C.Arthur

I wish they could all feel like that, but they don't. There are so many environmental, biological and psychological factors involved...sometimes they come together in a perfect storm. I was lucky that was my first real kiss experience. But I'm afraid I've measured all the boyfriends after that against my first kiss... it is a high bar. I tried to leverage this experience in my book. I am not sure I hit the target. Read it and let me know what you think.

I'd like to skip my first Kiss, because it was my second kiss that meant everything to me, but I'll pay a brief tribute to the 1st kiss to provide perspective. My first kiss was with a girl when I was 21. I was driving from Atlanta to Minnesota one summer and stopped in St. Louis to spend the night with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousins. My Cousin owned a bar and they were renting a bus to take regulars to the Cardinals game that afternoon. So, of course, I tagged along. Well there were two kegs on the bus, so I was VERY drunk before and after the ball game. I was also pretty lonely, not having come out and thus not really having any close relationships with anyone. Well, I was finally moved out of my Parent's place, out of Jr. College and felt I should finally prove to myself one way or another... Str8, Gay or Bi. So, I found a girl who work her hair very short and was thin and not well endowed...she was the closest thing to an 18yo boy I could find in a girl. She actually made the first move on the bus trip back and we engaged in lots of passionate kissing and fondling. It was 'OKAY', but I never got aroused. So, it never went any further. Fast-forward four years in the future. I was having trouble meeting anyone, mostly because I was scared to death people would find out I was gay. But I reached out to a friend on AOL and he convinced me to volunteer at the Atlanta Gay Center. He said: "At least that way you know that anyone you meet has at least one thing in common with you other than genitalia...a generous spirit." It was really good advice. It was 8pm on a crisp fall evening when I attended my first training session at the Gay Center. I had chosen to become a hotline councilor. The center didn't have a lot of money and the converted house it used for its offices was dilapidated and crumbling. I was beginning to have second thoughts as I walked gingerly up the crumbling stone stairs. Once inside, l became more comfortable and began to feel a sense of community as I was surrounded by people just like me. The training was really interesting and affirming. I was excited to complete the program and start my first shift as a volunteer councilor. The training was going to take several weeks, but I was really enjoying it and looking forward to the next session. During the group discussions and role-play, I'd noticed this younger guy. During our introductions he'd said his name was Tom and that he was 21. He was tall and slender, with dark shoulder-length hair and light blue eyes that felt as if they saw right through to my soul every time he glanced at me from across the room. He was really smart and funny. He had a smile that filled the entire room. And I fell immediately, hopelessly in love with him. Now, I wasn't a slouch, at 25. I was 5'10" 170# and worked out regularly. I guess I didn't look 'Gay' whatever that is, because women were always hitting on me, and guys generally left me alone. But Tom, to my mind, was absolutely gorgeous...and way out of my league. So, I did my best to beat back my overflowing emotions and set my expectations for a disappointment and hope for at least a friendship. But my heart felt as if it was going to burst from my chest at any moment and declare my undying love for this guy... When the session ended and everyone filed out of the gay center's main entrance, I found that Tom and I were the last ones to leave. I struck up a conversation with him about the training and the excitement we both felt about the program and having a chance to help other people. Before we knew it, the lights had been turned out and everyone else was gone. We sat on the front stairs and talked. We talked about what brought us there that night--about our families and upbringing--our jobs--our hopes and dreams. In my heart, I knew he was just being friendly. I was so scared that if I said anything about the way I felt, that he would be offended and it would break that tenuous, but glorious connection we shared. But I was too far gone at this point to stop myself. I put my hand on his shoulder and looked at his face, expecting rejection at any moment. His beautiful blue eyes glanced down at my hand on his shoulder and I thought I heard the softest of sighs come from him as his eyes moved up to meet mine. My mouth moved of its own volition and my voice cracked as I said in a husky whisper: "I think you are the most beautiful man I've ever met." Tom lowered his eyes and my heart sank as I felt my worst expectations coming to fruition. I slowly began to take my hand from his shoulder, swallowed hard turned my face away. But then to my surprise, I felt his right hand catching mine before it left his shoulder and holding it fast. I turned sharply to face him, ashamed of the wetness brimming my eyes. But as my face turned to meet his gaze, our eyes locked. Tears were running down his cheeks. Tom said: "All my life I've always thought of myself as ugly, too skinny, clumsy. I never imagined that someone as wonderful as you could possibly see me that way... My heart has been pounding ever since I saw you walk into the room tonight. I just wanted to be close to you. But I never thought you might actually feel the same way about me..." Tom sobbed and I reached out and pulled him close into my chest, my own tears running down his face and mixing with his. After a moment, he lifted his eyes to mine once more and our lips moved together as if they were guided by some strong magnetic force. Though nothing in this universe could have keep them from meeting, our lips met in a gentle, loving embrace--fitting together is if evolution itself had conspired to create lips designed in such a way as to fit no other. I can say without reservation that before that day, I had never really shared a kiss before. My face tingled as if it had fallen asleep. As our lips met, slightly parted, our eyes closed without conscious willing. Our faces and lips moved in a rhythmic, sensual dance that exposed our very spirits, our souls, to each other. We breathed on, with and through each other, our lips never wanting to part for even such a small instant. I felt an electric tingle down my spine and realized by a growing discomfiture, that I had become FULLY aroused. I don't know how long that first kiss lasted, but it was hours. When we finally pulled apart, we were cold and I pulled my coat around Tom's shivering shoulders. It was 4am in the morning. We both had to work in a few hours but neither of us wanted to leave the other. Tom still lived with his parents and they would worry if he didn't return home soon. He wasn't out to them and I wasn't out to my roommates. Looking into Tom's eyes, I KNEW that kiss meant as much to him as it did to me. I was really happy for the first time I could remember. I felt that I could die at that moment and would still feel fulfilled, because Tom had expressed his love to me. It sounds crazy--ridiculous... but it was Love at First Site. Within two weeks, Tom and I got our first apartment in Midtown. We lived there together for a year. Being as young as we were, we grew and grew apart over time. But I'll never forget the love we shared or that first magical kiss. Love you, Tom.

