Tristan Thinks

Gemini here too, and both of mine are gay. Boy, do they have a great time!

In the back of the head

The answer depends on how well the person accepts their situation. There's a lot of difference between the one that thought they were heterosexual, discovers they are attracted to the same sex, and then is in confusion trying to figure out which label to adopt and the person who simply accepts they are attracted to both sexes to varying degrees. I used to freak out my 'gay' friends inadvertently when we'd be scoping out eye-candy on the street as we walked and I'd make a comment about a beautiful woman instead of a hot guy. They'd do the whole 'ewww, gross!' thing and I could never figure out why they were unable to admit the aesthetics of the person regardless of the gender. Although I could get into an emotional relationship with a woman, and back before I came out I did the heterosexual thing, the last few years I realised I simply couldn't put my heart into pleasuring a woman physically. Memories of the mechanics of certain activities simply make me shudder. Also, having experienced both, I know that a guy can pleasure me much more intensely than a woman could. Also, the degree of attraction to a gender can vary quite markedly over time, and the degree can make a big difference on how tough the person finds dealing with relationships. For example, a guy in a relationship with a woman who is swinging towards preferring men is going to have a tough time dealing with changing emotions. The '100% gay' guy might find it tough dealing with his relationship insecurities due to gay men having a reputation for being more promiscuous. I'd say everyone has it tough in their own particular set of circumstances and that the degree of preference for a gender might be as tough for someone '60/40%' as dealing with casual sex might be for someone who is '100% gay', for example.

26ish - 30, and I wish I'd had it pegged sooner! Looking back I should have realised when I was 14. I'm still enjoying my 2nd (or is it 3rd) adolescence though so it's not all bad

I would have thought if it is purely a physical thing with no emotional/romantic undercurrents it'd be better than many of the alternatives. Issues only usually affect friendships where one person wants a more emotional/romantic attachment, or reads that into the motives. Other issues include one person being needy or clingy or demanding. It'd be better than a casual thing (because you know each other's preferences better) and are likely to care more about the outcome for both. I've known quite a few friends who have done this with no obvious issues, and they're still friends now. Sometimes they'd be at it every week other times months might go by. One friend once called it 'comfort-sex' which I thought quite apt

Totally blissful! I get to to do what I want when I want: no one to answer to, no schedule, mix work and play (it's all play to me, as in nothing I do for 'work' is a chore), mess around with my eco-house and off-grid energy projects, and most importantly, socialise whenever too

Mmmm, you reminded me, Robinson's Lemon Barley Water as featured for many years at Wimbledon! Nothing quite like it to quench the thirst on a hot day.

As with all my friends that have never dumped on me, I care a lot and unconditionally. It used to be a standing joke that I have an over-developed caring gland! You brought up some good points about what might happen if I get involved. Of course, it takes two to tango so he'd have to agree with it on some level for it to fly and make the effort to come visit. Well, I never try to 'fix' people but I hope I can be there to help them see things objectively and positively; persuade them of the merits of change when the going is rough. I've never been one to worry about achieving the objective as long as I do my best along the route. I think I said in another post someplace, there's a tennent I try to live my life by, from "Falling In Love" by Kent Nerburn. He's talking about Love: At this point in my life I can't imagine being stronger or more able to be there for him, if we can overcome the distance issue. He's a really sweet guy and great fun to be around (we were always laughing at ourselves and things around us) so I'd not be wary of him being in my life - and I'm incredibly focused and determined when it comes to dealing with people so that doesn't worry me. If he tries to force the sex issue, well, I've got eight pairs of cuffs and plenty of good trailer rope From what I've been able to describe you guys seem to be in rough agreement with my take on the situation, so unless some unexpected revelation occurs I think I'll work at getting him to come spend some time with me. My plan would be to get him back to enjoying things the way he used to rather than being all heavy and deep, let him be reminded of how good things can be without sex, and see how he reacts I might allow him to dance in his boxers but hell, he's great eye-candy, so there's got to be some perks

I hope your friend gets sorted out soon. I've seen that happen to other friends and it's not easy or pretty. I think your analysis of why he's behaving this way is running along the same lines as mine. The problem is I can't do the 'be there' thing for him. I'm returning to Spain on Friday so I just don't have the time for it. I hoped to chat with him this afternoon when he appeared on MSN but he ignored me and went off soon after. He changes his phone number frequently too, but next time he's on I'll try to get that from him. I used to have his younger brother's MSN contact but he seems to have changed it, and I don't think I ever had his mom's phone number. I could drive over to the house where they lived when we hung out together, but the family could have moved of course. I also don't want to step on toes by interferring unless I know how thing stand between him and his family. I still have that nagging doubt about what's going on and my suspicions, simply because he's avoiding talking about anything much at all. I don't want to do something based on misreading the situation and upset him more! I suspect what I'll end up doing is keeping on trying to chat to him on-line whenever he's receptive, and try to persuade him to come over and visit me for a couple of weeks. I'm figuring it'll be harder for him to run away once he's visiting if I push him to talk to me about 'stuff', which he could do if he's at home. Also, the change of scene might help him see more clearly. If he does want help then there's always the possibility he could stay and get a job in a bar - there's loads of bar-work going over the summer tourist season and he'd do well, not least because he's photogenic

