Jump to content

old bob

Author
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,729

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by old bob

  1. old bob
    The older I get, the more days goes by quickly. People of my age, at least the ones I know well, are all very busy. In 1948 (65 years ago ! ) We were 148 to finish our high school and to successfully pass our exams. Today nearly a hundred disappeared.
    We, the "survivors", we usually meet us each autumn at a luncheon in the Geneva countryside. 3 weeks ago, we were 25 around the table and 22 bothered to send us a letter of apology, stating that they were still alive, even though they were often no more able to move. 32% of survivors, it is still a nice score!
     
    Having 85 years today has nothing to do with the old men of the same age I was watching when I was 20. Some of us are still professionally active, transmitting to employees or younger associates their experiences and knowledge. The most active of us, including myself, are solicited by long-time customers and are happy to still "respond to the demand." Others, although they are retired, work as volunteers in charity associations or participate in historical studies doing "a work of memory".
     
    Despite our age, despite some physical weaknesses, we all still want to live and to enjoy life. I wondered what is the reason of such a positive attitude. Searching on the Web (in this regard, I noticed that more than 30 of us had an email address and therefore were successfully adapted to modern means of communication) I "met" a psychoanalyst who gave me some elements of response.
    According to Erik Erikson’s "Eight Stages of Life" theory, the human personality is developed in a series of eight stages that take place from the time of birth and continue on throughout an individual’s complete life.
    He characterizes old age as a period of "Integrity vs. Despair", during which a person focuses on reflecting back on his life. Those who are unsuccessful during this phase will feel that their life has been wasted and will experience many regrets. The individual will be left with feelings of bitterness and despair.
    Those who feel proud of their accomplishments will feel a sense of integrity. Successfully completing this phase means looking back with few regrets and a general feeling of satisfaction. These individuals will attain wisdom, even when confronting death.
     
    Well, I think I am one of them!
  2. old bob
    I'm no more the same after getting out of the hospital yesterday. I regained my good humor and my optimism.
    Contrary to my fears, the examinations were very positive. The cancer has stopped growing and all vital functions run smoothly. I should not have listened to the urologists who talked to me of an extension of the cancer toward the bladder. This is often the problem when dealing with several SPs who don’t agree with each other I
     
    For years I had to deal with the medics, either as patient or as builder and manager of clinics. I should have known that medicine is not an exact science and that the social status, origin, age, character and professional position of a doctor should always be taken into account in assessing the quality and the safety of his diagnosis. Docs are like other men, nor worse, nor better. That's what I forgot!
     
    A big thank you to all those who have supported me with their comments. You were right, the trials are there to test our strength and I shouldn’t lost so quickly my self confidence !
     
    I certainly will remember the lesson, thanks a lot...
     
    Old (and young for ever ) Bob
  3. old bob
    In a few days, I shall find myself in the hospital for a range of unpleasant examinations. It seems that my cancer wakes up and my body has difficulty to resist its attacks.
     
    This is the worst time because I should rather take care of my wife, whose health declines day by day. She needs me more and more and I'm afraid of not being able to take care of her. So we have to make other arrangements, calling for nursing staff coming home. Neither she nor I want to end up in a hospital. Our house is a haven of peace and we want to stay home until our end.
     
    We are caught by our age! Learning to age and learning so quickly is never easy.
     
    Now, I have lost much of my optimism. The world around us is going wrong. The conflicts in the Middle East and the crisis in Europe, that never ends, announce difficult times. I'm not afraid for old people like us, but how will live my children and grandchildren in the coming years?
     
    But maybe I'm wrong? My state of mind is perhaps only momentary. All the stories I read in the evening on my favorite sites to change my mind speak of hope and happy endings.
     
    Tomorrow will be another day. Hopefully the clouds shall go away. We all live in hope ...
  4. old bob

    62 years ago

    By old bob,

    In a few days, I will celebrate my 84th birthday and my wife has just celebrated its 85th anniversary. But this is not the most important event. 62 years ago, fate brought me my greatest gift: I met the girl who became my wife. We were both young and we still are. The above photo was taken during our first meetings.
     
    Time has passed but the feelings are still the same. We went through the storms of life, overcoming many difficulties, enjoyed all the joys and sorrows of all these years. We accepted our flaws (especially mine!) and fought together against all the obstacles that have stood in our way : the death of two of our children, my financial problems, my sexuality, our health both declining.
     
    Today, we look with pride the long way we have been able to travel together. Our family grew. Our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren come to see us, all too infrequently (!) . And we get used to being alone, talking about the past and spend part of our time to classify hundreds of photos. My wife laughs at me when I tell her about my memories. She thinks I spend too much time working for the few clients that are remaining, all old friends who I do not want to let down.
     
    But I know that I still have enough time ahead of me to finish my story, even if the few readers who have followed me so far will have to wait a few weeks.
     
    The world is full of unhappy people. To all those who despair, the message I sent them is never to lose courage. Life is full of surprises. Rebounding depends only on you. My life is a good example of the opportunities that are available to all. The only point is how how catch them.
     
