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Adam Phillips

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Everything posted by Adam Phillips

  1. I spent some time in the aftermath of the "porn event" reflecting on the things a guy could pull off if he'd display a little audacity. I'd always been a ringleader and instigator, but I didn't expect that to allow me to pull off a gay pornfest with a room full of straight jocks. Athletes aren't known as the most enlightened cohort on the planet. Granted, soccer isn't American football, so I wasn't dealing with long-on-brawn-but-short-on-brains Neanderthals who regularly put on pads and pound e
  2. Adam Phillips

    Amped

    Brad didn't know how to fuck; he only knew how to make love. He hid it well that first time--the time where I paid off on the bet--but I should have realized it anyway. It's just that I wasn't in much condition to realize anything in the aftermath. I hadn't given myself much opportunity to reflect on it. I was busy, and anyway, thinking about it did things to me. The memories of that first time with him weren't clear and clean and decisive, because the experience wasn't. When I thought bac
  3. Adam Phillips

    Swells

    He was doing it again. Shane had become hyper-vigilant about avoiding the showers when Kyle was anywhere nearby, but he'd come off the practice field on a post-workout high after Coach Miller had heaped an unusual amount of praise on him, and the afterglow was causing him not to be paying as much attention. He'd been holding court with some of the other guys as they came off the field together; the banter continued as they reached the lockers, and he was still running his mouth as he stripped
  4. When I reached the campus, I walked around for awhile, trying to get my head right. I needed not to get back to my dorm room right away. I needed not to think about what I'd just done with Dean. In the night air, you could feel autumn getting ready to banish the ghost of summer. As I strolled aimlessly across the quad, coherent thought was replaced by sensation and tone: the breeze playing on my skin and making the trees whisper. Sounds of laughter in the distance. The stillness of the evening
  5. When it finally happened, it came from an unlikely source. It was a Sunday in mid-October. Earlier that afternoon we'd lost a double-overtime heartbreaker--on penalty kicks--against our main rival in the conference. I was pissed off because I hadn't played well, and I didn't want to go back to my dorm room. Halfway through the game Coach Miller had benched me, and he'd sent in my roommate Trey to replace me. Coach had recruited midfielders heavily the previous spring, so we were crowded at tha
  6. I could talk to you about the mind-expanding experience of taking on rigorous academic studies in the context of an institution committed to the liberal arts ideal; and I could talk to you about the joy of coming to a new place and making it my own; and I could talk to you about a dozen other things that were integral parts of The College Experience. But what I really want to talk about is Sex Any Time I Wanted It. And if, when I bring that up, you don't get it...well, you haven't been to co
  7. Adam Phillips

    New Wave

    "Okay, you're freakin' me out here, so I'm gonna have to fuckin' call 'bullshit' on you." Trey searched my eyes with his, looking for any kind of sign that he was right. He wouldn't be getting one. I held his gaze; my face was locked in. I had on my best "you-think-I'm-kidding?" demeanor. Trey was a down-home Tennessee boy, and he was my roommate and my teammate. We'd known each other for two months and had hit it off from the moment he'd first walked into our dorm room and thrown his suitca
  8. Adam Phillips

    Beached

    Throughout the spring semester, we saw each other once a week or so. We worked hard on keeping it fun and keeping our mouths shut. We'd enacted a conspiracy for the new year, and we both did what we could to keep it going. It was a fucked-up mess. His part in the conspiracy was not to challenge my attitude that everything had been all his fault; to pretend, by declining to call me out on my passive hostility, that he was now changing his ways so we'd get through the rest of the year without
  9. Adam Phillips

    Wipeout

    On Sunday night the next weekend, I was working on a math assignment when Danny stuck his head into my bedroom. "Hey, buttface. Phone's for you. It's Matt." He stood in my doorway, waiting for a response from me. I gave him a middle-finger salute and said, "Okay, already. I got it. Go do whatever it was you were doing. Then get some Kleenex and clean up the mess." He laughed and said, "Fuck you," then turned and left. Immobilized, I stared at my phone for about a minute. Danny called out
  10. Adam Phillips

    Falling

    Up until the moment she picked up the phone, I wasn't sure whether I was going through with it or not. I was nervous. Me. Nervous about calling a girl. So nervous I decided to use Pre-Cal as an excuse, in spite of what I'd said to Matt. I couldn't believe the butterflies in my stomach. Ridiculous. Angie ran with the crowd I ran with. She was probably the only girl in that group I hadn't ever dated. Not because of her looks, though; she was every bit as beautiful as any of the girls I'd bee
  11. I skipped most of school on Friday. I'd gone to math class first period, because I told my parents we'd be leaving after I got home from school. But I hadn't told them we wanted to make sure we made it to the beach in time to soak up a little sun the first day; that meant the school day was going to have to be severely “edited.” So after first period I walked outside as if I were headed toward the building where I had my next class...and kept right on walking until I got home. I figured that sin
  12. It was sort of like a magic act: "Ladies and gentlemen, for your evening's entertainment, Matt Price and Andy Sharpe present The Vanishing Interception!" My connection with Matt on the football field continued to be a thing of beauty: Passes that should have resulted in picks frequently ended up in my hands and brought us yardage. As time put some distance between me and that troubling night we played the Hurricanes, our on-the-field connection became less a source of turmoil for me and more a
  13. The afternoon following my birthday party at the Country Club, I was in the driveway shooting hoops after church when I saw Cole's van pull up. I walked over as he rolled down his window. "Hey, stud," he said, greeting me with a smile and a high-five. "I guess you think you're the shit now, huh?" "It was awesome, Cole. Thanks for everything." "No problem, freshman." He opened his door, got out, and went to the back of his van. "Here. This is how you can thank me." He reached in and grabbed
  14. Stephanie kissed me on the cheek and pulled me closer to her as we danced. In the background, Boyz 2 Men's "I'll Make Love to You" was playing. The dance floor was crowded with hormonal teenagers, and it appeared that the evening's prospects were looking good: The Country Club was packed with high school kids celebrating my birthday with me; everybody appeared to be having a great time; and Stephanie was sending out signals that told me the night was only going to get better. In the few weeks
  15. Adam Phillips

