Ianstarlight

Maybe @Dodger this will surprise some people — and I apologize in advance if my words might upset anyone. Violence can never be justified. That’s clear. A non-consensual act is never acceptable, no matter the context. That said, the relationship between Robbie and Alex is far more complex than easy labels allow. Their previous physical dynamic, their instinctive chemistry, and the deep emotional traumas they both carry, have shaped a way of expressing desire that is heavily influenced by pain. I honestly don’t know if, in Robbie’s place, I would have reported Alex immediately. Maybe — at least initially — I would have tried to find a shared space for healing, for mutual forgiveness between two broken souls. I know it’s a romantic, maybe even idealistic thought, but something inside me feels that Robbie knows how much Alex’s own pain created monsters that Alex himself now rejects. And he knows their physical chemistry — once consensual and powerful — was never pure, but it wasn’t devoid of affection either. My intent is not to justify what happened. It’s simply to say that when true feelings exist, maybe — before throwing everything away — it’s worth at least trying to look inward, to heal together if possible. It’s difficult, I know. But maybe that too is a form of love: not complicity in harm, but a shared will to save each other.

Honestly, I thought Alex was like a caged lion — ready to rebel and show his wild nature — but I hoped that with Robbie, all that anger and violence would turn into something protective, transforming itself into rough, raw, passionate sex. Maybe not love, but at least a powerful, visceral affection — a bond of skin and sweat and fierce intimacy. I imagined Robbie finally feeling protected, even while submitting as he longed to do, but safely, lovingly protected by Alex. Such a pity… Now everything gets even more complicated — not to mention these fanatical religious people. Let’s hope it doesn’t end up with exorcisms or other crazy crap… As for Nathan… he’s becoming more and more of a mystery. There’s an ambiguity and a distance growing between the Nathan Robbie described at the beginning — sweet, present, emotionally available — and the Nathan we see now: cooler, a little arrogant, somehow always landing on his feet. Honestly, it’s hard to find clarity about what really happened between him and Robbie. Nathan’s complete absence, his lack of effort to save the relationship… it leaves a bitter taste. It’s too much — too cold. And that’s why, as I already said, I would love to see the story told from Nathan’s perspective too. It would help me, I think, to find a more neutral and peaceful position toward their breakup. Because right now, everything we know is filtered through Robbie’s emotions: through his love, his traumas, his emotional stress, his concussion… It’s hard to believe that not so long ago Nathan was holding Robbie’s hand at the hospital — and now (apparently) he already has a new boyfriend after the last one week? Really? 🤔 I would truly love to see the story from Nathan’s side. It would help to make peace with what happened — and maybe better understand who truly abandoned whom. In the end, when I think about difficult relationships and breakups, I can’t help but think: no story is more terrifying than a love story.

Robbie’s health issues are definitely serious and something we can’t ignore. I wonder how much they might have affected not just his perception of reality, but also how he experienced his relationship with Nathan — and with others too. After all, we’re seeing everything through Robbie’s eyes, and if those eyes have been clouded by trauma, pain, and emotional upheaval, then there’s a real chance that what we’re seeing might be distorted too. That being said, if even a part of what we’ve picked up in the story is true, then for Robbie to really have a true “after Nathan,” it feels necessary — maybe even to break free from my own romantically toxic habits — to: clear his mind of doubts and shadows, let his body feel free to desire someone new, and finally allow his heart to find a new direction. But to really move forward, he needs to remove any lingering ties to the past: maybe finding answers about Nathan (if possible), and getting clarity about what really happened with Alex. Only then, I think, Robbie can open himself to a future that’s truly free, whether that’s with Connor or with someone else, fully leaving behind the intense, complicated story he shared with Nathan.

Well, in the previous chapter I was wishing for Robbie to finally let go of Nathan, with both his body and his mind… but I certainly didn’t expect him to act so quickly — and so shamelessly! (🤣🤣🥳🥳😱😱) Regardless, his behavior now seems a bit over the top… Maybe Robbie doesn’t just need a good therapist, but above all, he needs to learn how to manage his compulsive and neurotic reactivity. The sexual provocation toward his adopted cousin doesn’t seem like a free and conscious act to me, but rather an explosive reaction to the latest developments in his emotional life. Honestly, I fear that this deterioration was significantly worsened by his accident and the effects of his concussion. Still… I remain curious to find out what’s really behind Nathan and his ambiguities. After all, we’re only seeing the story through Robbie’s mind… It would be fascinating to witness the story — at least once — through Nathan’s eyes. Who knows… 🤷‍♂️ — IAN