    Good luck to all.
  5. old bob
    I have read with great pleasure MikeL's blog 'Growing Old is Awesome' posted a few days ago. And then I went to look at his profile and I noticed that he was in his 71st year. He still has therefore some 15 years for having the same age as me, 84 years next month.
     
    I remembered how I was myself 15 years ago, in 1998. I too could have written the same blog as him, with the same title. I knew to enjoy my life without worrying about the future. I rejoiced in the morning to know that I could make the most of my day. I was happy to be able to organize my time without having to worry about my health.
     
    15 years later, I have become a 'very old' man., My will and my spirit have remained the same, but memory and legs have increasingly more difficulty to obey to my will. So I have to take this into account. My short-term memory tends to let me down. So I got used to note everything that I should remember. My notes, sorted by date and subject, have effectively replaced this aspect of my memory.
     
    Instead, I remember much more of my distant past. Forgotten details come alive. I can still see clearly some episodes of my life and I better understand the underlying reasons for my actions. At least, I understand who I am, really. Every difficulty has its advantage !
     
    Today, I'm happy to still have the strength to work, to meet the needs of my clients, to help them solve their problems. To be useful to others despite my age is both a joy and a duty. My work gives a sense to my life. I could not stay around doing nothing.
     
    Staying active keeps me alive.
    I wish all of you the same fate .
  6. old bob
    Today, April 6, 2013, I'm living the 30’562nd day of my life.
     
    Let us forget the first years, of which besides I have no more memories. If I try to return back enough and retrieve the little boy that I was then, the first image that I remember clearly - I was about 3 years old -, is as follows: I was sitting on a stair step in the house of my grandparents in Germany with a large hammer in my hand and I was beating aggressively on a peg to consolidate a small bench. I already showed the first signs of my instinct of future 'constructor' and 'undertaker'. I affirmed already my desire to prove my independence.
     
    In my mind, the 29'000 days that followed succeeded at a frantic pace. I refer those who are interested to the story of my life (see 'Memoirs of a child of the past century').
     
    But back to today. Like yesterday, I still have my life ahead of me. If I can trust the statistics of life expectancy, I still have 6-8 years to live. The main thing is to know what to make of those years. The choice is wide : to love, to enjoy life, to be useful to others, to improve ma knowledge, to fight to stay healthy, to be prepared to death ? To choose becomes more and more difficult the more we advance in age, I should be able to step back, to take greater account of the long-term instead of living day by day. That's not easy...
     
    This morning, I decided to make an effort to look ahead instead of getting lost in my memories. According to my doctor, my cancer progression is slow, slow enough to let me tranquil till I die. So this is not a concern for me, since I'm going to win this race.
     
    Living is to fight again and again, for, as Rudyard Kipling said, "to become a man". I know, this author is now long forgotten, but perhaps you will remember one of his poems that have marked my youth: "If..”.
     
    Here are some excerpts:
     
    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you.
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting.
    Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
    Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
    And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
    ……….
    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings -nor lose the common touch,
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
    With sixty seconds' worth of distance run.
    Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
    And -which is more- you'll be a Man, my son !
     
    Could you ?
  7. old bob
    Getting old, feeling his strength diminishing, thinking more in the past than the future, seeing my friends disappear one by one ...
    Seeing the youth stand up to leave their seats when I boards a bus ...
    Seeing my hair in the mirror becoming more and more white,
    No longer be able to run as long and as fast as before and quickly losing my breath after few hundred meters,
    No longer feeling anything but tenderness at the sight of the beloved,
    Thinking with nostalgia of the happy times when I looked forward to future projects.
     
    A French song of the 80s, "Becoming old", sung in 1988 by Denise Grey when she was about 83 years old, comes to mind:
     
    We cling to the past
    Like ivy on a wall
    and the frozen mirrors
    Remind us of injuries
    Of time passed too quickly
    Laughing of our skin
    The heart is crumbling
    As the stones of a castle
     
    refrain :
    It is like a candle
    That you forget to turn off
    Which burn a lifetime
    So that we can paint
    On the walls of our eyes
    Everything we have learned
    Grief, tenderness
    Day blue, gray days
    This is also to get old
     
    And when like a bird
    We feel the departure time
    Wings flush with the back
    One off history
    This is not what hurts
    It does not even cry
    It's not hard to leave
    When you no longer want to stay
     
    At age 20, or even 40 years, one year more or less, it does not matter. But in my age (soon 84), each week matters. Since a few months, I have some problems with my short term memory. To ensure that my clients do not realize it too much, I have to take notes after each phone call and after each meeting. I prefer to send emails rather than calling and I print out all my emails to keep track of.
     
    And yet, despite my concerns, I feel young, very young, and I relive in my dreams every night episodes of my youth. I see myself as I was 20 years old, my first encounters with girls (and boys), the early days of my marriage, the birth of my first son .....
     
    Whoever said "life is like a long quiet river" was very wrong to say, at least for me.
     
