pzetts3

While I don't think people's basic nature can really change much, I do believe that life can push those tendencies in a certain direction given our circumstances. It is a testament to Kendall's example of selfless love and the seemingly guileless love but honest expectations of Lionel that Candy changed her mind rather than a genuine change in her nature. I think selfish people are who they are but it doesn't mean they can't be good people. My husband is a quite selfish person but he would give a stranger the last cent in his pocket. Sure he does it because it makes him feel good to help someone more than because the person needed an act of kindness, but it still works. I think Candy did what she did more for herself than for Kendall or Mike or even the baby for that matter. She didn't want anything to be between her shot at happiness with Lionel and she saw the money as an obstacle instead of a win because Lionel wasn't happy about it. I think it is masterful how you gave us such a win for Michael and Kendall in a fairly believable manner. I also like the fact that she is going away for mission work for a while - distance is good for our growing family. I love Bodie more and more every day for the way he loves Nate and I see Michael and Kendal in them as well but I am glad Nate doesn't have to wait to know who he is like Michael did. If there is one thing I would have wished for our boys it was that they figured it out sooner and didn't waste as much time as they did not being happy. I know they used it to build their friendship and bond, but still they are so good together you have to wish they could have had it sooner. I am glad they are getting some good solid alone time too. I want them to have that house and family and whole nine yards so to speak, but I worry that Nate, the baby, the in-laws living underneath them etc. is happening so fast that they have to really remember to take the time to reconnect regularly. No amount of bond can hold when it isn't nurtured along with the demands of everyday life.

I usually don't review unless I know the author likes them but I felt compelled. I think I realized Lee knew Marshall was right about the guy and I had hoped his stepping back was just to show Marshall he trusted him. But a small part of me wondered if Lee was going to try that absurd you would be happier with someone younger or better off without me crap. I was so thrilled he decided it was time to step in. I think while Marshall is happy Lee trusts him he needs to see the posssesive side more - it is after all the nature of their relationship to some degree. I love your story.

There is something to be said for taking things slow and being cautious, and in some cases that something is that it isn't necessary. I got excited before I even clicked the link. Just seeing the title "Diving In" made me want to dive in myself. I'm happy they were thinking about trying to build the relationship and that Jared didn't want to be pushy, but let's face facts - after Jared helped Craig through his grief even though it meant putting his own emotional needs through a shredder they both had to know they wouldn't last long. Hell if I were Craig I probably would have offered to get on my knees at the pond when the poor tortured guy admitted his feelings and opened himself up. As always though with your stories, it was more than hot sex (although hot it was Gary - two thumbs up)it was a connection of lovers with deep and real love for each other. The fact that this had been brewing since high school and through multiple self-sacrificing acts on Jared's part that put him in direct contact with Craig even when there was no hope of having him for himself just made it sweeter that Jared didn't have to wait any longer to feel the love and the deep bond that sex with the one you love any longer. He deserved that connection many times over for always caring about others first. Carly, the baby, his grandfather, Craig....it was always someone elses needs before his. I think Craig sees this and recognizes the type of soul that means Jared has and I have every faith in him that he will not allow anything other than Jared's and his own needs to come first. Well maybe Bailey but that really shouldn't be an issue as we know his mother will be on the side of her boys. Because I don't believe for a minute that the woman you have portrayed so far wouldn't ultimately be the one to keep Carly in her place if need be. Being a mother I can tell you right now that in this situation I wouldn't hesitate to tel that girl in a heartbeat that if she was even thinking much less threatening to do anything to hurt either Jared or Craig or try and deny them Bailey I would go straight to the girls biological father or grandparents and make her life a living hell. If she threatened to take the baby away from Jared I would tell her I would make sure the girl had her real father then. Make no mistake, Mothers are as ruthless as any soul sucking self centered person out there. As always good job and thanks for the bonus hot as hell points!

