrations and actions and inactions, everything is propelling us towards that goal of enlightenment. Yet, we are so engrossed in our own lives, we have forgotten to see the bigger picture. We have forgotten that id-password for that eternal knowledge. But, Avalokiteswara is continually telling us the answer. It is Kindness, simple human kindness, that we have forgotten. Human beings are only better than others because they can feel empathy, because they can recognize the other's sufferings and do their best to alleviate it. Whatever be the social position of the other person, his financial status, his educational capability, everybody needs a hug, a simple shoulder, a warm nonjudgmental affective smile. And that is Yettie's message. In a way he is reminding us the words of all the ancient enlightened beings. The same words etched in eternity, Love thy neighbor as thyself. I can quote each and every ancient tome saying the same thing. Unfortunately, that also shows how this clear universal understanding is still beyond our reach. But, with more people like Yettie, we can still sense a beacon of hope in the distant future, when all of humankind shall band under one banner of love and fellowship. That is the day when the Kingdom of Heaven shall truly descend amongst us. Thank you Yettie for the simple reminder. God bless you. Hugs and Chocolates.
  8. asamvav111

    Festivals and Cold

    By asamvav111,

    This is my first blog entry here in GA, and I must tell you I am a lousy bloger. I have started three blogs in my online life and abandoned all three after a while because of lack things to post. Then, why am I doing this now? Do I have more things happening to me now? Well... for starters, I am indeed going through a period of change, no not Sex change, but a change regarding my career, my life, my surroundings and what not. More over, I have matured over the years to be able to find few stuff that I wanna write about and share with my friends. Especially so, since GA has provided me Safe Space to do that, where people are most non-judgemental and supporting in what I have encountered all over the internet. I am glad, I am a member of a proud effective community like GA, and am capable of giving a hands up to other members when they are in need, in turn. My life has changed dramatically since I had discovered GA early last year and ever since I have become an active member, it has become simply divine. I have all my GA friends and authors and admins and lurkers and posters and blogers to thank for that. GOD bless GA and its people.
     
    So, the Durga Puja is here. For those uninitiated in Indian Culture, it is the biggest event of the Bengali calender and the festivities are celebrated in a larger than life level in all over Eastern India, especially Kolkata, my hometown. It is centered around the worship of Mother Goddess Durga Mahishasuramardini, the Slayer of Buffalo Demon. The people erect practically thousands of Pandals(makeshift temples) through out the city and eachone houses her idol and worship commences. In recent years, Theme Puja has taken place of traditional puja, and Themes can be as bizzare as Sugarcane Fiber to Tea Leaves to Glass to Bull shit. There are entire Pandals made out of this with intricate designing and decorations, sometimes even the Goddess idol. It is an awe inspiring experience to be in Kolkata during the festival. I term it the Carnival of Kolkata, quite adequately. There are amazing street food all over. Restaurents come up with great traditional and fusion delicasies in this period. People literary clog the streets, the night lights up amazing effulgence and people mostly opt for the whole night outings, which is a good idea if you think about the merciless autumn sun during the day, but becomes a less happy notion if you consider the horde of people in the streets at night. The puja traditionally starts from Shashthi and continues till Dashami, that is the sixth to the tenth of the current lunar cycle. But, the festivities start from last day of the lunar cycle, some places even earlier. And ends with Laxmi puja, coming full moon. Then another heavy dose of celebration comes along with Kali puja, Dewali, Bhai Fonta in another fortnight. So, in essence this is a time of many celebrations. For those in the western hemisphere, you may not know but this year the Eid ul Azha, the Eid of Sacrifice has also coincided with Durga puja. This makes it doublely celebratory, especially for our muslim brothers who work tirelessly in all those pandals and idol work shops to make our Puja special. It is impossible to catch puja in so few words, that has so many facets in our Bengali minds, in a single post. So, I am gonna write about it soon and more will come.
     
    Durga Puja is when the Goddess comes back to her parents as per the traditional Bengali thought, long way from her in-law homes. It is the time when our daughters come to visit their parents' houses as well, with their husbands and children in tow just as Ma Durga comes with her sons, Kartik and Ganesh and her daughters, Lakkhi and Saraswati. It is a time of homecoming. I am gonna go home too a day before Shashthi and my married big sister gonna come stay with us for few days. In olden days, this used to be the only time the daughters were allowed to see their parents after marriage, even get out of their houses in most aristocratic homes. So has been the tradition for last thousand years. I guess you can understand why the flood gate of emotion just bursts around this time.
     
    I am gonna take a bus from Dhaka, cross the border at Benapole and then straight to Kolkata. It's an almost 14 hours long ride and extremely exhausting. And on top it, I have a bad cold. Taking multiple meds to get it under control. Also, have a truckload of school work with me. But, anything is worth it, if I get to be with my family and friends during the puja. I will be happy.
  9. asamvav111

    The Communion

    By asamvav111,

    There are many stages of making love
    First there is the Look
    A Look, that which can melt the stars and feed a million souls
     
    Then the Unveiling
    Like that of the most precious of the presents
    A slow sensuous unwrap
     
    The Indulgence is next
    Deliberate movements across the landscape
    Appraising the scenery of touch
     
    Then comes the Immaculate kiss
    A divine surrender of a watchful heart
    And the rest is a blur of motions of negative spaces
     
    Until finally past the soaring heights of the steeple
    Into the blissful void
    An intermingling of souls and a glimpse of paradise
     
    The Absolute
     

    04/04/2014
    ©asamvav111
  10. asamvav111

    The Kiss

    By asamvav111,

    You can move mountains, they say
    If only you ask with love
    I found it true when my
    Softest touch moved your reluctance away
    And I saw the sun rise
    Though before I was blind
    And its warmth pierced my heart
    In million rays, in million ways
    I felt it burn, I cried out
    “Gloria in excelsis Deo”
    Every kiss tells a story
    Ours was the beginning
     
     
     
    ©asamvav111
  11. asamvav111

    Colours Of Love

    By asamvav111,

    Colours of Love
     
    Paint the whole city blue and red,
    In Colours they come and in Colours they fade.
    My Colourman comes in a haunting snow,
    Pristine white when everything glow.
    He comes silently by my broken window,
    Softly sauntering like a sad old shadow.
    Glimpses by my broken window pane
    And lo what he sees, the old me again.
    Stuck in my bed in perpetual illness,
    Waiting in line for my turn with patience,
    Bereft of all but skin and bones,
    Sadist as always I am a sight to behold.
    Yet unlike most that come by my death-bed,
    I’ve failed so far to scare him to dread.
    He waits unerringly through the frozen night,
    And flees just as swiftly as the sun comes in sight.
    Yet he never utters a single word,
    Yet his eyes ever speak nothing but love.
    He colours the leaves and the petals and the pool,
    He colours distant meadows sheltered and cool,
    He colours my soul just as he colours the nature,
    As if I, too am an important creature.
    But, I know in spring when he’ll come by my window,
    The bed will be empty and I, one of those shadows.
    Then shall I be finally one with my love?
    Together we’ll colour the Heavens above.
    So here I ask you to do this small favour.
    Consider this as an affectionate endeavour.
    Please colour the city Blue and Red,
    So swiftly my lover finds my desolate bed.
    And we’ll bring colour to your life in dark shade,
    For in Colours they come and in Colours they fade!
     
    18/01/2013
    ©asamvav111
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