Well… the days are passing — at least a week has gone by — and the questions still remain. Dear Robbie, don’t you really care anymore about what Tom had to tell you about Nathan? And don’t you feel the need to have a proper talk with Alex about what Nathan revealed regarding their past? Maybe getting a few clear answers would actually help you find peace more easily. Letting go is simple — much simpler — when you have real alternatives in front of you: other guys, other chances for new relationships. But having true, solid reasons to disqualify who was beside you before &nbspcan become the final touch: no lingering bond with the body, no regrets clouding your mind — maybe even a healthy sense of repulsion. Freeing your mind is the essential condition for living your emotional life fully, freely, and happily. Without pain. Without remorse. — P.S. Let me say it again: the possibility of Nathan coming back could still exist… but it would come with compromises. By proposing a threesome, Nathan showed that he has already moved onto a different level than the one you two once shared. Would that really be enough for you, Robbie? I don’t think so. Already on the way back from Nathan’s house, without even needing to say it out loud, it was clear that something inside you had shut down. The disappointment was there — quiet, but undeniable. The truth is: to truly let go, there’s only one recipe: get him out of your skin, and out of your mind. The rest will follow. — IAN

You know, I kept thinking about it, after my comment on the previous chapter. I realize that I am still deeply soaked in my slightly toxic romanticism… and I still need to learn — again — to sift through my emotions. In reality, in love and sex, “forever” should not exist. It’s purely a romantic illusion, a promise that doesn’t belong to the nature of things. There are no guarantees of exclusivity over others. Only romantics stubbornly insist on idealizing such notions. And yet… even knowing that everything is inevitably temporary, when there is involvement, reciprocity, when — no matter what name you give to what you are living — the body intertwines with the mind and above all with the heart… then that joy is real. It’s so intense that it moves even the protagonists themselves. And these two young ones, Robbie and Nathan, they knew it. They lived it in its purest and most heartbreaking form: they cried for each other. They found themselves crying together, looking at each other, recognizing each other, marveling at the love that bound them together, so strong it overflowed from their eyes and could no longer be hidden. What could be truer, more disarming than that? And yet… despite all this, something broke. Nathan’s sexual appetite, bursting forth with the proposal of a threesome — without me wanting to pass moral judgment — left a scar. Even Robbie, with Alex, had experienced a harsher, freer kind of eroticism, a chemistry of the flesh, where even more extreme experiences might have been plausible, because it started from the body, from raw, conscious desire. But between Robbie and Nathan, something very different had taken root: shy attraction, tenderness, sweetness, the desire to discover each other slowly, to protect one another. A shy, clumsy, but genuine kind of falling in love. So what does a threesome have to do with all of that? That proposal is a jarring note, like placing a kitchen cabinet in a bedroom. Maybe it could make sense for a couple consolidated by years of mutual exclusivity, playing, innovating, keeping things lively… but not here. Not in this delicate, young, first love. What happened to you, Nathan? What haven’t you told us about yourself? Where has your heart gone? If that shared emotion, those tears, were real — and God knows how much I hope they were — then the waste of all that love is even more heartbreaking. But if that commotion was only an act, then it is something even more terrible: a perfect deception, capable of breaking something sacred. And I, who may still be sick with toxic romanticism, cannot help but think: that everyone, at least once in life, should be able to live something that makes them cry like that — cry out of wonder, out of the sheer beauty of love, of a love without deceit. Even at the cost of suffering. Because to truly love is always nobler than to live without ever having felt the heart overflow. IAN