    When I will be a little less rushed, I will take the thread of my story, abandoned for almost 3 months, for my pleasure and, who knows, perhaps for yours.
  8. old bob
    The Swiss National Day is the national holiday of Switzerland, set on August 1.
     
    In 1291, the cantons of Uri, Schwyz, and Unterwalden united to defend the peace upon the death of Emperor Rudolf I of Habsburg. Their union, one nucleus of the Old Swiss Confederacy, is recorded in the Federal Charter.
     
    If it’s true that you can judge a country’s image of itself by its National Day, then Switzerland definitely offers a relaxing sight. No military parades and no grandiose speeches on Lebensraum (living space).
     
    On August the first, the whole country gathers in public places around bonfires and listens to speeches about the independence of the country from the Austrian rulers. The first of August is celebrated solely in the municipalities. They set off fireworks, and these spectacular light shows are often ignited from the mountains and hills.
     
    I am proud to be Swiss, and on this solemn day, I wish everyone to live in a democratic country, at peace with itself and with the other countries.
  9. old bob
    It seems our fate is written somewhere (in the stars or in our genes) and whatever you do, we are conditioned by the qualities and defects inherited from our ancestors. Most ancient religions remind us that we are the sum of the experiences of those who came before us.
     
    Karma means "deed", "action", "rite". This is a Sanskrit term used in many Eastern religions. For these religions, the concept of karma is commonly referred to the cycle of causes and consequences of the existence of sentient beings. It is the sum of what an individual has done, is doing or will do. In religions that have adopted the concepts of reincarnation or rebirth, the karmic effects of these actions are expected to affect the different lives of an individual.
     
    Kabbalah is an esoteric tradition of Judaism, presented as the "Oral and Secret Law " given by YHWH (God) to Moses on Mount Sinai, along with the "Written and Public Law " (the Torah). For the modern Kabbalists, Karma is not just a burden which we carry from past lives, but a series of tests that we have chosen just before our birth, the purpose of life being to pass these tests.
     
    I don’t know if reincarnation is a reality or not, but the suggestion that the law of Karma could be considered as a bill "to pay" according to our past actions, is fascinating, especially if one takes into account the heritage of the Karma of our ancestors. According to the Kabbalists, our whole life has been prepared in advance, depending on the qualities and virtues that we should acquire. This requires understanding the Karma as a 'Divine law' which, if we understand the ins and outs, can lead us towards a harmonious and conscious evolution.
     
    I'm not a fan of Kabbalah or of the different religions of the Far East, but I really like the notion of Karma. It is what I experienced.
     
    Rereading the first 16 chapters of my memoirs, It seems to me that all the important decisions I have taken all go in the same direction: to make me what I am today, a serene man, who has dominated all the vicissitudes of life, enjoying every day and having no fear of death.
     
    My thoughts about Karma is are a reflection of an attitude to life that I was not fully aware until now. Each of us is just one link in a long chain. What we received, we must pass to others.
     
    Basically, this is the reason for my desire to write my story. I can only repeat what I wrote as an introduction to my memories; see ‘ Memoirs of a child of the past century’ (autobiography) :
     
    ‘My story of soon 83 years of a tempestuous life, a try to understand myself where I come from, an attempt to draw lessons for others from my experiences, my joys and my woes’.
     
    It only remains me to wish you good reading .
  10. old bob

    Life is badly made

    By old bob,

    I'm 'overwhelmed' by the mass of produced new chapters last week, over 20!
     
    The authors are very prolific and GA is a wonderful opportunity to spend a pleasant time to read and comment on all the stories.
    My only problem: I can not follow and right now I do not even have time to write the next chapter of my own story .
    I often wonder if it should not include a special section for people who are overloaded, a kind of 'Reader's Digest, as the same publication as you probably know.
     
    The few comments that the authors present under the title of their history are hardly sufficient to give the desire to read, and I am even more frustrated.
     
    All these stories that I have to give up through lack of time ....I'm sure many readers spend their nights reading, but at my age, I need more sleep, especially since my nights provide an opportunity of many dreams that I would not miss !
     
    A few years ago, I took courses in speed reading technique. I commonly use this technique in my professional activities, but it would be a shame to apply it for reading stories to be discovered in GA.
     
    It would remain to me to reduce my professional activities. I try to make it clear to my clients, but without success and they relaunch me constantly .
     
    Life is poorly made. I hoped to have a quiet retirement, to write my memoirs and quietly reading other people's stories by the fireside. But I'm addicted to work. It is a disease which can not be cured easily.
     
    Too bad, it only remains for me to accept myself as I am. Believe me, it's not easy .
    I hope you have pity on me .
  11. old bob
    The Inn of the Sixth Happiness is a 1958 American film based on the true story of a tenacious British maid, who became a missionary in China during the tumultuous years leading up to WWII.
    The film culminates with the column of children marching into the town, singing the song ‘This Old Man’ to keep up their spirits.
     
    I love watching old movies, which remind me of my youth, soon 60 years ago.
    In the evening, when bringing the kids to bed,, we sang together the song that accompanies the end of the movie.
     