My Grandad got me into drinking this when my Gran used to make the proper stuff from the plants - delicious. It has one of those effects that leaves you wanting more She also used to make some delicious and really potent wines and 'champagnes': Rose-petal wine, Elderberry wine, Elderflower champagne, and may others. I remember hosting a party once when I was about 18 and some of my 'hard' mates thought they were serious drinkers. I let them have tumblers of Rose-petal wine. Two tumblers and they were under the table, much to their embarrasment! Me being used to it since I was 14, I think I was still on my feet after five My favourite soft drink has always been freshly squeezed orange juice, closely followed by cold milk (but only if drunk from a glass bottle for some reason!). I get a fixation on some of the Tropicana fruit-juice mixes from time to time, but OJ is what I always default to. Oh yeah, when I'm driving, a jar of 'still' Oasis is pretty high up on the list, too. My only peeve about OJ is that in pubs they often charge more for a pint of OJ than a pint of beer - bloody cheek!

:wacko: Yeah, I had considered that, and if that were it I wouldn't be concerned for him, although I'd breath a sigh of relief that I was so far away he can't do anything about it! The strange way he's acting tells me it's something different since we used to have reasonable conversations that never involved sex. Besides, I'm usually thousands of miles away from him so if he just wanted to be a leg-hound there's plenty of guys local to him that could do that duty He's a very touchy-feely type that used to react well to people around him showing they cared. Now he's the exact opposite. My intuition tells me he's crying out to be loved but the only way he can express it is to chase the sex - hence my theory about his relationship experiences not being entirely wholesome. Something else I didn't mention that struck me as odd. I asked him if he was working and he said no, well, sort-of. He's always been a go-getter when it came to getting a job and sticking at it. The way he said 'sort-of' made a few bells ring in my head. He sounded almost ashamed to tell me, and I did briefly wonder if he's renting. I was going to invite him to come visit for a few weeks when it gets hot in Spain to give him a break, but this is making me think that wouldn't be such a good idea.

At the risk of seeming to be harping on about this, another The Register story about a survey of file-sharers brings up some interesting responses: Most British filesharers would stop if warned - survey.

I've got a friend, known him four years. We used to hang out a lot and do some really fun stuff - random and spontaneous missions setting ourselves silly objectives at weird hours, getting drunk and dancing about in boxers, going clubbing and seeing how many guys we could get into handcuffs... you get the idea. Over time he seemed to drift away into a series of relationships, and so we didn't see much of each other and he's not the best at staying in contact. We'd run into each other in clubs and have a right good catch-up, and sometimes chat on MSN if he had access to a PC. I always got the impression the relationships he got into weren't entirely wholesome for one reason or another. He tended to do what he was told without thinking for himself and I remember several times thinking he didn't really seem happy - more like he was going through the motions. The couple of 'boyfriends' I did meet briefly struck me as 'strange' in some way but at the time I didn't really think too hard about it. Until recently, I hadn't heard from him in over a year. Since then I've been trying to re-establish our friendship by taking time out to chat to him. Soon after he signs into MSN I'll get an "Ayup" and I'll focus on trying to chat with him. The problem is, unless the conversation is about sex he just won't talk. When I say sex, I mean as in he wants to have sex with me, or expects me to want it with him. If I move off the subject he goes quiet. Last night the same thing was happening and I thought I'd indulge him just to keep him talking. I suggested we get together to catch up whilst I'm back in the U.K. packing stuff for shipping. He got very interactive at this point, but his assumption (or question) was "for sex?". I said no, and he went quiet. Didn't say anything about meeting up. I introduced something 'spicy' into the conversation and he starts chatting again, but I can't get him to talk to me unless it's around sex. At one point he said, "get me drunk and have sex with me", to which I replied, "I prefer sober sex". He then said "I don't do sober sex". When, after much pleading to see a video of me and an ex-boyfriend I finally refused, he just says "Boring" and goes offline without saying 'bye'. At one point when I'd asked him recently where he was living now, he replied "with a bloke, but he's not my boyfriend". The way he phrased that was very strange - and made me wonder about this 'bloke' but I couldn't get anything out of him. I asked about how his family (mother and brothers, and pet dog) are and got no response. He never used to talk or behave this way, so it stands out as abnormal. My gut feeling is that there's something very wrong with the situation he's in. The thing is, unusually for me, I'm having difficulty pin-pointing what it might be because I've always had a soft-spot for him and I think that is colouring my perspective. My worry is he's got into a situation where being used is the only thing that makes him feel valued. The comment about "sober sex" in particular bothers me - the implication being he needs alcohol to forget himself, and sex is the only thing that makes him feel appreciated by someone. He was never one to need alcohol to be an extrovert although he would come across as shy until he knew someone He's never been flirty with me in the past even when we've done exhibitionist things. The way he's being now isn't flirty though, it's full on demand. I'd welcome any thoughts you guys might have on this or similar experiences.