Touching bottom and still feeling safe isn't an easy place to find. When two people can give that to each other it is an even better feeling. After everything Jared has gone through he could have chosen the self pity or anger route of dealing with the situation he was thrown into in likely less than a 12 hour period. Going from emotionally barely hanging on to admitting your feelings to someone you never thought you could be with and then the high of realizing you might get to have then combined with the threat of losing your child and childhood home if you do. Couple all of that with knowing your own mistakes put you in the situation of being able to be manipulated and not even understanding the reasoning behind the selfish combustible anger thrown in your direction at every turn and the knowledge that you will have to either swallow what little pride you have left and accept monetary help from someone you wish to build a future with at the beginning of a relationship...then the final nail of and oh yeah, she isn't even your kid because the coniving bitch had to move to plan B when you refused to screw her after the first time - I tell you a hell of a lot of men would have either spiraled into anger, self pity or revenge mode. Not our sweet tortured Jared though. Instead he swallows the injustice like humble pie and focuses on what he does have. A daughter that loves him regardless of her mother and even has the capacity in his heart to know that the kid deserves the truth just like he did. He swallows his pride the same way about the money, admittedly with a bit more swallows apparently, and focuses on the fact that it means he can finally start to build something with Craig. Holding on with both hands to the love of your life that was nearly ripped away from you two or three different times now seems to be the plan. I couldn't love Jared more for that and for being so utterly truthful with Craig about how he feels. You already know how I feel about taking the plunge and jumping in with both feet when it feels right, so when Jared easily admits he doesn't want Craig to leave, ever whether they are having sex or not that night is more touching than a long drawn out courtship in my opinion. Direct and open communication isn't only essential in a good relationship, it is also sexy as hell no matter who is touching whose bottom. Well done.

All I can say Gary is that this one hit too close to home to maybe give an objective view. I find it is not a burden to always be the strong one, but it is an awful feeling being expected to be the strong one and the assumption that nothing bothers you. Your words of tears and resolve and wiping them away and not sharing them with anyone was spot on. If this was just poetry then you touched my sould just with your writing. If this was poetry from your own soul then all I can offer is we can share anytime you want if you ever need someone to share the tears instead of just wiping them away. Love, Pam.

Ahhh Gary only two words. Achingly beautiful.

I am glad that Craig recognized he had to deal with Carly instead of reason with her black hole for a soul. I would have preferred the hitman or mall santa/frozen icicle to the heart route but she is his sister. I do agree with one of the other reviewers that there needs to be some ammunition still in the chamber because she is only wounded. Badly but most wounded animals become more dangerous. I hope I am wrong there and as you say, she hasn't much choice and her only weapons left are her awful personality and her awful parenting skills. I am glad for the family the secrets are out and I applaud Craig for doing what he thought was best for him, Jared, and Bailey and only what was best for them. However I only have two issues with this chapter, one is nothing really, just that it is hard to fathom that Jared really thought he slept with a woman once using a condom and she got pregnant and never questioned it further or asked for a paternity test back then. Of course that would lead me to believe either he is pretty simple minded or he is so good inside he doesn't see the world as it is or can be and trusts people because he is so trustworthy. I am betting on the latter, he seems to be pure in character. My second issue though is more of a moral dilemma. Maybe Ronnie was disposable to Carly when she used him and threw him away, and maybe he is a crackhead or a lost cause at this point (maybe or maybe not in part because of the way he was treated) - but the fact is he is te girls father and that is the flip side of yours and other reviewers point of Jared being her daddy because he loves her and has raised her. While I agree wholeheartedly that Jared is her father because of the situation and because of his love for her, and while I recognize that (at least in the US) legally she is his daughter as well if he and Carly were married when she gave birth and his name is on the birth certificate. So yes, it sure feels like legally what they are all doing is okay and that not having Bailey know about Ronnie or vice versa is what is in the best interest of all involved. The problem I have is that morally is this okay. Skip legally for a minute and if you assume that Carly had no right to manipulate Jared and Craig to keep them apart and she had no right to use Ronnie to get pregnant and then toss him aside - then I think that you have to ask do they all have the right to conspire and keep this information from both Bailey and Ronnie? Carly didn't do anything illegal either but she isn't moral and I would hate to think that Jared and Craig aren't at least going to wrestle with the moral dilemma that Ronnie has a right to know. I mean who is to say he wouldn't sign a piece of paper and give up all rights with payment if he is as bad as portrayed. And maybe is has no rights depending upon the law, but who is to say that these four people that know the truth aren't holding on to the only information that might help him? I'm not criticizing - remember, I am the one that would have used the money to hire a hit. And I know the story isn't over yet so I am keeping up faith it will all be unfurled in due time. However I have a weak spot for fathers and their rights or lack thereof when it comes to children. It is hard to reconcile a woman's right to their body and the decisions that grants her with the rights of the father some times and leaves us with the dilemmas like in your story. I recognize it is at heart a love story however, and I cannot wait until the next chapter Gary.