     
    [media=]
    [/media] 
     
    It's an example of the pleasure I find to go through my memories. I just wanted to share it with you .
  12. old bob

    About my memories

    By old bob,

    Those who read my blogs know that I have lived an exciting life, eventful, with both pleasant circumstances and difficult times.
     
    Nephylim suggested I should write my memoirs as a non-fiction story. I did it and really enjoyed writing this story, thinking that may be some could learn from my experiences, my joys and my woes.
     
    The first chapters were favorably received. Over 500 readers have read hem.
    Today, only about 30 readers have read the last written chapter, the 15th. I wonder some times what could be the reason for this fall.
     
    In fact, I'm not too surprised to have so few readers. My story is far from the fictions written by talented authors, with subjects closer to the the readers of GA, with adventure, fantasy and sex.
     
    Deep down I know that I write mostly for me and it’s not too bad if my story does not interest others.
     
    As you can read it in my profile, I'm bi. The search for pleasure, for myself and others, was an important part of my life; but I have always distinguished between being in love and 'making love'. I had only one love in my life. I met 61 years ago the girl who is still my wife today.
     
    I have not forgot all the many 'hot' encounters and the people I met; but I'm reluctant to write about it.
     
    Should I ?
  13. old bob
    In 9 weeks, I will reach my 83th birthday. It seems to me that my brain is still the same as 43 years ago, with perhaps just the fact that it works at a slower pace. It is different with my body, especially in the morning when I have to get up ! I fought a long life full of hassles, but also full of pleasures and joys .
     
    Did I may be live too long ? Certainly not !
     
    My greatest pleasure now is to revive in my memory all these happy and unhappy moments.
    My life is not finished and I hope to enjoy for a long time to be alive. Every morning I welcome the day that awaits me.
    The most important is to know how to laugh at oneself.
     
    I found a text that really applies to me :
     
    The benefits of having passed the age of 70 years :
    You don't more interest kidnappers
    During a hostage, you will probably be released one of the first
    Nobody expects to see you run anywhere
    People phoning you at 9 o'clock pm ask you if they woke you
    Things you buy now will not have the time to be used up
    You can live without sex but not without your glasses
    Your secrets are safe with your friends because they probably don't remember them
    The money you invested in your health insurance is finally beginning to produce benefits
    Your knuckles are better predictions for the coming weather that what is said on TV
    You no longer have to hide your fat belly for anyone
    You have left nothing more to learn in the sweat of your brow
    If you want you can dinner in 4 hours pm
    Your view will not go down any more
    You will no longer be considered as a hypochondriac
    You don’t consider any more the speed limit on the road as a challenge
     
     
    As you see very well, an old age offers only advantages .
  14. old bob
    The first days of January are often the occasion to take stock and to set targets for the coming months. The experiences of 2011 certainly part of a continuum, but they are for me a passage towards a new stage.
     
    The year ended badly. My wife broke her hip and we spent New Year in hospital. Her recovery will take time and it is now my main concern. But this does not stop me from planning my next activities, both to carry on my mandates as consultant and to write the next chapters of my memories.
     
    These two points are the backbone of my goals for 2012:
     
    - Completing the writing of my story
    - maintaining contact with all my clients and continue to be useful
     
    Probably, I will spend more time in 2012 for my health as my age begins more and more to play tricks on me.
     
    I increasingly tend to forget the following day what I did the day before. I am obliged to note all the appointments that I made, summaries of my conversations, the decisions I made, the proceedings of my interviews. I came to keep a diary of my professional work, for fear of forgetting an important detail of my activities.
     
    On the other side, I remember more and more of a crowd of details from my distant past. I see myself again at any age in my life and flashbacks of my last 80 years have become a pleasure that I offer myself with ease.
     
    Without going into detail, all scientists will tell youthat the brain stores its information in two ways:
     
    Working memory or short-term memory (STM) is an active memory system that deals with both the treatment and maintenance of immediate short-term information.
     
    Long-term memory (LTM) is the memory which contains memories of personal events experienced. However, it is paradoxical. We have the impression to better remember the experiences but the reverse is true. In fact, events are not relived,but rebuilt. So the emotions which bring back to life the memories can change our memories of the past.
     
    The diagnosis of my condition is therefore very easy : my lack of short-term memory is balanced by an increase in my long-term memory. My memory lives on in my dreams, in the hundreds of documents and photos from my archives, in the stories of survivors as old as me.
     
    Reviewing the past, resume all its elements, subject them to a judgment as objective as possible, asking the fundamental question "did I do good or wrong" is not an easy task. As I said already in a previous blog : "I think I will be both the judge and the accused". I dont care the judgments of others. I'm too old for that.
     
    The main point for the coming year will be to bring judge and accused to share the same opinion about the past and about the future.
     
    I am who I am. I have to accept the contingencies of my age. I'm not afraid of the future. I am glad to live and the sun is also shining for me.
  15. old bob

    age and wisdom

    By old bob,

    Am I really old?
     
    Old men like to give good precepts to console themselves for being no longer able to give bad examples (La Rochefoucauld).
     
