Luca E

No, no longer a teenager, and I'm not too sure any younger reader would even join here or leave a comment, which doesn't mean they wouldn't read it. I think authors worry needlessly about readers not liking stuff. Certainly there are some who for their own personal reasons stop reading when difficult topics are evoked. Not my case, I'll read it to the end.

You don't say, but the story has a feeling of being autobiographical. The spring time of burgeoning sexuality, the discovery of an unknown new world hitherto hidden, in an age of innocence and ignorance, when things were different, but the physical development the same. Nice window into the late fifties and dawning sixties.

Series update: the third book and the reformatting of book one are delayed. The reason is I am spending my time editing a book for another author and it's a long book. As soon as I get it finished I hope to return to the series.

If you like, or even if you don't, sci-fi, I recommend Great book, well written!

Any author seeking a wider readership could give a little thought to their story synopsis. Example: your story is about a boy who is a freshman. If you intend to capture a US American audience (and a few Asian countries), saying - Joe Smith was entering freshman year at James Western High School... is fine. If you want a wider, international audience, it's not a great description. Why? Because a freshman is not universally known. Maybe a UK reader might think "fresher," but it's not a commonly used term for a first year university student and has nothing to do with a freshman. The former is 17 or 18, the latter 14 or 15. To be clear: I am only talking about the story synopsis. Add a couple of words - Joe Smith was fifteen and entering freshman year at James Western High School, and the whole world knows who the protagonist is. Look up Freshman in Wiki and you will get an idea of just how different every country's school systems are and it's confusing. There is nothing to change in the rest of the story, because with a couple of words in the synopsis we all know what a freshman is!

Yes, title plays a part in story choice, as does a cover, and most importantly the synopsis (the latter often gets ignored and I reckon authors lose readers because it's added as an afterthought: without too much thought!). No particular author makes me read their latest book, but someone I have read will make me look at the synopsis and maybe read it. Ditto next question, no, I wouldn't make time for any particular author simply because of their name. Amount of reading time has an influence. I don't usually read more than one book at a time and I'm not going to pick up a story or series that's been running years and stretches to the size of War and Peace! Mood, I guess it influences reading, but a good story creates a nice mood. Stop reading factors: nothing happens in the first chapter, it's so poorly written and the poor writting is not compensated by the story, it has too much detail which is irrelevant (he got up, got dressed, went into the kitchen sat down and said... instead of: over breakfast he voiced the fear that was still troubling his thoughts). Response from authors to comments and or messages definitely encourages reading. If you get even a little insight into the story, the author and the creative process, it adds a lot.

No, it's a link to Google, so nothing happens!

I don't have Google docs so have no idea what the themes are, but I guess most people here use Google so I am probably an isolated case. Good luck with the Anthology, I'll discover what it is when the vote is over.

Me too! I remembered reading a book, a work of fantasy/fiction/sci-fi, however you label it, featuring Gilgamesh and the flood. This was some time ago, but intrigued I went searching and found it, not on this site unfortunately: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/33327/neon No doubt many authors have been inspired by the ancient legend.

Dance over the Thunderclouds by Georgie D Hainaut is a gritty, realistic portrayal of a descent into hell. The story of one boy's abuse and struggle through the depths of mental illness. A tragedy which plunges the reader into a dark world which brings you face to face with an uncomfortable and challenging reality. However, even with the dark theme this story in it's own way is uplifting. There may be no happy ending, but there are moments of joy and hapiness. The constant struggle with personal demons is always there, but at the same time, there are those rare individuals willing to go the course and offer their friendship, love, and help. This is a very human tale, told in a very sensitive way, and it cannot fail to touch you. It may make you look at how you view mental illness, it may make you angry, it will definitely raise strong emotions. It's a rollercoaster, but compelling, no matter the grim realism. A final word, English is not the author's mother tongue and for this you need to make a certain allowance. Having said that, the story is very understandable and not difficult to read, apart from the subject matter itself. In my opinion this story raises itself above the average and might easily gain a literary prize, at the very least you ought to take a look so long as you want to read a real life tragedy and can cope with the intensity.

