Tiff

Laziness really does bite you in the ass. I'm the hugest procrastinator and I know firsthand how laziness can kill you. Like scrambling to finish something for a deadline. But come on, it was Thanksgiving weekend! No one does work! And who can think after inhaling so much damn food? While I was at work, I was really looking through my planner and realized school is so close to being done. I don't even care about finals. I can cram for that. But I just want class to be over. I don't wanna trek there anymore. Be done with it, I say. But then that means I have to get moving and actually finish things asap, before crap starts to snowball. Hence, my 15 page paper on the Vietname War will be done by Wednesday night, Friday the latest! Ehh.... I am still sore from rollerblading on Saturday. I never used to be like this. I hope it's the cooler weather, but I think I'm catching a glimpse of what it's going to be like aging, from here on out, and I can't say it's like looking at the Mona Lisa. It didn't help that I tripped on some pothole and used my arm to break my fall, and propel myself into some weird forward/side roll, so I didnt land on my butt, but instead back on my blades. I figured, if I was going to fall, I was going to look damned good doing it. Going out with style. Mom's home from the hospital, but still needs a lot of help. Of course that responsiblity falls on me. Responsibility sucks! It's going to be a long recovery. I look forward to being a bum when break hits. On the days I'm not working, no one will be able to wake me up, even if they were poking me with a stick or chucking water in my face. It's going to be glorious. Really. Just really glorious.

It's funny how the human mind works sometimes. Like, you forget something important, don't even think about it all day long. Then you go to bed, or try to. Then suddenly, the thing you forgot pops into your head! That's what happened to me. Rewind- Raining like crazy here, I had to skip class AGAIN to take my Mom to her Chinese doctor and then pick her up, since she's in no condition to drive. There is no one else to help her, so basically it's up to me. And of course, this is the day my professor gives out the paper topics, which is due Monday. Granted I wouldn't even begin writing the paper until Saturday afternoon or evening, it would be nice to know what the topic was, so maybe I could create a basic outline, in my head or something. Why me? I hate stressing, seriously. Why bother? Like getting straight A's won't gaurantee a good job or whatever. So in theory, stressing about this seems so insignificant, but I'm one of those people that will be losing sleep over this or worrying about it subconciously. Jeez, I hate myself sometimes. Plus, things have a weird way of working themselves out....right? I hope? Ah, what a bad way to start the week.

Ever been so frustrated that you just wanted to kill someone? It's disturbing, I know. Watching movies where people die is one thing, but wanting to do it myself is another thing. I believe I may be working myself too thin with work, school, driving my sister everywhere, and taking care of my sick mother. Thank god I don't own a gun. I'd probably be using that thing like it was going out of style or something. No, I'm really not crazy. Just overwhelmed. I may need to find a more constructive and less homicidal way to get my frustrations out. Oh, winter break has to get here faster. Maybe I can snowboard my troubles away. My sanity depends on it. Then again, I'll probably be doing a winter class so I can graduate a semester early, and then working more or less full time in order to finance the things I want to do over winter break. Damn, I've come to the conclusion that life just blows.

I seriously need Friday to be here already. The week feels so long, but apparently time is moving slowly only to me. This girl I work with says its going fast. In a way it is. It's just going slow to me because I'm dreading stuff and wish it were over already. So tired this morning. Ever had trouble sleeping because you were so hungry but too damned lazy to walk downstairs to the fridge? Yeah, that was me last night. A major lazy ass. Anyway, at 7 AM I had to take my sister to the bus station since my Mom was super sick. Then I went to work. Then came home and skipped my classes to take my Mom to the doctor only for the doctor to say, "Only time will make you better." Worked on my paper, but it's still not done. Huge mental block. I can't seem to focus on Kennedy, Castro, or the Cuban Missile Crisis. Registered for next semesters classes. Easy as eating cake. Wish I had some cake now. Good note: I like Wednesdays because I really like the TV show America's Next Top model. I know, kinda lame, but little things make me happy. That and my Japanese CD came in the mail today. I was expecting it Monday, but Amazon, you move fast! Is Friday here yet? I wanna spend Friday sleeping, eating, watching TV, and reading the latest chapter of vlista 'Unbreakable Faith'. Love it. I'm addicted. I feel so wired right now. Probably out of pure boredom. And I'm a little hungry this time. Luckily, I'm downstairs so access to the fridge is fairly easy. Seriously, is it Friday yet?

I hate Sunday's. It's the worst day of the whole entire week, ok, maybe not as bad as Monday. Or maybe it IS worse than Monday, because at least once Monday comes, you know you're well on your way to Friday, but with Sunday, you're waiting for the week to start with nervus anticipation. And let me tell you, I get the pre-week jitters and anxiety. It doesn't help that Mondays are one of my worst days with work in the morning and three back to back classes at night. And I commute. It blows. Random note: This is my first blog ever and it's oddly liberating to be writing about the junk that filters through my head. Anyways, I'm having a hella rough semester. Having five history classes sucks and it was the worst mistake ever! But due to budget cuts at my school, I had to take what I could get and history being my major, well, I kind of have to suck it up and just do it. I am the poster child for just doing it. I should work for Nike. Unfortunately, all my classes just love dolling out the papers and I usually have two a week, and they're big ones at that, or I have papers overlapping in due dates. Did I mention it sucks? I just want it to be over already and the middle of December never looked so beautiful before. I can only imagine how I will feel when that time comes, when I hand in my last paper and I am free from school, until the spring semester starts, that is. It's like how an obese person must feel, who hasn't eaten in two hours and then they FINALLY get seated at a buffet. I'm kidding! Well, sorta. So, lately, I've been having disturbing thoughts which sort of tie in with my crappy school mood. When the movie "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" came out awhile back, I dragged my poor mother to see it and I told her, "I need to see this movie, Mom. I need to see a bunch of people get killed, slaughtered, maimed, just so I can feel good about life. Cuz once you see that type of movie, you think, Damn, it is good to be alive!" And then when I saw the movie, which was grotesque by the way, I did feel slightly better about life, for a short while, until things got more stressful. So now, I'm thinking what other horror movie I should see to feel good. Hmm, perhaps Saw 3? What else is out there? Yes, yes, I know. A horror movie is not the typical movie you see to feel good. But what can I say? I'm a sick motherf**ker. I'm hoping the crazy sicko in me will pass once winter break hits and I can be a fun loving kid again, but ah, only time will tell, right? Alright, I'm out. Peace