LemonSoda

Being an account of the adventures of Sir Ilinot, a knight and bastard son of Arthur, King of Britain.

I didn't realize people were trafficked into politics. 🤔 I have nothing but sympathy for prostitutes. It's their exploiters "sex partners" who ought to be ashamed.

I guess I did not explain why this feels weird to me well. Sorry. The sibling spouse part only factors in for me at all because of the years of pining. It's the years of one-sided infatuation I find the most perplexing and uncomfortable. And that's not a knock against the story; characters should behave in perplexing, uncomfortable ways. And from a story perspective, this is a fantastic angle and I'm for it. I just thought it was interesting the pining doesn't trigger the same sense of "run, Kyan, run" for other people. (my comments are sometimes the equivalent of taking notes in class like "hmmm. pining considered normal human mating behavior. interesting. better memorize that in case it's on the social interactions test later.")

Kyan, no offense, but every family I've known like that, the parents cared more about the judgment of people outside their family than they did for the wellbeing of any of their children. Which I'm guessing is why they never got Dayna any therapy for whatever her brain thing was (my character type is apparently 'mentally unwell character whose family resents them.' let's not explore that thought any further.) I truly don't understand why it would be a problem in the alternate universe where Dayna lives if Perry had never admitted to Kyan that he was pining. But then, I also don't understand pining for years over someone unavailable, and if I were Kyan that confession alone would be enough for me to move to the other side of the country and change my phone number and possibly also my name. That's not even getting into the brother-in-law part. But uh I'm gathering from the comment section that it doesn't make other people nearly as uncomfortable as it makes me, so I'll assume that the actual reason I'm weirded out by Perry's pining is for the same reason I like reading romance stories in the first place: the way other people discuss their attachments and relationships is foreign and inexplicable. Romance stories give a great look at the thought processes behind the weirdly intense relationships other people have with one another. So I guess long-term pining is a side effect of being a weirdly intense attachment type of human.

I'm dead. This is hilarious. I get the mourning subtext but the narrative tone continues to be so funny and delightful.

Your use of first person was a great choice for showcasing your strength in dialog. That voice! I'm excited to read for the voice alone wow wow wow

💀💀💀 Perry wtf way to approach that conversation with future serial killer vibes are you trying to sabotage yourself or what (also wait did I actually catch up to the most recent chapter? wild. can't believe it. now I have to wait like everyone else? terrible.)

noooo not the eggplant. I'll never get tired of emoji misunderstanding jokes in my fiction. truly timeless. also the ending hahahahaha good job, Ava. love it.

Am I alone over here in Dayna fandom. Alas. Wouldn't be the first time I latched onto a character nobody else liked. I'll just be over here in my corner.... I love Perry and Kyan, too, and I'm rooting for them, but I find Dayna a fascinating character. She's so integral to the story despite not being truly present. Everything we learn about her is second-hand, so I'm inclined to take that information with a grain of salt. The relationship she had with Kyan was obviously unhealthy in some respects, but there was a lot working against a healthy relationship there. Dayna's issues + Kyan's issues + immediately being thrust into new parenthood = problems that would have taken a bit of time to work out. And Kyan is growing and maturing, but Dayna will never get that chance. So I choose to believe that if she had lived they could have worked out their underlying issues as they both grew and matured together. Admittedly, I'm viewing this from the perspective of someone whose relationship history goes something like "He wants to make all the decisions. I want to avoid them. This is clearly the foundation for a healthy romance." so I'm probably projecting onto the Dayna/Kyan relationship a bit. Can't blame the decision maker when the reason you were into them in the first place was the fact they took charge of all the decisions.

Love the opening line. If I were Perry's family my perspective would be " you're not in love with Kyan. you were never in love with him. The most attractive thing about him to you has been his unavailability, which has allowed you to construct a fantasy about what would happen if he were to reciprocate without ever putting yourself into an emotionally vulnerable position with another person." But LOL I do want him to actually stop avoiding and have the "I really LIKE like you" conversation. So I look forward to his growth as he learns emotional vulnerability. Despite the fact his parents tell him "it's fine to date Kyan, it won't make you a villain" nobody actually believes it is possible to have this relationship without someone playing the villain role, and thus they cast Dayna in that role, because she's dead and that's the route of least resistance. :c Her story is truly tragic ahhh, Kyan, good job on derailing a potential romance conversation with finances. (okay, actually, that was very responsible and I'm proud of him, even if the timing is bad and the answer is bad and the angst is about to be off the charts, isn't it)

Maybe you're right, and if so, that would be great. I'd be thrilled. However, my prediction of suffering is not because of whether Perry does or doesn't reciprocate. He'll get over that. And should. I think he'll suffer because Kyan continues to actively give him hope that he has a chance while knowing he doesn't. And I think it will hurt because Kyan is his friend. It's not respectful to the people you care about to try and dodge the truth because you don't wanna deal with the fallout of their hurt feelings. It's a control tactic. It's just not an overt control tactic, and we convince ourselves we're doing it for other people, because we care so much about their feelings, and not because we're scared. and I say this as someone who struggles to not be Kyan in this type of situation. I, too, would prefer to put off dealing with the problem until it's unavoidable. But IME the damage control you gotta do to repair relationships when you go that route is costly. Hence my prediction Max will suffer.

