Jump to content

old bob

Author
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,729

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by old bob

  1. old bob
    Within 12 days, I will celebrate an important anniversary. On the 19-April-06, I joined GA.
     
    I wrote my first blog on 26-June-06. Many followed, telling the story of my life, my experiences, good or bad, showing how I learned to become stronger, more patient, and sometimes trying to bring to others the best advices I could from an adventurous life.
     
    Five years later, many former members are gone and many new members arrived.
     
    I'm like some journalists or writers who combine their best articles or reviews, published daily, in a collection, illustrating the passage of time. Perhaps some members of today, who didnt read my first blogs, now deleted, could be interested to stroll through the past, to discover the steps of my journey through the last 82 years ?
     
    Today, I’m living with my wife in a small flat on the 6th floor of an old building in the middle of Geneva, with a large terrace, not far from my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. My eldest son died 3 years ago (heart attack), the second one work with me, my daughter died 7 years ago from AIDS after 20 years of successful fighting against the “plague” and my youngest son lives happily since years with his partner.
     
    The following sentences are summarized extracts from my old blogs for new members to know me better and to understand why some people call me a "wise man". I'm definitely not better than anyone else, just older, taking advantage of my experience and enjoying to share it.
     
    My experiences of life and death
     
    It was July 1943.I was 14 years old.I was camping with another boy same age on a beach at the lake of Geneva.We went to a "Midnight bath", skinny-dipping in the dark water. The sky was also dark, no moon and no lights on both side of the lake (it was war time).I swam far away from the border, alone and suddenly I was lost, didnt know how to return to the border and was panic-stricken.I saw me drowned until I heard my friend calling from the border.I remember the the coldness of the water and, for the first time, the fear of dying.
     
    The second time was much more serious. It was December 1969. I was 40 years old. I was working in Paris. My father was in a deep depression in a psychiatric hospital and died suddenly, alone, in one night.I came back as quickly as I could and was confronted with his body.It was my first real meeting with the death and I stayed a long time, meditating where we come from and where we go.
     
    The third time was even much more serious. It was April 1996. I was 67 years old. As I went to my doc for my annual checkup, the result was as bad as possible : prostate cancer.The solution was either radiotherapy or surgery. I chose surgery but I had to wait till August for the operation. It was the first time that I could really think about my life and my death. At last, we have always the choice and we have the control of our destiny, to decide the Yes or No of our future. It was an important lesson, important enough to share it.
     
    The forth time, it was April 2004. At my annual Spring checkup, I got bad news.My main heart artery was half blocked and I could have a sudden heart attack without notice.Once again a time of checking all the possibilities the surgeon could offer, a time of meditating about the decision to be taken. 3 weeks later, I was in the hospital again, to undergo an interesting operation called "angioplasty", staying awake and following the work of the surgeons on an internal TV-screen.Good humour and an optimistic attitude helped a lot. Again a good lesson for me.
     
    The fifth time, it was October same year. Cancer is a sleeping plague. My operation of April 96 wasnt entirely a success.Fortunately it was early enough for a radiotherapy, but with a success quote of just 50 %. The prognose wasnt vey good and I had once more to think about my future..End March 2005, the tumor was gone.It was my destiny to "go on", enjoy and make the most of my chances.
     
    Today, the lesson I want to share, as I allready wrote in my other last blogs about life and death, is to never give up. There is no problem without solution. It's your life, the solution is always in your hands.
  2. old bob
    By following the blogs for years, I was struck at how bloggers are changing moods. There is everything from the concerns of people in difficulty to the smiles of those who control their destiny. You move from evocations of everyday life to philosophical considerations about the loves and hatreds.
     
    Often, the style and rhythm of the writings are exemplary, increasing the pleasure of reading. But what about my own blogs ?
     
    Since my arrival here in 2006, I played "the game of confession", bringing in many blogs my good and bad experiences of my last 68 years, trying to draw positive conclusions and lessons for future, at least for myself and for my potential readers.
     
    Some time ago, I began to doubt the value of what I brought and the usefulness of my considerations. Why should I leave traces of my passages ?
     
    Looking back, talking about "everyday facts and opinions" that nobody is interested in, to give advice which nobody is listening to .... The pleasure of writing a blog stops when it is done and put on the internet. My answer has imposed itself: I deleted all my blogs, with at least the result of making room for others!
     
    Today I regret it. Life is full of little things and the good times I spent with "blogging" is part of my life.
    I will soon turn 82, I haven't anymore a great future ahead of me. The 5 years I spent with you, all the stories I read and reviewed, all the chats I participated and the messages I sent and got, all the friends I found, changed my life.
     
