TaylorW

Another riveting and emotionally tumultuous chapter. Adam: "Do you have any idea what it's like, to look over at your house from my bedroom window, and wonder whether or not my best friend is getting the living shit beat out of him...and there's nothing I can do or say about it?” It was nice to see Adam get some more story time. It is unfortunate that he feels so powerless to help Zack. I really enjoyed the line below looking at the situation from Adam’s perspective. He just wants to do something, anything to improve the situation for his best friend. Zack: “Every day, it gets harder and harder to look my own mother in the eye, and it's all because I know in my heart that what I've been hiding from her is unforgivable.” Zack is dealing with some toxic level shame in addition to the physical abuse. It is a very powerful combination that is very damaging. Having to expend all that energy in denial and pretending everything is OK really leaves you drained. I like how well this chapter illustrated Zack's total depletion of inner resources and the defeat of many of his self-preservation maladaptive behaviors. Self-preservation comes at a cost. Zack: “If people were to look in and see who I really was on the inside, they might turn tail and run away from me.” Yep, that old fear always gets you. The shame and the habit of keeping everything hidden does a real number on a person. This all felt very real to me even though I hate to see characters that I love suffer in such a way. I guess part of it is knowing that this does happen. But I also see glimmers of hope. Like when you see Zack’s defenses begin to fail and you wonder how he will adapt to the changed circumstances.

What a powerful chapter. It moved me a lot. Here are some of my reactions. “How could Brody find anything to love about me at all?” OK? The question probably every abused child has asked themselves. Often, you don’t even ask yourself this in a conscious manner. It is just there draining everything away in the background. You don’t necessarily understand why you feel the way you do or why you are worthless but is there whispering to you constantly. “The people who can't even fathom what it's like to hate myself the way I do, and don't have to work so hard to compensate for that self hatred by creating a false face for the public.” Spot on. Put on that mask. Put the walls up and keep everyone out. That is the way to be safe. No one can know. Know one wants to know. Reading this is tough work but it comes with a lot of rewards. “And eventually...with a trembling hand, I put my pen on the notebook page...and I wrote my first sentence.” Sweet molasses! To finally give voice to your demons. It can be the hardest thing to do, that first step. So proud of Zack!!! Giving voice to those demons is such a liberating experience. It just makes my heart swell thinking about it. “I had to think about how he destroyed my ability to look at my own reflection and see anything worthy of any love at all. And it hurts. It really hurts.” So brutally honest. It is hard to even respond with anything sensible. Searingly real. “The strange thing is, once I found the courage to tackle some of the things that were really bothering me, the floodgates began to open up, and it was almost like I couldn't stop.” Again, another powerful statement that echoes so much I have experienced. I remember sleepless nights pouring out my soul in words and art trying to get the poison out. I am so moved by this…truly. “I could hear my father's footsteps stomping through the apartment...I could almost feel the vibrations through the floor.” Yep. Very familiar. Just have to shake my head at this because it resonates so much. I hate that it does, but I know I am not the only one. There are too many who know. This story is really liberating in so many ways despite the painful subject matter. "...Save me..." Damn. So moving. This story is so real life. I am going to try to react to the remaining chapters. For some this is just a story and that makes me happy. For me, it is another form of catharsis. Comicality, thank you for writing this amazing, painful but powerful story! I love these characters and I imagine this is a story I will return to in the future for another read.

Yeah, I am confused about what is happening with Jimmy. He needs some help. And WTH is going on with Ian and Bobby? This is all very up in the air. Still waiting for Billy and mom to have a heart to heart. I know it takes time... Missed Brandon this chapter, but I guess they can't spend every chapter making love (although, I would totally read that. Lol.) On to the next chapter.

Heading over to purchase it now.

That was my fear too. I have no idea what is coming next, but I am hooked and absolutely hoping for the best. I like the way Zack is debating with what I view as his true self and the voices of doubt and pain.