An article today about Trent Reznor's (he of Nine Inch Nails aka NiN) efforts to supply direct is interesting and revealing. He's trying to offer a damn good set of package options, but as the title of the article says, "When the music costs nothing, why do freetards prefer to leech?" What is fascinating is the last few paragraphs of that article where, in part, it says:

Yes, it happens a lot. Recently I went through a phase where the stories I was reading had quite a lot of emotional downers for the protagonists, or where there was a lot of abuse (I think Vlista's stories were amongst the latter group) and I cried and ached a hell of a lot knowing that although I was reading fiction, these kind of things do happen to people - I've seen it happen a few times and it's tragic not being in a position to help. I got into a conversation with an email buddy and it turned out we both get affected the same way, and we both want to do something to help. It got me to realising there's a 'gap' in support services when young people reach 18 - in most countries at least. Often, that's a critical point where the person really needs support and it ought to be available until they're 21 at least, and taper off rather than suddenly disappear. So, I'm mulling over an idea to set-up a trust to provide shared housing, intensive care and support for young adults that picks up where social services leave off in the hope it might save a few people from falling into a downward spiral that I've witnessed in real life.

Mmmm, meat pie floater! It's my eyes that drag their feet; everything else is firing on all cylinders. Last night I planned on an early night so started thinking about bed at 22:00. I'd done quite a bit of physical stuff so thought it might be easier but still did a mini-workout before heading to shower and then bed. That early night was 00:30 and I got to sleep real quick. Woke at 04:50 bright as a button and brain in hyperdrive, tried to ignore it and drift off into a fantasy about a certain someone but even that didn't help so by 05:10 was up and working. It's now coming up for 08:00 and my eyes are suggesting a power-nap whilst my brain is suggesting a 24 hour coding marathon! I really really wish I had Commander Data's direct computer interconnect or Geordie LaForge's alternate vision sensors, or could borrow someone else's eyes. You'd think my eyes would be about worn out by now but somehow I've maintained 20/20 vision.

Well, the heading reads "Coffee or tea?, What do you drink most often?". The "What" instead of "Which" seems to invite other possibilities Does anyone else find that just the smell of coffee makes them hyper, even if not drinking it?

The reason we were discussing it is that in the U.K. the government is currently consulting on how best to deal with the mass copyright infringement going on. It has already given the ISPs and media publishers a couple of years to reach a deal between themselves but so far nothing has come of that. Therefore, if they don't sort something about by the summer the government intends to legislate. Currently the two leading possibilities are: A levy as described in the same way there was a casssette-tape levy when they were first introduced and home copying became a big issue A three-strikes-and-you're-out policy implemented in law such that if a person commits copyright infringement three times the ISPs will be required to cancel their connection - this would be a U.K. wide block applying to all ISPs so infringing users can't ISP-hop. They'd simply lose Internet connectivity. The alternative of keeping the status quo isn't being considered. I don't see a major issue with the levy since it operates on a similar principle to the BBC license fee, which everyone using a TV set must pay by law too, in order to operate TV receivers - whether for public service BBC or commercial broadcasts. In fact, a levy might offer a way for the ISPs to introdce their customers to the concept of paying for additional content, something they are desperately trying to do since the market for broadband connections is so cut-throat that many ISPs are making a loss and selling up to the four or five big broadband providers. It would certainly help the ISPs that are currently worried about the amount of bandwidth their customers are utilising for the recently released BBC iPlayer which uses a form of peer-to-peer technology to spread the load. There's talk of multiple rates. The basic levy entitling say 4 or 5 downloads a month, and a more expensive all-you-can-eat rate, and maybe some packages in between. As I said it's all up for discussion. I don't live in the U.K. anymore, but if I did, I think that knowing I was paying the levy I would actually investigate and consume more music than I do now, especially as with the levy in place it would be much easier to find music and video on legitimate sites (fan sites, aggregators, search engine portals, etc.) with all the additional supporting information and entertainment that would surround it.

I've never been into soda in a big way unless as a mixer with alcohol. I always preferred orange juice or some flavoured still water. For me the thirst-quenching feel of freshly squeezed oranges has no equal. Good thick creamy milk shakes can tempt me into occasional mini-binges when out socialising I guess, but maybe that's just me being greedy My friend Tim is unusual - he doesn't like any kind of hot drink such as tea or coffee and it can get real frustrating when having friends round to make sure there's something that he likes too. It means he gets out of having to make it too since he claims he doesn't know how!