Thanks for all of your support and mentoring over the past year, guys and gals! I finally decided to quit futzing around with the manuscript and release 'Seed of Harmony' (self-published). It was more of a struggle than I thought it should be, trying to figure out where to end book 1 and start book 2. I wanted to end it at Chapter 55 with a looming cliff-hanger, but I got so much negative feedback from test readers that I changed my plans. They didn't want to wait a year to find out what happened. So, I relented, had the graphic artist enlarge the spine cover image to handle 400 pages and continued through Chapter 58. There is still a little cliff-hanger, but it feels like most of the plot strings are tied together in a neat little knot. I'd love your feedback, now that it is published. Like most of us on this site, I'd really like to improve my skills as an author... I still have trouble calling myself an author... Now, I've entered the dark, misty and damp underground tunnels of 'Marketing your eBook'. Man! Trying to navigate all of this is really overwhelming... If any of you experienced authors have some insight, I would appreciate a mentor right about now. Lord knows I need a retirement income! And I sure hope I can recoup the expense of getting to this point, at any rate. Kind regards and yours in gayness, C. Arthur Shuey

THE WORLD IS NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE Wow! I am amazed that people actually think that there is no difference between blatantly self-serving propaganda and true journalism. You know...the kind of journalism that requires actual research, requiring multiple credible sources and feet-on-the-ground investigations. Certainly, no one can argue that Fox News isn't strongly biased... and to be honest, all news agencies are biased. Every human being has inherent bias. If you don't think bias causes you to make bad decisions or believe things that are totally false, google the Harvard online self-test for inherent bias. I guarantee you will question many of your beliefs in a new light. Real Journalists are trained to understand the influence their own bias has on their beliefs, expectations and choices. Simply re-tweeting something you read and adding your own bias is not journalism. Just as a falsehood is no less false because you want to believe it, feel strongly about it, your friends like the idea, it helps you financially or because you scream it at the top of your lungs until the ears of your audience are forced into submission. having a video camera and a YouTube account doesn't make you a Journalist. A Journalist commits themselves to revealing the truth no matter what it costs them personally. They commit to the tedium of hours and weeks of meticulous research and questioning their own interpretation of the data. And the founding fathers of the United States knew the danger of acts of hidden tyranny by those more wealthy or powerful than the average citizen. They had escaped the tyranny of the Aristocracy and vowed that never again would the powerful be able to repress or twist the truth. That is why the First Ammendment to Constitution guaranteed the freedom of the press. It is vital to preserving a free democracy. The good news? Once a person identifies their own inherent biases, they can use critical thinking to better discern the truth and make good decisions. In a free society, it is the responsibility of every citizen to LEARN, TO SEEK THE TRUTH, to STAND UP against the tyranny of the powerful and of the Majority, if that is required. Remember that most Germans didn't believe that Hitler was doing anything wrong. I used to wonder how generally nice people could have supported and believed in such a diseased mind. With the shocking results of our latest election, I think I begin to understand. Don't allow the 'Great Experiment' to fail because the search for Truth is too difficult, unpopular or inconvenient. Despite the excommunication of Galileo, THE WORLD IS NOT FLAT.

very original with the kind of action that gets my heart rate up. Sad that it had to end the way it did (no spoilers here). Good detail and vivid descriptions drew me in to the story. I would like to see this story continue. Maybe the ending wasn't actually the end?!?

Very original and engaging. I like the creativity you used in details like a 'Resonator Weapon". And you were able to quickly explain how it functioned without pulling us out of the story. I also liked the way the protagonist's experience of pain and suffering drew me into a sharp focus on his helplessness during the long fall and eventual crash. Details like the buyout bag are a nice touch of reality. Enjoyed it.