It was a wonderful and beautiful story with a tragic ending and yet the way you wrote the tragedy was sublime and full of love and in a way Dominic laid to rest his troubled life which despite everything he endured still had moments of joy and happiness. There was a tear in my eye, an enduring sadness at the end, but real life isn't much like fantasy and there is nothing to apologise for telling it as it is. Of course there are readers who seek escapism, entertainment, and a nice happy ending, this story may not be for them, but it is not sickening. It is well written, sensitively written, and pretty damned good, an excellent piece of writhing which might easily earn a place as book of the month, it could win a prize, because, quite simply, it is on another level. Well done, I loved it.

I did too and I screwed it up and he died, I find it hard to forgive myself.

The committing (forced, non-consensual) to a psychiatric hospital in Germany seems like it should be re-examined. I live in France where such an action is similar to what @Petey describes for Canada. In brief: 72 hours (maximum) confinement ordered by the Préfet, but this can be changed to 24 hours after examination by a professional. In the first instance of committal to a hospital the doctor signing the certificate must be a doctor who does not work at the hospital (independent). The patient is evaluated after 24 hours and again at 72 hours (if kept in hospital). Then 2 separate doctors must each sign a certificate to prolong the stay in hospital and this every month. A judge must review the stay in hospital on the 12th day. In brief: the protection of the patient appears very archaic in Germany and your system of health care and civil liberties needs reviewing. For a progressive major European country what you describe is rather shocking. I'm not sure how this compares across Europe, but it ought to be brought to the attention of the European Parliament, after all, we are talking about basic human rights to proper care and protection. I have not read this in it's entirety: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.euro.who.int/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/280604/WHO-Europe-Mental-Health-Acion-Plan-2013-2020.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi25tiRx-H6AhUIQRoKHbeoDd8QFnoECDAQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3moKjV8F5iEomNdyLE1Foa It is the European Mental Health Action Plan 2013 - 2022. The link is a PDF to download.

You do yourself an injustice thinking readers would stop at the first chapter. Sure there is a little language thing, but the story and the way it's told by far outweigh that, it is easily readable and well narrated. Okay, a lot of people tend to stick with one or two favourite authors so they won't discover anything new, but that's life, nothing ventured nothing gained, their loss.

I understand patient confidentiality, but Tobi is Dominic's partner and also in some part his carer. Monika, if she isn't able to share Dominic's history could explain without going into detail or better still, could ask Dominic if she could share some aspects of what he has been through with Tobi. As things are, Tobi is a part time carer in the dark about what might trigger Dominic, because he knows hardly anything about his past abuse. There ought to be some way to react to a triggered crisis and not simply standing watching and then pumping the boy full of sedatives to sleep it off like a drunkard. And what's with committing him to be restrained by the court for a minimum of two weeks in a psychiatric hospital? That normally is decided by the psychiatrist. If he poses no threat to himself or others he could be sent home?

It is more a question about: do readers want a regular weekly publishing schedule (if so I wait until the next book is more or less complete) or do readers want chapters as they become available (which means irregular publishing and maybe long gaps between posting)?

Another great chapter with a very interesting insight into therapeutic psychology and the use of a trained dog to support the patient. I couldn't help but make the comparison with the huge teddy bear Tobi had given Dominic in hospital. Cuddly furry creatures provide comfort, that's for sure, every kid has their little friend, for adults living furry animals work better.

Faced with a choice... should I start publishing the third book in the series or hold off until it is completed? I welcome any comments on the way to go. Violetta Cantagalli 3. Quantum Shift Zachary, Lowerstoff, Emile, and Touma, are bound together setting off to find Violetta Cantagalli, Emile's mother. There is a question hanging over their relationships which might be just as important as the question of the multiverse and its realities. Realities which are fracturing in explosive and devastating ways. Revelations come thick and fast. The world where they find themselves is familiar, but knowing that doesn't much help. The key may be the key, or it might be Touma Shimizu and Zachary.