    Depths

    "If you don't get a first-string assignment, get over it quick, because from here on out, it's about the team." It was the beginning of August; we'd been practicing together, informally and off-campus, for almost two weeks. Our head coach had shut down freshman football practice fifteen minutes early that day, called us off the field, and gathered us together. Thirty tired and sweaty fourteen-year-olds sat there in the grass, listening nervously. School would start in a week, and football seas
  16. So I crashed and burned with Staci. But with practice for fall sports gearing up, I didn't have much time to mope about it. And in any case, there were two side benefits: First, losing my virginity gave me loads of confidence with girls. And beyond that, losing it to an "older woman" did some good things for my reputation among my peers, both male and female. All in all, between sports and sex, my entrance into high school was like catching the perfect wave, one that I'd surf all the way through
  17. Matt and I were on the beach by the campfire. It started out the same: He sang his song, walked after me when I got up from the fire, and pulled me into a hug; and as before, I kissed him twice... And he pushed me away from him, so hard that I tripped and fell. He kicked sand at me and yelled, at the top of his lungs, "Why the fuck did you do that? You've ruined everything, you disgusting pervert! Now I have to hang out with a queer-boy for nine goddam months; why don't you just fall off the
  18. I was hanging out with Angie on a Monday evening the first time the feeling really gripped me. We were poolside at Angie's, relaxing, enjoying the summer evening. A rain had come through earlier in the day and cooled things down. The gathering dusk, the sunset pastels painting the sky, the beautifully landscaped back yard that Angie's mom tended with such care, all combined to put us in a romantic mood. Her dad had been swimming laps earlier and had the radio tuned to an oldies station; we had
  19. Andy and Matt, best friends and teammates from childhood, grow together, learn together, and struggle to remain friends when their evolving relationship outpaces their ability to understand it.
  20. For the next few weeks, Staci and I were inseparable. She broke up with Dylan shortly after we’d had our first "date." Dylan, for his part, left town the first week of June to live with a sister and brother-in-law in Wichita Falls, where he took a job at his brother-in-law's auto shop. Nobody knew if he was coming back to school or not, least of all Staci. I took advantage of his absence and spent my time doing what I could to get her over him. We went to movies and ball games, had picnics in th
  21. During the late spring and summer before my freshman year, I was spending a lot of time in the company of a beautiful sixteen-year-old named Staci. She had dark brown hair and piercing brown eyes. Hers was the proverbial face that could launch a thousand ships, and she had a figure to match. Her family and mine went to the same church. My parents and I have always been church-going people, although I guess you'd have to call us "left-wing" Christians. We're very much out of sync with the fun
  22. I met Matt outside the gym right after school. As we started walking toward home, he grabbed me by my shoulder, then put his arm across the back of my neck and around the other shoulder. Pulling me into him until we were side by side, he said, "Hey, loser, I've had a hard day at school, and I think you oughta carry my backpack for me, since we trashed your ass all over the court today." "Yeah, that's gonna happen," I responded, pulling his arm off my shoulder and stepping away from him. I got
  23. As Matt and I got older, our individual sports interests went in slightly different directions. We'd been playing in city recreational leagues, but at the junior high level, the schools also fielded teams for all the sports. During the rec years, both of us had played most of the recreation-league sports that were available, but as time went by we discovered some separate favorites. While he and I both played football, baseball, and basketball for our school, Matt was also on the swim team, and
  24. Adam Phillips

    Growing

    Third grade gave way to fourth, fourth to fifth, fifth to sixth. During these years Matt and I became more firmly who we each were, both individually and as the duo of "best friends" that we were. Our friends came to expect that when they saw one of us, more often than not they'd see the other. The occasional explosions of hatred we'd sometimes expressed for each other in our earlier childhood subsided; they were replaced by a steadily growing mutual regard and respect, a respect given to each o
  25. We moved to Dallas, from farther south in the state, the July before I started third grade. My dad had just received a Ph.D. and was taking a position as a history professor at a college in Dallas. I had a 6-year-old brother and a 4-year-old sister. My mom was a clinical psychologist; she began setting up a practice within the first month that we'd moved. Up to this point I'd done well in school as a little kid, socially and intellectually. I was naturally gregarious; a born talker, I guess. I h
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