I can’t define it precisely, but I have a bad feeling about Nathan. Yes, he was incredibly mature for his age, and so tender with Robbie at the beginning — when their story first started, and especially during Robbie’s time in the hospital. He seemed truly in love, deeply involved. But ever since Nathan started showing a certain sexual exuberance — almost an insatiable hunger — something changed. He became more physical, more greedy, less connected from the heart. Less emotional presence, more campy desire, more narcissism. The change is clear: from the sweet, blushing boy in love, to a bold, disinhibited diva flirting with the best catches around. And then… other cracks started to appear. The audition in Toronto: he didn’t want to share it with Robbie. He promised to call him on Sunday — and he didn’t. He missed school on Monday and Tuesday too. What is really going on? Oh Robbie, if the roles were reversed, Nathan would have called you ten times a day, sent you messages nonstop, searched for you everywhere. And now, you’re just waiting — silent, passive. Nathan has already left you — if not in body, certainly in spirit. The only thing left to understand is how long ago it really started… and why he never had the courage to discuss it with you honestly. And then there’s the matter with Alex. Nathan knew the kind of approach Alex had taken with him — the same as he had with you — and yet he never spoke openly about it. Another missed chance — an opportunity to laugh about it, to create more transparency, to clean the foundation of your relationship. Instead: silence. In conclusion, to me, Nathan’s character has progressively fallen apart. Too fickle. Too many secrets. Too much ambiguity. From the sweetest, most tender puppy… to an erotic diva chasing the best prospects in the cycle of desire. Maybe this is the perfect example of how the power of desire works: cruel, direct, brutal, without mercy. Instinct has no compassion. And desire, as we know, follows its own brutal rules. Here, even if there isn’t physical infidelity yet — and frankly, I doubt it — there is certainly infidelity in desire. And that, sometimes, is even more devastating. — Oh Robbie, and who is your real friend, your most faithful love? Tom. Once again, Tom is willing — for your own good — to tell you the truth, even if it hurts. Confide in him. Find the time. Listen carefully to what he has to say. Don’t be alone. Don’t silence your heart. — IAN

Language is fundamental — especially in relationships, obviously. The timing of words, the tone of words, and, just as importantly, the nuances… and even the deliberate but intuitive absence of words. I truly hope that someday AI will help bridge many of the gaps that exist today between people because of language barriers. I love through words, through their seductive nuances… and I can’t help but wonder: how could I love, be seduced, and seduce in return, without mastering the language like a native speaker? What a shame! If I had a child, if I had children, rather than wasting time on useless notions, I would invest everything to make them bilingual, trilingual, or even more — from the earliest age possible. What a gift it would be! I’m really happy to be here with all of you on this platform. Even with all the limitations — and despite how many shades of meaning I know I’m missing because of translation tools (my English is quite basic, and I know I miss so much of your brilliant play with subtext and subtlety) — I’m still here, because sometimes I try to fill the gaps with intuition, imagination, and heart. I truly love your work, and your kindness in replying to me. You are clearly a truly good person. And who knows — maybe one day, somewhere, we might even meet in person. I’d love to shake your hand, invite you to dinner, share a good Italian meal, a glass of wine, and finally spend some real quality time together, speaking the same language. Thank you again. Take care. I really do care about you. — IAN

Among all these intertwined stories — erotic, sentimental, and romantic — I wish Robbie had been a little more welcoming toward his best friend, toward his very first erotic, sexual, and emotional feeling… Tom. Tom is there, for him. And among all these adorable messes, I would have loved for there to be at least one sweet moment, just between the two of them, private, unique — a silent reaffirmation of all the love that has been, and that will always be. I have no idea how much further this story will go, or how many years into the future it might embrace. In truth, I almost wish it could be A NeverEnding Story, a Tale of Forever Loving Friends. Maybe, someday, when they are older, during a vacation or a return trip to England, Robbie and Tom could still share intimate moments, just for themselves — a private, everlasting bond, their very own. — Thank you @Dodger for giving us this wonderful story. Even though I see from the index that you’ve gone far beyond the hundredth chapter, the magic hasn’t faded at all — especially for someone like me, who has arrived late but now devours each chapter eagerly, immersing myself, heart and soul, in the beautiful world you have built. — IAN

Having already commented on this in previous chapters — and feeling a spontaneous sympathy for the “unlikely” Alex–Robbie pairing — I had sensed, and I continue to sense, that erotic–sexual tension — but not only that — between them. Maybe because of my own romantically “toxic” instincts, I find myself wishing that healing for Alex could come not only through external support, like the intervention of social services to remove him from his contaminated family environment, but also through Robbie’s body and heart. On one hand, the body: that physical impulse Alex feels the urge to dominate, and that Robbie himself, deep down, seems willing to surrender to — as hinted by the shiver he feels whenever Alex teases him (not entirely joking) about ropes and handcuffs. On the other hand, the heart: the generous, sincere affection that is so deeply part of Robbie’s nature, hidden under his bright humor and his typical Cockney-style insecurity. I — and my hopelessly romantic self — dream for them a total meeting: body, instinct, emotion, mind. A complete kind of love. And Nathan? Dear Nathan… Nathan is something else, at least right now. He is — perhaps — a brilliant companion for Robbie, too brilliant, too beautiful, almost a little diva. Nathan is mature, consistent, sometimes even too much so for his age. But he comes from a life that, while maybe not perfect, has been much more complete, supportive, and accepting compared to the fragile, unstable paths of Robbie and Alex. Between Robbie and Nathan, there is certainly beauty, spark, attraction. But between Robbie and Alex… there is recognition. That deep resonance between restless souls who have learned to survive. The kind of connection you don’t build — you just feel. Recognition runs deeper than beauty. Flesh remembers. Hearts recognize. IAN

