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JeffsFort

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Everything posted by JeffsFort

  1. OMG! Sad thing is, I'd watch this... LOL!
  2. OMG... Daddy’s Home! Wasn’t there music behind that? I gotta go find it now XD
  3. I believe there were one to many "Shablams" in there XD
  4. I get this one and you are right that sometimes to get a story that breaks the mold, you gotta write it yourself. The funny thing, even a story that is "new ground" for you won't be for everyone no matter how hard you try. I was totally convinced that my first story posted online was different from anything else out there. It had all the elements of a plot twist that I felt hadn't been used and it was based in my real past. How could that have anything in common with anyone else's work? Then I began to get feedback from its readers. At first, it was encouraging. People would try to guess where I was heading and when they were completely wrong, I'd do a little happy dance in my chair. (Not a pretty sight actually. Humorous maybe...) Then people started to get closer and closer to the actual plot in their guessing. One guy actually got so close, I thought about rewriting the outline. That's when I realized that as long as you are singling out one specific genre, there is a limited amount of outcomes. Now factor in the fact that the people looking for these stories are looking for the same thing that I was back then. You know, the exact same stories that made me decide to write my own. Then all you need to do is step back and think about how many people reading went through the same lousy situation growing up and wanted the same better ending and then guess what, we all are coming from a similar mold. Our unique situations have just as many similarities as they do differences. So why would the stories we write be completely different? We all wanted the same better ending and we all will probably write that into our story. So even though we want to walk a different path, they all seem to lead to the common "happy ever after" that everyone wants but is frightened to never find. (Boy is gay, boy feels left out, boy finds someone who understands, boy finds a way to feel like he fits in, boy finally meets boy...) You may not have read everything out there but often, you actually can feel like you've "Seen It All" and not be completely wrong.
  5. OMG, is that game play graphics? I gotta check this out
  6. So, there is a lab somewhere doing genetic experiments, WFM is one of the successes then
  7. There is one red flag that I have never been good at determining how genuine it is but have gotten lucky to spot on occasion. Expressed homophobia. We’ve all seen this and it often hurts...but is it genuine or put on as a smoke screen? That’s the problem with this one. A good example I can think of was a crush I had on this kid Billy when I was about 14. (Name May or may not be made up, you decide.) Billy moves into our neighborhood and he was a dream to look at. Beautifully bronze tanned, slim build, soft wavy sun bleached blond hair, ice blue eyes... OMG thinking about this kid now STILL gives me a shiver. I strategically wormed my way into his daily routine and immediately tried to get a fix on his interests. Like me he loved the beach, his main transportation was his bike or his skateboard just like me, he loved hockey and loved to play street hockey...We had so much in common that I found myself seriously falling in lust with him. I soon decided to test the water a bit and see if he was game. This one day I was watching TV and he came in wearing the usual summer uniform, his yellow “short” bathing suit and ratty sneakers; nothing more. Anyway, I was sitting in a chair near the door and he put his foot on it, giving me a very good view of one of his “boys”. I pretended not to see at first so I could burn the image into my mind before deciding to go for broke. I looked at him and shook my head “You come over to show off?” I laughed and motioned to his shorts. He looked down, and then really looked and realized how exposed he was. This beautiful boy, this kid who for the past couple of months had become my right hand man and had so much in common with me looked back at me and with a dead straight expression replied with “What, are you a f*ck*ng homo?” in a very disgusted tone. The worst part part of it all is never being sure if this is an actual red flag or simply over doing it with the “No Homo” mask that some of us wore when we weren’t ready to come out to the world. That overcompensation that develops when some of us think that it “shows” somehow. Over reaction or not, when you are just as young and just as unsure of how you will be taken, the only way to take it is at face value. I sighed and said “Jesus dude, I was joking.” and got up and left him in my house. I took a walk to the store and got a drink, then went down to the tide wall and watched the ocean for an hour or so and decided that I no longer wanted to spend any time with someone who could be that mean at the drop of a hat. He took the hint and went home. He tried a few times to pretend nothing had happened but, it just hurt to think that he had the potential to hate me because I liked him. A few months later when winter was in full swing, his family moved away. Never knew where he went and he never knew any more about what happened that day other than I saw an ugly side of him that I wasn’t willing to tolerate...no matter how much else we had in common. Until that moment, ugly was miles away from him and then suddenly, it was all I could see in him. I didn’t know it until years later but, I may have been lucky to recognize that as a red flag. If not and he really was that homophobic, back in the 80s he would have been able to cause me some serious grief with others in the neighborhood. It turns out, because I was so blinded by his beauty that I didn’t see, or chose not to see that he was just a jerk to anyone who he didn’t see as cool as himself. Always trust that gut feeling I suppose.