    Does this quote really apply to me?
    It is true that I tend to relate my experiences, the result of a long working life, with its good and bad times. I feel like I have learned lessons that I like to give to others. But I have always done so and I even made it by profession. This is certainly not a feature of my great age.
     
    My problem now, especially since some time, is that body and mind do not evolve at the same speed.
     
    The mind is still as strong as before and it does not feel old. The short-term memory works more slowly, but I need only to note on my calendar what I might forget and to have these notes handy to avoid surprises. In exchange, the long-term memory has become much more efficient and I find easily memories of my youth, enjoying the pleasure of these rediscoveries.
     
    With my body, this is another problem. Since a few months, I run slower, I tend to reduce the length of my walks, my own rhythm slows down and I have more and more difficult to catch my breath. At the pool, I prefer to float rather than to swim front crawl.
     
    I am advised that wisdom consists in accepting to get “old”. Of course, I am wise, I accept the new limits my body imposes on me; but I do not accept to become "old." For me, this word evokes a physical and mental decline. It’s why I prefer the term "aged".
     
    When time passes and the years are added to the years , some simply become "aged", while others become "old".
     
    Being "aged" is different from being "old."
    While the "aged" practice sports, discovery, travel, the old man rest.
    While the "aged" has love to give, the old man accumulates jealousy and resentment.
    While the "aged" make plans for his future, the old man has the nostalgia of the past.
    While the agenda for the "aged" consists mainly of tomorrow, the timing of the old contains only "yesterday".
    While the "aged" enjoy the coming days, the old suffers from the few days he has left.
    While the "aged" in his sleep makes dreams, the old has nightmares.
     
    There is no question for me to be "old", as I have so many dreams, so many things to do.
  16. old bob

    Relive the past

    By old bob,

    Relive the past
     
    Last few days, I divide my time between my work and writing my memoirs. Nephylim persuaded me to make the story of my life available to all GA members.
    It seemed to her that my story might interest other than me and that everyone could learn from my experiences.
     
    Be a model is not an easy task, but if I take her words, I managed to achieve personal fulfillment and I could well give courage and hope to all those younger than me, who fight and struggle to overcome their difficulties.
     
    I really lived passing through happy moments and painful episodes. As I said at the beginning of my story: "My story of soon 83 years of a tempestuous life is a try to understand myself where I come from, an attempt to draw lessons for others from my experiences, my joys and my woes".
     
    By evoking these years, I am pleased to recover many souvenirs which had been erased from my memory. The fact to format them forces me to describe in detail, to situate them in relation to who I was at that time and to highlight the underlying reasons of my actions.
     
    Finally, Nephylim me rendered me a great service by forcing me to look back. It's as if I were now on the side of a mountain, looking to pass the succession in the valley of my adventures, before my eyes flowing like a river through successively shallow lakes and rushing water rapids.
     
    In the words of the poet Horace:
     
    Suave, mari magno turbantibus aequora ventis,
    e terra magnum alterius spectare laborem;
    non quia vexari quemquamst jucunda voluptas,
    sed quibus ipse malis careas quia cernere suavest.
     
    It's nice when the winds trouble the waters of the Great Sea
    from the shore to look at the hard labor of others
    not because it's a real pleasure that someone is tormented
    but because it is gentle to observe what misery one escapes himself
     
    I thought it was fun to illustrate my story with some old pictures. I hope the fun is not only for me.
     
    I am only at the beginning of my story. I have written already nine chapters, while the story should count at the end seventeen chapters
     
    Like all writers, I hope to meet the interest of many readers. But if not, it does not matter. Deep down I know that I write mostly for me and it’s not too bad if my story does not concern others.
  17. old bob

    The world is small

    By old bob,

    Some days ago, I read my various entries in GA: 14 blogs in 2011 (not counting all the other since 2006), 1640 posts, and not to mention countless comments !
     
    My only regret is: having just a knowledge of "practice" English, sufficient to communicate in my business work and my travels, but not to allow me to write in the language of Shakespeare all the events that happened to me and to convert them in stories I could write for my pleasure and perhaps for that of a reader.
     
    Despite these shortcomings, I was able to participate in this wonderful site, to get myself a place and meet many friends, many more than 35 friends who have done me the honor of accepting my friendship on their profile.
     
    I then wanted to take stock of the past five years with you.
    A balance always has two sides: an asset and a liability.
     
    On the liabilities side, few things:
     
    I was haddicted to GA, and I spend many hours that I could possibly spend on more useful activities, such as tidying my desk and participate in household chores (?).
    The naivety of some comments, especially of the youngest of us, certain policy positions, particularly from American members, bristle me and shows me how we are distant from each other, on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean. But I keep to myself these negative opinions and I forget them very quickly!
     
    On the assets side, many more things:
     
    Both either through the stories themselves or through blogs and comments, I got to know, more intimately than I could do it by meeting them "physicaly", hundreds of men and women, individuals of all ages and all backgrounds, living in every corner of the planet.
     
    Each participant, often protected by his anonymity, is ready to "let it go", shows himself in his true light and appears as he really is, with his faults and qualities, while in the life of every day, it often look far to know who is really in front of you.
     