Thank you for your patience in reading and responding to all my thoughts. I forgot to mention — unfortunately, I’m a native Italian speaker, and I need translation tools to try to express as fully as possible everything I want to share with you. You give me so much — truly — and I want to give you just as much in return. Sadly, I imagine my translations from Italian might sometimes be a bit difficult to understand. Italian is a language rich with nuances, and sometimes my attempts to capture the care and precision of choosing one word over another might make the overall meaning more complicated. I’ll try in the future to be a little more concise and clear. Still, thank you for your wonderful replies and for your amazing work! (As you may have noticed, I’m devouring your story — and if I knew English even better, I would probably be reading it even faster! 🤩🥳) Take care! Ciao !! IAN

Robbie, please — make the call. Call Walter. You need to leave that family… they’re nothing but bigoted hypocrites. Cut them off. They will only keep you trapped with guilt, manipulation, and fake affection. They’re poisoning your spirit. You would be so much better off in a residential community, where you can finally live your truth freely. Leave them. Save yourself. P.S. This isn’t a family. It’s worse than the Gestapo. They investigate everything — even if you barely touch yourself in the shower. There’s no way to escape: they find out about everything, even things that are none of their business — especially about your sexuality and your experiences. And on top of that, they even demand you reveal your past relationships to your new boyfriend, even if those stories are long over. But why? Not every part of your truth needs to be shared compulsorily. There is such a thing as functional honesty — which doesn’t mean lying, but protecting the relationship from unnecessary cruelty. Forcing someone to confess every single detail about the past, even when it adds nothing and takes nothing away from the love that exists today, can be nothing but needless cruelty. And who are they to decide what you should or shouldn’t say? Don? Sue? And especially that nosy Nicola? Nathan himself has told you more than once that he doesn’t want to know about your past (about Tom). If and when the time is right, you, Robbie, will be the one to decide what to share with Nathan. And who knows — maybe Nathan has his own secrets too. Maybe his “friendship” with Daniel wasn’t entirely innocent, or maybe there are other stories we don’t know about… Robbie, call Walter. This so-called “family” isn’t working. Cut them off. Free yourself. You deserve to breathe. — IAN

I truly wish, as I have mentioned before, that there were residential communities specifically designed to protect the rights of minors — communities ready to step in when parents or guardians exhibit abusive behavior, such as in this case, disgustingly homophobic, preventing young people from living their emotional and sexual lives freely and healthily. These communities would offer a place where young people could attend school, receive visits, build friendships and romantic relationships, under the careful and non-intrusive supervision of a team of developmental psychologists — not just a lone social worker who might be unprepared, but a coordinated group capable of truly protecting the personal and fundamental rights of the minor. Families — biological or adoptive — should be barred from their educational role when they prove incapable of ensuring a healthy and respectful upbringing. (Especially when we are talking about pending adoptions — obviously to be canceled immediately in cases like this!) — And so, if such social services existed in Canada and in the rest of the world (and I truly hope they do, for the good of all), I would love for Robbie, when meeting Don at the hospital — hearing his clumsy, self-justifying attempts at reconciliation — to respond with utmost elegance but also with the clarity he deserves: “You see, everything you are saying to me, even if it sounds a little softer than the hateful words you screamed at me just a few days ago, is not a problem for me. I see you’ve calmed down. Good. But maybe you didn’t understand. Let me explain it more clearly: it’s not a problem for me because it no longer concerns me. Maybe it’s different for you — but frankly, I no longer care. I am currently arranging to move into a residential community here in Cobourg, where I will be able to fully exercise my rights without needing your permission or your involvement. I will not be returning to YOUR house. I will not be part of YOUR family. And there is nothing you can say or do to change that. In fact, if you continue to bother me with fake guilt trips or absurd pretenses, I will request an official restraining order through the social services. I am also saddened by Daniel, who — with your obvious influence — has developed an attitude of hostility and distance towards me. As for the rest of your family: if they wish to maintain a bond with me, they will be welcome. But as for you, Don, I am closing the door forever. I will pray that my mother forgives you. As for me, I will work to forget the harm you caused. And now, let me be clear: I love Nathan. I desire him, in every way. I want to live my life with him. And I don’t need anyone’s permission to do so. Since I have nothing more to say — and I do not wish to hear anything more from you — if you don’t mind… just disappear.”” — IAN