So bittersweet. It is good to embrace your past. It is also okay to leave your past behind. Because in the end it won't matter - you are your past. You can remember it fondly, wish you could forget it, or dwell on the parts you want to rewrite. But done is done and regrets or acceptance will never change anything. I guess what I am trying to say is that the poor boy you are seeking out to comfort is okay, because he's been with you every day.

OMG my Aaron is going to be a Daddy! Thanks so much for the update on Aaron and Chet. I miss them. It was nice to see things starting to normalize for the family and to get to see more of Mike and Kendall loving on each other. Not just the playing doctor part either, but the kidding and being so comfortable around the kids and the parents. Like Michael calling Kendall Babe across the gym and Kendall not hesitating to lower the hammer on Michael when he was going to exercise his knee. Like I said, getting to see the loving on each other. I have an inkling in my mind of why Sandy needs to come to the wedding, but I am just sure it couldn't be right. Can't wait to find out.

Tsunami indeed. One of pure emotion...every one of them. I knew Jared would win my heart. He laid his thoughts and actions out completely for Craig. Making himself completely vunerable and thankfully was rewarded for that honesty. I can't wait to for the fireworks. Well the ones after the ones with Carly...I knew she would have to be dealt with instead of reasoned with. I saw a review that said they wanted to know why she was like that, but some times there is no why. Some people are just not equipped to function on a moral level. It is like they were filled with so much selfishness there is no room for anything else and every one of their proplems and shortcomings are someone elses fault. At this point I am worried what will be worse for Jared - if Bailey is his or if she isn't, because let's face it there is a good chance she isn't. As for Craig, well there really isn't anything that will help you find your emotional strength again like love and someone hurting someone you care about. Add to that being hurt yourself in the process and oh man. To think she knew the way they both felt and she decided she wanted or deserved the pretty boy more is so amoral that a Tsunami isn't a bad enough thing to unleash on her. This is why I read instead of write because this would have been a short story for me, because if I were you that money would be put to good use in the next chapter with a descreet hit man and the whole thing wrapped up nicely! But I know that isn't your style because you have style and I am now quite eager to see what Craig does do besides using the money to level the playing field. I have no doubt however that one twin that has spent a lifetime manipulating situations and people is about to find out what happens with the good twin goes a bit evil.

That was intense. Carly is certifiable if you ask me, no one can consist of that much venom and selfishness and be a good mother, maybe Bailey is the one I should feel bad for instead of Jared. My three main takaways: 1. "Oh, fucking boohoo. I’m sick and tired of hearing about Harlan. He’s dead and buried. Let it go, for Christ’s sake. Stop playing the sympathy card, and stay the fuck away from my husband! You lost yours, but that doesn’t give you the right to go after mine.” This is all I need to know about Carly to know that there is no amount of therapy that will fix her – but she will have to be dealt with because anyone that could say that to their twin will not allow anyone to be happy if she isn’t unless they are dealt with in a manner they understand. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. He isn’t her husband. Maybe never really was is seems. 2. “So he showed you, huh? About frigging time. He’s been a mess since forever, and he’s not getting any better, so if you’ve come here to hurt him, I suggest you leave now.” Her words were blunt, but her delivery was kind. “He’s at a breaking point, Craig. I check on him every chance I get, but it’s always the same. He doesn’t drink a lot, but he drinks a couple of beers almost every day. He just sits down at that damn pond. He’s been hurting so long, he can’t figure out how to make it stop.” I don’t doubt there is a hell of a lot more we are about to find out but this really does give Craig all of the most important information. Everything else will be details of how it all got to this point but Trina has given him the most vital pieces. 3. And then there is the simplest and most powerful piece….Liquid courage… Jesus… that was liquid heat. Yeah, Craig knows what to do he just needs more information and for his brain to catch up to what his heart and his body already know.

Another first chapter that sucks you in and makes you say, "oh I am so reading the rest of this story." I know I don't have enough information to make too many judgements yet, but my gut is telling me that Jared is the one my heart is going to belong to this go round. I feel for Craig because is sucks to be the only one that apparently doesn't know what the hell is going on, but again that gut feeling is that three people know more than him and Carly is keeping him in the dark for spite, his mom because it just isn't her place, and Jared because he doesn't want to hurt him and feels guilty about his own feelings. Great start and I can't wait to see just how Carly gets her comeupance! Maybe we can arrange for someone to swing by and take her to see the mall santa!