    While each is marked by the place where he comes from and where he lives, we all have a lot in common, our expectation of life is the same for all. Yellow, black or white, male or female, gay, bi or straight, young or old, our hopes, our joys, our fears and suffering are the same.
     
    Through our participation in this site, we show that we belong to the same community. For me it is not a group with same physical attractions (!) , but rather a community of spirit, characterized by openness to the others, by an acceptance of ourselves and hope of a better life.
    For most of us, we are all people of good will, who want to live together and ready to share our deepest thoughts, even more when we recognise that we are protected by the site's privacy.
     
    I know of no other place that offers so many opportunities to meet so many people and have friendly exchanges with so many different personalities in every corner of the planet.
    If I had not met (by chance!) this site, I would not be what I am today, wiser, more comprehensive and full of indulgence for the world in which I live.
     
    Long life to GA! .
     
  18. old bob
    The world news are bad.
    European governments are unable to control the financial crisis. American politicians are fighting to death for power. Africans are unable to overcome the famine in Somalia and Kenya.
    Everyone is fighting to retain privileges accumulated over the past decades instead of trying to solve problems together.
     
    Here in Europe, everyone expects a major economic crisis, but the leaders of the European Union are unable to agree on a quick fix , each preferring to defend a selfish policy, forgetting the common good.
     
    Even my country, after struggling years after years with success for a balanced budget, while being one of the few countries in the world with a booming economy, is struggling against speculators seeking to save all of their assets by taking refuge in the Swiss money. With a such strong currency, our exporters can no longer fight successfuly against their competitors in the Euro zone and the crisis is spreading to my country.
     
    Yet all these difficulties could be resolved within a few years. That would require that each country gives up some of its sovereignty in favor of a new agreement, restating its finances by raising taxes and reducing the expenses of its administration.
     
    The citizens of Europe or even of USA should learn from the Swiss.
    Our constitution allows us to propose our own laws to the parliament and to force MPs to refer to the people. The citizens have than to vote on such proposals and make the decision by their votes.
    Unfortunately, we are the only ones in the world with such a system.
    Another difference between Switzerland and other countries: much of our MPs are not professionals. They are citizens like everyone else, practicing a profession and being politicians only "part time".
     
    Does anybody of you want to live in our country ? Unfortunately, it's not that easy. We have also here a party that fights against foreign immigration, especially against foreigners without identity papers or without private means.
    Nobody is perfect !
  19. old bob

    Accepting oneself

    By old bob,

    How time flies.... My last blog is already 2 months old. At that time, I felt superior, giving advices all around and flattered by all the positive comments that responded to my blogs.
     
    Today, I see the months passing, with too many days of work hard to bear, and my fatigue increasing day by day.
    I'm apparently no more the same as I was only months ago.
    Most of my momentum, which came from my feeling of always having the same strength as I had 30 years ago, is slowly disappearing.
    On the one hand, I regret it and I'm worried for those awaiting the results of my work, but on the other, I feel happy to let me go, to stay longer in my chair, without doing anything, just dreaming about the world around and about myself.
     
    About myself ?
     
    Who am I ? What is my personal assessment ?
     
    Physically, my strength muscle and my short term memory decrease a little more each day.
    On the other side, I remember more and more memories of a distant past and I know better how to manage my time and take breaks when I feel the need.
     
    Morally, I feel obliged to worry about the legacy of past mistakes but I accepted once and for all that both good and evil exist.
    So all my actions, good and bad, have both a sense and are both useful.
    I acted for the good and for evil and I feel fully responsible for all my actions, good and bad.
     
    In my dreams, I relived my past, all my actions, good or bad, watching the movie of my life, analyzing each image and giving it a rating, as my teachers did it at school.
    In all religions, belief in life after death is accompanied by a heavenly way to court. The good and bad deeds are weighed and the balance determines the fate of the dead.
    All these religions are foreign to me. But anyway, if there is really such a court, I think I will be both the judge and the accused ! So my ratings could be a good preparation for my appearance in court !
     
    Several important advantages in accepting oneself :
    First, we know ourselves better, we know our limitations, physical and moral,
    next we accept that others have the same limits,
    And the most important : we can forgive the mistakes of others because we forgive ours
     
    Interesting dreams, isnt it ?
  20. old bob
    My professional life took place in several stages:
     
    The apprenticeship of a young engineer, trying to practice what he learned at university and gaining his first experiences of junior officer in the industry,
     
    The maturation period, as a general consultant working for an association of companies in the oil sector, with the purpose to improve the profitability of the 1'200 members of the association, from small commercial oil distributors to the big heads of several networks of oil storages and gas stations,
     
    An initial period of development, with my own agency as a consultant in business strategy , advising major companies in the industry in Switzerland and France as well as government agencies, and participating in the establishment of an international group of engineering in Algeria and the Maghreb.
     
    Given my success as a consultant, I thought that I was myself able to conduct my own industrial companies, applying myself the advice I gave to others. So I expanded my activities and became the head and owner of a international group of consultants and, at the same time, of several production and distribution companies in the film industry.
     