Thank you so much, @Dodger, for your wonderful words. I’m genuinely surprised and deeply touched by your comment. It means a lot to me — especially because everything I wrote came purely from the beauty and depth of what you created. Your way of writing, of describing emotions and characters, is truly special. It made it so natural for me to feel and to want to express what I felt. You really deserve every compliment for the way you bring these stories and these emotions to life. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. ❤️ — IAN

In my previous comments, I had already pointed out the erotic and sexual tension between Alex and Robbie — a tension that has been quietly building ever since their secret correspondence began. Alex desires Robbie. He desires him deeply, even though he can barely admit it to himself, except in terms of physical attraction. At first, Robbie didn’t know who his secret admirer was — but that whole situation had undeniably sparked his sexual instincts. When he finally discovered it was the unpredictable Alex — that rebellious, renegade figure, but one who perhaps hides a good and generous heart — a part of Robbie didn’t just feel desire, he began to admire him, and maybe even feel something deeper. That’s why, despite everything, they ended up having sex a second time. Wild, reckless, almost ! stoned !, beyond the limits… powerful, painful, and intensely wanted. This is the power of desire: anarchic, brutal, and uncontrollable. How these emotions will later be reinterpreted — well, that will depend entirely on Alex, Robbie, and the narrative magic of @Dodger. When I try to put myself in Robbie’s shoes, I can feel how real his attraction to Alex is. It’s there in the way he notices his body, in the way he lingers with his eyes, even in how he watches Alex peeing — pure, raw desire. I believe Robbie would truly want to give in to pleasure with Alex — maybe without necessarily transforming it into a romantic relationship. Maybe Alex could be the perfect “friend with benefits” (and definitely not a shared one). But when I try to slip into Alex’s mind… things feel much more complicated. There isn’t just sex. There’s protection, there’s possessiveness (barely hidden now), there’s a craving to be someone important to Robbie. It’s been there since those first secret notes. And now, with Alex’s girlfriend out of the picture, and with that powerful tension still burning between them… maybe the kiss will come. A kiss that, for Alex, would be a surrender. A recognition. An act of honesty toward what he truly feels. Maybe my imagination is clouded by my own inner storylines — but when I step into their shoes, I sense it strongly: this isn’t just raw sexual chemistry. At least for Alex, there’s real feeling involved. And if that kiss really happens… I can’t help but wonder: what will happen inside Robbie’s heart? P.S Sometimes, when I read stories like this — and even when I reflect on real life — I realize that certain encounters arrive too early, as if life reshuffles the cards before we’re ready. In this case, I feel that Nathan arrived a little too soon — before the story between Robbie and Alex had the chance to fully ignite and burn through its natural course. I truly believe that a relationship between Alex and Robbie deserved to be lived out to the fullest: in its raw, explosive intensity, in its anarchic, untamed desire — and maybe even later, in intimacy and affection, without necessarily needing to promise forever, but with the beauty of having lived something real, something complete. Then — only then — could the “cosmic” love for Nathan have arrived. But not like this. Not with the order of the encounters reversed. Because in life, sometimes: either there is scarcity — and nothing comes — or there is excess — and everything comes at once, but in the wrong order. And so yes, there would be room for all these loves, but not the right space, not the right timing to truly live any of them fully. The story between Alex and Robbie — that powerful, primal, confused and tender tension — deserved to mature, to unfold, without being crushed by emotions too deep, too soon, without the pressure to immediately choose, to immediately define. It’s a bit of a tragedy, really. Because certain emotional symphonies, no matter how beautiful, are simply too complex to play without someone — or something — being lost along the way. — IAN