  8. Hahaha, yeah you gotta totally mame us to stop us. Muhahaha Feel better Comsie. I'd pat you on the back but... ow
  9. Aw man, you know when I was a kid and hiding my feelings from everyone, I used to simply assume that anyone I was interested in was straight and there was no way I was ever going to have a boyfriend. Any girl they spoke with felt like competition that I just wasn't going to measure up to. I was jealous of girls just for being girls. Which made me angry cause I liked being a boy, almost as much as I liked other boys. Granted, the locker room or shower in school gave me a better view than they would ever have of just about anyone I ever wanted to see naked or even close to it. Just the fact that I felt that I needed to pretend I wasn't interested just felt so unfair. I guess I grew up in the wrong decade to be comfortably open that way. (The right one for open showers with friends after P.E. though. <grin>)
  10. Well, there have been quite a few Walmart isle performances the past couple of years
  11. Wow. I don't know what exactly this is in response to but I've seen it far too often. I watched people who have shared something that they put a huge piece of themselves into be absolutely crushed by someone who felt it was their right to criticize. I've even watched people who really shined when they found a small piece of the spotlight online just throw away their work and vanish. Just gone. Because of an inconsiderate reader who couldn't do better but felt it their duty to tear apart that work and damn the feelings of the person it destroyed in the process. Over the years, I've gotten my fair share of hate mail. Complaints about my grammar, punctuation useage, poorly executed plot devices, deviations from the expected path... every single one of them came from two types of people. Those who have never written a word and shared it, and those who have posted work online but feel that their methods or beliefs or process... etc... are superior. So they need to prove it by soiling other people's work. I'd like to say that it's easy to just let it roll off. To not be affected. To not care that X thinks I suck at what I share. I'm human. We all are. Comet, I can think of no one who has put as much of themselves into their work as you have over the years. I personally am grateful to have found you and your work as it has seriously impacted me in my own corner of this zoo we call an internet. If you can't let it roll off, we will understand. For every one jerk out there, there are 20 who would be devastated if you dropped all and walked away. Keep that in mind when these people troll you and if they become too persistent, we want names and addresses *HUGZ*
  12. Difficult... Puhleeze! How often do you get the opportunity to work with someone who you have always looked up to? Seriously. For that alone, I would repair a hundred Imagine-Magazines (don't get any ideas). Over the years, through all the crap either of us has been through and the fact that we are still here. My prized possession, in the end, is a friendship that I treasure and a brother who I will be there for if and when I am ever needed. Besides, what kind of little brother would you be if you weren't a little difficult. LMAO! *HUGZ* I am still waiting on Stealth you know... Just sayin' ;)
  13. Awesome! Can't wait to see what you have in store! No seriously, I can't wait. Email it or something ;) *HUGZ* Happy Anniversary and welcome back to the web IM!!!
  14. This looks awesome! Edit: aw, that’s all there is. I was hoping it was a trailer. Really well done tho.
  15. Racism is always an ugly topic as it’s fostered by ugly people with ugly virtues. I generally avoid discussing it unless I happen to cross paths with someone who doesn’t hide the fact that because of their race, sexual orientation, social status, underwear size... that they are somehow superior to another. It drives me nuts but there are times that this person has been taught these beliefs and has never questioned their teaching. I usually respond to comments that insinuate that “so and so” is someone to look down upon, with confusion. “Oh really? Why?” You would be surprised how many people don’t have an answer to such a simple question. It does leave the floor wide open to start the discussion why I don’t feel the same and once in a great while, you can see them question themselves. Not often enough but, I’ll take my wins wherever and whenever I can. I don’t see why a discussion can’t happen but, keep an eye out. Feelings can be unintentionally be hurt and misunderstandings happen too easily when text fails to relay the underlying intent and emotion of some comments, which happens all too often. *HUGZ*
  16. JeffsFort

    Chapter 3

    It seems like a lifetime ago when I first read this story. All these years later it is still so powerful. God I wish I could write like this. Hehehe...
  17. JeffsFort

    Chapter 9

    So, I decided to start all over and realized part way in “wasn’t Taryn’s song like 3 parts? And now it’s 9!?!” So, I read on and learn so much more about what happened after Taryn decided to take Trevor up on his offer. Now, I loved getting more of a look into this time period but... I had already accepted the old “ending” and this is now hanging. I love ya Comet but, you gotta do something about this. Hehehe!