"Why was my endlessly pregnant wife, who was also in college for almost the entire time we were together, with the exception of our last six months (during which she was enduring a difficult pregnancy) as sexually experimental as her brother, who can't get pregnant and is not trying to pass college" wow sounds like we have a mystery on our hands. also, Kyan, bro, from one passive neurotic to another, you can't blame other people when you go along with their shit bc they're more confident and more assertive bc I know the truth. It's so comforting to not have to step up. Don't you use her as your security blanket and then turn around and blame her for it. It's great you're being more assertive with Perry but uh you had to stop relying on your security blanket because she DIED, that probably has had something to do with your newfound assertiveness. Throwing Dayna under the bus ain't it. I love the bros, they're great. And LOL @ Kyan's very relatable overthinking. Other people can't hurt you if you hurt yourself on their behalf first. Hope he learns to chill on the overthinking tho or he and Perry are never getting together

^this sent me man, there's so much cute and humor and shit in this chapter. but this flashback to pining Perry is uh. Hmm. I have some concerns. IDK "I fell for my dead baby sister's boyfriend the moment I saw him, without knowing him at all, even though I had a boyfriend, and have pined for him ever since" 🚩🚩🚩 I hope Kyan doesn't find out bc if I were him and I learned this, I'd run so fast nobody would see me again. but I want them to work it out so take this secret to your grave, Perry. take it to your grave

....you're making me so glad my sister and I don't have the same taste in men because this is messy 💀I'm rooting for Perry and Kyan to make it work but damn I'm glad I'm not either of them also, rip Max, who is currently my favorite character He's going to suffer tremendously when the truth gets out Also Dayna may be dead, but she's currently my second favorite character. Every time she's mentioned I feel for her more and more: the person who cleaned the kids rooms, the person who kept up the finances, endlessly pregnant while in college plus how difficult the pregnancies were for her...

At the court of King Arthur there abode a knight hight Ilinot, the which was Arthur’s son gat on the Lady Lysanor. And as he grew in might and strength, he was well proved in tournaments and deeds of arms, that he won much honor and worship. Yet he desired more worship, for he was but a young knight, and had not been made a knight of the Table Round. For no knight should be of that fellowship unless he had undertaken an adventure and proved himself thereby. So it befell news came to Ca

Sure. Good and meticulously planned aren't always synonyms, as much as I would sometimes like to believe they are. So you read and write so frequently you've gained an intuitive grasp of characterization and romance story structure and you also trust yourself to make it to the end without a detailed plan. Nice.

I'm sympathetic to the burning desire to improve (I'm team "can't share, have to revise for the 50th time" so I feel it.) But I think it is untrue when she says she's "not good at" some aspects of writing. Having room to improve isn't the same as not being good. I just. I just find it a little painful when people who have obviously clawed their way into a skill over years and years then downplay this. As for literature being subjective - okay, yes, there is a lot of preference involved in literature. However, when I say she has skill what I mean is this: I believe that her objective here was to tell a contemporary romance story that evokes strong emotions in readers due to the portrayal of grief and family bonding. I have not read the entire story, but so far her storytelling skills achieve this aim. And her prose skills must be solid, because if they weren't, then the prose would have distracted me from the story. (If she was obviously aiming for ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*style✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* I would want to notice the prose, but this isn't an experimental, artsy piece.) tl;dr: she has the skills to achieve her aim and thus should be proud of herself.

ಠ_ಠ Maybe, once I've read further, I'll discover you're guilty of sagging middles or falling apart endings but at the moment...Imma argue with you on this "not good at" thing. If there are aspects of writing you are weaker in I refuse to believe, based on what I've read thus far, that these writing weaknesses are anywhere lower than "competent" which is nowhere near the same thing. Darned skilled people and their refusal to accept reality.

"He wasn’t so sure. It was fucking loud, and the lights were annoying. You could barely move without bumping into someone." ah yes the nightmarish reality of 'fun'. Now I need to turn all my lights off and hide under a blanket to recover just from reading about clubbing, which shows that you did a great job at portraying the experience but also shudder. and RIP Max's heart this was inevitable but ouch

"he had never been good at picking up ‘vibes’" lol between this, the extreme avoidance, the 'lack of ambition' for college....for a minute there I thought "Kyan is brain family!" but then I remembered he said Dayna's family was great and his wasn't, so possibly not brain family and just severely traumatized and lacking the experiences necessary to learn social skills. the end result is still relatable though. At least he has Max to feed him conversation starters. Yeah, Max may have an ulterior motive, but it seems like it'd be useful to have someone saying "next time you see so-and-so ask them X question because it'll help you get to know them better."

uh I'm team grandpa on the pizza. there's too much pizza innovation going on over there. the fictional pizza crimes don't ruin the story, though, which continues to be compellingly written.

this was a cute chapter. I wish Max luck with the hot mess sister and her child. At least his hot mess sister's baby daddy seems to not be in the picture (or I assume not, since Max has guardianship and wishes his sister would give up her parental rights.) Regardless, I like this Max guy already and Kyan continues to be relatable in his neuroses and avoidance. Just because avoiding your problems made them worse in the past doesn't mean it won't work out this time. How many hours of tears does it take to bring your story to life so beautifully. or do your first drafts naturally begin with this much depth, in which case I'm jealous and want to know who you sold your soul to.

"It’s hard work being a pain in the ass. " so true, Kyan, so true. your characters are so lively and three dimensional. good sense of humor despite the heavy themes. good stuff so far.

who me? wdym "already"? I'm never not planning my exit.

" If Perry thought Kyan could do more than log in, he was mistaken." and "I rarely left the house without her" Kyan is very relatable #teamdisasterhermit you're continuing the strong characterization and emotional resonance of the first chapter--I got very close to crying. if there was really sad orchestral music in the background it would have pushed me over the edge for sure--but what I'm most struck by is your excellent pacing so far. Very impressive.