Gary, I am definitely adding this to my Christmas reading list. It isn't very long so far a three part story on kindle and Bah Humbug on wattpad and for sure yours now. Who doesn't love Christmas and love? I felt the love and desperation in Darren, but it was the determination and dedication in Elliot that made it so special. That's what we all want in the end right, someone who will never give up on us no matter what. And the cherry on the top - everyone that evil should be named Wally! What a chuckle that one gave me, and my ex would so have done something that nasty. I loved that fate or santa took care of him in a painful way and he saw it coming - your Wally I meant, not my ex. Although I wouldn't shed any tears over him either. As always you managed to make lemonade out of lemons!

Gary, you almost make me want to run. Almost. I loved this poem and sentiments behind it. For some the distance isn't physical it is self imposed. My man of 23 years is much older than me and when the physical started to wane I went through a period where I thought he didn't love me anymore and I fixated on the part we were not experiencing. It was a bad time for both of us because my focus on what was wrong with us was like a laser. As you know, we have been through something extremely stressful lately and that in substitution of your running to clear your head, has made me finally realize that it isn't what we don't do as much anymore that is important. It is what we still feel and do and say every day that is important and even though the stress was awful, I am so glad it made us feel like a couple again instead of tearing us apart further. I am also so grateful that upon returning to this website this is the first thing I read. Thanks for the balm my friend.

Oh. My. Goodness. What a lovely surprise this was. Such love. Such emotion. I don't know David, but I am so happy for hime after reading this my eyes are wet. Gary, I love your mind and your writing. I swear if I were a guy I would be stalking you, sight unseen baby!

Aging is not for the wary or weak my friend. As long as,we are taking those cold crunchy walks we are doing good.

I think there are many great things in this chapter worth noting so I want to start with the two easier to speak to things. One, I loved the twins "sex" talk. It is nice they are close enough to talk freely and openly and good for Russell that Evan has enough experience to give advice. I liked that you kept it realistic. I mean no one wants to talk a hygeine, but what's the point of asking for advice and trying to learn something if you aren't going to get technical advice? When I turned 18 my sister gave me a book instead of a talk like the boys had. I will neve forget it, the name of the book was "How to Make Love to a Man" and I believe there was also a version for males about women. At the time I thought it was pushy of her, but I read it anyway. I have to say, it was a brilliant idea. It was a straightforward book on the mechanics and different techniques of sex based upon informal research surveys. Being 97% inexperienced at 18, that book armed with enough knowledge that when my first sexual experience came along I was prepared and felt I knew enough to make it a good experience for the man. Knowledge equals a level of confidence and confidence equals comfort and that allows a person to enjoy and let go and experience what is happening instead of concentrating on fighting fear and nerves. So I love that Russell is gaining knowledge and lessening his fears, but it also means that the "impatient puppy" will only get more impatient. Although from the last, amazing part of the chapter it doesn't seem like Jacob can wait much longer either. Second I wanted to talk about the boys going out. I don't always read the other reviews, but I am glad I did on this chapter. I loved reading the review by AC. Getting insight into other perspectives is always great food for thought. I never really stopped to think about what was meant by "community" and on some level I guess I figured it meant peopel that were alike or shared something in common, but really I have always just thought of it as meaning thouse that made you feel accepted and safe. So I am glad I read through these reviews and got to learn new things. What I liked about the scene was that Russell was still himself, no dancing other than slow dancing, but enjoyed being with his group and running into Oliver and his boyfriend. I can so easily relate to that. I love going out with friends and even watching them dance and have fun. I don't dance and believe me everyone is happier that way, but it is still fun to be a part of it and have fun. It was so good to see the boys get to experience that and enjoy being out with their boyfriends and with each other. I also loved the thought that Russell had about liking the thought of a relationship where you completely trusted the other person and there was no need for jealousy. Of course I loved the way Jacob was worked up over Russell and how that played out better! If they are this hot now I can't wait for them to make love after the engagement.