I don't think I've ever binged as such, especially with tea, it was just the way my family had always been and I extended it a bit. Working from home gives me more time to drink since there are less office-type distractions. When I had an office and a bunch of people to look after I would get a drink but it would be cold before I got around to drinking it, so I didn't drink as much I've lost about 6 pounds (~3 kg) this past couple of months since stopping drinking so much tea. I weighed myself this morning and was 134 pounds rather than my usual 140. It's good because I'm losing body-fat and will slowly replace it with muscle mass as my sporting and fitness activities pick up over spring and summer. I'm aiming for less than 7% body-fat so my definition is back to usual by summer and so far it looks like I'm on target. Last year I was mostly either travelling or sat on my ass most of the time so I lost my normal tone. Cutting out the tea is a big part of reversing the effects

For a long time I'd drink about ten 1/2 pint mugs of English tea (tea + milk + sugar) every day. Going to make it was part of my routine to let my brain do some free-wheeling. In fact I'm notorious for going to boil the kettle, returning to the PC, getting caught up in something and then returning to boil the kettle again 1/2 hour later... sometimes I could do that 5 times before I got the tea! I have a coffee perculator in the den and use it occassionally. I like coffee, especially the smell it makes, but I don't drink it that often. Mostly its for visitors. I mostly like a mug of coffee before bed because it calms me down but usually hot chocolate gets my vote For the past few months I've totally stopped drinking either during the day, preferring instead to have a glass of tap water to hand. The only time I drink tea now is occasionally with a meal.

Welcome to my way of life! I've stopped trying to fight it now, I just go with it Going to bed before midnight and sleeping right through is an exception for me. One of three things usually happens: Get involved in something and forget the time until it's dawn Go to bed before midnight, fall asleep, wake up about 3-4am feeling hyper and can't get back to sleep so get up Don't bother going to bed at all and carry on through the next day, so I get one long sleep the following night. I do tend now towards napping during the day. Sometimes I'll take a mid-morning nap for a couple of hours if I've been up most of the night. I try not to nap in the afternoon since that'll knock out any chance I have of sleeping at a reasonable hour that night. That said, I find a 45 minute walk (as I'm about to take now) is a good way to relax and almost as good as sleep to me since it lets my thoughts wander (like dreaming). I find if I ensure I do something physical during the day it's easier to sleep earlier and longer, which is strange since my reason for not sleeping is an over-active brain. When I am feeling tired it is usually primarily my eyes, from the strain of too many hours in front of the PC screen. My brain is usually still hyper and my body is raring to go. I find it helps to run every day although running before breakfast doesn't help the sleeping later. I'm about to switch to running in the evenings (around 6pm) to see if that has a better effect. I might just run morning and evening because I like the boost I get in the mornings. Having a partner around helps in as much as it keeps me in bed *and* physically tires me at the same time, but I don't think I sleep any more than usual

But as we know Vic, the advocates of almost all religions have an

Actually it isn't that expensive and it doesn't need a 'professional' recording studio, if you have some familiarity with the technologies and techniques. Provided the narrator has a quiet location and a reasonable microphone the quality of the final result can be gauranteed through pretty standard post-production processing. There a lot of a good amateur voice actors as well as enthusiasts who (can) do real justice to the stories. In terms of costs my approach would be to include it as a small value-added and unique part of a membership and subscription community centered around live broadcast and pre-recorded video and 'radio' that makes a good profit already, so the additional costs of producing the audio books would be marginal. Bandwidth would be a non-issue and a very fractional cost. Within a community the 'payment' to narrators could be 'in kind', such as reward points, access to additional services, reduced subscriptions, per-play royalties, or whatever works. The same scenario would allow the authors to earn small royalties too.

Initially no, but it can lead to some heated debates I'm not 'religious' in the sense usually understood by the term (organised religion). I predominantly believe in the goodness of people and build from there. I quite enjoy a spirited debate so in some ways them having strong opinions on the subject will draw me closer to them, because I fall for intelligence and spirit and personality. Unless they were really insistent about or obsessed with religious issues it wouldn't be a bar to me wanting to get to know them better. I've been in developing relationships where my partner has tried hard to get me to go to church or to 'prove' to me that their 'God' exists. If they don't recognise that religious belief is predominantly a matter of opinion rather than fact, I move on. As long as they don't try to 'convert' me or my friends and they keep their religious activities personal to them I'm fine with it. The most annoying situation is where they give no clue as to having strong religious views, live a hedonistic lifestyle and can be seen breaking almost every rule in their religious doctrine, and then start pontificating about other people in a totally hypocritical manner.