Ohh… so Don is a fucking homophobe too. And Daniel… I don’t really get him. Either he’s inherited his father’s rotten mindset, or there’s a “shadow side” to him that @Dodger might reveal later in the story… (Nathan and Daniel had a private talk to “clear things up”… Nicola deliberately excluded Robbie from that conversation. But what was so intimate that it needed to happen behind closed doors? Maybe — even without any obvious approach — their friendship had grown a little too close, and Nathan’s coming out made Don freak out, pushing them apart? Maybe there was some early infatuation? A kiss? A caress…? I don’t know… maybe I’m imagining too much. But leaving the two of them alone to “talk it out” seems a lot more than just letting a friendship naturally fade out after Daniel made new “straight” friends.) Speaking for myself — putting myself in Robbie’s shoes: being accepted only by the female side of the family (and maybe Daniel, someday, if he came around), but being rejected by Don — Robbie’s blood uncle — after hearing those disgusting words thrown directly at Robbie himself… Well… are we seriously still talking about adoption? FUCK THAT !! If it were me, I’d start looking for support from LGBTQ+ rights organizations right away. Nobody deserves to be treated like that — not by family, not by anyone. And if things didn’t change, I would honestly prefer a residential youth home, where at least they respect your basic human rights. (I’m not sure exactly how it works in other countries, but in Italy — even though we’re not the most progressive — at 16 years old, young people already have the right to self-determination in matters of affection and relationships. Actually, even before 16, provided that there isn’t a significant age gap between the two involved — say, a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old, or a 15-year-old and a 16-year-old — the law starts recognizing a certain level of personal autonomy. From 16 onward, the possibilities become even more significant and protected.) P.S. “Dear” Don, if your sister knew how you’re treating her son, she would never trust you to raise him. I’m convinced of that. Stay strong, Robbie. Maybe — if not for the accident — staying in the closet until your sixteenth birthday would have been the safer move (even though, let’s be honest, the real solution would be for certain people to fix their own twisted minds instead of obsessing about what others do and who they love.) Unfortunately, the accident changed everything… Who knows who’s behind it? Maybe some clue in the clothing? An anonymous tip-off? There’s definitely still a lot of rot hiding in that place. — IAN “According to Italian legal standards and basic ethical principles, Don’s actions — forbidding Robbie from seeing Nathan, banning him from visiting, and possibly imposing other restrictions — would be considered absolutely abusive. This is not an exercise of proper parental authority. It’s a violation of fundamental rights: the right to emotional freedom, to self-determination, and to protection from discrimination.” “If anything, Robbie would have every right to seek protection through social services or youth rights organizations.” P.S. I did a bit more research, and here’s generally how things work in Italy. If anyone would like to share how it works in their country, I’d be really curious to compare! In Italy, the legal age of sexual consent is 14 years old. This means that from 14 onwards, a young person can legally agree to engage in sexual activity, as long as it’s truly consensual and there’s no abuse, violence, or manipulation involved. There’s a special rule for 13-year-olds: if one of the partners is 13, the other must be close in age — no more than 3 years older — to avoid legal issues. (For example, a relationship between a 13-year-old and a 15- or 16-year-old can still be acceptable if it’s fully consensual and non-coercive.) From 14 years old onwards, young people can freely make their own choices about romantic and emotional relationships, without needing parental approval, as long as there’s no situation of dependency or authority involved. At 16 years old, the right to emotional and sexual self-determination becomes even stronger. At that point, teenagers can form more serious relationships, even with adults, although relationships with figures of authority like teachers, coaches, or tutors are still forbidden. Important note: Even if consent exists, if one of the people involved holds a position of authority over the minor (like a teacher over a student), it could still be considered a criminal offense.

Wow… what an absolute masterpiece, this description! That inner dialogue, those blurred impressions, that growing sense of peaceful indeterminacy… That moment when you know you recognize someone, but you just can’t remember who they are. That smile you offer instinctively, even though you don’t know exactly to whom. That feeling of gratitude for someone’s affection, even when you can’t recall their name. My goodness, @Dodger, you truly touched me with this chapter. You brought me back to a very personal memory — years ago, after a car accident, I also woke up in the hospital with a concussion, after being placed into a medically induced coma. Many people came to visit me — even my ex, and we talked… about what? I have no memory. Maybe five minutes after she left, I had already forgotten. When I got back home, I even asked my mother if anyone had visited me… The doctors told me I had experienced both retrograde and anterograde amnesia. The flashes you painted for Robbie — that suspended presence, that serene, tension-free emotion, that soft affection without hierarchies or anxieties — brought back such vivid feelings for me. I wasn’t suffering. I was just… suspended. Present, but so very light. Without desperate attachments, without overwhelming distances. Only benign presences, all on the same gentle level. What an emotion you managed to capture! Truly, @Dodger — you did an incredible job. And without meaning to overreach… a timeless line came to my mind, perfectly fitting that state of suspended being: As the Bard said: To die, to sleep. To sleep… perchance to dream. IAN