Zachary, Lowerstoff, Emile, and Touma, at the Foyer Des Jeunes Travailleurs De La Cité Des Fleurs.

I was about to reply to @Petey with the same answer that unless the person is a dangerous person they do get released to end up who knows where. I would not call this a shocking story, but so far one full of hope. Tobi still has Dominic with him, trying to care and help, which is not easy, not easy at all. Having had contact with mentally ill people it can be very challenging and scary. The only thing Tobi has failed to do and Monika failed to set up, is some outpatient after hospital care. Dominic should be seeing someone on a regular basis to help him find as normal a balance as possible. It is also surprising he is not prescribed drugs, usually medication is given as a remedy to keep the person out of hospital. I don't believe that is any sort of cure or even desirable, but sometimes maybe it is necessary, I don't know, but some help is needed. The two of them on their own have very little chance of surviving. All Dominic's past childhood trauma needs to be worked on, with professional help. As things are, one or two potential disasters have been narrowly avoided. He could have disappeared in the city, but for a kind old lady, he could have jumped out of the car and killed himself. This threat has not gone away just because by chance he survived.

Another excellent chapter (I am quite liking these long chapters). The story and characters are engaging the aspect noir of the fiction makes the story interesting and stand out from the majority. The development of Dominic's mental state is very realistically described. The little back stories of the other characters add to the story, they could be further developed, especially Tobi, who we know very little about which makes me very curious.

More artwork: the opening scene from Hamilton Gode (chpt. 1).

Comments, reactions and critiques: let's start with critique, it is very difficult to read a chapter of 20k words. It's a book, or novella, and dividing it into smaller chapters would make life easier. For one thing, finding where you left off, for another, I couldn't even copy and paste to read off line because it's too big for my tablet's clipboard. Next point: it would be even better if the English was tidied up to be, well, more readable. I guess you translated it or anyway did your best, and I applaud you, but the story deserves to be tweaked around a bit to read like English ought to read. Final point (on critique) why make concessions to American readers even if that is your target audience. The book is set in Berlin, the guy weighs 54 kilos, I don't have a clue (note: clue not clou) what 120 pounds is! Germans don't use cell phones, they use telefons or handys! If you must you can explain in brackets, but it's easy enough to Google and I like learning about other cultures which includes the language. Reactions: great story, well told, very realistic, could be outstanding with a few improvements. That's why I hit loved it, for you the author, not the harrowing tale of a decent into hell. But actually it is a real story, there are lots of guys like that or in comparable states and everyone is inclined to desert them, including me. And I feel terribly guilty for ignoring such a cry for help, only sometimes it's hard to handle. Quite often it ends in tragedy and people die. Comments: the reactions you get and comments are often directed at the storyline, the plot and history. People tend to ignore the writing. The story is compelling and I read all 20k words despite the niggles I've critiqued. In summary, absolutely superb job, well done.

I don't think it's policy to add artwork to stories, so I thought I could put it here. Hamilton Gode New Edition - Chapter 2 - Asilah 1975 - The sea wall with mosque below and town beyond.

If it is approved I shall be publishing Hamilton Gode New Edition. For the moment I have taken off the series label because the new edition will become book one. As a new author I published my first book Hamilton Gode hoping for readers and feedback. Following comments I received and as I progressed what is intended as a series, I realised I needed to make changes. Hamilton Gode New Edition is a rewrite, not simply a revision, because I have changed from first to third person narrative, which fits with the rest of the series. This encompasses rewriting some passages. The constructive criticism (thanks to @W_L ) I received highlighted a need to not only have plot, but good character development. I have added some more detail and a little foreshadowing of the nature of the inter-relationships. If you have already read book one Hamilton Gode the plot and action remains unchanged. I did not want to replace the original, so hence this new edition.