    The discoveries of my sexuality, my share to the struggles that gays fought to be finally accepted, my tough contacts with AIDS .... I found them all here, sharing with thousands of others of all ages and all backgrounds. This enrichment would not have been possible without GA.
     
    I just wanted to say it and to thanks all these who commented my blogs.
  3. old bob

    Springtime, at last !

    By old bob,

    Lately, the days lengthen, the sun comes early and stays late at the top of the terrace. We changed our watches to summer time and it's nice!
     
    My old muscles are rejuvenated and the urge to run and swim itches. The parks and their jogging trails are calling. I resumed my subscription to the public pool (partly covered for warm-up and an outdoor pool to enjoy the coolness of the water with the sun reflected on its surface.
     
    I am glad to get out, walk in the city, watching all these teenages and young people dressed more lightly. All their winter clothes have disappeared. I enjoy the pleasure to look around and to dream what could happen, as it happened in my younger years.....
     
    Even if my body sometimes struggles to get going, I'm 30 years younger in my head. I know it will not last, the clouds and rain will return, but what a fun to recover, at least for a time, a part of my youth.
     
    Regardless of the worries, the bad news of the world, problems are made to be solved and my optimistic nature has taken over again.
     
    Provided it lasts ....but each storm always gives rise to a rainbow sky, then as now.
     
    Thanks to LIFE, my heart beats faster and I feel alive again.
  4. old bob

    I’m proud !

    By old bob,

    I’m proud to be what I am, proud of my successes, proud of my errors, proud as well of my qualities as of my defects, proud to have arrived at my age with scars at my heart and at my body but alive, with still sufficient forces to enjoy the life and to ensure my place among the warriors.
    I’m proud of still being able to help around me, to be accepted by my peers, to have been able to preserve some friends, not to have forgotten those who left us for always.
    I’m proud to have released myself from the constraints of the religion, to have been able to find a source of faith that suits me, proud to have known to find my place in the line of my ancestors.
     
    But my pride has not only advantages. Remember the fable of the raven and the fox (by Jean de La Fontaine translated by Elizur Wright) :
     
    The Raven and the Fox
    Perch'd on a lofty oak,
    Sir Raven held a lunch of cheese;
    Sir Fox, who smelt it in the breeze,
    Thus to the holder spoke:─
    "Ha! how do you do, Sir Raven?
    Well, your coat, sir, is a brave one!
    So black and glossy, on my word, sir,
    With voice to match, you were a bird, sir,
    Well fit to be the Phoenix of these days."
    Sir Raven, overset with praise,
    Must show how musical his croak.
    Down fell the luncheon from the oak;
    Which snatching up, Sir Fox thus spoke:─
    "The flatterer, my good sir,
    Aye liveth on his listener;
    Which lesson, if you please,
    Is doubtless worth the cheese."
    A bit too late, Sir Raven swore
    The rogue should never cheat him more.
     
    Flatterers have often been the source of the difficulties I encountered in my business life. I often could not distinguish a fake from a real friend. I have often been too optimistic,
    underestimating the risks of the proposals I got, too proud to say no. In one phrase : I have often failed to take advantage of the lessons of “The Raven and the Fox”.
     
    Today, my pride and my pleasure is also to have learned from my bad experiences :
    Learned to think twice before to proceed,
    Overestimate the negative aspects and underestimate the possible results of each new project,
    Do not want too much, recognize that my strength is limited.
     
    But on the other side, one never knows….
    Each of us is still sensitive to flattery, even me …..
  5. old bob
    Army of shadows (French l'armée des ombres) is a 1969 french film about the fights of the French resistance during WWII. I saw this movie recently, which reminded me of my own memories of the period 1939-1945.
    I was 10 years in 39 and 16 years in 45. Living in a neutral country, surrounded on all sides by German forces, we expected every day the Nazi invasion. Our army of 600,000 soldiers strong, was ready. But we had enemies within the numerous members of the Swiss Nazi party, which wanted Switzerland to become a member of the "Greater Germany". Other Swiss, anti-Semitic or economically dependent on Germany, sought to undermine the spirit of resistance of army officers.Many Jews fleeing the occupied countries were trying to flee to Switzerland, but many were repressed, the government refusing to accept them to please the Nazis. I was a member of a Jewish organization that fought against the decisions of the government and tried to help as many refugees as possible and bring them through the Swiss borders. To do it through young people was easier because the Swiss and German soldiers did less care than to adult people.
     
    So, in my own modest way, in spite of my age, I was also a member of this Army of Shadows.
     

    Today, after WWII, Korea, the Cold War, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Operation United Shield in Somalia, the KFOR in Kosovo, it seems to me that war has always been somewhere in the world since my birth.
     