  18. Okay... I spoke too soon. Found it on YouTube in it’s entirety. (Their own website doesn’t mention where to find it. I just took a blind stab and got lucky.) I watched it and agree, we need to see this, all of us. I think the idea is amazing and maybe that message will be heard by even more in this fashion. Removed by reality, the typical stigmas may appear to be far enough removed for those unable to find that common ground. The basic idea that those who are homophobic would end out pulling for the ones who are being discriminated against for having those values... It could be enough for them to make the connection to senseless hate that is very real here and now. What an excellent film. “I’m not crying, you’re crying!” *HUGZ*
  19. Yeah Comet... Have you actually seen the movie itself? I would love too but there is no way without a planned screening evidently. I will probably contact the production staff and see if they plan on making physical copies or digital download purchases a possibility. I mean, I would absolutely be willing to buy a copy of it based on the premise and the trailer alone and I’d bet I’m not alone. *HUGZ*
  20. I've always joked that my gaydar was either broken or, I got the economy trial gay'ish'dar which is a beta version and buggier than a piece of hard candy sitting next to an ant hill. As I've told many people throughout the years, I am a gay male who is attracted to straight acting males. Flamboyancy has always struck me as a little over the top and doesn't really interest me. I'm not sure why that is but, it does mean that if I am to ever find "the one" I would need a really good gaydar. I've always been able to find straight guys who weren't hung up on the whole "messing around with a friend" thing, which was awesome when I was a teen but always ended out in a heartbreak once it was no longer wanted. (Guy finds a girlfriend, moves away, gets bored with sex play with someone who is just a friend...) As an adult, feeling that out with other adult males can be responded to violently so, that would be where my gaydar should help. Right? No, not at all. When I was a kid, I found this type of attraction in older teens. I found it in an adult only once when I was still really young (10) and he took advantage of my immature knowledge so he could hurt me. Granted, I'm an adult now but, that fear and anxiety rises to the surface with peer-aged males. Hence, how I believe my gaydar got broken in the first place. There have been times when I really thought another guy was cute but, they were "too straight" to even consider so I never even tried. Times when I would either run into that person years later and meet their boyfriend "Oh yeah, by the way. I'm gay." or be talking to another friend and be told, "You knew so-and-so was gay, right?" When that started happening too often, I just gave up on my gaydar and any hope of finding someone who wanted to share my life with me. Sad thing is, there is no warranty against breakage with a gaydar. If it becomes gay'ish it generally causes more heartache than if it was simply nonexistent. Yes, I've called gaydar tech support already. They asked for my member ID. Apparently, the economy trial beta version isn't supported anymore.
  21. Aw man, I have such a huge smile thinking back to this one right now. So, when I was about twelve years old, there were two boys I used to look at dirty mags with and we um...did stuff Anyway, they were a couple of years older than me. One was like a cousin, let's call him John and the other, his best friend and for me, a HUGE crush. For this, let's call him Sean. So, we used to have fun mimicking what we saw in the magazines and this one day, it was a picture of two girls kissing, open mouth, really getting into it. Well, Sean says "Kiss me" and he draped a bandana over his mouth. I giggled (read: almost fainted) and dramatically leaned in for the money shot. I held it for a couple of seconds and then when we broke it off, he did the same with John who didn't seem all that interested and pushed him off with a laugh. Thinking he was done, I silently filed the moment away for future reference and turned the page. Then he said that he wasn't done with me yet, and turned to me with the bandana on again. Far be it from me to refuse so I leaned in again but, he let the bandana drop, on purpose and we locked lips for real. This time in shock, I held the kiss, and my breath but almost died when I felt his tongue on my lips. It started out funny but got seriously intense. We both were flushed after that one and to this day, it's one of the best kisses I've ever had. With Sean, it happened a few times after that and there have been a few people since then, but none that seemed to change my world like that one day when I wasn't expecting it to ever be a possibility. A piece of me still misses him...