Congratulations on your new status, I think it should be amazing instead of promising! Thanks for this chapter! I could practically feel how much Michael needed this. Such a unique and wonderful dynamic between these two that you feel lucky to be able to be a witness to them loving each other. I also think the chapter name is perfect, because as you know I think of Michael like royalty. So much has been going on and the guys have been spending more and more time apart since Nate showed up. I knew it was time they got to reconnect. As for Kendalls parents part in this chapter, well duh! Of course they were going to want to do more. It was nice he didn't want them to spend their money, but honestly he should have seen it coming. Maybe even sensed their need to do it. I am glad Kendall caved and didn't make it more than it needed to be. It is good they can all be one the same page and move forward together. What a wonderful environment for Nate and a new baby. A big house full of love! A wedding being planned, grandparents everywhere, and a sweet puppy too. I think it will also be good for Carson's recovery. I sort of want to live with them too now.

What a perfect juxtaposition you make between the twins and the boyfriends in this chapter. Seems like the whole chapter is a lesson the growth and maturing of two “excitable and love-starved teen(s)” while also showing how the two older possessive but nurturing and strong boyfriends were still vulnerable and human by showing us some of their hurt and insecurities. It was beautiful I think to see the vulnerable side of the protectors and the growth of the boys at the same time. I even have to give credit to Evan for acknowledging he knew that Russell used him to hide and he wasn’t having it anymore; and credit to Russell for beginning to realize that he isn’t the only twin that cares for the other and that his actions affect others as well. Great job Timothy!

I usually try to give most characters the benefit of the doubt as to why they are an ass, but I have not found anything redeemable in Daddy Dearest yet. I mean you could stretch it and say he takes care of his family, but really even that is shading the truth. Monetarily maybe he does, but no one as repressed and buttoned down as this guy could really ever give his family what they emotionally need. The only person he speaks of with genuine affection is his wife, and even that only serves to contrast even more starkly the way he thinks of the boys. I mean who the hell clings to being a virgin when you get married and is supposedly so devoutly religious but then says to his son that a “mouth is a mouth” but you will be judged if you don’t marry a woman. For all the effort he puts into being well respected and having a good reputation, the whole thing made me feel skeezy, like I needed a shower after just reading it. I mean if he can’t see that his little revelation about his all boys school experimentation and subsequent holier than thou attitude only makes him seem more unbalanced rather than more upstanding then I’m not sure anything Russell could say really matters. You can’t argue logic with a man that buried his own feelings in the name of religion. But instead of focusing on Daddy Dearest and whether or not the slightly off centered man is going to lose it and eventually try the metaphorical wire hanger on Russell, I think acknowledgement of the inner strength Russell doesn’t even realize he has developed is in order. Favorite quote of the chapter, “Father, I’m gay. I won’t be marrying a woman, ever.” I think I actually laughed out loud when I read that. I also noticed that the anxiety attack that followed this difficult situation in Russell’s live was less intense and he didn’t faint. He also expressed himself to Jacob more easily and declared he was going to speak with Evan about how he felt as well. He is building a support system and learning coping skills. I think he is going to be just fine. Even his introverted thoughts are of the future as a gay man living the life he wants in the home he dreams of – that shows acceptance of himself on an unconscious level. The airport scene was endearing to be sure, but for me it was more endearing to Jacob and Chris than the twins. I don’t know why yet, but I don’t particularly care for the twins together at this point. They seem less mature when they are together and I have to remind myself they are just 18 and grew up repressed and sheltered and are finally getting to be who they really are. I guess the sticking point is that who Evan is so far leaves me feeling unsettled about him. I think it is because we got to know Russell first and it felt like Evan abandoned him to be free of his father and be happy while the flip side is Russell had to be removed from the situation by others because he would have willingly sacrificed his happiness for Evan. Add that to what we learn of Russell always feeling overshadowed by Evan and I guess I feel indignant on Russell’s behalf because he refuses to feel anything but love for Evan. Crazy huh? That, and I am sure some of it is also because it seems like just as Russell is breaking free of his father’s influence and of identifying himself and “Evan’s twin” the playful and immature scene in the airport with the brothers seems oddly out of character and like Russell is different when he is around Evan. I am sure all of this is my perspective only and I am sure I will grow out of it as the story moves along. They are cute together and maybe I am looking too deep and it is just as simple as they never really got to be themselves together before. In any case, I adored both Chris and Jacob and how they love the boys.