    The American people, among others, since 1941, has always had soldiers fighting against the enemies of the free world and dying.So today the real “Army of Shadows” , with all his millions of dead soldiers, is standing, looking at us, the young and the old people still alive, and asking : was their deaths really necessary ?
     
    We are responsible to find the right answer to their question. I didn’t yet. It’s why I’m asking here.
  6. old bob
    Going back to Neph’s blog about death (24.01.2011), I see now that her point of view concerned more the feelings of the accompanying people then these of the main person, the dying one, while my blog concern more what I will myself feeling at my last moments. In one phrase : the most important is what happens when you are with someone dying, helping him or her to cross the border between life and death, not what will happen with the body afterwards.
     
    The chance I have to have lived till now such a fine life is also that it seems to me that I’m better prepared to what will once happen, and that I already reached the 5th stage of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying : Acceptance
     
    From my own experience, everybody is going through these stages, more or less, alone or with<a name="OLE_LINK12"> accompanying people sharing with them their feelings. But the best way to go through it is to think of it in advance, to be prepared to live it and not to fear it.
  7. old bob

    The story of my life

    By old bob,

    The period between Christmas and New Year is an opportunity to provide an update and move forward. I do not know how much time I have left to live. What is certain is that, despite the passing of time, I try to stay as often as possible in contact with the world around me. Many of my friends are dead, but GA has offered me the opportunity to meet new friends.
    Going through my old blogs, I found a text written in 2008 and I updated it. For all those who do not know me yet, here's the text.
    I got lazy for some time. I find it hard to write the rest of my story. For readers (not many!) who are interested in, this will allow them to wait.
     
     
    My birthdays :
     
    0 = 10th of June 1929 :
    11 years after the end of WWI, the war is forgotten, the world is expanding, peace among the nations thanks the "SDN, the "world leading senate" in Geneva. Everybody is enjoying freedom and getting rich, speculating at the stock market in Wall Street. Nobody is expecting the crash of the Black Friday,
    Arrived in Geneva 3 years ago, my father is beginning his career in the film business as a young clerk, working in a distribution company and travelling from theatre to theatre all around the country. Not very adapted to her life in a foreign country, my mother, away from her German family, is happy to have a lot of friends among the German community in town. And here I come.....the first (and last) child in a happy family.
     
    10 = 10th of June 1939 :
    It’s a beautiful summer, but a lot of clouds are coming at the horizon. Every nation around us is preparing the next coming war. Here in Geneva, we are sure the great French army will defeat the hitlerian bandits.
    I'm playing at the beach on the lake of Geneva, with a lot of Friends from the middle and upper protestant society. I have problems with some my friends. Jew..., what does it means? I'm the same boy as my friends, I'm not different, I don’t understand why some children in the school call me dirty names, the same I heard during my holidays with my grandparents in Germany!
     
    20 = 10th of June 1949:
    I just ended my last year at the "College de Calvin". Enough with latin and greek! Now I have to begin a practice period of 9 months as a future engineer, in a well known factory of the electrical industry. Waking up at five, working 9 hours a day. What a change ! I'm now a member of a Jewish socialist youth organization, anxious to follow the news of the fights in Israel, trembling about my elder friends who went to Israel to participate and regretting to not have the courage to go myself.
     
    30 = 10th of June 1959 :
    Happily married, with 2 sons and a 1 year old daughter, after 2 years in a small town in the middle of the Swiss Alps, I'm beginning a new career as a consultant engineer with a professional organization of the coal und oil industry in Lausanne, a nice town at the lake of Geneva. My marriage with a girl from a strong catholic family brought me a lot of problems with my own -Jewish- family; these problems were well solved with the arriving of my children but I will never forget the experiences I made with the "fundamentalists" of both sides!
     
    40 = 10th of June 1969 :
    I'm now working more than 60 hours a week, with 2 jobs : on one side expanding my own consultant company, with clients in western Europe and Maghreb, and on the other side managing with my father his own film distribution firm, with famous French actors, who become my friends, travelling a lot, and as an hobby spending 3 months a year in the Swiss Air Force as an Intelligence officer. As my youngest son says : "who is this man who comes from time to time to eat with us ?" Working too hard, running after the lost hours, giving the priority to business instead of family, I know I'm loosing the meaning of life but at present I don’t find a solution.
     
    50 = 10th of June 1979 :
    10 years later, the solution came from itself! My two main consultant companies in Paris and Geneva are bankrupt. I had to sell my house and lost a huge amount of money. Now I have time to concentrate my business life, on one side managing with my wife the film distribution company I inherited from my father, on the other working as an independent consulting engineer with a few clients who remained "faithful".
    We are still together as a family. My eldest son is married, with two daughters, living no far away from us. One son is working with us, managing his own film theatre, my daughter and the youngest son staying at home. Thinking back about the last 10 years, I'm sure that my financial "collapse" saved my family life. As my wife says, it was a choice: "stop expanding or divorce ".
     