Intolerable!!! Pushing someone from behind to make them fall down the stairs — or tripping them deliberately — that’s just pure evil madness! If it turns out to be Jake, then not only is he a disgusting, homophobic bully (seriously, anyone who thinks like that has to be mentally sick!!) — but he’s also a miserable bastard who deserves to be locked up in a correctional facility… or better yet, sentenced to hard labor!! Poor Robbie didn’t deserve any of this. Absolutely infuriating. — IAN

Things between Alex and Robbie are, well… pretty heated. There’s definitely erotic tension there — raw desire, instinctive and skin-deep. The kind that doesn’t come from the head, but straight from the body. It’s full of contradictions and sensual slips — and let’s be honest, it’s electric. Nathan may be dominating Robbie’s thoughts lately, but that doesn’t mean Alex’s natural seductiveness has stopped having an effect on him — and vice versa. From where I’m reading, there’s definitely fire. And if Nathan weren’t in the picture, these two would probably be sleeping together regularly — with that extra thrill that always comes from secret and improbable connections. Let me add this (and okay, maybe I’m going full Fanta-IAN here 😄😞 that manipulative/blackmail-like undertone could very well be used by Alex to lure Robbie back into his bed — and maybe even by Robbie as a kind of “plausible excuse” to give in to that part of himself that’s just naturally, unapologetically sexual. Who knows… (I could sneak ahead and see if I’m right — if I’ve picked up on real smoke in the forest or just imagined my own erotic subplot — but I’m no cheater, so I’ll let @Dodger surprise me.) As for the whole “friends with benefits” thing… it’s always intrigued me — as long as the boundaries are clear, and if there’s a main couple involved, maybe the friend shouldn’t be shared. (Maybe… 😏) Does Fanta-IAN imagine too much? Let me know! — P.S. About that nude portrait Fran is painting of Robbie… what does David think about it? Is Fran really with him, or just sort of testing the waters? And what if someday she did decide to blackmail Robbie in exchange for her silence — now that she maybe already has another boyfriend? Just wondering. For narrative symmetry. 😇 — IAN

In this story — but also in others I’ve read — I’ve noticed (and of course I reflect my own experiences here) that the boys often seem to have “adult-like” erotic and sexual dynamics, both in terms of emotional intensity and the way their relationships are structured. What really strikes me is that some of them show a surprising level of emotional maturity — like Nathan, for example. He’s kind of disarming. I don’t think there are many guys out there as attractive as Nathan, with that much power inside the cycle of desire, who wouldn’t experiment a bit more — especially with other boys. And yet, he comes across as very reserved, cautious… almost like an “old-school” girl who’d say: “I don’t sleep with you unless we really know each other.” A kind of thoughtful withholding that feels rare these days. Compared to the more sexually open and playful energy of other characters (I’m thinking Robbie, Alex, Nicola…), Nathan feels almost too contained — maybe even slightly anachronistic. Or is that just me? Did anyone else pick up on that? (Honest reader’s question: how long did it take Robbie and Alex to end up in bed together? 😄) — IAN

It’s definitely not an easy time in Robbie’s life. He’s looking for friends, connections, integration — and yes, a bit of popularity too, which clearly comforts and reassures him. Staying in the closet until he’s of legal age seems like his self-protection strategy. And maybe everything that happens during this “waiting period” will serve — in his mind — as both cover and experimentation. I wonder… if someday he realizes (and maybe a part of him already hopes it) that Fran can distract him from boys, then everything might feel “safe” again. No bullying, no family issues. Situation handled. But… life has a way of dismantling our protective plans with brutal elegance, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s the London accent, maybe he’s cuter than he gives himself credit for, or maybe that soft, melancholic androgyny really does something for girls and gay boys alike — whatever it is, his personal agency is surprisingly high. It could help him fit in… or it could backfire. Wonder what @Dodger has in store for us next…? Could Fran turn out to be an ally? Could Nathan become a friend with benefits? And Daniel… ah, Daniel. So sexy and yet so apparently outside the desire-zone… but is he really? I’m loving this story more and more. I expected the erotic scenes to be a bit more explicit… but hey, who knows — maybe things will get hotter as we go 😏🤭🫣 — IAN