  22. Unfortunately, I perceived a real pressure to stay in or risk losing the friends I had. It was funny because my introduction to sex was by two older boys when I was really young so, when they decided it was time for it to end, I was both hurt and confused. So it seems that somehow what we were doing was wrong? I already knew that our fathers would hurt us if he found out we were swiping their dirty magazines but, when we stopped because one boy simply stated “I have a girlfriend now...” that suddenly it just wasn’t right, and something that had to stop. I clearly got the message that it was okay in secret if friends who both want to look at the adult stuff together do it with each other. It’s even okay if they help each other out if they are close enough. As long as it didn’t get “too gay”. You also had to walk into that knowing at some point that it was going to end and if you wanted to keep that friend, it had to be no big deal when it did. I would mess around with a few friends, develop a secret crush on each one and because they were open to it, mess around with them sexually and pretend it was mutual. But the second a girl came into the mix, it was all over. By my late teens, I simply gave up on anyone accepting me as a gay male and being interested in a loving relationship that would last. It was only with other teens too. There was one adult when I was still preteen but that got violent and hurt me so I never felt that way toward an older male again. It was miserable and lonely but, I had friends and most of my family was there for me so, I felt I had a lot to lose if I came out. So I just didn’t. It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I finally told my family and close friends. It took a while for my family to get used to the idea but, I was still just “me” to them. In some areas I began to make sense to them now. Some of my friends didn’t take the news well, even started bashing me behind my back (so they thought) so, I did lose some friends along the way. That was what I expected though so, it sucked to not be proven wrong. Today, I’m careful but I don’t hide it from anyone. Granted, I don’t give any real reason to be questioned either. I recently had a coworker tell me a gay joke and laughing he said “I hope you’re not gay.” and I laughed back I replied “I am but that was funny.” Then continued the conversation. It’s not the 80’s anymore and I believe most of the people around us know that anyone could be gay so they aren’t as shocked when they learn that you are. Sure, good old fashioned homophobic people are still out there but, I don’t care what they think of me anymore. Not like when I was a kid... *HUGZ*
  23. Hiya Comet! So, I've been reading these posts and day to day life keeps getting in the way of answering. I really admire the work you've been putting in and have put in for **grumble, grumble** years... Hehehe! My answer to this question is part of the reason I ended out online, and why I surrounded myself with people who felt as I did when I absolutely couldn't do the same in real life for many years to come. There are two layers to my answer though. I was introduced to gay sexual play when I was only 8 years old. What happened originally, I walked in on two older friends looking at a dirty magazine, with their hands down the front of each other's pants. Instinctively, I swore to never tell and tried to leave. That's when one of them suggested that if I looked too, then I couldn't tell on them. Now, one of these boys was as close to me as family and the other his best friend. At 8-years-old, I idolized these boys and since my home life was pretty awful, attention from them meant the world. Besides, I was curious as to what they were doing anyway. So, I looked. It was pictures of naked women with combinations of men and women engaged in doing the nasty. At first, I thought the pictures were stupid (Hey, I was 8) but what got me was what my friends were doing and how much they seemed to like it if someone else touched them. I learned what masturbation was and how to do it, I learned what a blowjob was and how they were given and I got a crash course on what sex was. I got aroused but what excited me most was the fact that my friends, these older boys (10 and 11) included me and liked me enough to let me play too. I didn't know what gay was and I didn't care. I do remember wondering why they even needed the pictures. I rarely looked at them, watching the action right there in the room was way better. Once I offered to mimic some of what we saw on them, it started a trend of us helping each other out. Still, I loved them both and would have done anything they asked. Not once did either force me to do anything and not once did I need to be asked if I wanted in. Sounds great, right? I had really become dependant on these two as an outlet and it sucked when we went for long periods of time without going there. One time not long after my 10th birthday, after being separated from them for a few months, I found an adult family member who I "accidentally" learned liked many of the same things we did and in the one time that it turned into us helping each other out, he cornered and hurt me to get what he wanted. (Like I said, not a great household. I'd never trust an adult male in a position where I was so vulnerable again.) The last time we went out there for a visit (I was almost 16 at this point), the boy who was like family had found a girlfriend and couldn't be bothered anymore. The other boy, now 19 at this point hung out with me at his house for the last time as he planned to go into the Army. Our last time together was the last time I didn't regret how I felt about a teen male. I realized that they were moving on and even though that last day was mind-blowing, it would be the last time for many years that I wouldn't feel like an outcast because of how I felt. They moved on and I expected to do the same. Unlike them, I never grew out of that phase and crush after crush on best friends would hurt deeply because I learned that being gay was something bad in the eyes of others. I had heard the tauntings of children before. "Fag", "Faggot", "Fairy", and "Homo" were insults you never wanted to be applied to you. So, I went from blissfully enjoying myself openly with two boys I loved in every way I knew how. to pretending to be like everyone else just to fit in. It was a horrible time and one that started the downward spiral of self-hatred that would overshadow most of my young adulthood. To this day, I have never found someone I would consider a partner in this life. Family and close friends know the whole story now, the one I hid for almost three decades. But by the time I realized that the term "Gay" actually applied to me, I fought against it as hard as I could for fear that I would become labeled and hated. I would look at it as a cruel joke the universe was playing on me. So, I learned to like sexual contact with older peers in my pre-teen years. As a teen, I would learn that I was the round peg that life was trying to stuff into a square hole, and did what I could to become the square peg. As an adult, I understand why I hated who I was and regret so much lost time trying to be someone who I absolutely was not. Seeing so many younger adults being true to themselves today, I envy them and sometimes even wish I had been born a couple of decades later than I had been. As always, I share this because some may understand already and some may better understand why not too long ago, being yourself really could be something you could be hated for. Today, I care a little less about acceptance and a lot more about finding the things that make me happy. Hope you all are doing the same. *HUGZ* -JeffsFort-
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