    60 = 10th of June 1989 :
    I'm now 60, feeling like an 50 years old man, well organized , fit, healthy and happy. Working not more than 40 hours a week, earning enough to cover my expenses and able to help my children, travelling from time to time to France, England or Germany for business and “pleasure”. My eldest son, married twice, has two daughters from his first wife and two sons from his second. The second son, also married has one son and a daughter, and the youngest has just met his partner, with whom he will live 17 years together. Unfortunately, my daughter is "seropositive" since 1984 (from a blood transfusion in Spain), but she is successfully fighting against the plague. She lives now with us, and we are helping. At my birthday, everybody is here, even the former wife of my eldest son : Philippe with his 4 children and his "wives", Gilles with his wife and his 2 children, Catherine with her friend and Nicolas with his partner, 17 persons with my wife and me.
     
    70 = 10th of June 1999 :
    Back to Geneva, my home town. Feeling the same as I said ten years ago : "I'm now 70, feeling like a 60 years old man, well organized, fit, healthy and happy." Well, healthy again, because I wasn’t' 2 years ago. June 97, I was expecting a call from the hospital for a surgery to "resolve «a cancer problem. After 6 weeks of "obliged" holidays and an observation period of 2 years, these bad memories are forgotten. I'm now living with my wife (in a small flat (5 rooms) at the uppest floor of an old building in the center of Geneva, with a large terrace full of flowers and my deckchair. Still working, but only with a few old friends as clients, I'm thinking sometimes I should stop, but it keeps me alive and I'm happy to have opportunities to help people with my advices. The birthday party will be celebrated somewhere in a large place in the forest, with a cabin against the rain, because family and friends are too many to celebrate at home. My eldest son, who is now 47, organize it and is expecting about 40 people !
     
    80 = 10th of June 2009 :
    Time is passing so quickly, especially the last 10 years. Still healthy and happy. I recovered successfully from a heart attack in 2003, reducing my physical activity but still running twice a week and swimming twice a month. I'm now spending more time to help my wife with her arthritis problems, but still working about 20 hours a week, with my office at home. They were a lot of changes in the family. My daughter decided to stop her fighting against AIDS and left us peacefully in 2003. My eldest son, aged 56, died a year ago of a heart attack, probably because he smoked too much. His two eldest daughters are married and gave both birth to a daughter, who are now 12 and 8 months old. My wife is too handicapped for a large birthday party at home. Thank to Internet, we get regularly posters with photos from the grand- and great grand children. My two ‘remaining’ sons come twice a month for lunch.
     
     
    If I sum up my experiences, I could say that the years brought me some wisdom :
     
    - to never give up hope in the future,
     
    - to always take time to think and analyze, because each problem has more than one solution,
     
    - to always count first on myself. The others will help, but not at the first place,
     
    - to always communicate, a discussion with well-informed people is often a way to success,
     
    - friendship is a two ways matter. If you need something, you have to give first,
     
    I believe that I'm on Earth to realize a goal. Which one ? I will only know it at the end, but this faith helped me to overcome all the hard moments I had to live.
  8. old bob
    Last few weeks, my clients are agitated. February is the period of closings of accounts and tax preparation. It comes to bring order in the accounts, calculating depreciation and amortization and seek to to 'optimize' the results for paying the least possible tax.
     
    Optimize: this means to declare less possible income and as much as possible expenses. It is said that statistics are a sophisticated form of lying. This statement also applies to the accounts of companies!
     
    My clients have understood, for the many years that I advise them, that it is never too early to hire a consultant. This year, with the uncertainties of the economic situation in 2012, they all came together and I first had to calm them down.
     
    In addition, two of them, for me the most importants, have decided to merge and thus create a larger company to attack new markets. This is a big job, which should occupy myself at least several weeks.
     
    The only advantage of this stress is that I no longer have time to whine about the worries of my age and my health. Establishing priorities and setting in the foreground my personal activities (taking care of my wife who is slowly recovering from her surgery , of my grandchildren who call me to help them make ends meet of the month, and finally writing my memoirs).
     
    My clients should be able to wait, and if they do not know it yet, they will have to learn it. With a little diplomacy and a good measure of humor, I intend to bring them to understand that. This will be my primary goal for this month.
     
    What good is it to know to give good advices to others, if you are not even able to apply them to yourself ?
×
×
  • Create New...