The first thing that jumped out to me in this chapter was when Michael was noticing Agnes anxiety and he declares to himself that she would get there in being comfortable they were always going to be there because HE was going to see to it. He didn’t think because he and Kendall would make sure of it. Even in his head he is already such a part of Kendall and his life that whatever his family needs is Michaels duty to see to. That is why I love him so much. I mean sure he cares about Agnes and even Carson, but the reason he is so invested in them is purely because of Kendall and Michael’s need to make him happy and for their lives to be completely entwined into one. Evidenced by your sentence, “These were the people who’d made his Kendall, and they were his family now.” Yes this as an emotional chapter, and yes there was an emotional rollercoaster from happy to sad to frustrated to bittersweet and back again. Then again, by now I know how good you are at emotions and making us feel what the characters feel. Even so, I have to commend you on how well Carson came across. A grumpy cantankerous personality doesn’t mean a person isn’t also loving. It usually means they never developed the emotional tools to express that love, and because of that those same people usually fear rejection more than anything else. If your childhood doesn’t equip you to share and show your love it is usually because you didn’t receive enough of it yourself. Given that the “grumpy bastard” personality is a shield to protect you as an adult from any further rejection. I see my husband a great deal in Carson. Not because he is intentionally cruel, but because of what I just described and the fact that to anyone other than myself (including his kids) he seems just blunt and rude. I think you captured the struggle within Carson to consciously try and change that behavior, which can’t be an easy task. The other thing I want to commend you on is that your writing in this chapter in particular seemed to evoke in me similar feelings to the first chapter. You know, the one that sucked us all in immediately. For me if was mesmerizing the way you could feel the thin, delicate and fragile sliver of gossamer thread holding this struggling family together even before Kendall mentioned Big Mike. After that it was palpable how those spidery threads were straining and pulsing with the tension of these people working through the hurt on all sides of that seemingly innocent part of Kendall’s life. In family situations it is often something that seems so innocuous that unravels all the good intentions. Well done Gary. This chapter felt extremely realistic to me, like I was sitting there watching them, wanting to help them in some way. Of course Michael being Michael somehow held those threads to keep them from from breaking and with words and complete honesty managed to weave even stronger ones among them to shore up the strength in this families bonds. I could almost feel the foundation being built.

Michael, Michael, Michael...just when I didn't think I could love you any more you prove me wrong. I love how he continued joking about sex with Kendall but didn't honestly expect anything from him even after he declared as long as he could sleep with him he would be happy. I loved this chapter for the simple fact that although there were alot of emotions going one, there wasn't alot of drama. It was nice to have a purely feel good because everything and everyone is happier chapter after the emotional drama of the previous one. (And I took a break to reread SAD after that last chapter and still appreciate this one being lighter.) I am glad Michael was there to help Kendal reason through his fears and that he advocated for Agnes and Carson. That is such a testament to his character that he can advocate for trusting and trying with the man he came prepared to hate for hurting his Kendall if he kept trying to. I know I may be the only one, but I am actually happier for Carson than I am for either Kendall or Agnes. Not to say I am not truly happy for all of them, but there is something so mesmerizing in witnessing someone try to shed years of awful behavior or "habits" as Carson says because they can finally admit they were wrong. No one who is sincere about trying to make amends and change should have to feel the crushing soul sucking disappointment of being denied even the chance to try. It is just as hard to admit you were the one in the wrong and face the people you hurt as it is to be the one to risk being hurt again and I am glad Carson is getting the chance. If he hurts Kendall again I say give someone a dull knife and let the have at him, but until then I love how your characters are trying to work things out. I am glad that Timothy is making sure you know your love scenes are drool worthy, but without getting into specifics you should know they are worthy enough they can cause alot more than drool. I love how these two love each other with complete abandon, and they haven't even fully explored each other yet.

