peter rietbergen

This is, again, a very good chapter, with a definitely convincing dialogue between Jill and Andrew. But, by the way: it needs to be re-read by the author, for the confusion between Drew and Andrew happens too often. Maybe the choice of Andrew for Drew's friend's name wasn't a felicitous one...

This gets better and better - because it does address all kinds of issues: homophobia, meritocracy, class-consciousness, inequality. Well done.

we know where this is leading, but the road towards it is exciting - and, equally important: "well written" !

It was - yes: it really was an emotional experience I'll cherish. Thank you so much !

This is very well done indeed. Moving, because the emotions are not theatrical, but real. Thank you for it.

This really is compelling reading - because you really make us see, though in an extreme way, what havoc can be wrought by the compulsion/addiction that social media often bring about. A cautionary tale - well-written and, therefore, the more convincing.

as you let your story develop, it becomes stronger, emotionally/psychologically deeper, and, inevitably, more convincing. Thank you.

sweet, cute, adorable - but also: articulate, well-observed, written with lots of humour - and, actually, insight, too. In short: Bravo - or, rather: brava...

dear author, Perhaps I'm not reading your otherwise fine story correctly, but I think soemtimes you're mixing up Rob and Zach. In the first paragraphs, you tell us - Rob's thoughts: "Vancouver is a great city. It’s where I grew up, where I came out, and where I was accepted without question." But then, near the end, Robert confesses to Zach he's never told anyone he's gay... Moreover, in this sentence - "As Rob spoke, my mind started to race. I’d been thinking about this moment all night. I wanted to tell Zach the truth" - I think Rob should read Zach, and Zach should read "him".... But maybe I'm mistaken... Best, Nick/Peter

this is definitely showing promise!

Haven't decided yet whether or not I "accept" the psychology of the Tom-person - in accepting the challenge or not being able to simply leave it. But once that barrier taken, I followed your "plot" willingly, and think it is very well-constructed. The experiment in style - first person with almost un-/impersonal descriptions of actions - is, indeed, (just) that: an experiment. As such, it works.

First, I noted the clever construction. Then the emotional depth. The fact that I cannot even begin to understand the need for polyamory is irrelevant. Bravo.

of course. It has to be Todd, the elder brother of Jake and Gilly - it explains why you have introduced him and his strange behavior. And the entire Sheridan household ticks the boxes, too.

Dear Josiah, if I may... Thanks, you fully fulfiled your promise.... regards Peter

dear Author: for what it's worth: you have far exceeded my expectations: a few lines, so compact, and yet so compelling, convincing. Bravo.