Scattered thoughts after this chapter… The sweet sadness of that phone call with Tom really hit me. It reminded me of when I was the same age as these boys and my dad had to move for work. We lived near Rome. I had my group of friends, my early crushes… and yes, those first confusing waves of curiosity and longing that start to bubble up inside. When we left, I made the choice to cut off all contact. It hurt too much to imagine watching it all slowly fade away. I thought: better a clean break than a slow unraveling. (Maybe?) Looking back, I regret it. I wish I had stayed in touch, gone back, kept that bond alive somehow. It wasn’t easy. And sure, maybe I idealized it a bit. But part of me hoped someone would look for me, push through my “don’t-make-me-suffer” wall. No one did. Maybe we were just too young… or maybe I wanted to feel more missed than I actually was. Who knows. 🤷‍♂️ Still, that time in my life — idealized or not — was beautiful. And the new city I ended up in? Not so much. Especially at first. Eventually, you adapt. But that feeling of being welcomed… it makes all the difference. That’s why I feel so connected to Robbie right now. That mix of disorientation, quiet grief, but also hope — that maybe life will offer him a few “lucky coincidences,” new bonds, someone who sees him. A snowball fight. A game. A smile. That moment when someone notices you — and maybe, just maybe, something stirs inside. And hey, if your stepsister’s friends or your new little brother’s classmates turn out to be… interesting? Even better. Hang in there, Robbie. You deserve affection. You deserve to be seen. You deserve that little miracle that makes a foreign place feel like home. — IAN

In Robbie, I recognized the archetype of the wandering orphan. An orphan not only of his mother, but of the intense, all-consuming bond they shared. An orphan of a father he never got to love—or hate—because he was nothing more than a shadow. An orphan of England, the country that had become his reluctant home. And perhaps most painfully, an orphan of a tender and hidden love, the one he shared with Tom— a bond suspended between affection and discovery, abruptly severed by his departure. He is alone in the world and has nothing left to lose, because he already lost everything when he lost his mother. And in that, there’s something deeply moving: a childlike hope, a will to start again, a sweetness wrapped in heart-wrenching and endearing irony. The kind that makes you wish, even just for a moment, that you could be right there beside him, starting over—not because life is easy, but because each new day, from now on, might just be a gift rather than a burden. Robbie has been emptied. But perhaps that’s the very reason he can still be filled. And maybe—so can we. P.S. I wish to express my heartfelt sympathy to @Dodger for the loss of his mother. That kind of grief resonates deeply, and I feel it through the tenderness of this chapter. My thanks also to @Silenzioso e rotto for recommending this story— from the very first chapter, I find it profoundly moving and full of promise. — IAN

Thank you Jeff for writing and sharing this story. Even if I didn’t feel a strong emotional connection to all parts of it, I truly appreciated the deeper intention behind it: to explore how forgiveness and the will to redeem someone can open the path to change. I found the potential of this story fascinating — some events (like the almost parallel fates of Jacob and Tyler, or the intense trauma-bonding) felt a little bit too dramatic or sudden, but still managed to spark valuable reflections. On a personal level, I related to the confusion that can arise between real love and what is, instead, just a need for redemption, and the desire to care for someone. I also wondered whether Jacob and Tyler’s relationship might have grown differently — and more freely — had it not been so quickly entangled in trauma and guilt. Maybe something deeper got disarmed too soon. If there’s ever a sequel, I’d love to see Jacob’s story unfold more independently, possibly outside the romantic frame with Tyler. And I wouldn’t mind Tyler exploring himself further — maybe even revisiting that curious spark with Travis. (Yes, I kind of rooted for them at some point, I admit it!) Again, thank you for giving us this story for free. It’s a gift to read, reflect, agree or disagree — all of it helps us grow in our own way. IAN P.S. I’m still a bit new to this platform — forgive my clumsy steps 😅 I’ll be checking your list of works right away to see if there’s already something more about Jacob. And if any kind reader (or you, Jeff!) feels like guiding me through your stories or suggesting a good path to follow, I’d be truly grateful. Thanks again!