Sniff, sniff! Russell is turning into such a sweet man. I literally teared up when he declared he loved Jacob even more than his twin. Mostly because I know what it had to have meant to Jacob to hear it (awesome story idea – Jacobs point of view; swooning), but also because that’s the loyal and true Russell I saw under the confused one all along. Good for him and good for them that he realized that loving Jacob is good for him and good for his relationship with Evan as well. He is becoming less dependent on identifying himself as Evan’s twin and realizing that he is Russell and being Russell can be a grand thing. Like he said in the last chapter, he is going off now and an adventure for once experiencing life and the world in a way Evan has not. I am glad the thought made him giddy and relieved that they get to go now no matter if his mother pays, which I am sure she will. Obviously I should say that declaration was my favorite part, but I’m not even going to lie because I loved the sex scene as well. I love the dynamics growing between them no matter the direction. It always feels like you can feel the love between them. One thing that I am a bit confused on, and I reread the section twice, is the epiphany that Russell had. I get the part about how realizing or admitting he was gay realigned him with Evan and the paths their lives are heading in, but I am unclear as to what he suddenly realized this time that allowed him to fully understand that Jacob loves him and is no longer afraid of why he wants him. I hope I am not being overly critical but I just didn’t make the connection of what he was so slow to get and how he suddenly doesn’t question anything. Of course, not following his logic makes me no less happy that he is gaining so much faith in their relationship and love for each other.

Ha! "Impatient puppy" is hilarious and so perfect! I love that Russell is so impatient to "get laid" as he refers to it. That alone shows his strides in awareness and self acceptance since the beginning of the story. I would have expected nothing but second guessing and/or fear from the old Russell that Jacob first took camping. Case in point, while sad yes, it was not surprising that Russell had no clue about his sister worrying about him. I see strides yet again in this chapter in his image issues as well. While Jacob delights in pushing him out of his comfort zone, Russell is slowly but surely admitting the positive things about himself even if looks can't kill! Oh Jacob the steady nurturing sweetheart that he is has come up with a wonderful solution to the issue of Russell not being able to stay in Denmark. Plan B is pretty brillant I think. It not only solves the visa issue, but it will give the newly engaged and committed couple months of togetherness to bond and learn to live with each other without constant outside interference other than electronic communication. It also serves to keep Daddy dearest constantly a step behind if he continues to pursue Russell. I am sure he will be in Denmark soon, but them being on the move soon if he doesn't back off will make sure that Russell doesn't have the opportunity to fall back to old habits if he doesn't have to hear the rhetoric. And the best part of plan B is that backpacking is a step up from camping and Russell is no longer clueless!

I have meant to make this point several times during his story and somehow I seem to get very disctracted once I start typing. So let me start this review my saying that if this is truly how accepting the Danish are of same sex couples, I may be living in the wrong place. And even if you are stretching it a bit, then I still love the place you are creating for Russell to gain his self confidence and learn to live in his own skin and stand on his own two feet. I agree with other reviewer that Russell is adept at deflection, maybe not evel self consciously. He isn't the only sneaky one at steering both a conversation and a concept in the direction he wants it to go. I think Jacob deserves a mention for his constant manipulation of whatever tools he can find (first the group on the beach and not facebook and friends) to make his point to Russell about his looks and try and correct his self worth or image issues. Again, typical of his personality, Jacob is both loving but bordering on pushy when he wants to get his point across. Good for him for pushing Russell's comfort zone where it is relatively safe. I also loved the train conversations in the beginning of the chapter. I think builds upon the layering of the strength of their connection. The teasing about the author and then the honest vunerablity of admitting what the sketches meant to him both are endearing. I also think it is teling that Russell wants to see the sketches to see if he can gain back some happy memories of a time he mostly blocked from his memory. I see that as real healing if he is ready to stare that time in the face again. A final point, I didn't miss the subtle but telling references to Jacob, even if just in his head, as a boyfriend when he is full of doubt but as his fiance when Russell is listening to the reality of what Jacob is saying as he accepts Russells freak outs and feelings then talks him down lovingly. I love that he mentally reminded himself to refer to him as a fiance, like the was taking strength from reminding himself to believe in what they have. Sure Russell is literally all over the place emotionally and some of that is manifesting itself physically in the fainting. I wouldn't over react at this point if I were Jacob. He knows he has a history of retreating inside his head and using deflection to stay in a safe point and not face his fears or anything uncomfortable. Knowing this, I don't think it is a stretch to say that being forced out of this behavior and confronting fears and stickly situations (and not the good kind) head on, even with Jacob and Evan etc. there for him, has to be terrifying. Coping is a skill like anything else, if you don't practice it you are no good at it. I think this is the first time Russell tried to meet something uncomfortable, their parents reaction to them and to him being gay, head on. I don't think fainting from the effort is proof of anything yet. If it happens again then I would push the medical checkup.