Well, I feel kind of silly. I was reading this on my Amazon device and just finished book four thinking I was finishing the series. Lol. Boy was I mistaken. But I am so happy to learn that there is more to this story. Book four ends around this chapter. I thought it was the end of the story. I felt so bad for Zack!!! Brody too. God, what a sad chapter. I was feeling all bleak and bummed at what I thought was the sad ending. What Zack is dealing with crushes me. I have some of this in my background so it is hard to read. I have some of those same voices flying around in my brain. At first, I avoided this series because of my history. However, once I started, I kept reading because Zack is a fighter not just a survivor. The connection he has with Brody is something was all hope and long for. I know that the voices Zack is hearing are very real to him but I hope he can learn to silence those voices or at least keep them at bay. Comicality, thanks for writing this and creating some characters that I truly love getting to know.

Billy and Brandon are so dang cute together. This was a fun chapter. It was heartwarming to bask in the emotions that the two boys have for each other. I never tire of learning more about the music store crew.

Whew! Getting hot in here all of a sudden.

Wait. What is this Monday business? 🤔 There's got to be a boyfriend around somewhere for Robin. So many teases in this chapter.

Brandon is going to be so embarrassed when he finally sees Mrs. Chase again. I missed it, if she is going with her maiden name now. And Jimmy really needs some help. Poor kid. I sure hope Billy and Brandon work something out when it comes to private time together. I agree with everything that was posted by spike382, skinnydragon, and MrM. I am going to need some stress management techniques to make it through this series.

I told myself I was going to wait until book 9 was on Amazon, but here I am hooked again after reading the first chapter of book 9. Always love the music store scenes and happy to see that AJ didn't just disappear as a character. I look forward to the day when Billy and his mother can come to terms with his reality.

This was very helpful and thought provoking. I am in progress with my first big story and I keep stumbling over what to call the boy parts. Penis is just a no go. I am not writing a text book on human anatomy. Cock seems OK in some situations, especially is it is just a situation of raw lust. There are many times though when it just seems out of place. I struggle with creative alternatives. I am not sure about dick. I mean, that is what I called it when I was the age of the characters I am writing about (early teens). I like some of your phrasing and think you are right about the situation and word choice. Thanks for offering some advice and things to think about.

I going to post my comments here for the entire book. I'll try not to post any spoilers. I know book 9 is underway, but this is nice time to summarize my feelings after just finishing book 8. Overall, I loved it. There were many painful chapters as Billy learned about himself and grew. I used to fret so much about Billy and what he was doing. Seriously, there were nights when I would wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 AM and start thinking, "What the hell is Billy doing?" or "Poor Brandon or poor Jimmy" and so on. I was felt invested in the lives of each character. I love the characters, even AJ (here is hoping he gets some character growth in future story lines). My favorite chapters were the music store crew. Loved those interactions. I could read 1,000 pages of just them hanging out and living their lives. I am hoping we see Stevie and Robin and get some love in the future. I tell you though, as much as I love Billy, I really love Brandon. I am a total fool for him just like Billy. I am also wondering what was that unresolved plot line that was teased in the call from Lee. Anyway, the first 8 books have been a real treat. Thanks Comicality!

I just finished The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers. It was an amazing book they left me haunted much like that freeze frame in the last shot of Les Quatre Cents Coups (The 400 Blows) by Francois Truffaut. I don't know if it is just me, but I am still turning over the characters and story in my mind trying to understand it all. In my opinion, it is about queerness (or LGBTQ if you prefer) in the deep south before it could be expressed openly among other things. I also just finished My Autobiography of Carson McCullers by Jenn Shapland. This was another amazing book that explores queer identity and is a fascination look at both the author and Carson McCullers. I feel enriched for having read them both.

I just started book 8 on my Amazon device after almost bingeing the first seven. The story is ripping my heart out (in a good way). Sometimes I get so frustrated with Billy, but I do love him. I look forward to part 9 assuming my heart survives part 8. Wish me luck.