    Encouraged by my early success, I let myself go, forgetting all caution, and I took too big financial risks. The results were not long in coming. Most of my companies went bankrupt and I lost a lot of money. But I did not lose my friends and with their help, and with my experience and a broad network of contacts, I found myself again owner of a small consulting company. I also learned that it was better to give advices than to apply them oneself.
     
    Thus, for over 25 years, I have tried successfully to understand the problems of those who did appeal to me for advice, trying to find a practical answer, easy to implement, showing them the way to dominate their problems, while explaining that they were their own savior, anyone other than themselves being able to get out of their situation.
     
    So here some principles, learned from my 60 years of good and bad experiences :
     
    - Money does not buy happiness, it is meant to be spent,
    - True friends are those that you can count on when you are in trouble,
    - Receive advices is only the first step to success, the most important is how to apply them,
    - It is not given to everyone to know how to listen quietly before answering. Listening is a difficult art, which can only be learned through experience.
     
    Maybe some of you could use these principles for your own well being ?
  21. old bob

    My work is my life

    By old bob,

    During the last 4 months, I participated in the life of GA with 10 blogs, 6 of them dealing with death problems. It's horrible !
    Fortunately, the last blog dealt mainly with the future.
     
    Today, I forget the past and also the long term future. I only care what will happen in the next weeks. In exactly one week, next Friday, this will be my birthday. I do not know what my wife and my children are planning to prepare. I dont like too large family celebrations but I'll let them do what they want, it's not my main problem.
     
    My real problem, it's the new mandates that I just received. For months, I've never had so much work to do. My clients seem to forget that I am no more 40 years old . Anyway, it's therefore necessary that I should also forget it ! But it is not always easy, especially in the morning, when I have to get up, while the warmth of the bed is holding me back.
     
    I often wonder why people come to an old man like me. Maybe my rates are too low and that I should ask for more fees ? But why be more expensive when I dont need more money ?... and the pleasure of working for old friends is far more important than money.
     
    With many years experience, it is easier to find good solutions quickly. I work perhaps more quickly than younger others. I forgot most of the theories I had to learn and the years of practice allow me to more easily find the right path.
     
    Fortunately, I have no other hobby that my work, I can work at my own pace, and that's what makes me happy.
  22. old bob
    The state of things being what they are, I must first take stock of the present.
    The experience of my life is a significant asset. I learned that you should always face, never lose heart and that every setback has also good sides.
     
    I experienced a succession of joys, my marriage, the birth of 4 children, the support my wife gave me in the dark moments of my professional life, and also a succession of misfortunes, disease (AIDS) of my daughter and her death, the loss of my fortune as a result of poor investments and, 3 years ago, the death of my eldest son after a heart attack.
     
    Today I am pleased to see as often as possible my children, my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren. I adapt the pace of my work in my mood and the demands of my clients, all of whom are longtime friends. My health (the threat of a recurrence of my cancer) is not a problem that keeps me awake.
     
    When I see the world situation, the political and economic difficulties of countries around the mine, I think I'm very lucky to live in Switzerland, in a peaceful and whealthy country.
    It is a great chance to still have my wife beside me, to know, among other tasks, that she's watching me, helping me to not forget my appointments, and trying to correct my faults as well as possible (It’s an hard work !).
     
    Despite my age, I feel I still have time to enjoy life, to still be in service to others, to be able to help by my advices and my example all those who are depressed, sad or gloomy.
     
    It’s easier to forecast one’s future when you are 82. I know time is short, but I also know that we can enjoy life to the fullest when death becomes closer.
    In summary, I cannot imagine my future to be other than my past. I built my life with passion and the same passion takes me into a future that I hope to be as interesting as my past was.
     
    Long life to all of you who have the same faith as me in their future :2hands:.
  23. old bob
    It's strange how the feeling of the approach of my own death, coming from the last events about my cancer, gave me a feeling of contentment and satisfaction. I felt relieved to know where I am.
    In six months, the next check up will tell me if I'm still in remission or if I should undertake a series of long-term treatments. My docs told me that this could take many years, with the current advances in medicine.
    At worst, I still have at least 10 years before me, unless an accident (heart attack or car accident) does not come prematurely change my destiny. 10 years, this means that I would reach a ripe old age of 92 years !
    God knows what may yet happen in 10 years. I just hope I'll always have my head on my shoulders, with all my mental faculties, even if I may be walking with crutches.
     
    Anyway, I must put some order in my business. I'm still active, but my family should know what to do if I become incapable of understanding or if I disappear. Since a few days, I began to classify all my files, to write specific instructions, to prepare a variety of documents to be signed by my wife and my sons. I only regret not having started earlier this work. What a pleasure to be in order, to know that everything is planned for my departure.
    Preparing for the future is also an opportunity to take stock of my past, to remember all the circonstances which led me to where I am, the head of an happy family, enjoying my life day by day, without fear of future.
     
    Life has been good to me. I went through all the difficulties of the past with optimism and I was right. In conclusion, despite my mistakes, I never succumbed to despair and I was rewarded. Even the deaths of two of my children and the difficult times I experienced then never did me make to lose my courage.
     
    Young for ever is still my motto, for today and for all the happy years to come.
     
    Live is not "to wait to the next death". It is to pluck the day.... and it's what I really intend to do, with friends, with family, also walking alone in a crowd of unknown people, trying to guess how many gays are around me, giving hope to the wetchs though my smiles and enjoying the weather (even if it rains !) the nature and the nice small streets of my home town. What I also enjoy, is making bills for my advices to my small tribe of old clients . I dont despise the money and the pleasures it brings by spending it, for me and for others.
    (I edited the last phrases as an answer to Marzipan's comment)
  24. old bob
    The reactions to my last blogs about death made ​​me aware that I apparently broke a taboo. So let's go to break it even more.
     
    When you reach an advanced age and when the approach of death no longer scare you (yes, I'm afraid of dying, afraid of suffering during the final moments, but death itself does not afraid me). Either there is nothing after the it, and nobody cares because it's the absolute end, or the life of the spirit continues (if you prefer to use other words for it, it's up to you) .
    If I listen to "specialists" such as Carl Gustav Jung in his latest memoir ("Memories, Dreams, Reflections",New york 1965), I have some reasons to believe that there is an afterlife, as dangerous and tumultuous as life itself, but also with the same joys and the same satisfactions.
    In my situation and my age, soon (maybe a few years !) near the end of a tempestuous life, I'm confident in the future, and if you want to know more about me, read my former blogs.
     
    My purpose is not here to talk about death as such, but about death as a "social fact".
     
    The ceremonies which accompany and follow the death are always characterized by a sequence that struck me: the sadness always alternates with other feelings: pride, satisfaction and even pleasure. It is as if we needed to "wash off the grief" and get back to a "normal" life, with alternating laughters and tears.
     
    I experimented this sort of feeling very soon and very often
     
    Just an example :
    It was during the winter of 1943 (in the middle of WWII), we had strict restrictions imposed on heating and we endured all the cold in our homes. I attended as a young boy (I was 13) to the cremation of the father of one of my friends. It was very cold in the crematorium. When the door of the furnace opened, someone in the audience said, "what chance he has, he at least will be warm". Unfortunately the person who spoke was deaf and she said these words out loud without realizing it. Everyone heard and everyone laughed. What a joyous ceremony!
     
    Another example :
    It was summer 1955, during one of my periods of military service. I was on call with my platoon and we had been called as a guard of honor for the funeral of a fighter pilot fallen during a reconnaissance flight. When the coffin is lowered into the grave, the honor guard fires a salute, guns raised to the sky in tribute to the dead. It's a very emotional moment. At first, the music band plays the funeral march and in the end, they leave at the sound of a rousing military march, followed by the detachment of honor.
    Like all participants, I was very moved. We then gathered in a banquet in honor of the Air Force.Like all others,we toasted many times to the health of our friends pilots died for our country. At the end of the meal, we were all imbibed under the tables, all grief forgotten. What a great banquet !
     
    And another one :
    One of my co-workers comes from a mountainous region, inhabited by farmers and shepherds who have a hard life but who love to eat and to empty good bottles with friends. Funerals are often a pretext for meals that last until the first hours of the next morning.
    I dont remember the exact day, but what I remember very well was the crowd of old people, friends or parents of the dead and particularly the large dining room, filled with this huge crowd of people I didnt know. A few hours later, I didn't even remember the name of the dead which we celebrated the funeral, but I had a lot of new friends and above all the memory of a wonderful meal, with all the jokes I heard about the dead and his friends.What a deep friendship !
     
    Life is funny, isnt'it ?
  25. old bob
    Life is full of moments of joy and happiness and moments of worry and grief.
    It often goes from one to another from one day to another and adjusting is not always easy.
     
    Here one example :
     
    My wife can not stand the smell of stale smoke that I leave behind me after turning off my pipe.
    For weeks, she begged me to quit this damned pipe, soon my only joy at my age.
     
    Now, for almost four days, I no longer smoke, I passed the time when I was walking with my empty pipe in my mouth, just to remember the pleasure of smoking. I put to the "the archives" my pipes and fittings and discarded the little tobacco that I had. The satisfaction of my wife was pleased to be seen and I was happy for her and proud to have accomplished this exploit.
     
    Just before Easter, I went to see my doctor for my regular checkup, a routine meeting already scheduled 6 months ago and that I had completely forgotten.
    Bad surprise!
    It seems that my prostate cancer, dormant since 2005, begins to emerge again, an unexpected recurrence. As my doc said, at my age, I should be happy to have been saved for almost 5 years....
    My main problem is not the possible recurrence of my cancer. If confirmed, it will be allready the second time and I know how to cure it
     
    As my wife says, she doesnt want me to stop smoking because the smell, but because I could get a throat cancer...
    Now, that I probably have another kind of cancer, why should I stop smoking my pipe ?
     
×
×
  • Create New...